GRIFFIN E. WALKER
July, 2020

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Harry and Nadine had a kid.

An actual human being, who was half Harry and half Nadine.

His name was Finley Miller because Nadine didn't want to give him his father's last name since Harry wasn't present to agree to it. In fact, the woman had no intentions of telling him that he had a son. She believed that it was better if Finley stayed a secret because no one knew of his existence other than Zayn and now, me.

After I met the little boy, I couldn't stay there much longer. I told Nadine I wanted to speak to her about a lot more than what we covered and, even though it took a bit of persuasion and some harsh words, she nodded to it. I let her know I'll be staying the night and I will want to see her tomorrow at some point.

I had to process everything that happened today. Starting with the fact that she's changed a fuck ton and the woman I was speaking to for a couple of hours, was a completely different person to who I expected to find here. She looked okay and safe and, as far as I could tell, she was not in any harm. Clearly, with the amount of security around her at all times, she was in very good hands and, considering that she managed to stay hidden and alive for so long, I knew I didn't have to fear for her well-being.

Reflecting on the matters as they were brought to my attention, Zayn was a part of her family. They've known each other longer than I've known Nadine and the man was around a lot more than I imagined. Even though Nadine said he wasn't spying on me, he pretty much was spying on me for a long time. I wasn't sure how he managed to blend into the shadows so well but I guess that made him quite successful at his job as well as kept him alive. When he was after Harry, he made a mistake and he got caught because he was noticed. After that, he backed down and retreated to wherever Nadine and Finley were staying. France was not a planned trip for him, when he met me there and when he helped, it was pure instinct.

One of the biggest pills to swallow, had to be Finley. I mean, putting it all together as I laid on the bed at the hotel, she must've gotten pregnant with him around the end of university. Harry told me they ended things on good terms but just how good were those terms?

I didn't blame them or the kid. Not just because I had no right but also because it was clear to me that neither of them planned for a baby. Harry got the shivers at the thought of becoming a dad at his current age, I was pretty certain he wasn't ready for one when he was twenty-one. Him and I also weren't together when they probably hooked up so I had no right to be jealous, either.

But he was a dad.

When I needed a distraction from it all, I ended up calling him. He was hanging out with my cousin, shopping around London and having a nice day. While I found out he had a secret baby with his ex-girlfriend.

How was I going to face him, knowing what I know?

As we spoke on the phone, I didn't think about everything that happened today. But the moment the call came to an end, my mind jumped back to where it stopped replaying everything.

Finley was his father's son. I never truly knew what that statement meant until I laid my eyes on the little four-year-old. He had chocolatey curls for days, shiny and soft. His eyes reminded me of his father's, one hundred percent, even to the way they gleamed in the light. He didn't have dimples but his lips curled the same way Harry's did. Finley had his mother's nose and her ears but other than that, he was practically Harry's twin.

I couldn't have imagined seeing him every day without thinking of Harry.

Harry, who was a father. Harry, who has been a father for the past five years but had no idea. And, most likely, he never will know.

Unless I cannot take it anymore and somehow let it slip. But then I'd be putting so many people in danger and I simply can't have that.

But how was I going to keep such a massive secret from Harry?

As much as I hated admitting it, he could read me like a book. If he tried hard enough? Yeah, he found it to be as easy as eating a slice of cake.

I had absolutely no idea how the hell I was going to keep quiet about it but also look Harry in the eye and tell him everything was fine. He was as curious as me so he was definitely going to bug me about this trip. I knew myself enough to see how it would turn out and let me tell you, it doesn't look too good.

Worst of it all? I couldn't talk to anyone about this. Sure, there was Zayn but I felt kind of played by him. He was working for Nadine all along and he pretended like he had no idea who she was. I kind of didn't want to see him for a bit.

Unknown: hey, it's Nadine! How about you come over tomorrow? We could talk at my place x

Fuck off, Nadine.

Please.

Go over to her place? Where her son lived? Yeah, sure, let me just put my best fake smile on and I'll be there.

I didn't even know how she had my number, then I remembered Zayn never came back to the hotel with me. He must've given it to her. I didn't know how to feel about that.

