CHAPTER – 42

LOVE IS... US

'Come sleep with me. We won't make love; love will make us.' – Julio Cortzar

My fingers hovered over the keyboard of my laptop as I stared aimlessly at the word screen. The cursor blinked back every second, telling me that it was waiting for me to start writing, to give words to my thoughts so I could send this article to Priscilla at the earliest. But if I started giving words to my thoughts, then it would end up being an article of sheer display of my vulnerable feelings; feelings that had been playing havoc with my life since last three days.

It had been three long days since I had been living in an emotional turmoil of nervousness, anticipation, waiting, patience, and longing. Three days, which were a jumbled mess of my ever so contradicting emotions. There was a moment when I regretted telling everything to Ashton three days back, thinking that it would have been better if we could have probably just stayed as friends so I could at least stay in touch with him. Then there came the moment when I scolded myself for being weak, and reminded myself that there was absolutely nothing wrong with my confession.

There were moments when my eyes stayed fixed on my parents' home main door, waiting for Ashton to barge inside and tell me that he loved me too. And then there were moments when I laughed at myself for daydreaming and living in my own cooked up world.

There were times when I stayed with my parents in the living room downstairs, talking like old times, but my thoughts swayed breezily to Ashton and the many moments we had spent in those twenty days together, making me angry for being distracted when I was here to spend time with my family. And then there were times, when I stayed in my room, laid in my bed and thought about his smile, his eyes, his words, his unexpected caring attitude, and his kisses with a smile on my face.

Then there were times like these when I was supposed to work, but couldn't come up with anything to write as my mind was preoccupied with Ashton.

However, in the last three days there was not a single moment when he was not ruling my mind and heart.

A loud knock on my bedroom door brought me back from my thoughts and I jerked my head to look at Mom as she entered my room. "Busy?" she asked with a smile on her face.

I shook my head and asked her, "How is Dad now?"

"He is fine. Just gave him his medicines and came to see you." She sighed as she sat down on the bed beside me. "I'm just glad that it wasn't a stroke."

"I know." I smiled a little. That fateful night when Mom had called me to tell me that Dad was in hospital, I had not taken much time to reach back home, not considering the time I spent at Ashton's doorsteps, baring my heart in front of him. The reports came by the next morning, and much to our relief, Dad hadn't had a stroke. It was just gas!

"I don't think I had ever been happier about someone having a gas problem than I was at that time." I commented, making Mom laugh. "He needs to take care of his diet. And please make sure that he goes on regular walks," I told her the same thing that the Doctors had told us on that day, and we had been reminding Dad since last three days, much to his irritation.

She chuckled slightly, but the smile from her face faded away as she confessed, "I was scared."

My smile faltered as well as I recalled the dreadful feeling that had reached the core of my heart when I had heard that he had a chest pain, the tremble of my hands when I was mindlessly packing to come back home to my parents, the tears that had without any inhibitions rolled down my face during the ride back home, and her scared face when I saw her sitting alone in the hospital waiting for the doctors to tell her that Dad was fine. "Me too, Mom."

We stayed in silence for the next few moments, deep in our own thoughts. "So you've decided that you'll accept the next project?" she asked, breaking my trail of thoughts.

I blinked as I came back from my thoughts and glanced in her direction. "I've already sent the confirmation, Mom. The flights have been booked. Everything has been finalized. I'm leaving seven days later." I finished off with a little smile.

"Then why aren't you happy?"

I shot her a bigger smile. "I'm happy, Mom. Why wouldn't I be?"

She smiled sympathetically as she got up from the bed. Keeping her hand over my head, she caressed my hair, and left the room, leaving me unanswered and making my forced smile fade away.

After staring at the blank Word screen for the next one hour, I got fed up and decided to give some rest to myself. Despite of lying in bed for hours, I was more tired than I had been in quite some time. My mind was not at peace and I was quite fed up with it. If only, I could do something to clear up the mess in my head. I had tried really hard not to think about my little conversation with Mom. Not that I actually succeeded.

