CHAPTER – 40 (Yup, you guessed it right - Unedited)

LOVE IS... FAILURE

'Most relationships fail because one person was being loved too much, and the other wasn't being loved enough.'

Almost every living being on this planet has one particular bad habit in common; a self destructive habit – not in the physical sense, but a habit that leaves us hurt, misunderstood, and make us realize that what a grave mistake we had done by keeping that habit. Post that realization, we resolve to stay away from that stupid habit, only to end up going back to it and repeating the awful cycle.

And that terrible habit is that of keeping expectations from other people.

True to the spirit of a writer and an avid reader, I had pictured the various possible outcomes of this scenario in my head multiple times. I knew how I was going to handle Ashton once I had told him about leaving the city.

The best scenario in my head was that after getting hurt and angry in the beginning, he would understand what an amazing opportunity has landed in my lap and how I should not let it go. He would magically fall in love with me and tell me, that he would wait for me. Or he would just come along with me as if he doesn't have a life of his own. Just like some freakishly cute cliché.

The worst case scenario that I had expected was for him to clench his jaw, bang the table, get angry at me, yell at me, and then leave my apartment in complete frustration of being lied to. I would have understood him completely.

So, with all my patience intact, I waited for him to reply in any of the manners I expected him to.

I watched as his expressions didn't alter even a bit as if I hadn't just given him some big news. He looked at me as if waiting for me to continue, but other than that, his expressions didn't give away anything. There was no trace of hurt, or disappointment, or surprise, or shock. Nothing at all.

When I didn't say anything to explain myself as I was too busy in observing his handsome features for any give away of his moods, he finally decided to open his mouth. "Yup. I know."

"Um... what?" I asked the question with which I had expected him to reply to my confession.

"I said, I know that you're going away in a few days," he answered with an air of nonchalance around him, which left me visibly flabbergasted.

"H-how?" I managed to ask in a whisper.

He rolled his eyes at me, ignoring the state of shock I was in, and shrugged. "Dylan told me a few days back. It's good that you accepted the offer though." He winked at me, showing his playful mood, but my mood wasn't ready to cooperate with him. I was anything but playful.

"Oh." I mumbled, suddenly feeling embarrassed about making a huge deal about this news.

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Is that all you wanted to tell me?" Surprised and hurt at his attitude, I merely nodded. He smiled his dazzling smile and I cursed myself for noticing his striking features even in the state that I was in. "You are an idiot, Liana."

I couldn't smile in response. This wasn't how I expected today to turn out to be. Just a few moments ago, I was ready to handle the ever so moody Ashton Parker. I could calm his anger with a hug and a kiss. I could be happy and smiling with him, had he been happy for me. I could make him understand my point, had he been hurt because of my decision. But I couldn't handle his indifference.

Oblivious to my silence, looking around my apartment, he asked, "So where is the offer letter? Do you mind if I go through it?" I shook my head and pointed towards my laptop.

He got up from his seat, turned the laptop on and frowned when he saw that the offer letter was already open. "You haven't gone through the terms yet, have you?" I shook my head like a robot. Rolling his eyes at me, he instructed me, "Always read all the terms carefully, Liana. Don't take these things lightly. After all, this not about a day or two, it's about one year of your life."

'So he knows that I'll be going for a year, and yet, he is so... cool about it.' The heaviness in my heart increased as I tried to make sense out of the situation that I was facing.

While he read the entire contract, I couldn't help but stare at him with a complete mess in my head and heart. After what seemed like hours, but were probably few minutes, he looked up at me and smirked, "That's a pretty awesome offer, I must say." I managed to smile a bit as he continued, "I mean, you get to travel, live in twelve cities, and you are getting paid for it. This is like a f*cking dream." No matter how much I agreed with him, I couldn't manage to say anything. These were the exact words that I had been telling myself since I received this offer; these were the words that had made me choose career over Ashton, but when he said these exact words, they didn't sound appealing. They didn't sound as positive as they did in my head and how positively he had just spoken them.

The truth was that I wanted him to react in any of the ways I expected him to react in. I wanted him to be upset, or angry at me for going away. I wanted him to tell me that I shouldn't be going away so soon, as we had just started our 'relationship' whatever it was. I wanted him to show any sign that said he wasn't entirely ecstatic about me going away.