I didn't know how to feel. I wanted to fucking scream. This wasn't why I came here. I just wanted answers and to warn her that Sagar was coming for her.

Groaning as my phone started ringing, I was gonna throw it against the wall until I saw Harry's name on the top of the screen. Exhaling loudly, I debated whether or not to pick up. If I didn't pick up, it would make him think there was something wrong. If I picked up, I was risking telling him everything but at least he could go to sleep without worrying about me the whole night.

I ended up accepting the call.

Sue me.

He sounded a little tipsy which made me giggle. That made him tell me how much he was missing me and he couldn't wait to have me back. Mostly in his bed.

"I think you are more than tipsy," I chuckled, playing with the strings of my joggers.

"Doesn't take away from the fact that I wish I could have you right now," he said, sounding very sad. I bet he even pouted after he let out a sigh, trying to make me feel bad for him. All it did was amuse me. "Don't laugh at me, princess."

"I'm not," I promised. "I'd never laugh at you."

"You're being mean to me when I'm missing you."

"Missing me or my body?"

"Hmmm..." he started to wonder. "I miss you both... okay, your body a little, teeny-tiny bit more."

"Well, I do believe you have a very healthy imagination so why don't you put it to use?"

"Because my hand is not the same as yours," he groaned. "I miss you so, so much."

I knew where this was going. And, in all honesty, I think I kind of needed it. Maybe as much as he did.

"I'm very sad to hear that, baby," I sighed, making sure he heard the sadness circulating in my words. "Why don't I help you feel better, hm?"

"Would you do that for me?"

"I'd do anything for you, you know that."

"Mhm... alright," he mumbled. "Still wish you were with me, though."

"I know but when you close your eyes, I'm there with you. Sitting by your side like I did a while ago, wearing your shirt in the morning with nothing but my underwear. Remember that?"

"I remember," he sighed. "You were so pretty. Glistening in the sun... I wanted you so bad."

"You did, didn't you?" I pouted, undoing my joggers. "You were so hard for me but those boxers were so uncomfortable, weren't they?"

"Mhm-hm... they're still uncomfy. Can they come off, please? S'the only thing I'm wearing," he wondered.

"I want you to run your hand down your stomach first—can you do that for me? Gently... like I would."

"Okay," he breathed.

"I want you to feel yourself through your underwear, alright? Just move your hand over your cock for me... tell me how it feels, yeah?"

He whimpered quietly as I got out of my bottoms, kicking them to the side as I remained in my underwear. Harry's breathing picked up as he most likely continued to palm himself through the material of his boxers. My imagination has always been very healthy and so, I had no problem thinking about his large, veiny hands grasping himself through the cotton of his boxers. I could see his face scrunching up in pleasure, his eyebrows dipped and furrowed, his lips gently apart if not hidden behind his teeth.

"It feels so good," he groaned, trying to catch his breath as he teased himself. "I'm so hard for you, princess. Aching so bad."

His voice was becoming deeper and I was growing needier. He sounded amazing, even down the phone, his words vibrating through me and shooting straight to my core, beating to the pace of my heart. I couldn't help it when my hands danced across my stomach, barely touching the skin as they inched closer to my breasts. Pulling up my shirt, my nipples were erect as the soft wind in the room touched them, making it easy for me roll between my fingers and pinch them.

"Touch yourself for me. I—I want to hear you," his words barely made it over to the phone, filled with lust to the brim.

"Yeah? Where should I touch myself?" I asked him as my tongue darted out, wetting my lips before I bit down on my bottom one. Whimpering, I blurted, "I wish you were sucking on my nipples right now, swirling your tongue on them like you love to do."

"Do it, princess," he moaned. "Take your gorgeous tit in your mouth and give it a kitten lick for me, yeah? Just one little swirl of your tongue."

Dropping my phone to the bed once he was put on speaker, I moved down on the bed, wrapping my hands around my breasts. With my knees bent and apart on the bed, I lifted my head, pushing my right hand up until my mouth met the soft skin, my tits large enough for the movement. Wrapping my lips around the nib, my eyes screwed shut, I sucked on my breast, moaning as my tongue flicked the little pebble.

"That's my girl," he encouraged me swiftly after. "Now rub it with your fingers... let that hand travel down your soft tummy to your thighs."

