HARRY E. STYLES
December, 2014

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Even during these cold times, the gym was packed. Barely any moving space closer to the peak times of the day just meant that working out was either an option very early in the morning or very late in the afternoon. Working every night left me the early options though with my shifts ending at six in the morning, sometimes, I just lacked the energy to be lifting weights or running on the treadmill.

The holidays were quite away still, hence my staying in London. Unlike all of my friends, I needed to stay here, purely because I needed space and an empty house provided me with just that. The way Nadine left me here, with us being in such a funk, working through my feelings and what to do next was my main priority.

This is why my past did not include relationships. During my school years, everyone in my friendship group had a girlfriend and there was I, alone. Not looking for sympathy, not then, not now. Wasn't looking for a wife at the age of sixteen, either. Being committed to someone during your teenage years seems kind of strange to me. I always thought a person is meant to grow on their own before tying themselves to someone else. In all honesty, Nadine was my first proper girlfriend.

Yep.

Hard to believe. It would be, for someone who only heard rumours about me. Pretty unaware of how they come about, though. Seeing as there never is any truth to them. The fact that my name is associated with cheating, lying and manipulating, it is slightly alarming, though nothing that should affect my personal career or stop me from living my life to its fullest. People enjoy talking, whether their topic is purely gossip or truth is not a factor that matters much. But only if they knew that everything that is out there, regarding me and my doings, is nothing short of someone's imagination, they'd fail to find me entertaining.

Nevertheless, my time alone was for the simple purpose of sorting myself out. Needing a way to figure out just how to do that, waking up early on my day off seemed like a fair decision. After a quick breakfast, I was already at the gym, doing my usual workout.

Funny story about me and the gym. The first time I stepped a foot in an environment as such, the intimidation that shot through me and made me freeze in that spot, was absolutely unlike anything that I have ever experienced. Seeing so many people in their own little world, working out and disregarding everyone else around them was so strange. Never having been to a gym before, it was certainly shocking. Therefore, to overcome the unfamiliarity of it all, putting the money I received for starting university to good use, I got myself a personal trainer. I learned the basics, the things that were necessary then went my own way from then on.

After sweating out everything I had in me, I hit the showers. Getting in, working out, getting out. As fast as possible. As little interaction with anyone as possible. Wasn't anti-social, nor did I believe I was better than others in there. Simply, my mood was nowhere near where it should've been for something as basic as human interaction. There were a few people here whom I knew, chatted to them sometimes, even grabbed lunch a few times. Gym friends were different to class friends, to work friends, to the friends you've had for a while.

Freshly showered and in much warmer clothes, my next stop was the shop. If I was going to stay at the house for a while, it needed to be cleaned, the fridge stocked. This little alone time was going to give me the space to not only think, but to cook and bake more. Everything becoming so hectic, somehow, I lost the opportunities to do what made me happiest and it was my turn to take it back.

As I strolled through the shop, the alcohol section was not left behind. Smiling to myself as I walked past the Jack Daniels bottles, all I could do was think about Griffin Walker. She popped in my head out of nowhere, sticking to my insides like she belonged there. In all honesty, she did enter my mind a couple of times since we last saw each other, that being the day of the Secret Santa exchange. It was also the last my girlfriend and I spoke which suddenly made me really angry.

She got so mad at me for quite literally nothing. As sort of expected, she dragged out the whole Joe situation, leading her into being annoyed at me for leaving when she told me she did not want to see me on the last day of uni. Though revisiting all of our arguments lately, it was a mixture of everything piling up. As horrible as it sounded in my head, being away from her a little bit was much needed. Being glued to her side constantly was bad for our relationship for sure, it led us to nit pick everything about each other which now looking back on this year, did not surprise me in the slightest.

Through my angered thoughts, the knife slid through the onion on the chopping board with ease, my wrist moving up and down with a pace that had a specific rhythm. The oil in the pan began to sizzle as I added the chopped-up vegetable, flicking off the remaining pieces from my palm with the heel of the blade. Once that was in there, I stirred it around and went back to chopping up the garlic then the rest of the ingredients, ready to pop it in the mix.

Guess you could say cooking was my stress-reliever. That made baking—though still not as good at it as I wished to be—my time to enjoy myself. Seemed fair, did it not? Relaxing whilst making sweet treats, later on nibbling on them perhaps during watching a show or movie that made me feel more than bored. Could be quite the afternoon, though surely, someone could make it into a whole day of lounging around, doing nothing, loving life and its small pleasures.