With utter irritation, I shut the screen of my laptop. Not even when I had broken up with Nolan, had I faced so much difficulty in writing an article. My frustration and anger towards love had helped me write rather quickly. But not being able to write was a new low for me, maybe because this time I wasn't angry or frustrated. I was just plain sad and hurt.

I went to the bathroom and washed my face with water, in hopes of opening my eyes and maybe brain. Once I was done, my eyes landed on my worn out reflection staring back at me with tired eyes. And in an instant, my mind flew back to Ashton and everything that had happened three days back. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't wipe off his stunned expressions when I had confessed my feelings to him. I sighed in defeat as I realized that a huge part of me wanted him to love me back, but then there was a smaller part that consoled the other that healing and overcoming the defeat would take some time.

Shaking my head, I wiped my face with a hand towel and stepped outside the bathroom. My eyes fell on my laptop and I hurried downstairs as writing the next article was the last thing I wanted to do at the moment. I didn't think I had ever hated my laptop so much; the laptop that Ashton got fixed for me. And here I was again thinking about him. Le sigh!

I found Dad sitting in the living area with a bowl of soup in his hands and eyes fixed on the television screen where some news headlines were being played. He was so engrossed in whatever the reporter was saying that he didn't hear me walking towards him. "Where is Mom?" I asked.

"Next door," he mumbled, still staring at the screen in the front.

"The soup is getting cold, Dad. Finish it." I went and sat beside him.

He hummed an automatic reply and did nothing to change his earlier position. An involuntary smile made its way to my face as I observed him. I was just glad that he was perfectly fine.

After a while, he shook his head and looked at me with a scowl on his face. "Did you see that?" he asked.

"What?" I asked with raised eyebrows, as I motioned towards his untouched soup.

He scowled further, displeased with my lack of attention towards the news. "The crime rate these days is at an all time high. And no, I'm not talking about here; I'm talking about the world. I was watching World News, and after seeing everything I just saw, I'm not letting my only daughter go anywhere. Not a chance."

My smile increased as he attempted to stop me from going away, just like he had been doing since last two days. "I'll be just a phone call away, Dad."

He shook his head. "You'll be hundreds or thousands of miles away." I leaned against his shoulder, resting my head there. A moment or two later, he caressed my arm with his hand and heaved a defeated sigh. "I shouldn't be stopping you. I know you are a strong girl, and this is a perfect opportunity for you. But... but I guess, this fake threat of heart attack has made me rethink about my life and how much I love your Mom and you."

I didn't say anything as I wanted him to say what was going on in his mind. I couldn't recall a time in my life when I had a heart to heart with Dad. This was a first.

"It made me think about every wrong I have done and how selfish I had been when I left both of you years ago." He paused while I took in a sharp breath, stunned that he chose this topic to talk about.

Most probably he was waiting for me to say something, but what could I say? Could I tell him the impact his betrayal had left in my heart? Could I tell him that I feared every moment of my life thinking that maybe if I settled with a guy, he would some years later cheat on me, just like he had cheated on Mom? I couldn't. So, I kept quiet and lifted my head from his shoulder.

I heard him let out another sigh as he continued, "Actually, it isn't just the fake heart attack that made me think about all this." He paused again, showing that having this heart to heart with me was equally difficult for him as it was for me. I pressed my palms on my knees, already waiting for him to finish this conversation and yet interested in knowing about what made him think about the past.

"If you would ask me today then I would say in a heartbeat that I regretted those three-four years of my life. Now when I look at your mother, I can't even remember what I was thinking at that time. She is here, in fact, she is the only one who has always been here for me, with me. And to think that I betrayed her trust, makes me feel smaller. She didn't deserve it. But I guess, it was a lesson for me; a lesson to see what I had and what I was going to lose in life. I can't imagine not being with your mother and you. You two complete me." He was teary eyed at the end and it took every ounce of strength in me to not cry in front of him.

I opened my mouth to tell him that he didn't need to say all this. There was no use of revisiting the past when it didn't matter now. We all were together now. This fake heart attack incident had brought us closer than ever, what else could I ask for? But he stopped me before I could voice out my thoughts.

