Chapter Four

Not ever. The harsh words echoed off the narrow walls, banishing them both into silence.

Their eyes locked and the air sizzled between them. A culmination of guilt, anger, and sadness churned within Cole. For a few minutes the fury emanating from Juliet had faltered, and a glimpse of the warm, loving woman he knew so well had resurfaced. For just a moment he'd believed there could be hope for them. Hope of forgiveness. Hope for love. Now... now he just wasn't sure. The price of following his convictions was going to prove high indeed.

"Juliet," he began quietly, striving for calm. "Believe what you will, but my intention was never to involve you in any of this affair. I came to you for help last night because I was desperate. I had nowhere else to go. I had no idea things would get so out of hand."

Juliet sat before him with the drab blanket wrapped around her from her neck to her toes. The cloth was like a physical wall. "You knew full well what you were doing. You asked me to lie for you. You asked me not to give you up." The flames reflected ethereally off her green eyes, adding to her untouchable aura.

"You're right," he said simply. "You're right. I did ask you to lie. I knew there was some danger, and I wasn't truthful with you. Being a spy is a horrible lot, but it is part of the world we live in." He leaned in until just a few inches separated them. "At present we live in a terrible world, and some circumstances are beyond our control. I'm sorry for what happened to you this morning, but I cannot take the blame for the actions of Reynolds and his men."

She remained perfectly still, staring back at him. He could all but see the cogs working in her brain.

"I have an opportunity to end this war, and I won't apologize for that even if it means losing you."

Her eyes narrowed. "Don't pretend losing me is any great loss to you. We both know the only reason you proposed is because Missy Carlson got engaged to Robert Hayes."

"What?" Taken aback by the turn of the conversation, Cole rocked back on his heels. "Missy Carlson?" The country belle hadn't crossed his mind in years. Back in the day he and all the other boys in the county had vied for her affections, begging for a quick kiss or a touch of the hand, but that was a long time ago. A competition of youth. He shook his head. "No, Juliet. I asked you to marry me because I love you. You have always been there. You-"

"Don't placate me, Cole. You always had some girl or another on your arm, but it was never me. Not really. You just didn't want to go to war without a sweetheart."

Cole tried to stuff back the cord of truth buried deep within him.

"Perhaps it will please you to know Robert is now lame. He nearly lost a leg at Gettysburg, and now Missy won't marry him."

"That news doesn't please me at all," he said shortly. "I am, however, pleased that he is not dead like so many of our friends. I have no doubt he'll find a girl far less shallow than Missy to take as a wife." Robert had been a true friend. "Don't confuse the issue here, Jules. Marrying Missy Carlson never once crossed my mind. Getting married at all didn't much cross my mind until the war hit and we were set to march out. When it came down to it, the only girl I could imagine marrying... was you."

Tears welled in Juliet's eyes, catching in the firelight, but not a single one of them fell. "Then why did you betray me? Why did you switch sides?"

"To save lives!"

"And how many lives did your treason cost?"

"Not nearly as many as will be preserved by ending this war. I'm not just talking about the lives in battle, Juliet. I'm talking about the future. The south has been decimated. Even if the Confederacy could win the war-which it can't-it doesn't have the resources to sustain itself. What sort of future will await the families and children of the southern states? The fact is that the north and the south need each other to survive as a nation and to prosper."

Juliet glared back at him, expression hard and unwavering. "If the blockade was lifted-"

"The blockade will never be lifted," Cole interrupted. "The union has cut the confederacy off from the world. Our resources dwindle by the day. Think about it, Juliet, when is the last time you tasted real coffee or sugar?"

Juliet's icy façade cracked just a bit.

"Further fighting is futile," Cole pressed. "It will only lead to more death, more waste, and the end result will be the same... the Union will prevail."

Juliet scowled. "So you switched sides because you want to be on the winning side."

"Do not insult me." His ire rose. "I told you already that I don't believe in splitting the union."