Some of my favourite songs played in the background as I moved around the kitchen, now much freer than usual. Being completely on my own was calming and in all honesty, much more preferred than when the whole house screamed down my ear, asking over and over again when the dish will be served and ready to eat. Of course, do not get me wrong—pleasing others with my cooking was a fantastic feeling. However, the pressure it came with through all of my life troubles was nothing short of annoying.

Cooking for myself was different. Yes, it was great to get my feelings out. But also, whoever dislikes a great meal?

Standing in front of the hob, all my mind could focus on was how Nadine and I never had a date where I cooked. To be honest, we rarely ever went on dates. Unless going to the cinema is a date? That's what we did the first time we hung out, just us two. It saved us a lot of awkward moments because after it, we at least had something to talk about. Other than that, we just went out and sometimes went shopping. Though the latter only really happened when it was essential.

Lately, it was easier to over-analyse our relationship than bother fixing what went wrong. Perhaps the reason why that was even an option could've been explained by the simple fact that there was more wrong with it than good. It made me feel as though I have failed and got me thinking of all wrong doings from my end. Being with someone worked like a partnership. It was a partnership. When things begin to go wrong, it is more than likely that each side has something to do with it. Frankly, I believed that because it can never be one person who ruins something. There has to be a reason why someone starts acting differently, doing things in ways they haven't before thereby triggering the other to behave strangely.

With us, I wasn't sure where it went wrong.

The pasta cooking and the sauce warming away, I washed my hands and dried them with a tea towel. It turned out my attention had been gone the whole day, the clock on my phone showing it was nearly five in the afternoon. Taking a comfortable seat on the couch, I turned the telly on and lowered the volume as my finger scrolled through my phone. There wasn't much on there that interested me for more than five minutes though before putting it down, I received a text message. One that was not expected for multiple reasons.

Griffin Walker: Nadine is not speaking to me and it's unlikely you will but I'm nosy and I want to know. Is it true?

My interest was piqued at the sight of the message, the question being two words yet stirring such confusion in me that it was almost amusing. Her clearing up that Nadine refused to speak to her made me feel better seeing as she did not reach out to me, either. It also made me wonder if the question was regarding her therefore the assumption was made that she'd heard a rumour.

After a bit of thinking of how to sort out this situation, strangely in the mood for a bit of gossip, my reply consisted of an offer which I believed to be not-refusable.

She is not speaking to me, either. Being stuck in a house on my own gets boring. Bring your gossip, I have food.

Once it was sent, a strange wave of feelings hit me. A sweaty palm and a moving tummy were the result of those, making me wonder why I did what I had done. Inviting over my mortal enemy, sharing my food with her just because she implied she knows something I have no knowledge of. Referring to me as a desperate son of a bitch would've been appropriate yet very alarming, indicating that I wanted her presence in my home.

Which I did not.

Well.

Not desperately. Truth be told, as nice as it was to cook in silence, immersing myself in my own world, it felt strange not to make the table and have everyone come down one by one.

Griffin Walker never replied. Rejected and left on read. Yeah. She did read the message and left it at that. She most likely had the greatest laugh of her life, making me feel slightly embarrassed for even suggesting the idea of her coming over.

Immediately, I wished nothing more than to delete it and forget it ever happened. Why would I do such thing? Yes, gossip was a great excuse. Yet somewhere deep inside my mind, it was clear as the sunny sky that there was more to it. The whole day, every little thing seemed to remind me of her. It felt almost ridiculous, knowing that we hung out one single time. It was not forced and both of us were okay with it.

It felt like it was happening too fast. What 'it' entailed, I was not sure of. Whether or not I wanted to figure it out meant that I'd have to cross dangerous territory, that on its own scaring me more than what would await me.

Bursting out of my own world, the pasta on the hob begged for my attention. Praying it did not overcook and end up being disgustingly soft, I added it to the sauce which always pushed my mother to the edge. She believed it was wrong to add the pasta in there, she preferred it separately and then putting the sauce on top. Family cook-offs were great. And definitely argument-filled.

Considering that no reply came to my offer of food and gossip, fixing myself a plate and opening the red wine purchased earlier today seemed to make sense. Once the coffee table was sorted out, the blinds pulled down and the lamp in the corner lightened up the room, I changed the TV over to Netflix and put a movie on I have seen one too many times to actually give a number. Maybe I was a sucker for the comfort it gave me, the familiarity of knowing the ending would never change was something inexplainable. Falling in love with characters was one of my favourite things as cheesy as that may sound. It was also my little secret. It had to be because had it been a common knowledge within my friendship group, it'd have made me the butt of every joke.