"Let me take it out and avoid any chances of a heart attack that I might have due to stressing on this matter and thinking about how bad as a father I have been." I shook my head as I, myself got teary eyed. He was never a bad father, not even when he had left Mom. He was just an unfaithful husband.

He stopped me again with his words. "I always thought that you were too young to understand anything, but I guess I was wrong. You took it harder than any of us took it."

"Dad-" I tried to interrupt him, not willing to see him in guilt.

He shook his head, telling me to stop interrupting him and letting him say everything he wanted to say. So, I bit my lip and looked away from him. "I just want to say... sorry. I'm sorry for every wrong I have done and for not apologizing earlier in life."

The tears couldn't be stopped now as they stained my cheeks. A part of me felt lighter as Dad finally realized the huge impact his betrayal had left not only on Mom but on his only child as well. And the other part of me felt heavier as I couldn't bear to hear my own father asking for an apology from me.

I wanted to tell him that it's okay, but I couldn't utter a single word. I wiped the silent tears from my face and faced him with a little smile; hoping that it would convey my feelings to him. Fortunately, it did as he smiled back at me while looking at me with tears in his eyes. Without saying another word, I embraced him in a hug, which he returned with all the fatherly love he had for me. Patting my back, he said with a chuckle, "I was so pissed at him that day that I forgot to thank him for making me see the truth."

I pulled away from the hug and looked at him with a confused frown. Understanding dawned upon me when I realized that someone had told him about how I felt about the past and how it had affected me. "Who are you talking about?" I asked in a mere whisper, afraid to hear the answer to my question.

He smiled at me. "Don't let him go. He is good for you, and he is definitely a lot better than me." With that, he got up from the couch, picked up the bowl of soup, and went towards the kitchen. While all I could do was stare at the now empty space where he was seated just a few seconds ago. In an instant, the morning when Dad and Mom were leaving from my apartment flashed in front of me. The pissed off look that Dad had shot towards Ashton flashed in front of me, and I covered my mouth as a gasp in utter surprise left my lips.

"Oh, Ashton," I whispered as the longing that I had been trying to bury deep within myself since last three days, resurfaced with complete force. I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall freely.

Could I ever repay Ashton for everything he had done for me? For the way he had cared for me without me being aware of it? No, I could not. And suddenly, I didn't feel light. I felt as if a huge burden had been thrown over my shoulders. All I wanted to do was to thank him and to tell him that I love him over and over again.

**

It was probably an hour later when the doorbell distracted me from my messed up thoughts. My head snapped towards the door and I looked around to see if Mom or Dad were anywhere around. They weren't. I remembered Dad telling me that Mom was next door, which made me decide to drown in my sorrow some time later and open the door.

Not caring about how awful I was feeling and looking, I went to open the door. My thinking powers had drowned somewhere in my tears and I didn't bother looking through the peephole to check who it was. But when my eyes landed on the person standing opposite me, my eyes widened and I did what seemed like a ritual between us; I shut the door in his face, not giving him time to say even a word.

'This is nothing but a dream', I convinced myself as I leaned against the door. Why would he bother coming here for a girl who just loved him? Of course, he wouldn't. No matter how much he might have liked me that infatuation must have disappeared into thin air the moment I had confessed my feelings for him. He hated love. What else could be the reason for not contacting me in the last three days? What else could be the reason for no messages, and no calls?

When there was no other knock on the door, I concluded that it was my mind that was playing games with me. He wasn't here. He just couldn't be.

Keeping a hand over my heart, I managed to bring my heartbeats and breathing back to normal. I stepped away from the door to look at it as if I could see past it without opening it. For the next few moments, everything was silent, and I pressed my palm against my forehead, cursing myself for acting like a crazy woman.

"I just need to rest for a while," I mumbled, consoling myself.

Just when I turned around to head towards the stairs, another loud knock stopped me dead in my tracks. I turned around again only to look towards the door with wide eyes and heart that was ready to jump out of my throat any given moment.

