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Stranger

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Chapter 40: Stranger (Jules's POV)

I glanced at his phone where he had tossed it on the bed while he shuffled through my suitcase and grabbed one of the satin sets I regularly wore. "I'm sorry if you were on the phone and I interrupted," I said, still leaning against the back of the door, shielding my towel-clad body behind it. 

"You didn't interrupt, don't worry," he said, handing me the sage green set. 

I paused, glancing at my suitcase before looking back at him. 

"Anything else?" he asked. 

I cleared my throat, "Underwear." 

He held my gaze, his lip twitching. "You can say it, Jules. We're all adults here, don't worry." 

Rolling my eyes, I muttered, "Shut up. And don't look!" 

"How do you suppose I'll find them without looking?" 

"Just close your eyes and feel around." 

"Jules, I've seen your underwear before. I've done your laundry before," he chuckled, grabbing a pair of black panties and holding them out for me, dangling them on a finger. 

I snatched them viciously, glaring at him. "It's a personal item and we're not that close anymore. It's different." 

"Sure," he teased. 

I shut the door in his face, groaning quietly before getting dressed and brushing my damp hair out, leaving it down to air-dry. 

I strolled back out into the room, Christian's eyes lifted to me from where he sat at the foot of the bed. "Took you long enough," he mused, standing up with his clothes in hand. 

"You're snippy tonight, aren't you?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him as he walked past me. 

"Never, Milaya," he smirked before entering the bathroom and closing the door behind him. While Christian took a shower, I browsed through the room service menu, knowing him more than well enough to know what he would and wouldn't like to eat, so I placed that order and then went through everybody's pictures from the day that were shared on a family group chat. 

Scrolling through them, I skipped over a few but paused to look at pictures of Lilah and Brandon, a tiny laugh escaping me. They looked adorable, sitting together in the boat in their swimsuits while Brandon put his arm around Lilah's shoulders and she held a thumbs up, their noses scrunched up and eyes shut tight under the sunlight. 

Moving to the next picture, my thumb hovered above the screen as I stared at Christian and me on the screen sitting together. While I smiled at the camera, my body was slightly tilted inside and facing Christian and he was the same, facing me. Where I was grinning at the camera, he was watching me with a tiny smile on his lips. In the next picture, I was kissing his cheek while he showed off his dimpled grin. The last one made my heart skip more than just a few beats. 

Every time I kissed Christian, it felt like the first time. 

A knock on the door forced me to put my phone down before I got up to answer it. Expecting the room service, I held the door open as a staff member brought in the trolley, setting it by the foot of the bed and asking for my signature on the bill before leaving. I knocked on the bathroom, calling out his name but he didn't respond, so I figured he didn't hear me. "Christian!" I yelled louder this time. Hesitating, I held the doorknob and waited. Opening it just a sliver, I repeated, "Christian!" 

"Yes?" he asked, turning the shower off. 

"Dinner's here." I stumbled forward as the door was pulled open and barely caught myself before I bumped into him. Sighing, I closed my eyes and spun around quickly. "Dinner's here, get dressed," I mumbled. 

"You do realize you can see me in the mirror, right?" 

I looked straight ahead, my gaze meeting his in the mirror. "I didn't until you just said it," I ground out. 

Chuckling, he grabbed a smaller towel and ruffled his hair with it while I moved aside. He walked out still just in his towel and lifted the cover off both plates on the trolley, taking a fry from my plate that came with my club sandwich. 

Slowly making my way over, my eyes trailed up and down his body, lingering on his muscular arms as they flexed with each movement. Rounding up the bed, I sat on my side, gawking at him. "What are you doing?" I asked. 

"Eating," he said, taking my plate and handing it to me before taking his and sitting on his side of the bed. 

"Why aren't you getting dressed?" I scoffed lightly, forcing my eyes off his abs and chest. 

"Because I'm hungry and impatient," he replied, glancing at me. It was ridiculously difficult to ignore him, but I tried my best and focused on eating. "You ordered a martini?" he mused, nodding towards the glass. 

"Yeah, I wanted one. I got you whiskey," I said, standing up and grabbing both glasses, handing him his. Picking the toothpick off the glass, I pulled out the olive and held it out for him. 

I hated olives, Christian loved them. 

Instead of taking it in his hands, he leaned forward with an open mouth and took it between his teeth while I watched him, my eyes following his movements. "You're acting strange," I mumbled, going back to my food. 

"Did you have fun today?" he asked, taking another fry off my plate, making me huff in annoyance. 

"You know I hate when people take food off my plate." 

"Yeah, but so do I and I always give you my food. I'm the exception," he winked, taking two more. He ate one while laughing softly and then held the other one in front of my mouth when he noticed the way I glowered at him. "Here, I'll stop." 