It was funny, really. The minute the bottom of my bowl hit the surface of the coffee table and I reached for my wine, the bell went off. Groaning, I lowered the volume on the telly and sipped away on my beverage whilst waiting for whoever was on the other side of the door to go away. I wanted a quiet night in, thinking of taking a bath also seemed like a nice idea since it had been a while.

When the bell went off again, I rolled my eyes and got up. My feet were numb from being on the coffee table for so long and the wine made me a little tipsy, causing me to chuckle as my hand slid over the wall until my fingers hit the light switch. Squinting my eyes due to the sharp brightness, I undid the lock, my right hand lifting the glass to my mouth as the door opened.

Almost instantly, my mouth dropped, shaping a small 'o' at the sight of Griffin Walker. She was definitely not expected, even though it was me who invited her over. Meanwhile she did read my message, she failed to reply which simply caused me to believe she would not be coming over.

"Nice slippers," she commented, shaking me out of my own little world. It was dark outside and cold, the chilly wind making me shiver and stand out of the way so she could enter. Without much of a reply from me, I closed and locked the door, following her into the living room where I flicked on the main light. "The Wolf of Wall Street?"

"Yeah, it's... it's one of my favourites," I mentioned, instantly slapping myself mentally. Why would I say such thing? Especially to the witch. Nah. It made absolutely no sense. Much like inviting her over. It felt like she was interrupting my alone time. Seeing her in my living room felt strange. Looking at her in her massive winter coat, with red cheeks and nose, her glasses fogging up from being in the cold and now suddenly entering the warm house.

Absolute mind fuck.

"So, this food you mentioned?" she turned around as she took her coat off, putting it on the hanger behind me. I just stood there, like some sort of bloody tree as she moved around the house like she'd been here before. And it's not like she hasn't because Nadine brought her over, no doubt got her to sleep over when none of us were here but them. The tone she used, it rang in my ears, almost sounding like she was joking around, her lips curling into a light smile when I glanced at her. "Hello? Earth to Harry?"

I cleared my throat and placed my wine glass to the side. "Right. I already had some. Didn't think you were coming."

"Well, you said you had food. I have the gossip," she shrugged, folding her arm into one across her chest. Of course. Girls love food, don't they? What is better than food if not paired with gossip? Although, I had to admit that little old me found it quite interesting, too. Nadine was some sort of a good girl, always knowing everyone's business so I was very much in the loop.

In the meantime, I went into the kitchen and got out a plate, instructing her to get out a fork and a glass if she wanted wine. Moving around like she belonged, the next thing I noticed was her leaning against the fridge, waiting for me. The witch made sure to comment on how nice it smelled and I grinned, proud to know that even her cold, frozen heart could appreciate my hard work. Perhaps it is true—there is not much pasta cannot solve and not many people who do not have genuine appreciation for the food.

Moving back to the living room, I turned off the main light and pressed continue on the film. Griffin said we could finish it, her knowing the part we were up to and she didn't need the start of it. Without even meaning to make a comparison, my mind wandered to how differently Nadine would've reacted but it made me feel guilty so I topped off my drink and drank my thoughts away.

The scenes on the screen changed, my laughter with it though my brain did not focus on the colourful images. Completely zoned out, the only noise that seemed to shake me out of my little world was the clink of the fork against the plate. Whipped my head to the side, Griffin glanced at me like she wasn't sure what she'd done, as if it was something horrible. The same time I looked away, the credits began to roll on the TV, the clip jumping into a smaller one and a recommended movie showing larger.

"Now, before anything is said, I feel as though I should mention that my mind therefore opinion is not set. Everything mentioned will just be what was told to me," she spoke with ease and care, not slipping up as she was one sip closer to finishing her wine. The bottle was almost empty, its content preparing to make a move on us soon.

"Let us hear it," I encouraged her with a light nod, an even lighter, fainter smile on my lips. Eyes focused on the TV, I clicked out of the movie so we were sitting in quiet.

"Short version: Nadine cheated."

Holding everything inside of me back, I managed to not spit my wine back into the glass. Granted, it made me cough up a lung once it went down the wrong hole, at least I didn't see food bits floating around in my drink. The gossip shocked me in a way I hadn't expected.

"Yeah," she sighed, circling the glass and the red liquid with it. She made it seem quite classy, even though she wore joggers and a hoodie, two sizes up from her actual. "My reaction was a little different yet you still captured the way it made me feel deep within."

"I..."

"How could I forget?" she asked dramatically, making me look at her impatiently. She was about to reveal the information I so desperately wished to know. Information that hurt more than I initially thought, even if the hearsay had no solid ground to stand on. "Rumoured party is Adrian Walsh."