"Yeah? And then?" I wondered, breathing heavily as my pussy grew wetter. I could feel the slickness between my thighs when they squeezed together.

"Think of my hands on your skin, barely touching you as I'd inch closer... and closer... to your pretty cunt," he spoke gently, making my body shiver as I listened. "You sound so angelic, it almost feels wrong to be tugging my cock the way I am."

"Mhmm... bet it's all red and oozing precum at the top, yeah? Begging for my tongue to taste it, lick it, suck it dry."

"Griffin," he moaned my name, almost begging me to tell him what to do next. The sound he made as he was allowed to palm the head of his cock was the most beautiful music to my ears. "Tell me how wet you are... you're soaking, aren't you? You always are."

"Do you want me to touch myself?"

"God—please, sweetheart," he spoke. "Pet your clit for me, yeah?"

"Yes—fuck... m'soaked," I sighed, feeling my fingers run between my lips. Dragging the arousal up and spreading it through me, my middle and ring fingers started to roll my clit around, drenched in my juices. My body writhed under my own touch, relief shooting through me as I continued to moan like no one was listening.

"I wish I could taste you. Have my tongue ruin that sweet little pussy of yours," he mumbled, the sound of his hand moving up and down his erect, wet cock was turning me on more and more. Encouraging my fingers to press deeper into my clit, my free hand toying with my exposed breasts. I wanted his fingers in me, his lips sucking on my hard clit, his hand on my chest as he'd pinch my nipples with ease. "S'begging for me, isn't it? Wanting my fingers, too."

"So bad," I panted. "I need more."

"Yeah? Princess is feeling needy, isn't she?" he cooed. "Insert your fingers, sweetheart. Curl them until your body is shaking, yeah?"

He didn't need to tell me twice. Fitting two of them inside me, I angled them so they felt good with each thrust. Lifting my hips up as they moved in and out of me, the filthy sound in the room was extremely erotic. Harry continuing to moan on the phone as he jerked himself and me, rubbing and fingering myself until we both came crashing down from our high, I couldn't have imagined a better way to eventually fall asleep that night.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The next morning came and I woke with my body freezing under the sheets. Once I fell asleep naked last night, I woke abruptly around two in the morning. Couldn't go back for another hour or so and it led me to a solo session.

Let me just say, hotel pillows hit different.

I ordered myself some breakfast then I got ready for the dreaded day. Honestly, last night wasn't enough to wrap my head around everything that happened. I was on edge, and not the good kind of edge. The anxiety that ate me up from the inside was worse than I ever remembered it could be.

I didn't have a good feeling about today.

Or maybe I thought that because as my legs slipped in my ripped jeans, my foot got stuck in the fucking holes at least five times. In the end, two of the stretchy white things holding the hole together, ripped. So, now, they dangled on the side and made me look like a weirdo.

But that's so fine.

It was kind warm out so my decision to wear a grey, long-sleeved shirt was probably not a smart one. For a change, I put on my white Nike shoes, which I didn't even know I brought along until I looked through my suitcase.

I was definitely not in the right state of mind when I packed clothes for the weekend.

Travelling to the address with the security that came with me, never felt longer. Every tree, every car, every house that we drove by, moved in slow motion. Today felt off and I hated it. People say your gut it always right and if it warns you, you should probably trust it and be on the look out for anything that could go wrong.

Problem here is that everything could go wrong.

I attracted danger, that was clear to me from the moment I was born. As a child, I had bruises for days, not to mention the amount of times I nearly got ran over by cars for simply not looking around. Throughout school, my family, my teachers, hell, even my friends, hoped that I'd grow out of being a dickhead but no. I continued to live my life doing things that led to questionable outcomes.

That's why the way I was feeling, didn't surprise me. If something bad was going to happen, then well, something bad was going to happen. I've learned that I can't control that shit so it left me to worry and be on edge until it was over.

Nadine lived in an apartment building. It felt a little similar to mine as I approached it but it couldn't have looked different. Whilst where I lived could be considered luxurious, this was a simple version of it. I had to find her name on a box and then press the button by it to ring the phone in her home. Once she accepted it, the door buzzed open for a few seconds and I slipped through it.