I let him feed me. We spent the rest of dinner talking about the day and about the wedding to come and after the trolley was cleared out and Christian was dressed, we freshened up and settled into bed, still sitting up but facing each other with our elbows propped up on our pillows. 

He rested his head on a closed fist and I mirrored him, pulling my legs in a bit. We silently stared at each other for several minutes before he exhaled, "I feel like I'm a stranger to you now." 

"Why?" I questioned. "I know almost everything about you." 

"And I know everything about you, Milaya. Do you ever feel like it's unfair that I refuse to open up certain parts of myself to you?" 

I thought about that for a moment. "No, but I used to. I always thought of it when we started dating but it wasn't important. But then we got engaged and sometimes, I did feel like I didn't know you the way a fiancé should. You know me better than I know you." 

"Didn't it scare you to let me see everything about you? All the bad?" 

"It horrified me," I chuckled. "I didn't want you to see me cry. I didn't want you to see me furious at anybody to the point that it brought out all the ugly in me. I didn't want you to see me sick and gross either which is why I pretended to be fine when I got food poisoning when we first moved in together. But... I knew that if I didn't let you see who I really was then our relationship wouldn't be so real. I'd be lying to you, showing you someone I really wasn't, giving you a version of me that didn't exist. If I did that, you wouldn't really be in love with me. The girl you loved wouldn't have existed." 

Releasing a breath, I shrugged softly. "So, I shut my fears out and just hoped that you'd still love me even after seeing the worst of me. I convinced myself that you would and I started being more open with you. I guess I was right, you did love me. All of me." 

He stared at me, his eyes holding mine. "I admire how brave you are," he mumbled quietly. 

I laughed, "I'm not brave, Christian, just in love with you. Love is enough to make you that strong. Trust me. I may not have gotten the chance to see all of you, but everything I did see, I loved," I told him. "And I'm sorry that I couldn't love you enough to make you trust me and feel like you could let me in." 

"You didn't do anything wrong. I kept you away." 

"I can admit it. I should have proved myself to you when I felt you distancing yourself because I did feel it. I felt you going away." 

He watched me, listened to me, and genuinely heard me. 

"I couldn't love you enough to convince you that I loved you too. Or... maybe I couldn't make you love me enough to give us a real chance." 

"Do you really feel that way?" he asked. 

"When I want to blame it all on you, yes. But I know that's not true. You loved me more than enough." 

He paused, processing all my words. "I don't think I did," he replied. "I think you didn't care how much or how little I loved you to begin with. You just wanted me. You think I loved you blindly?" He shook his head. "It was you. You loved me blindly, taking everything I had to give, no matter how little it was. I should have done better, I should have been more honest, more open. I should have talked to you." 

"Hey," I mumbled, "these aren't things we can force ourselves to do. You didn't feel like you could bare yourself to me, no matter what the reason was, and that's okay. Maybe if I stayed, you would have come around." 

"I'm glad you left." 

I blinked in surprise, my brows twitching. 

"You deserved better than what I was giving you. I just want you to be happy, Jules, even if that isn't with me." 

I shook my head. "I think that's the problem, Christian. I don't believe I can be happy with anyone that isn't you. I want you to be better and not just for me but for yourself too." 

"I want to be better," he whispered. 

"Just trust yourself and have the kind of faith in yourself that I have in you. To be fair though, I can't ask you to change yourself or prove yourself to me. That's not how relationships and communication work. It's not fair if I make demands and expect you to do as I say. Let's just say I'm a little bossy and let it slide?" 

"Sure," he nodded, a smile dancing on his lips. "Do you think you still love me?" he asked. 

"I don't know," I answered and it was honest. 

"Do you think you could love me again?" 

I held his gaze, mesmerized by the warm amber hue in his gray eyes. I still saw the man I fell in love with the first time. "Yeah," I nodded, "I could... Do you still love me?" 

He smiled, simply watching me. 

I nudged his leg. "Tell me." 

"Goodnight, Jules." He rolled over and turned his lamp off. 

"Hey! That's not fair." 

He sat up briefly and pulled his t-shirt over his head, tossing it on the floor before lying back down. 

"Whoa, hello," I scoffed, "what do you think you're doing?" 

"It's hot in here. If you want the answer to your question, don't ask it again. I'll tell you the answer when the time's right." 

"Fine then, do you think you could love me again?" I asked, leaning over to get a look at him. 

He turned to look at me once. Something amused and dangerous danced in his eyes as he watched me for a moment too long before turning away again. "Goodnight, Milaya."

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Chapter 40

We're like... reaching the end of this book omg

I'm actually going to be really sad ending this wth I fell in love with Christian and Jules so much more than I was expecting. they're definitely one of my favorites I've ever written <3

next ch: wine