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Happiest

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Chapter 35: Happiest (Christian's POV)

Jules and I were last to get onto an empty elevator long after dinner had ended and a few of us lingered at the hotel bar for drinks. As the doors slid shut, her sigh of exhaustion was the first sound between us followed by her taking a step or two away from me. 

I turned to look at her. "Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine," she answered. 

Everyone knows when a girl says she's fine... she's really not. 

"Jules." 

"I said I'm fine, Christian. I just need... space," she exhaled. 

"Space from me?" 

Her eyes cut to mine. "Sometimes, yeah," she scoffed. 

A sense of déjà vu hit me and I knew it wasn't just a feeling. "Why are you thinking about that night?" 

"After that dinner we just had, why aren't you? We sat there lying to everybody. I'm scared Callum will catch it." 

"Why would he catch it? Milaya—" 

"Christian, he knows me too. He knows what I'm like as a girlfriend. He knows when I'm upset." 

I sighed, "There's not much I can do when you think of the past and get upset. It's already done." 

She rolled her eyes at me. "Of course, you would say that. You said you've never lied to me, you told everybody that." 

"Should I have told them that I did? When you've painted me out to be the perfect boyfriend, the perfect fiancé? Should I admit to my mistakes in front of the people who are trying to find some fatal flaw in me so they can deem me as someone who isn't good enough for you? I owe you honesty, not your ex-boyfriend." 

"That's right, Christian," she nodded, "you owe me honesty... But you couldn't even give that to me, could you?" 

"Jules, why do you do this? Why touch that topic if you're not ready to talk about it?" 

"You lied to me that night and you never told me the truth. You weren't at the office, you were at a bar. How would I know who you were with?" 

"I wasn't with another woman," I scoffed. 

"Maybe you're lying again," she shrugged. 

"Let me be very clear about one thing," I said sharply, stepping forward and placing my hands on the gold railing, gripping it tightly until my knuckles turned pale and white. "There has never been another woman in my life except for you. Especially when I was with you." 

She stared back at me, her breath hitching as I leaned into her, our bodies brushing against one another's. 

"I only have eyes for you and it has been that way since the moment I met you. You have every right to be angry with me for a lot of things, Milaya. But cheating isn't one of them. I won't let you think that it is. I haven't laid my eyes, let alone my hands, on another woman since I realized I feel more for you than I ever have for anybody. So, don't," I paused, inhaling softly to retain my temper, "don't accuse me of that. Please." 

After hesitation, she inquired, "Then what were you doing there?" 

"Drinking. Alone. Because I was upset about things I can't tell you. Because of my father, because of work, because of everything that was going wrong at the time. But not because of you." Moving away but still holding her eyes as the doors slid open, I walked out, hearing her footsteps behind me after a short pause. 

"You shut me out that night, Christian," she said quietly as I held our bedroom door open for her. "And you never let me back in." 

I grabbed her arm, slamming the door shut behind me as I spun her around to face me. "I never wanted to push you away. Giving you reasons to hate me, showing you the worst parts of me, those were the last things I ever wanted. Shit happens, Jules, it was out of my control." 

"No, Christian," she laughed humorlessly, throwing my hand off. "It was completely in your control. You could have decided to be honest with me and you decided not to." 

"I didn't want to hurt you," I exhaled softly. 

For a moment, she went quiet, staring at me. "You did that anyway," she mumbled, kicking her heels off and grabbing her clothes, brushing past me and into the bathroom, completely ignoring me until she locked that door in my face. 

Clenching my jaw and closing my eyes, I tried to keep my composure. Every word sat at the tip of my tongue but I had to suppress it. This wasn't the right time to bring up our past. If we did that now, we wouldn't be able to focus on the present. Everything would fall apart. 

When Jules came back out of the bathroom, I was sitting at the foot of the bed, still waiting for her. She threw her dress on top of her suitcase harshly and then walked right past me towards her side of the bed. I turned in my seat, watching as she pulled the covers up and got in bed wearing a light pink satin pajama set with a camisole and matching shorts. Her copper-red hair was pulled back into a braid yet again and her face was grim, jaw tight, blazing eyes, anger radiating off of her. 

"Red," I called out. 

Still ignoring me, she lay down, turning her back on me. 

"Jules," I tried again but still got nothing. Standing up, I rounded up to her side and pushed her legs back, sitting by them. "Milaya." 

She kneed me in the back hard enough to make me jump and recoil in pain. 

