I dipped a towel in the bucket of lukewarm water, and gently squeezed the excess. I placed the drenched towel gently on the forehead of my best friend, as she slightly groaned. I scrutinized our dull, somber room and cringed. The cloudy weather made the dim room room more gloomy than it should have, clearly being an unsuitable place for her to stay.

"I-it's cold." She murmured weakly, as she tossed around limply in her thick covers. I pursed my lips together and dabbed her wet forehead with a dry towel, causing her to slightly flinch. Seeing her vulnerable and weak, something people don't see everyday. She's usually strong and stubborn, that every time she gets sick, it'll go away in less than three days. But in this case, she didn't heal in a week, and instead her temperature became worse each day. There was no one left to take care of her except me. Her parents died leaving her to her aunt, who left her in my protection, saying that she didn't want anything to do with her once she dies. She said that her illness is hereditary that caused the death of her mother, and is now her current sickness. Once, she got sick, she immediately gave her up and handed her over to me, since I'm her only friend. I couldn't even bare the thought of losing her, especially this way. I peered at her body and the sight pained me more than it should have.

She laid in an uncomfortable futon with a thick duvet resting under her delicate head, which I used as a pillow, since a traveling pillow was enough for me to sleep eight hours a day. Faded, dimmed sunlight found it's way in a small window of my condominium, as it bathed her colorless features. I studied her pale skin, which used to have a shade of peach, and her faded pink lips, as her head moved side to side in discomfort. Tears formed in her closed eyes, as it slowly dripped down on her dulled cheeks.

I bit my lip to prevent myself from shedding a tear. I have to be strong. No one would volunteer to help her, except me, even that the fact that I could only give her such diminutive care. I wished I could've at least gave her a cozy place to rest, but this is all I have. I even doubled her futon in mine, just to ensure her comfort. We're miles from my home, and I bet my dad hasn't gotten home yet from abroad. But, I gave her everything I can, and I hope that it's enough to keep her alive and healthy. A 15 year old girl like me can't do much.

I'm not going to let her die, I thought hopefully while I stood up from the wooden floor, and got a glass of water from the kitchen. I slightly shivered when my thick socks met the ice, cold floor. With such great timing, my best friend was left ill during the colder time of the year, and frantically did my best to keep her warm at all times. I opened the kitchen cabinet and took out pills that her aunt entrusted me to keep. She said to mix two pills with her drink three times a day to lessen her headache, and I've been doing so for a month, before her illness worsened. I trusted her instructions, and dropped two pills in her water as bubbles raised to it's surface, and a pink, liquid substance excreted from the two pills, slowly dissolving in the solvent water. Once, it's mixed I gently carried her water to the small coffee table on the right side of where she rested.

I slowly stroked her hair, as she weakly looked at me, with her hazelnut brown eyes glinted pain and suffering. I squeezed her cold hand, and gently caressed it.

"S-sinon?" She let out, softer than her previous murmur. I nodded and picked up the glass of water from the table.

"Sit up. You have to drink your medicine." I whispered gently and supported her back as she limply sat up with me inclining her back to my arms. She surrendered her body to my grasp and relaxed in my arms. She was heavy but, I tried my best to support her weak body. She heavily breathed, and every time she inhales, it always seemed like she was burdened, that every breath she takes is painful. I gently patted her back and brought the glass over to her lips. She gently sipped the water, before pushing it away using her tongue.

"It's bitter." She breathed out, her voice slowly abating as she continued to heavily breath. I brushed small strands of hair from her face.

"You have to drink. You'll get better." I quietly tried to appease her. She reluctantly neared her lips in the glass and slowly gulped the water, like forcing it in her system. I pulled it out, as little drops of water stained her shirt and some on my sleeve. I placed the glass back to the coffee table and removed the jacket wrapped around me and draped her shoulders with mine.

She secured the jacket round her tighter and fully sat up, as she rubbed her pert nose with a sniff. I added friction to my arms for warmth and searched through the cabinets for another shirt to replace Min's wet top, before I her her speak.

"Yah, Sinon." She said in a quiet tone, as I averted my attention to her, a striped, knitted sweater in hand. "I want to go on a trip with you before I die."

Her statement made me tight lipped, as I anxiously faced her.

"No one's going to die, Min." I said, as my socks skidded the cold floor, and sat on my rump next to her. The remaining light from her face faded and molded into a disappointed frown. "We can go once you're all better."

She gave no elated reaction and remained her usual expression.

"So, where do you want to go?" I asked in a cheerful manner. "I still have some remaining cash to ride a bus so, what do you suggest? We could go to that field of flowers you love so much, or maybe somewhere warm, and sunny with tons of fresh air, because the winter gloom sickens me. Either way it's your choice, we can go when your illness subsides." I turned so my back was facing her and took a teapot from the kitchen just across where she rests and let honey slowly drip from the bottle to the teapot.

