Chapter 14

Arnav peered over his laptop to look at his new house help of two weeks. Shashi, a woman in her late forties, who has taken up the job, not yet efficiently but manageable, after Khushi left.

"Did you make cake?"

She nodded her head, but seeing her look doubtful, Arnav could say it was not going to be a cake that he will be proud presenting to Vihaan next day. He waved off her wordless as he began to wonder if he should just order some pastries and ice cream from nearby cafe.

Khushi called him in the morning that day asking him a favour. Khushi's laptop was given for service that she can't collect for another week. Vihaan had an important school project for which he had to prepare a presentation that should be submitted on Monday.

"I didn't know it had a timeline. Now, he is eating my head whining."

Arnav asked to speak with Vihaan to whom he promised that he and Khushi can come by his home on Sunday and Arnav will personally help Vihaan with making a presentation.

"Sure? You know how to make it for 'Parts of the body'?" Vihaan asked surprised.

"I do." Arnav smiled at the little boy's admiration for such small thing. "I will not only help you make presentation but also train you perfectly with a good speech to go with it. "

Arnav could hear Vihaan scream with glee before Khushi came on the line.

"You sure you are free? We don't want to impose on you."

"Really! Khushi. You think I will have any plans? For your information, nothing has changed since you left the job, you know." He said." I still stay home 24/7."

"Let's see how long you stay that way."

"That's a challenge that I am willing to accept knowing I will win, you know."

The teasing glint in Khushi's voice changed as she said rather seriously, "It doesn't have to be that way, you know. Whatever happened can..."

"Khushi, please." He cut short her sentence. "I said you can be my therapist after you complete your PG, not already. Now only be my friend and come home tomorrow so that weekend has some excitement."

Arnav walked to the kitchen and opened the lid that covered the freshly baked chocolate cake. He was hoping to surprise Vihaan with a cake after they so surely complete presentation successfully. Now, seeing the cake as hard as an eraser, he knew he should only place order for cake from outside.

How did he even expect his life to same impeccable after Khushi left him? Everything was bound to be half baked, literally and figuratively.

***

"Let me cook lunch for us." Khushi declared standing up from the couch where she was perched for past one hour, palm on her cheeks, bored looking at Arnav and Vihaan who were pretending that Vihaan's first grade project was actually going to be presented to the Queen of England. They were working with such dedication that amused as well as annoyed Khushi.

"Why would you?" Arnav asked not lifting his head from laptop where he was adding animation to the slides.

"I am bored." Khushi replied walking towards the kitchen.

"Khushi." Arnav called stopping her mid way. "As much as I miss your cooking, I don't want you to work on your day off. I have already ordered thali for both of us and pasta for Vihaan."

Khushi turned around and looked at Arnav folding her arms. "You miss my amazing cooking?" she asked with smugness.

Arnav finally lifted his head from the laptop with flat expression. "Go to kitchen and taste the cake in that round red box. You will know."

When Khushi returned two minutes later, her eyes were round with surprise. "You have hired someone who cooks that bad?"

Arnav shrugged. "I was sold to the story of her daughter in her final year college and that she wants money to pay for the fees."

"You are such a softie."

Arnav only lifted his head to give a friendly smile before he went back to the presentation.

Early evening the same day, after completing presentation, lunch and after a brief explanation in the simplest language was given to Vihaan in writing to by heart for presentation, Arnav and Khushi sat in his balcony with a glass of wine discussing her new job.

"The timings are okay?" Arnav asked. "I know you should be free by 5 to pick up Vihaan at school."

"Work gets over at 6 only. So, I have enrolled Vihaan in basket ball team at his school. So, he is occupied till I go to pick him at 6.30."

The sun was setting gracefully and the orange that spread in the sky made it look serene.

"I have never felt this hopeful before. Talking to Sowmya mam and working with her makes my dream fell so real. It is like I can have everything I have always dreamt about." Khushi said her eyes gleaming with happiness. "All this is because of you. Thank you so much."

"Come on, Khushi. I am just the means. It is all you. It is your grades that got you the job, your knowledge that helps you sustain and your passion that will take you forward. I did nothing."

Khushi narrowed her eyes at Arnav. "Just accept the gratitude benevolently and don't be so humble." She complained.

Arnav chuckled taking a sip from his glass. "Okay. You are welcome Khushi."

Khushi grinned before she turned her attention back to the setting sun.

"I am really glad I, in some way, able to help you move forward in your life." He said.

"What about you?"

Arnav turned to her and lifted his shoulder. "What about me?"

"When will you move forward in life?"

Arnav shook his head as he took final sip of his drink. Avoiding answering her question, Arnav turned to his right to refill his glass.

When he sat straight again with his glass, Khushi pushed an envelope in front of him.

"Where did you find it?" Arnav asked shocked

"On the dining table." She said. "I didn't mean to be privy. It looked like Vihaan's and that why I opened it." She pointed out. "And what did I find?" Khushi asked taking out the content of the envelope. "Photo of a beautiful girl."

Arnav looked disinterested as he took out his phone to check non-existent messages.

"Your mother has sent it right?" Khushi asked. She turned around the photo to look at the details of the girl written on the back side of the photo. "Ashmitha Khanna." She read the name. "Did you at least talk to her?"

