Shruti

The clinking of the glasses meant a brief break for us. Out of the rigorous end-sem exams, which were finally over.

The sparkling yet tingling sensation that the fruit beer left in my mouth, washed all the tireness of the whole hazardous month.

"Oof" I breathed out as my tummy thanked me for the meal after almost a day. All thanks to the unnerving lab sessions, which demanded us to be freaking immovable robots to watch them out and hold onto the rapidly receding patience of ours. Still, it was over and all that ends well is well. And, indeed, that being said, I was finally relieved in true sense.

Oh, the after-exam glee!

"You drink?" I heard a voice behind me, which I recognised to be Kunal Sir's.

"Nope." I answered, curtly as I dug into my food again. Hot and steaming Hyderabadi chicken biryani!

"It's non-alcoholic." I replied to him, feeling his raised eyed stare on beer bottle I held.

"Then, fine." I shrugged as he sat beside me.

"How did it the practicals go?" He asked as he settled on my adjacent chair and his stare kept deviating once in a while to the other corridor, where Swetha stood and conversed with one of our batchmates. A little smiley than her usual self, if I might add.

"You both fought?" I asked before I could contemplate.

He licked his lips, nervously. Then, sheepishly spoke, "I told her that I am leaving for my fellowship. So, she is kinda mad."

I gasped as I gaped at him in bewilderment.

"You lied to her?" I spoke calmly while my eyes didn't fail to accuse him.

"Nah. That's true, Shruti." He spoke, showing me the emails of joining letters which had the date of the coming tuesday.

"Oh" I sat in silence, not knowing what to reply.

"You want me to try to make her understand, don't you?" I asked, raising my eyes at him as he nodded, pouting.

"Ah, see!" I shook my head at his lovesick behaviour again.

"Now, gooo!" He shooed me away towards Swetha and I did my job in a jiffy.

"Sit here." I ordered Swetha, who glared at me, seeing Kunal Sir seated just beside my chair.

"If you start to speak in his favour, Shruthi, I don't know you." She hissed as I twitched my lips in nonchalance, dramatically.

"You both can go to hell." I hissed as I plopped myself on the chair beside Kunal Sir.

"I need help. Like right now." I hissed, annoyed at my own self. I need to do it right now, before it's too late.

"Bhaiya" I whined like a child to Kunal Sir, who himself has told me to call him as 'bhaiya', though I rarely did. At urgencies or frustrated periods like these.

"I'm listening, start barking about what you need this time." He laughed at my annoyed face while, I whined more hearing Swetha joining him, chuckling.

"Bhaiya, I think, I like him a lot." I confessed, finally. The secret thing or to say, a frenzied state of me, which has started to tickle me softly with the budding emotions yet annoy the hell out of me with my own desperation to have him to me. I've been going crazy without him doing a thing and that very thought, disrupts me of my normal being.

I'm literally going nuts.

"I see. But, who is this 'him'?" Kunal Sir inquired to which a sudden redness grew rampantly on my cheeks.

"Your bestfriend, Duffer." Swetha hit his arm, shaking her head at his oblivious self.

"Who? Sid?" He gasped, staring at me, wide-eyed.

"Seriously, how did you clear your PhD papers with this rat heart-shaped dormant brain?" Swetha mocked him, while he looked at her with his puffed cheeks, faking an offended face.

"Grow up, Man!" I hissed at their drama while, they laughed.

As Kunal Sir retrieved himself out of the laughing stance, he spoke to me, "See, Shruti. You are a little sister to me. So, I would never want you to be heartbroken. Hence, I suggest don't chase behind these stupid crushes. Choose someone you know well."

"He isn't a stupid crush, Bhaiya. He feels special to me, no idea why." I paused, looking at him, who looked a little thoughtful.

"You know, love and relationships aren't my cup of tea. Still, I wish to give it a try for him. I feel, everything which scares me about love will be worth it with him." I smiled. Not my biggest or brightest one, because, uncertainties still laid before me. Still, the smile, I held dearly this time was of peace and resembled those butterflies chasing behind the beauty of a mundane life. And, for me, I've started to feel, it's him.

"One year back, he had a major heartbreak. Hell, he was even close to getting married. You don't know, how hard he has tried to come back to normal. He is still on the process, Shruti. And, he might not be ready to accept you." He narrated, a little guarded and it indeed robbed the smile from my face.

