EVIE

I met her downtown, at a cafe. I ordered a latte, she got a black coffee. Jack had not come with me as he had a meeting with his parole officer and a drug test to pass. My mother had her baby with her, She was sleeping in her arms. I looked at her, Kaitlyn Thomas. She was thin, and her honey colored hair was in a long braid down her back. She wore jeans and a black long sleeve. In the tight fitting clothes I could see really how thin she was, and wondered how she'd had so many kids. 

"Evie." She said, running a hand over her hair.

"Mom." I said flatly. I wasn't sure what to think, what to feel.

"What do you want to know?" She asked me. Over the years, I'd had so many questions I wanted to ask her. So many things, but now, sitting in this coffee shop I just looked at her and said:

"Who were you? Before everything? Who were we?" I asked. She smiled, her mind obviously recalling all those years ago before that hard road led her too today. 

"Your dad and I met when we were kids, we smoked too much weed and drank a lot. Eventually it became harder drugs, and hard drugs lead to stupid choices and lead to sex. I ended up moving in with him, after getting kicked out of my house. A couple months later I found out I was pregnant. We really did, want to be good parents. We bought an apartment together, decorated it, it was so cute we spent so much money we didn't have. Then you were born, and when you were born I wanted nothing more than to be your mommy, I loved you with my whole heart. But, having a newborn was hard and we were kids, and i kept using drugs when you were born. Eventually, I moved out to phoenix arizona, with him. We ran from the cops. Those photos you showed me, we were living in a motel together. I think that's when it all fell apart, I was using every drug, and your dad wasn't loyal, and he was violent. Never to you, always to me. I was scared, I was so scared and I should've protected you and I didn't. I started selling myself, these gross old men who'd buy me and have their way with me. Hurt me in ways It hurts to remember. And when you were one, or maybe two, I found out I was pregnant again.  But One night, everything changed. Your dad stabbed me, and when I woke up, I was with you in a hospital room. After I left that hospital, I took you back here. We stayed with my ex boyfriend, Leo. I went to rehab, and when I came back I was doing good, sober, gained weight, and I divorced your dad after he went to prison.  the other baby was healthy. I got us an apartment, and you turned three, you talked so so much. One night, I went to the hospital to have the baby, you stayed with Leo. The baby was a little girl, Summer Lilly Thomas I named her. She never breathed. She died during birth, and that night, I walked out of the hospital, after losing my second daughter. And I ended up on the floor of an old friend's house, we smoked meth that night. And I never saw you again." She said, her words jumbled, word vomit.

I looked at my mom, I watched her take a breath, and sigh. I didn't know what to say, I tried to absorb the whole story. I'd heard Jack's side, but hearing her side. I wasn't angry. I wasn't mad, I was sad. Sad because if my mom had never met my father, she would've become somebody in life. But she hadn't. I sighed.

"Did you ever try to find me?" I asked, knowing the answer would hurt.

"No. No I did not, because I didn't want you around me, because you would've died in my care, the state I was in after everything happened."

"You have four other kids." I said flatly. Somehow she'd raised them but couldn't manage to raise me.

"Five other kids, I haven't seen Serena in years, Alexander will grow up hating me, I'm a sorry excuse for a mother." She said, looking me square in the eyes. I didn't have much to say.

"Your still on drugs." I said. She nodded.

"Here and there. some stuff." 

I looked at her, she looked so much older than she was. She looked pale, and tired, there were bags under her eyes.

"So, who's the guy?" I asked and she laughed a little.

"Oh that's Will, and he's Kiara's dad." 

"Your boyfriend?"

"We'll call it that." She said sadly. In all the years I had wondered about my mom, this is not how she had looked. She hadn't been a lowlife drug addict with five children, seven if you counted me serena and summer. 

"Evie, I have to go in a minute, but I am not sorry for leaving you. Because you turned out beautiful, and strong, and kind" She said smiling. 

"Thanks for the answers mom. I hope you have a good life." I said, and I got up, and walked out. Leaving a five dollar bill on the table. I had done it, met my mother and my father, and i was grateful I hadn't turned out like them, and as much as I would've liked too, I didn't want a relashionship with either of them, not ever.