Stepping inside the lift once it arrived and opened up, the walls were red, the floor board worn. On the left side, a grey, metal platter of buttons and numbers were displayed with a little screen above it to show which floors you were passing. When it reached the selected number, it made a soft 'PING' noise and the doors slid to the side. There were three doors on the floor, Nadine living in the farthest from the lift. After I knocked on the black wood three times, I stepped back and waited.

"Finley, calm down, please," she huffed, walking closer to the door. I heard chain moving, a lock being opened until the door moved back. There she stood, in shorts and a shirt, her hair in a pony tail as Finely cried on the floor behind her. "Hey, come on in," she smiled at me as she moved out of the way and I made myself seen by the little boy. His crying immediately ceased to exist as he stared up at me with red cheeks and eyes, tears rolling down his round face. "Thank god, you're here," she said.

"What's up with him?" I wondered as Nadine locked the door again. She stood by me, her hands on her waist as she huffed.

"Just being a boy, I guess," she shrugged. "C'mon, then," she reached her arm out, giving her hand to Finley to get up from the floor. The little boy jumped and hurried to his mother's leg, cuddling it as he kept his eyes on me. "He was excited to see you and now he's being shy."

"Aw," I chuckled, lowering down to his level. That movement made the stretchy bits of my jeans rip and now, I only had about two holding the hole on the left side together. "Hello," I smiled at him, using my softer voice to avoid scaring him. "Remember me from yesterday?" He nodded rapidly, making me smile.

I wish you didn't look so much like your father. This would be so much easier.

"Wanna show Griffin your toys?" Nadine nudged him a little bit and he glanced up at her. He looked back at me as though he wanted to know if I was interested. Nodding a little, he turned to his mum again and whispered a little yes. "Go, find your favourite, alright? We'll be in the big room, yeah?" she brushed his curls back but they jumped to the front again. I wondered if Harry's hair was this curly when he was a baby. "Sorry, he's just-,"

"Hey, don't worry," I interrupted her as I stood back up, getting out of my shoes. "He's just a baby. I don't take it he meets new people a lot."

"Yeah..." she sighed, leading us to the living room. "I mean, he goes to school but it's for kids like him, if you know what I mean? Not a lot of people know about it... there's ten of them in a class and they have three teachers overall."

"Really? That's fun for him, I bet."

"He loves it," she smiled as she took a seat on the sofa. "Hey, do you want something to drink? Eat?"

"Maybe later," I declined. "How did you find the school?"

The conversation flew smoothly between us. Eventually, Finley came in to the living room with his favourite toy and he showed it to me, which paused our chat for a moment. The more time I spent there, the more he opened up because he became a lot more comfortable with me around. That also just showed so much of Harry in him. Little things, like the way his lips parted when he glanced at the cartoon playing on the TV, zoning out a little bit before he'd wipe his eyes with the back of his hand, bending it at his wrist. Harry did that.

Nadine caught me noticing all those things but she didn't say anything. She watched me with her eyes almost sparkling as everything dawned on me, she smiled and ran her hand down my arm in comfort. She knew that this was pretty fucking overwhelming for me. Finding out that she was a mother was simply insane. At the time, I always imagined I'd be the first one she shares it with, the one who gets to spoil her little baby until it was too over the top. However, the sad reality was, that I didn't even know about his existence until five years later.

To change up the subject a little bit, she asked about how my life turned out. She couldn't believe half of the things I shared, all of which came insanely naturally. It felt like the old times, when I'd vent to her and she'd just listen and laugh here and there. In a weird way, I felt at peace and the guilt in my chest was slowly starting to ease. It didn't weigh down my shoulders, my heart wasn't ripping into shreds with my ribs poking at it from every angle.

A little later in the day, Nadine mentioned that she promised Finley we'd go for ice cream. Since I wasn't one to mess up a plan, I was down to accompany them and even promised the little boy I'd get him two scoops, rather than one. It earned me a high five and a hug around the legs. As he ran into his room to get changed, Nadine told me I was already spoiling him and she didn't want to imagine how I'll continue to do it.

She wanted me to be a part of their life.