"Liana!" I recognized Mom's voice from the other side and that instantly calmed me down. Laughing lightly at my bewildered thoughts, I stepped towards the door and opened it to reveal Mom, who was looking at me with impatience clear on her face. "What's wrong with you? Why did you just shut the door in my face? I raised you well, young lady!"

A gasp escaped my lips and I apologized, "Crap! I'm so sorry, Mom. I thought it was-"

I stopped myself before I could say his name. She raised her eyebrows, asking me to continue whatever I was about to say. I shook my head, making her roll her eyes at me. She walked past me. "William and Lily were asking for you. Why don't you visit them today?"

"Yeah, I will," I mumbled in reply, staring at her as she disappeared in the kitchen.

"You look like a zombie."

My head snapped back towards the doorway as I heard the very familiar voice right behind me. My eyes widened to the size of saucers as I stared at Ashton, who was looking at me with a little smirk on his face. The pessimist in me told me that he wasn't really here, and it was again my mind that was playing games with me.

Before I could shake my head and laugh at myself for again imagining Ashton at my doorstep, I felt him poke my cheek, making me step back in shock.

"Ashton!" I gasped.

"Yours truly." He grinned at me.

With my heart hammering against my ribcage, I stepped towards him and poked his cheek. "You're here."

His grin widened, as if he was enjoying my reactions. "No shit, Sherlock."

After hours filled with dread, confusion, confessions, and messed up thoughts, I finally managed to smile a little at him. My over enthusiastic imagination was painting my mind red with all the beautiful scenarios it was picturing. Now that he was here, I could actually thank him for everything he had done for me. But before that I wanted to know the purpose of his visit. "What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice coming out raspy due to crying and hours of silence.

His grin vanished as he answered me, "In these three days, I ended up reading all of your articles, and I can see why people actually like your writing skills." My lips twitched up as my heart fluttered at the appreciation I was receiving from him. He continued, "Remember my best friend, whose name of the day is Atticus Finch by the way, telling you that his sister is one of your fans?" I frowned a little, not understanding where he was going with this. He smiled at me and said, "I just came to get an autograph for her."

The smile from my face disappeared as I looked at him with flabbergasted expressions. "Huh?"

"Yup. She is the one who got your laptop fixed. You owe it to her. C'mon!" I watched with stunned expressions as he removed the traveler's bag from his shoulder and started searching for something in it. He struggled to find whatever he was searching for in his bag for a minute, during which I couldn't do anything but stare at him with nothing but astonishment mixed with utter confusion.

"Ah! Here it is." He blew out a breath as he took out a magazine from his bag. I recognized the magazine in an instant. It was an edition of 'We are the Divas'. He flipped through some pages, and handed over the magazine and a pen in my hand. "C'mon. Sign it." He raised his eyebrows at me, waiting for me to do what he had asked me to do.

"Yeah, sure." I managed to mumble, feeling confused and disappointed. Blinking my eyes rapidly, I signed at the end of the article which I noticed in a dazed state was the article that I had written about William and Lily, and handed over his belongings to him. "That's it, I guess?" I asked, my voice trembling, trying to put my emotions on display.

He smirked a bit. "Yup. Thanks." With that, he turned around to leave, leaving me standing at the door and look at him with nothing but shock. Why did he have to come? For an autograph? Just an autograph? That too not for himself! I wanted to shout at him and ask him to come back.

Just as I opened my mouth to yell at him, he turned back to look at me. "Oh, there's one more thing I wanted to tell you."

"What?"

He stepped towards me, stopping when he was hardly a step away from me. "Do you remember that you had once asked me that why did I agree to do this f*cking assignment when I'm on such non agreeable terms with my Mother?"

The memory flashed in front of my eyes as if it was just yesterday when we were talking our hearts out.

His answer echoed in my head. "To say that I was shocked to see you at my apartment door that morning would be the biggest understatement." He chuckled, looking at me with his warm grey eyes, and I found myself smiling back at him with all my heart. "I thought I was dreaming." He laughed and I chuckled. "I was so shocked that I said the first f*cking words that came to my mind and insulted you." My cheeks reddened at the embarrassing memory of being called a bear and I ducked my head, looking at the little piece of my long forgotten toast. He continued, "I had decided that I was not going to be part of this stupid assignment, but-" he trailed off.