"I didn't even know her name until you said it now."

Khushi sighed before putting the photo back in the envelope and keeping it aside.

"Frankly, moving on doesn't have to be getting into a new relationship or marrying again. It can mean different for everyone. In your case, you have no motivation to life. You don't even appreciate yourself enough. Why haven't you not even looked at the photo? Is it because you don't want marriage or because you think you don't deserve marriage?"

Arnav kept his glass aside and rubbed his temple with his right palm. Heaving a heavy sigh, he looked at Khushi.

"I am not sure." He confessed. "I am an ordinary man who wants nothing but a decent life, a wife to love and kids to cherish. But, after everything that happened, I really don't think anything can fill the hollow. Imagine scaring your deep scar. It's twice the pain, twice the agony, twice the shame. How do you think I will be ready to undergo it again?"

"What do you plan to do with your life then?"

Arnav didn't have an answer to it. Rather he had one and he was not willing to share it with Khushi, because his vaguest plan, secret longing for life involved her in it.

"I am just tired Khushi. I am tired of wanting things because society wants me to want it. I am tired of convincing myself that I am worth it, wondering if the life I envision is worth every fight."

"But you cannot live your whole life inside these four walls forever."

"I want to, but inside these four walls as such." He added quickly. "I want to be content in living a life that is like living within these four walls where no one from outside can see and comment, even if they did, I wouldn't be able to hear. I make the rules here, I live the way I want. I will be happy because I can and not on someone else's command."

"And how do you plan to make such living?"

"It might sound absurd to you, but it is possible." He said and Khushi for the first time saw a passion in his eyes while talking about something in contrast to her nonchalance. "With someone who trusts me, with someone who will accept me for who I am, with my vice and virtues, with someone who will be content minding business inside these walls not paying heed to the what the outside world thinks, with someone like..." he gulped his saliva. His left eye twitched and before his lips could complete his last sentence, his fingers on his own accord traced the tips of Khushi's fingers. A frown appeared on Khushi's forehead, her mind's reflex was faster than her body's. Her body was finally meaning to catch up with her mind when Arnav was about to complete his sentence when both were jolted out by Vihaan screaming Khushi's name.

Vihaan had finally managed to mug up even the big words in the paragraph given to him and was now eager to recite it to Arnav and Khushi oblivious to both the adult's inner turmoil.

Khushi's mind wasn't paying attention to what her son was saying, but her woman instincts was in high concentration as they had without fail noticed how Arnav's leg, as he was sitting beside her, touched her leg gently, something that hasn't happened before even by accident. Though Khushi had the sense to keep her eyes focussed on her son even when her mind was otherwise occupied, she could sense Arnav's eyes on her.

As soon as Vihaan's speech was up, when the little boy was looking between Arnav and Khushi for appreciation, Khushi stood up from her seat and immediately rushed Vihaan to pack his things so that they can leave.

Arnav stood silently both cursing him for his untimely initiative and also rushing him to act quickly so that Khushi doesn't leave thinking the worse of his actions.

"Why do you have to leave early? Please stay." Arnav said as Khushi and Vihaan were near the door.

Khushi narrowed her eyes at him with something akin to anger making him gulp hard. Khushi held Vihaan's hand and walked him to the lift with Arnav following behind them.

"Khushi, please. I need to talk to you. Whatever I said in the balcony..." Arnav has to cut short his explanation when they entered the elevator as they weren't alone. Two residents who Arnav recognized smiled at him from inside. They all wordlessly waited for the elevator to reach the ground floor.

Once they were out of the elevator, Khushi asked Vihaan to go and play in the park that was inside the apartment premise before she turned to look at Arnav accusingly.

"Whatever you said in the balcony is complete bulls*it." She uttered gritting her teeth. "Who do you take me for?" Khushi bit her tongue reminding her to keep her voice low so she doesn't invite any audience.

"Khushi, listen to me once."

"I eloped when I was 18. I married a douche. I am a single mother struggling to make both the ends meet. But, damn, I am not a slut."

"Khushi!!" Arnav was bemused. "What are you talking about? What..." he didn't even know she drew such impossible conclusion."What brought this up? No one thinks about you that way."

"Really!" Khushi folded her arms and glared at him."No commitments but relationship within four walls? Wow! No one would have propositioned a woman with such seemliness."

"I wasn't propositioning you, Khushi."

"Don't take me for a fool, okay? I am a woman and I know when a man's gaze on me turns from appreciation to sexual."

Arnav held his head with both his hands in defeat. "Khushi you are misunderstanding everything. Give me one minute to explain."

"I thought you were different. Different from all men in this ugly world, but you proved me wrong. At the end of the day, even you want the same thing from me, don't you?"

"Khushi, I didn't mean it that way. It all came out wrong. I just wanted you to know that I like..."

"Please, stop it."Khushi flipped her hair away." I was such a fool to trust you." She straightened her shoulder and looked at him pointedly. "I am not going to be your 'friends with benefits' or whatever you expected." She quoted in air. "It is better we never meet again."

With that said, Khushi walked to where Vihaan was playing and dragged him out of the building overlooking his demand to say goodbye to Arnav.

***

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