"B-but, I wanna go now." She insisted, lips trembling as I slightly froze, leaving the kettle to whistle a shrill noise. I switched of the stove and walked to her side.

"When you get better." I fought back in a gentle voice. "How many times to I have to tell you." Tears sparkled in her eyes, threatening to fall anytime, and that's when I felt something stung my heart.

"No, we have to go now." She heavily exhaled. "It has to be now. I want to go, just you and me."

I combed through her silky, black hair and rested my hand on her head. "Why do you keep insisting? Your smart, you know that your illness will be worse if you even stand outside, how much more if you travel."

Tears rolled down her colorless cheeks, as she fumbled for words.
"I-I don't want to spend my last moments lying down on a confined apartment. I want to die in the arms of my best friend, away from here, a place filled with sadness and gloom. Both of us didn't have the best childhood, it was me and you against the world." She stared at the portrait of the two of us, happy in our previous school. She gave a weary smile.

"Before you, I didn't have much freedom to do anything, even interaction from my neighbors, I was forbidden. My aunt said that making friends will build connections, and that connection will end up to be your weakness, that our future enemies will use against me. She said that caring too much will be painful in the end. But, I didn't believe her. She was right that it'll be my weakness in the future, but I'll pridefully fight for it. I'll fight for the connections I build, even if it's only with one person. I'll cherish our time spent together. Every laugh, every smile, every tears we both cherished it." She giggled before continuing, as I sat there with moist eyes, speechless.

"I still remember the first we met, you we're so mean. You did your best to avoid me every time I crossed paths with you, and I still remained relentless. Then I found a way to get closer to you, and grew closer every day. You then started to change, no longer that antisocial brat, now a caring sister who's sacrificing her time to keep me alive." She sighed.

"Let's not linger on the past. I'll never be mean to you again." I assured her as she gave me a weak smile.

"I've never been so happy. To know that someone still cares about me in this cruel, yet beautiful world. And I want to spend each lasting moment with you. My best friend. Please, Sinon. I want to have a sad, yet happy ending to my story. It's been rough but soon I'll find peace." She smiled before enveloping me in a hug.

I dismally sighed. "Does it have to be now?" I asked with a shaky breath. I felt her nod slightly in the crook of my neck. I rested my head on her warm neck and pondered on that thought. I never accepted the thought of her . But, I know that she'll die soon enough, and the fact that I never accepted it pained I even more. I still doubted my own conscience saying that she won't die, even though my mind knows she will.

"Okay." I said.

Her face lit up, but still remained weak. She wearily smiled and laid her back flatly on the futon.

"But you have to tell me when you can't go on. And we have to get home before noon tomorrow, got it." I instructed, as she gave a light nod.

~•~

We walked through the cold, concrete ground as icy wind blew through my hair. We walked in a very slow pace, as she clasped my arm tightly to support her shaking knees. We continued our walk in the same pace, much to our fortune, the train station is only a kilometer away from my apartment. I averted my eyes to our surroundings, realizing that it's just as somber as my apartment unit. I peeked over at Min who was struggling to walk, her nose started to glow a slight red from the piercing cold weather, her gloved hands shivered against the thick leather of my jacket, and her breath hitched every time she makes a step.

I exhaled heavily as a faint cloud of mist hovered through my face. With this pace we'll get there in an hour. I offered to carry her and declines every time, saying she wants to walk with me. I snakes my arms to her waist, when I felt her getting heavier, but slipped from my grasp making her kneel on the ground.

"Are you okay?" I asked, worry evident in my tone. I knelt in front of her before she raised her leg and stood up. She shook her head and proceeded walking my hand still clasped against her as I traipsed beside her.

Her breathing became more forced, and her legs noticeably became weaker with each step, about to collapse in any second. But, still continued her path. She was really serious when she said she wanted to go, that not even her vulnerable state will stop her from getting to the field of flowers she fantasized for years since we were mere ten year olds. She promised that both of us will go together, and her promise kept, she took me there with her about last year and spent the whole day laying against the dewy dandelions and lavenders that produced a fresh perfume every time we made contact with it. We could say that our time there was well spent, and now we planned to go back to that soothing place where peace truly abides, and relive old memories before her demise.

I was too engrossed by my own dreary thoughts that I didn't notice something cold tickle my nose. I looked up at the sky and noticed that the clouds are more clumped up together than usual making it more darker than it's earlier ash gray hue, and much closer to shades of black. I stopped cold when powdered particles glided through the ice cold wind and melted when it met the ground. Min silently giggled.

"It's snowing." She said with a faint smile plastered on her pallid face. More snow dropped from the sky and covered the concrete ground with pulverize snow and it served quite well as an adornment to the mundane surroundings.