I looked up and probed, "But?"

"But..." he trailed off again, looking straight in my eyes.

All I could manage at the sudden tension between us was a whisper, "But what?"

He broke the eye contact, smirked teasingly, and counter questioned me, "Didn't I just tell you that that was the last question that I was answering you in these twenty days?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked at him with questioning eyes. "Well, as you know that those twenty days are over, I guess, I owe an answer to you." I didn't reply. I couldn't. "I accepted this f*cking assignment because it meant getting to know the girl whose beautiful smile and innocent tears had been haunting me day and night since last four months. It meant being near you, seeing you smile, talking to you, teasing you, and making you blush. How the hell could I give up an opportunity like that, Liana?" I stared at him with wide eyes as I took in every word he was saying.

"I always thought that I was way too f*cked up and complicated for anyone to even stay by my side. Love was out of the question." He chuckled, but I could see the pain in his warm grey eyes as he stared at me. "Honestly, I never even thought about it. I'm not the perfect guy like Dylan is. Normally people fall in love with him, not me. I mean, I don't even blame them. Why would anyone love me, right?"

I shook my head, disagreeing with everything he was saying about himself. I opened my mouth to say something, but he placed his finger on my lips, silently asking me to keep quiet.

"But then again, it has been long established that you are not normal as normal people get scared of me and the rumors they hear about me. You didn't get scared. You not only managed to bear me, but you stood by my side when I knew that even the craziest person would go away." He removed his finger from my lips and tugged my hair behind my ear.

"You must be f*cking crazy, Liana Moore," he whispered, looking straight in my eyes with his intense ones. "You must be f*cking crazy that you fell in love with me out of all people."

My head bowed as he gave words to my feelings for him, making that day even more real. The confused, messed up feelings in my heart that were ever so contradictory in nature resurfaced. "You're amazingly wonderful," I told him in a mere whisper, telling him that I didn't like the fact that he was badmouthing himself in front of me. I couldn't hear anyone say ill about Ashton, not even himself. I very kindly ignored the fact that he had just called me abnormal and crazy in a span of hardly few seconds.

A smile graced his lips. He shook his head and chuckled. "Only you, Liana, only you."

My eyes roamed all over his face and my fingers itched to graze his five o'clock beard and run through his soft hair. But I stopped myself by clenching my hands into tight fists. Why was life so weird? Why did I have to fall in love with the one guy who wanted nothing to do with love? Why did love have to come like an uninvited guest and stay in my heart for as long as it wanted? Why did I have to fall in love with him when I was running away from love with all my will? Why did love have to be so painful?

"Honestly, Liana, I don't know what love is." He interrupted my thoughts with his harsh words, and I bit my lip. It wasn't some brand new information. I was bitterly aware of it. "But I know that I don't think I can forget your smile, your cute scowls when you look at me angrily, or your helpless expressions when I irritate you. I don't think I can ever respect any other woman as much as I respect you for making your life decisions on your own, without letting anyone affect you. I don't think I can ever meet someone who is so strong yet vulnerable and innocent all at the same time. I don't think I can ever meet someone who would cry after hearing my story and not run away. F*ck, I don't know when you became so important to me. Hell, I don't think I can ever feel something even remotely close for someone else to what I feel for you."

I watched as he ran his fingers through his hair and stepped even closer to me. "I just know that we have is something sacred and if there is someone I want in my life more than anything then it's you. And I know that I'm a f*cked up selfish bastard. So no matter what might happen, I'm not letting you go."

My lips trembled as the butterflies that had died in my stomach a few days back came back to life with complete force. "Ashton," I managed to whisper in my state of breathlessness.

He smiled a little as he cupped my cheeks in his warm hands, making me close my eyes to relish the contact that I had missed terribly. I opened my eyes a moment later to find him looking at me with warmth that I had never seen earlier. "And if abnormal people like you call this love, then I don't think there is a better time to say this."