Juliet shook her head and finally turned away from him to stare into the firelight. "How did this happen?" she asked, voice quiet and more than a little sad. "Tell me more about how you came to be a spy for the Yankees. I-I'm trying to understand all this."

The broken quality of her voice knocked the righteous anger right out of him. The full realization of just how much he'd hurt her struck him full force. Truth be told he'd hoped she'd never learn of his deception. He'd planned to keep it all a secret. Cole released a pent up breath. "That's a fair question." Scrubbing a hand through his hair, he allowed his thoughts to drift over the sequence of events and emotional uncertainties that had led to his decision. It couldn't be explained. Not really. Loyalty to one's country was innate. As much a part of him as loving her...

"Last September," he began, "I left camp in the middle of the night with every intention of enlisting in the U.S. Army. I crossed the line and was immediately taken prisoner by Union sentries." The fateful evening rolled clear as glass through his mind. "I'm probably lucky they didn't shoot me on sight. I explained that I intended to join the Union Army and the sentries took me to their commanding officer, Colonel Raymond. The Colonel didn't know what to make of me. He interrogated me for over two hours before deciding I would be most useful to him by returning to my regiment and sending him pertinent information about troop movements, munitions, and any major battle plans I might hear of. I agreed, and a process for relaying information was put into place." Cole shifted his gaze to the flames leaping within the scarred stone hearth. "Truth be told, it was an easy decision to make. I hoped that no one would ever have to know that I'd decided to serve the other side."

"Yes, well, I did find out."

"And I'm prepared to answer for my choice, but I will not apologize for it, and I am not ashamed. Neither you nor I wanted this war, Juliet, but it came and everything changed." Their eyes connected in the soft light. Cole couldn't resist reaching forward and capturing a stray lock of her hair between his thumb and forefinger. "When it's over nothing will be the same. We will have to move forward and rebuild. All I ask is that you take time to consider the future. Try to forgive me. Be my wife, and we'll build a new life together."

~*~

Juliet quaked from the inside out, but the trembling had nothing to do with the ebbing chill and everything to do with Cole's words.

This is all so confusing!

One moment she still loved him, the next she hated him, and she had no idea which of the warring emotions would win. At the moment she hated him. She hated that his words made sense, and she hated that a part of her understood his logic. Years ago she hadn't condoned a war, but she'd had no say in matters. Over the years any political opinions she might have had had become muddled in bitterness and loss. She was a Virginian first and foremost. Home and family came above all else. She'd thought Cole practiced the same values. "But you chose the Yankees over me. How can I ever get past that?"

Cole's jaw clenched testily and he shoved to his feet. "This is a cyclical argument, Juliet, and I've had my fill of it. I've stated my piece and you know where I stand." He strode slowly to the single window, the injured arm hanging awkwardly at his side. "As soon as this weather eases up we'll move out."

"I think it best if we part ways here. We're not so far from my home."

"Out of the question. Word will be out that you aided a suspected traitor. You would have been murdered this morning if I hadn't intervened. You are coming with me and that is final."

Juliet opened her mouth to argue, but snapped it shut again. Arguing would get her nowhere, and he did have a point. She'd been frighteningly powerless against the soldiers that morning. For the time being she might be better off with Cole. He would keep her safe. He wouldn't betray her.

She froze at the thought.

Cole won't betray me...

Juliet nibbled at her lower lip as an unbidden wave of guilt rushed through her. She'd just spent the last several hours accusing him of doing just that. Betraying her. But she knew to the depths of her soul that Cole would never abuse her as those other soldiers had. Cole was a good man. A kind and gentle man. She kept her eyes fixed on his pensive frame, and her heart softened a bit. Whatever happened between them, he would do all he could to protect her on this unexpected quest. Maybe she should try to be a little nicer to him.