"Jesus Christ, Jules," I winced, touching my lower back. 

She snorted, pulling the covers up and hiding beneath them. 

Yanking them off, I huffed at her. "Violence is never the answer," I snickered.

"No, but it helps with frustration," she replied nonchalantly. We watched each other for a moment before she sighed faintly. "It's not the right time to pick this fight, I know. I'm sorry," she said, being genuine. 

"I'm sorry too. For dragging it on and... for lying to you that night and every night after." 

"Sorry doesn't cut it. But I'll accept your apology for what you did tonight." 

"Truce?" I held out a hand. 

She hummed, pulling a hand out from under the covers. "Truce." 

I locked our fingers together before she could retreat and placed a quick kiss on the back of her hand. 

She groaned, yanking her hand back and then pushing my head the other way. "Freshen up and go to sleep. We have a long day tomorrow." 

"Where are we going?" I chuckled, squeezing and massaging her legs over the covers. 

"We have a full-day cruise at the Perissa beach. All meals included," she said, wiggling her brows. 

I laughed, "Okay. How about swimming?" 

She nodded in response, her eyes drooping shut already. 

Moving away, I took my clothes and slipped into the bathroom, changing and brushing my teeth before coming back outside only to find her already dozed off and fast asleep. Tiptoeing to her side of the bed, I turned the lamp off and then got into my side of the bed, being extra cautious of all movement and sound so I wouldn't disturb or wake her. 

It was always like this with us, I thought as I stared at her. We would fight and argue and bicker but... at the end of the day, we'd find our way back home to each other. Jules and I agreed that the worst thing for a couple to do was go to bed angry at each other and we made sure that never happened. Until I broke that promise and pushed her away. 

Eventually, she got tired of being the only one holding this relationship together and trying to come back to me. Why wouldn't she if she thought I didn't want it anymore? Of course, I wanted it, I wanted her and she was all I've ever wanted and so much more. But... I let it slip through my fingertips bit by bit, thinking it wouldn't end. I thought we loved each other too much to let us go. 

But I knew now that Jules did the right thing for herself and looking back, I wouldn't change anything. If Jules had stayed with me, she would be miserable today. I'd rather see her happy without me than heartbroken with me. 

There was a time when Jules made me the happiest man in the world. When I lost her, I thought that time had ended. But it hadn't, in fact, I was very much still living in it. She truly made me the happiest version of myself I had ever been in my entire life. This time, I wouldn't repeat the foolish mistake of letting that go or shutting her out. 

This time, I'm going to marry her. 

My gaze shifted to her sleeping form as she hummed in her sleep and shuffled, rolling over to face me and scooting closer when her foot slipped off the edge. She continued moving forward and forward until her body pressed against mine. Jules was half-awake as she was doing this, I could see her eyes squinting open every few seconds. 

She must have thought I was sleeping because she moved carefully and gradually so as not to wake me. First, her leg was beside mine, and then suddenly it was on mine. One moment, she was keeping her hands to herself, and the next, they were on me. And I fucking loved it. 

"Quit shuffling every thirty seconds, just..." I huffed, putting an arm around her and taking her thigh with my other hand under the covers, pulling her leg on top of mine properly. 

"Just what?" she asked, ducking behind her palms and quickly scooting away. "I'm not doing anything." 

Smirking down at her, I trailed my finger up and down her thigh, drawing patterns and tracing circles, feeling goosebumps arise on her skin and hearing the little gasps from her each time my hand slipped up higher. 

"Christian," she mumbled as I rolled her onto her back and moved up, straddling and hovering on top of her as she opened her eyes. "I'm not playing around, go to bed," she scolded, trying to push me off but I held her hands, intertwining our fingers and pinning them down by her head. Without squirming or shifting, she maintained eye contact, only a soft gasp escaping her as I leaned forward, my lips grazing her jaw as I moved to her ear. 

I smiled to myself seeing the effect I had on her even after all this time. My lips brushed against her ear as I whispered, "It's okay to admit you still want to fuck me." 

"Maybe," she whispered back teasingly into my ear, shifting under my hips. 

I lifted my brows, pulling back to look at her, feeling my brain go numb and fuzzy. 

"Or maybe not," she deadpanned, "keep it in your pants and go to bed," she scoffed, pushing me off and rolling away. 

God, I want to fuck her. Not just that, I just desperately wanted her. In every damn way possible.

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Chapter 35

the sexual tension jeez get a fucking room

next ch: mine