I felt uneasiness lingering on the pits of my stomach. Will we even make it there without any disruptions?

Our walking left footprints of melted snow behind us, with mine as clumps of my boots, while she had a straight trails of patches without snow, like she dragged her feet and forced herself to keep it that way. She felt two times heavier than before as I mentally cursed. She collapsed but luckily I caught her before her body hit the ground. Her breathing hitched as she looked at me weakly. Panic coursed through my veins as I frantically tried to get her up, but she couldn't even move from her spot.

"Min! Stand up! I'll get you to a hospital." I said dreadfully and rested her body on my arms. She didn't answer for awhile and blinked, slowly losing her remaining color for her face.

"Si.....non- it's dark." She said with her breath, no trace of voice in her words. "Is it night? So....soon."

My arms were shaking. This can't be happening. I thought as I brought her closer to my arms, tightening my arms around her shivering body as I stroked her cold hair.

"Yes. It's night already." I lied, feeling her misty breath on the skin of my neck that wasn't covered with my scarf. I held her closer, knowing that it's almost time. Tears uncontrollably fell from my eyes as she let out another soft whisper.

"Sinon? A-are we moving? Did we get to the train?" Another soft breath tickle my neck.

"Yes, we're on the train." I whispered in her ear, still kneeling on the snow covered pathway. Tears stained my scarf and held her closer, knowing this would be the last. I bit my quivering lip.

"S-Sinon...." she softly called, as I drew her away from me, enough for me to see her pasty skin. Her eyes glints with the last bit of life before slowly snuffing out.

"No!" I choked.

"Sinon-" she exhaled her last breath with a tear streaking down her cheek. "I love you."

"N-no." I hyperventilated clutching her in my arms. My best friend, now a deceased body. I sobbed on her scarf, her skin lost all color as I embraced her cold, lifeless body. I lay my head on her chest and wept into silence. No heartbeat was heard, all evidence that her soul was no longer lingering her body was evident, yet I still can't accept it. I still can't believe this. The person who purified my dark, empty soul was gone. The one who made me feel worthy, made me feel special. The one who stayed by my side while my father while my father was gone.

"MIN!" I screamed out into the sky, hoping that I'll wake up from a terrible nightmare. Wishing, grieving, for days, but wasn't granted, and I'm sure it won't anytime soon.

Without her, I'll always be alone.

Without her, no one will ever love me as much as her.

The pain in my chest never subsided. Only getting worse every single day, as her valuables remained in my surroundings, sitting there mocking me.

~•~

Everything was destroyed. The colorful vases that decorated my old apartment was shattered, and its pieces were spread out across the wooden floor. The coffee table that I used to place Min's meals was broken in half as shredded pieces of wood camouflaged with the floor. Everything is destroyed. Just like my heart.

Wounds covered my arm and cheek, and a huge, fresh gash covered my pale, skinny legs, turning livid and sallow. My body was sprawled across the dark corner of my dismal apartment. Tears stained my cheeks, a bloody knife was in my shaking grasp. If someone's sees me like this, from their perspective I would've been suspected as dead.

I cried tearless sobs as I stood up with quivering legs, stinging with pain. I limped towards the bathroom, almost slipping on the wet carpet. I slowly looked up to my reflection.

I look terrible.

Cuts covered my face and neck, dark rings surrounded my red, puffy eyes, as if I've been crying for weeks nonstop. My pasty, white skin, more paler than a deceased, old man. I've grown skinnier, haven't eaten in a week, yet I'm still alive. A normal person won't survive without food for less than three days, still here I am, standing. My features looks similar to a zombie, but still breathing. Though, I wish I wasn't.

My travelled down to my neck to my long, black hair, suddenly unwanted reminiscence envisaging the good, old times when she was still here.

"I like your long hair. It's so beautiful, I want to braid it forever."

Her voice echoed through the cave of my empty mind.

I begun to hyperventilate. "My hair...." I grabbed a handful of my hair and sunk into the corner of the bathroom. I destroyed everything that reminded me of her. I can't be at peace once something has given me a reminder of her suffering. Of her undeserving death.

I grabbed the knife and neared it at the shoulder level of my waist, long hair. Tears fell from my eyes as my arms shook in hesitation, doubting if I should rid of the only remaining part of her in me.

I harshly bit my lip, and slowly sunk the knife in my hair as huge strands fell on the bathroom floor. I continued in the same pace, more hair falling on the ground.

I looked at my reflection.

I pursed my lips together and scrutinized my new look.

I looked different. Too different. Almost unrecognizable. I'm going to make a new start, but this time I'm not going to make the same mistake.

I never want to feel this kind of pain.

I promised my anguished, crushed heart.

I'll never love again.....