Maybe, I am not that lucky in this department.

"Whatever it is, try once, Shruthi. Take the chance once. If he denies, never look back. But, don't punish your heart with unsaid words, because it hurts the most." Swetha advised to my dejected self as I hummed at her.

"But, he is single, right?" I inquired him as he shook him head, doubtfully.

"No idea. But, haven't seen him with any girl or any such suspicious calls though." He shrugged as a new determination filled me.

"I want to pursue him." I exclaimed, more to me as they patted my back before Kunal Sir bid me a bye, dragging Swetha with him.

I sighed, not being able to enjoy my coffee to the fullest now.

"Damn you, Sidharth Singh. Give me my peace back." I exclaimed again plopping my head on my folded hands, settled on the table.

**

The faint orange hue were dissipating as a shade of purple was chasing behind, alike a feline, chasing and searching for fishes.

"Maybe, he will pick up today." I consoled myself as it's been a week, he hasn't been answering my calls. I wonder, why though?!

Cause, your end-sems are over!

Ah, why did it end so soon?!

No, it wasn't me. The sane self in me would've killed to get over with these grueling end-sems exams, but, it was just the lovesick me, who was bothered by a particular someone's ignorance.

"Let's just do it." I geared up as I dialled his phone number with an abrupt chill running down my spine.

A whole string of rings later, a soft humming played on. His caller tune, which was enough to lull me to calmness out of my distress.

Dahleez pe mere dil ki, jo rakhe hai tune kadam...

I mused along the tunes of the caller tune, letting my cup of masala chai to cool on the table top of our mini hostel balcony, in the ambiance of purple and pink petunias and green ornamental hanging plants. The soft drizzles and the wafting scent of the earth, raindrops, flowers and mint leaves from my balcony serenely touched my nose and a certain deep masculine voice ran a shudder in me.

"Yes?" I heard him say.

That's it?

"Is there someone on the other line?" He uttered again, making me realise my lack of response.

"Uhm, yeah." I hushed as he hummed again.

"You called?" He asked this time.

"Yes, Sir."

"Why?" He asked again. What's up with this man, gosh?

Do I need a damn reason now?

"Thank you." I whispered. For coming into my life, I wished to add.

"It's fine, Shruti. As a senior, it's my duty." He repeated the same thing like a parrot.

"Anything else?" He immediately asked as I ran a spree to find a reason to continue the conversation.

Why?

Because, I want to talk to him for long. I wish to know him like none else.

"How's is the summer internship going?" I inquired in urgency before he could decline the call again. Like every other day.

He laughed. Hearing him laugh, tossed my insides like the airy breeze playing with my brown hair locks.

"Did you call to ask me that?" He chuckled again as I contemplated my folly.

He is your senior, for god's sake, girl!

"Yes, just curious." I faked a throaty laugh to cover up my embarrassment again.

Damn, girl.

Don't know about any other PhD but, you will surely obtain a PhD in embarrassing yourself before him in a few more months!

"It's going good. I'm at CERN headquarters right now. Exactly, from a week now. To observe the dynamic nature of certain god particles. It's beautiful." Still laughing, he narrated to me as I nodded with a radiant smile.

"Why do you go silent once in a while?" He asked, befuddled as I facepalmed.

Behen, chodo tum se na ho payega!

(Sister, leave it. Not your cup of tea.)

Sighing and garnering all my courage, I finally asked, "When will you come back?"

"Obviously, after three months. Why?" He questioned back, making me irritated at his questionnaire session.

"Just like that." I sighed again at my inabily to hold my raging emotions. It urged me to cry to him, that I need him back. Close to me. With a pinky promise that he won't leave again anyday.

"Come back soon." I hushed as my tears held eons of emotions and plenty of tears, which were ready to roll down in torrents.

"What's wrong, Shruti? You don't sound like yourself!" He mumbled as I nodded at his words, a little perturbed.

Wiping my unruly tears, I requested him, "I've something to talk to you."

"Okay, tell me."

"Not like this. I meant, whenever you come back. I've something to tell you." I expressed, containing my emotions.

"Fine. But, there's nothing troubling you, right?" He asked, concerned as I answered in negative, smiling a little at his subtle care.

"I am. Don't worry."

That marked the end of our conversation and the birth of a new emotional turmoil in me.

Would he give me a chance?

°°°

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