Shifting her attention back into the warm flames, Juliet pulled her knees to her chest beneath the blanket and rested her chin on top. She sifted through the muddled thoughts cluttering her brain. Was she wrong to feel betrayed by him? Did his actions as a spy actually betray her at all? She supposed different forms of betrayal existed. The question burning within her was... should she condemn him for his lies to her?

Lonely silence stretched between them as the morning hours wiled away and the storm raged outside. Juliet didn't particularly care for the silence, but she had no idea how to broach small talk after their raucous morning. Juliet stayed by the fire, and Cole kept his distance. At one point he pulled out a deck of cards and began playing a solitary game at the table.

Boredom and worry consumed her thoughts. I wish this storm would end! Anything, even running through the woods, would be better than sitting trapped in the ancient hut.

"Are you thirsty?"

Surprised, Juliet glanced up to find Cole rifling through his bag. She'd been so lost in thought she hadn't noticed that he'd risen from the table.

"Are you thirsty?" he repeated, holding out his canteen.

She licked her dry lips and gratefully accepted the water. "Thank you." She took a long swallow and passed the canteen back to him. Wordlessly he stowed it back in his satchel and then shared a few bites of stale bread and cheese with her. "Thank you," she murmured, taking a small bite, eyes following as he returned to his card game. Tired of the silence, it was on the tip of her tongue to ask what game he was playing.

As though sensing her gaze upon him, he looked up suddenly, making firm eye contact with her. A hint of wistfulness lived in his gaze. "Do you remember Richard and Lilly Harrison's engagement ball a few years back?"

Caught off guard by the question, Juliet was a bit slow to respond. "I-I suppose so." In truth she remembered that day all too vividly. Cole had asked her to dance without being prompted by a well-meaning grandparent for the first time that night.

"I remember," he stated, pale eyes boring into hers. "I think of it often these days. You wore the most beautiful pink gown. It was a confection. You were a confection in it. Every man in the room had eyes for you."

And I had eyes only for you... "You remember what I was wearing?" She flushed, hoping he wouldn't notice in the poor lighting.

"I'll never forget," he replied in a low, husky voice. His smoldering gaze burned straight through her. "I've had dreams of you in it."

Unnerved, Juliet averted her gaze, still too uncertain of her own feelings to encourage his reminiscent affections.

Cole cleared his throat and shoved to his feet. He donned his uniform jacket. "I imagine your gown is dry now," he said in a much more efficient tone. "The storm seems to be easing up. Get dressed and I'll go out to check on the horse. The sooner we get moving the better." Retrieving his pistol, he opened the door and quit the small house.

Juliet stared at the closed portal for a few extra seconds before throwing the gray blanket aside and grabbing her gown. She yanked the dress on as quickly as possible and then situated the blanket over her head, shoulders and arms in a makeshift coat. Remaining close to the low burning fire, she wondered how far exactly they needed to travel. With all their arguing she hadn't thought to ask. She would question Cole as soon as he returned. She would also ask about his information that had the power to end the war.

The flimsy door opened and Cole stepped in with a thunderous expression. "The horse is gone."

"What?" Juliet looked over his shoulder, out the door. "But I just got that horse back! Captain Reynolds commandeered him last summer."

Cole's eyes widened with surprise. "That was Hercules?"

"Yes." Juliet crossed her arms in exasperation. "I can't believe he's gone again."

"I'm sorry," Cole said sheepishly. "I put him in a grove of trees where I thought he'd be sheltered. Near as I can tell the branch broke and he took off."

Juliet gritted her teeth. "We'd better start walking then." She shoved past him and marched through the door, too irritated about the horse to care overly much about the cold. "Where exactly are we going? I don't recall your sharing that information with me." Tapping her foot she waited for Cole to exit the house with his satchel and sidearm.

"We're headed to-"

Pow!

A single gunshot echoed through the wintery woods.

Instinctively, Juliet ducked and moved toward Cole.

"It must be Reynolds and his men." Cole grabbed her upper arm. "Run. Run now."