But there was no sign. I picked up the water bottle from the table nearby and drank almost half of it in one go. Taking a deep breath, I looked back at him. Again, there was no sign betraying his words. There was nothing in his eyes that said anything I actually wanted to hear. "So," I started, looking straight in his eyes. "You are cool with this?" I pointed towards my laptop where that offer letter was open.

He looked confused at my question for a second and answered back with a question, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I stared at him with too many emotions in my eyes. Was he a fool? Shouldn't he be telling me that he would miss me? Or he would wait for me? He did know that I was going to be with a photographer for one whole year. The fact that that photographer was gay wasn't mentioned in the offer letter anywhere, obviously, so shouldn't he be concerned about me getting close to that guy? Shouldn't he be professing his love for me and asking me to wait for him, just like he would wait for me?

But that was the thing, he didn't love me. He didn't know what love was other than bullsh!t. And that is why he was not going to do any of the things I expected him to do.

Hadn't I come to terms with these feelings already? Then why was I expecting him to have a change of heart and fall in love with me? Because there was that tiniest ray of hope which was sure that my going away did matter to him, and that ray of hope made me throw away all the shame I had, asked me to be brave and ask the next question from Ashton that I had expected him to ask after knowing the truth, "So what about us? What happens to us?"

His expressions changed like a movie being played with ten times its actual speed. They were too fast, but I caught his sudden surprise at the question that I had just asked; too fast, but I noticed the slight vulnerability he displayed at his lack of answer, and too fast yet too slow to let me see him clench his jaw ever so slightly.

We stared at each other for the next few moments. While I was waiting for him to answer him, he most probably waited for this situation to pass. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he opened his mouth, "Look, Liana-"

He was cut off by the loud ringing of his phone. He shut his eyes and clenched his jaw as he swore loudly at whoever was calling him at this moment. I had the same reactions, but I cursed in my mind. He took out his phone from his jeans pocket only to frown at the name that flashed on the screen. "This better be important," he yelled at whoever was on the other side.

As he heard whatever the person was saying, I was thinking about what he was going to say to me.

My imaginations were cut short when I heard him curse in anger. I looked up at him and saw that he had already put his phone back in his pocket. He was running his fingers through his hair and his jaw was clenched. "What happened, Ashton?"

He shook his head at me and shrugged. "Some issues regarding the exhibition."

"Oh!" I watched him with worry and asked, "Anything major?"

"Nothing I can't handle." He smiled a little and no matter what circumstances we were in, I was glad to see him smile a little. I smiled back a bit. "I need to go though. There are some urgent issues that I have to handle."

I nodded my head and he took a reluctant step towards me. "I'll call you once I get free," he whispered.

"I'll wait," I whispered back as his hand cupped my cheek while his eyes wandered over my face settling back on my eyes.

"You better." He smiled ever so slightly and before I could reply in any way, he placed a lingering kiss on my forehead and left the apartment, leaving me standing in my spot to stare at his retreating back.

**

Day – 19

I stared at the details of the contract and the recent mail Priscilla had sent me. The tickets to Cape Town, our first destination, had been booked on the eleventh day from today. I wasn't as excited and happy as I had initially thought I would be, and I hated this fact.

With a sigh, I scrolled through the mail to see the details of the photographer who was going to accompany me. His name was Juan Lee, and as I tried to recall, I could put a picture to that name. I had seen him in the office sometimes in the last two months. He was definitely cute with his black eyes that couldn't be seen when he laughed. And he had the cutest laugh. We were going to be friends, I could tell.

Knowing that the companion wasn't going to be someone I couldn't bear, I smiled a little and opened a new tab to read about the new city I was going to visit – Cape Town. I spent the next few hours in reading about the city and seeing images, and everything I read and saw piqued up my excitement a bit with every passing moment.

However, nothing could stop me from looking at my phone every two minutes, to see if Ashton had left a message or called me. But no, there were no missed calls or unread messages. I was waiting, just like he asked me to do.

The loud ringing of my phone made my heart beat faster as I picked up the phone expecting the caller to be Ashton. To my disappointment, it was Stephanie.

"Yes?" I answered.

"Okay, you don't sound happy. What happened? Did you tell Ashton about the job offer?" She fired the questions at me, making me grimace.

"Yes."

"And?" she probed, not picking up the idea that I was not in a mood to talk.

Sighing, I told her, "He already knew about it."

"What?" The shock of hearing this was clear in her loud voice. I hummed in reply. "Who told him? Holy shit! He must be angry that you told him after he came to know about it from someone else. Did he fight with you?"

I bit my lip as I thought about her questions. "Dylan told him."