As if I wasn't having a tough time coming to terms with everything, she made little comments that I couldn't not notice. And it wasn't even that I didn't want that, because even though the past was rough between us as friends, we were different now. Not to mention, that the little boy managed to push his way into my heart. About that, I wasn't sure if that was my already existing baby fever encouraging it or because he was purely too adorable to say no to, but I was sold. But the one thing that truly kept me from letting this becoming a reality, was Harry.

I couldn't have them both in my life. It was either, or.

Thinking about it, my anxiety was crawling back, my stomach knotting up as I sat in the living room alone. They were both getting ready for our little ice cream trip. Pretending like I didn't have to figure out how to keep this from Harry without lying to his face, I felt like today could be good.

But then the feeling from this morning came knocking on the door of my heart and I couldn't help but wonder when things were going to go tits up.

Finley came running into the living room, jumping up and down as he placed his hands on my knee. I chuckled as he moved back when he realised what he was doing. Nadine followed him soon after, shaking her head with a smile.

"Ready?" I asked, standing up and she nodded. Finley grabbed my hand and squeezed it, standing like a good boy by my side. Nadine was just as surprised at the action as I was.

As we left, Nadine locked the front door. Finley asked if he could press the button to call the lift, and so, I stood behind him, holding him up under his armpits as he pushed his finger on the button. He thanked me once I put him down and the doors opened at the same time. Piling in, he reached for the ground button and pressed it again.

He was such a lovely little guy. I bet Harry would've loved him so much and he would've loved Harry so much. They were so similar. It almost pained me that as long as it was up to Nadine, they wouldn't know each other.

"Oh, shoot," I mumbled as my phone started ringing. The lift doors opened and as we moved out of it, I caught Harry's name on the screen. "I, uh, I have to take this," I told Nadine.

"Alright," she nodded, smiling. "That's my car, there," she pointed to the black BMW in the car park. "I'll drive here so you won't have to walk over."

I nodded, watching as she picked up Finley. He was waving at me like he was saying goodbye and I chuckled as my finger swiped the call to the side.

"Hey," I said.

"Hi," he groaned. He sounded like he just woke up and the first thing he decided to do was ring me. "I've come to the conclusion that I hate sleeping without you."

"Yeah?" I said, amused. Walking around and a little farther from the apartment building, the distance between me and the car park grew a little. As I stuck my hand in the pocket of my jeans, I noticed a little commotion on the other end of the street. My stomach dropped for a second before my mind calmed down, realising it was a bunch of teenagers. "Still don't want to move in with me?"

"Griffin..."

"I'm joking," I rolled my eyes. Glancing over to the car, I could only see Nadine's back side as she leaned in to strap Finley in his seat. Apparently, we needed to drive a little bit to visit the best ice cream place. "Is there a reason for your call?"

"Do I have to have a reason to call you?"

"No," I mumbled. Nadine slammed the door of the car and I heard it from where I stood. She turned back, waving at me a little and she sat in once I waved back. My heart suddenly felt heavy. I caught someone walking over to the side of the road where she parked.

The moment she started up the car, everything turned into slow motion.

Harry's voice faded into nothingness. The beating of my heart accelerated, pulsating in my ears. My feet rooted into the asphalt, unable to move.

Orange.

Yellow.

Bright flames.

Dark smoke.

A loud explosion.

Metal, plastic, material flew everywhere. The air filled with a burning smell. It made me cough, even with how far away I stood. Dark clouds of smoke travelled through the wind, coating me. Everyone nearby. The silence in my ears was deafening. The tears in my eyes only apparent once the view before me became unclear.

Realising what happened, I noticed the cars around moved from the force. Damaged. The alarms were set off. People were screaming. The phone in my hand, now on the ground. Sobbing as I reached down for it, hands shaking as I pressed it to my ear, only to hear Harry's rapid breathing, his voice reflecting his worry as he screamed for my attention.

"Harry..."

"Griffin, what the fuck happened?" he shouted.

"H—Help me... please, hel—help me... Harry, help me," I begged him as my heart shattered into a million little pieces. "Help me," I sobbed as my back pressed against the cold wall of the building, a panic attack making it unbearable to focus in the end.