I waited for him to say those words to me, but when he didn't say anything and just kept looking at me with the same expressions as earlier, I asked, "What?"

He snaked one of his hands around my waist, bringing me closer to him while my heart was jumping at its place in anticipation. Tilting his head slightly, he narrowed his eyes a bit and said, "When you said 'love is you', you actually called me bullsh!t."

Loud laughter erupted from my mouth and I threw my head back laughing when I realized how true he was in his own context. Once my laughter spree was over, I wiped the happy tears that had managed to fall from my eyes and looked at him, looking at me with a warm smile on his face.

"I love you, Liana," he whispered, easily managing to wipe off the smile from my face, making my eyes brim with fresh happy tears as goose bumps rose all over, and my heart felt the happiness that it had longed to feel and thought that it would never feel again.

My eyes shut tightly, letting a tear or two fall, which Ashton wiped off with his fingers. I opened my eyes and looked at him. "But I've to go..." I trailed off, when my voice cracked in between.

He pressed his lips together and nodded his head. "I know. I will wait."

"But-"

He interrupted me by shushing me and eventually kissing me. That was all the confirmation that I needed and this time, I didn't stop my hands from grazing his beard as we vanished whatever distance was left between us.

This kiss was different from all the kisses that we had shared because this was filled with one emotion that none of us thought we would ever feel – love.

We pulled apart when we heard the kitchen door open from behind me. I turned my head to look at Mom who was looking at Ashton with a wide smile on her face. "Oh Ashton! I didn't know you were here," she said in an unusually calm manner, making it clear that she was acting and she was aware of his presence, maybe even before me.

"Yeah. Hello, Mrs. Moore." He smiled, glancing at me once to see my reaction.

"You'll stay for dinner, right?" she asked with her 'know it all' smile. He nodded slightly and Mom's smile got wider. She looked back at me and complained, "Your Dad didn't have his soup. He just left it in the kitchen and it's cold now." She rolled her eyes at me and went upstairs to her room.

I stared after her with a smile on my face. Ashton caught my attention with his next words. "I intend to stay longer." His breath fanned my ears and I looked back at him. I knew he wasn't talking just about the dinner, he was talking about my life, and I couldn't be happier. I wanted him to stay forever.

Grinning, I said, "Just for the record, I think now is the right time to say this."

When I didn't say anything further, he asked, "What?"

Snaking my hands around his neck, I told him, "I'm not saying back those words to you till you tell me your best friend's real name."

He groaned in irritation while I laughed at him. I looked at him eagerly waiting while he said a few things under his breath like, "He did you tell some of my embarrassing stories, so I think I should tell you now. And I don't think he would mind once he knows that I finally confessed to you."

I chuckled as I heard his mutterings and before I could ask what he meant by it all, he blew out a deep breath and looked at me with determination, "Well, here it goes." My eyes widened in anticipation as I stared back at him, waiting for him to finally end the suspense. "His name is..."

*****

A/N

Hahaha! EVIL LAUGHTER! XD I sooooo loved doing this. You guys have no idea. Just so you know, by now Liana knows his name and she has said 'I love you too' back to Ashton. Lmao! XD Don't give up on it, you might find out his name in the next (ie. the last) chapter or the epilogue. Hope is all that's left with us!

Over 5500 words, dude! Lol. I will write one more chapter, which will mostly be the article that she publishes and then an epilogue.

Just for the record, I love you all too! Mwah!

The reason I took so long to update this chapter is because I, basically, had a major writer's block as I wanted to make it amazing and not particularly cliché, but a cliché with Ashton & Liana's Midas touch. I hope I managed to do it. <3

Tell me your feedback! Liked the chapter & the way Ashton comes back? Or love it? Or you think it could have been better?

Ahh, do one thing, now that you have read the entire story and know 'almost everything' about Ashton, go and read the entire story again. You'll be able to connect the dots & you'll love the story even more. XD

Thanks a lot, people! Love you all! <3