"Oh."

With a grimace, which she couldn't see, I answered her other questions. "It would have been better had he fought with me or being angry," I mumbled in disappointment.

"What do you mean?" she inquired.

"He was... indifferent about it, as if-as if it didn't matter to him that I was going," I answered in a small broken voice.

"Liana..."

I could hear the sympathy in her voice and I hated it. "No, Steph, I'm fine. Okay?" She didn't reply, and I told her, "I'll call you later. I better work on the article. I don't have much time to submit it now."

"Sure. But you know that I'm with you, right? I'll find a better guy for you. I promise."

I laughed at her attempt to make me feel better. "Can I order Ryan Gosling?"

She, too, laughed. "I love you."

I smiled and told her, "I'll miss you there. We really need to spend a lot of time together in the next ten days."

"Yes! You totally need a new wardrobe. I have a meeting with a manager of a new cosmetic line this evening, but let's have dinner tomorrow, okay?" she asked in her enthusiastic voice. It had always been easy to divert Stephanie's attention from a dreadful topic at hand. Sometimes, I was thankful for her short attention span.

Tomorrow was the last day of the twenty days that Ashton and I had to spend together. Could I promise her dinner? I wanted to spend the last day with Ashton. He hadn't called or messaged me in the last twenty four hours. Maybe he was stuck with some work. Maybe there was some major issue regarding his exhibition. He had asked me to wait, and I was going to wait. "Not tomorrow. How about the day after?" I proposed.

"Sure!" I smiled at her instant answer. "I'll talk to later. See you soon." After hearing my goodbyes, she cut off the call.

My eyes went towards my phone screen again, and to my disappointment, there were still no messages from Ashton. It was almost four in the afternoon now; more than twenty four hours since I had seen him, talked to him, seen his smile, touched him, kissed him, felt him near me.

Shaking my head to clear it off of the depressing thoughts it was carrying, I resolved to work on the article. I had hardly a week to submit it, and with the way this assignment had gone by, I had nothing to write about it. What could I write? This assignment was an utter failure. I had failed to make him fall in love. I had failed in making him believe in love. Love was an utter failure.

My eyes flew open due to the loud ringing of my phone and realized that while I was deep in my thoughts and while I was trying to write the article, of which I had managed to write exactly three lines, I had fallen asleep on my couch. I got up and rubbed my eyes. My phone had my attention when it rang again. Thinking that it was Ashton, I picked it up in a quick motion. My shoulders slumped slightly as I saw it was Mom. But there was a smile on my face. I realized how badly I missed her, and how I needed her perfect advices with everything that had been going on in my life.

"Hello," I answered with a little yawn.

"Liana," her breathless voice reached my ears, making all the sleep and tiredness I had been feeling fly away.

"Mom, are you okay?" I asked, standing up from my couch alarmed at her panicked voice.

"I'm fine. It's-it's your dad," she choked.

My eyes widened when I heard her crying over the phone. I was already walking around my living room in restlessness as if I could know everything that had happened there by doing so, as if everything could be corrected. "What happened to Dad?"

"He suddenly felt pain in his chest and he fainted," she cried, making me gasp. "We are at the hospital now. I'm waiting to hear from the doctors."

Trying to collect the various thoughts that ran through my head in a split second, I swallowed the lump in my throat as a few tears very easilymanaged to escape from my eyes. "I'll be there in a few hours, Mom."

******

A/N

I know it's a short one, but this is where I wanted to end this. I'll try to update the next chapter asap.

How was it? Like it? Love it? Had you expected Ashton's reaction to be so cool? That man is seriously unpredictable. I LOVE HIM! Lol. Hope you all enjoyed this part. :)

IMPORTANT - It is very easy for some of you to comment that you skimmed through the chapters to read the happy ending or skipped from the start of a chapter just to read the main part, but imagine reading those comments when you are the writer! Did I write that 5000 words chapter just so some of you could skip 3000 words in between? I really don't mind even if you do such things, but at least, don't comment as they do anything but motivate the writer, like it did to me in the last chapter. It is plain sad and brings down my motivation which nice comments push up. How would you all feel if I had skimmed this 40 chapter story to a 4 chapter one, if it was just the main crux that readers' wanted to read? Could have saved a hell lot of time both yours and mine! Please be a little sensitive. Peace!

So, yeah! Enough of my ranting.

Take care, wonderful people around the globe. :D

Thank you! <3

Raima!