GRIFFIN E. WALKER
May, 2020

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Today had to be the absolute worst day in probably the longest time.

Well, perhaps since my birthday. Which was two weeks ago. Everything kind of changed after that and I could see it, feel it, taste it and even almost touch it.

Feeling some sort of déjà vu as I got in my car, I reached for my phone and dialled Harry's number. Similar to the night when I met Sagar on a one-to-one occasion, the only person who was of any interest to me, happened to be him. Somehow, the thought of being in his company seemed to resolve all of my issues. My mind liked to remind me of the comfort he brought me and in such a stressful time, that was the only thing it craved.

It took him three beeps to pick up the phone.

"Hey."

"Hi, what's up?" he responded. Just the sound of his voice made today better. I kind of hated the thought of that because it meant that I relied on him for something. Relying on someone involves feelings, whether they are small or not.

"Nothing much," I sighed. "Hey, um, are you... busy?"

"Yeah, just hanging out with Katherine," he responded. Bummer. Perhaps my weekly Harry dosage will have to be postponed. "Why?"

"It doesn't matter," I replied. "Didn't mean to interrupt you guys."

"Are you okay? You sound a little under the weather."

"Yeah, I'm fine," I told him, chuckling to make it more believable. I wasn't fine. I felt overwhelmed. There was a lot on my mind, things that I couldn't talk to anyone about. "I'll let you get back to her, then."

"Hey, you can talk to me," his voice changed as he said that. He sounded much more sincere, if that makes sense. The stiffness, the little edge he had in all those other responses, those disappeared. He sounded like the Harry I needed. "I may be a little drunk but that makes me a good listener and an honest opinion giver."

"I'm sure it does," I chuckled. "I just wanted to see you but you're busy so it's okay."

"You wanted to see me?"

"Mhm... had a crappy day."

"To be honest, so have I," his voice dropped, sounding heavy and full of emotion. "I suppose you'd have to come over because, well, I've had a few."

"I don't want to interrupt your time with Katherine, though. Taking you away from her would only make her dislike me more."

"And you care about her opinion?" he laughed, finding it entertaining. I didn't care that much. I just wanted to sound like a considerate person. "Just come over... if you still want to see me."

"Do you want to see me?"

"Did you really have to ask that?" he replied to my question with a question. I rolled my eyes. I felt embarrassing asking that but there was something so nice about reassurance. "Of course, I want to see you."

"Okay," I said softly. "But you better tell her it was your idea."

"'Course."

"Alright... I'll go grab some of my stuff and then I'll text you when I'm on my way, okay?"

"Yeah, sounds like a plan," he answered, most likely smiling which made the butterflies move around in my stomach. "I'll see you in a bit."

"Yeah," I nodded and ended the phone call.

Maybe, I'll get my Harry dosage today, after all.

That made me happy. Lately, I've been busy. I was distracted. It led to neglecting Harry when he was still recovering from everything. He told me he was working again which helped him take his mind off of what happened and he was doing much better. I suppose I could be the judge of that today.

I was excited to see him. I needed a familiar face like his. It was one of those days where I just felt like absolute crap and wanted to cry about it but also just wished for someone to hold me, play with my hair and call me cute names whilst reassuring me that everything will be fine in the end. Of course, I never would've admitted to that out loud, it felt like it would've broken my character.

Or maybe it just wasn't something I felt comfortable doing.

I guess sharing feelings is difficult. It requires a great deal of vulnerability and trust. You have to trust the person to be able to tell them how you feel. You also have to have the strength. Plus, you have to be comfortable.

It's such a hassle to be open with someone. That's why bottling everything up seems so much easier. You don't have to tell anyone how you feel, you just know how you feel.

I wish reading each other's mind was invented already. It would be so much more convenient to go up to someone and allow them into the inner workings of your brain. They could see the feelings or whatever you wish to tell them and it would save you the confidence you have to build up.

Or maybe that's just me.

Maybe I'm the one that's so fucked up in the head that I cannot even do something so... basic. So human.

I was never one for socialising. Although that may be hard to believe, considering my past, I suppose I should've said I rarely go out of my comfort zone to socialise. Once I have a group of people around me who I can just... have, I don't find it necessary to put myself out there.

That's probably a very unhealthy and stupid way of looking at things. But I am very unhealthy and very stupid.

Once I got home, I packed myself a bag. Staying at Harry's place was going to be interesting. He lived with Wesley which was the only thing that made me a little wary. He may as well have been the reason why I've never gone over to their house. I just felt like too much of my past was haunting me whenever I looked at them together.

Not that it was his fault. I didn't even blame him.

Before I left, I had to let James know of the situation. He was the guy put out to protect me. Kind of. He was on my heel all the time. I didn't mind him in the end, in fact, he became so much help.

He was kind of my partner in crime. Probably literal crime.

"Hey... I'm gonna spend the night at someone else's place," I sighed, sitting in the passenger seat of his car. It smelled like mint and cigarettes, soft music playing in the car. The seats were leather. A cross hung from the rear-view mirror. Overall, it was a nicely kept car which represented the outside of it well. "If you could lay low, I would appreciate that."

"Whose place is it, again?"

"It's, uh, it's complicated," I played with my hands. "He's a friend. He's not... well, he's Harry. You know? The one who I was with when those bastards shot up Devotion."

"Right-right," he nodded. It was quick—almost too quick of a response. It felt like he was going to say something else but he decided against it.

As curious as it made me, I just wanted to be at Harry's place already. I didn't question him.

James made sure to blend in like a chameleon. I was grateful for it. I didn't want to raise any red flags around Harry. He was a curious person. Knowing that, it just felt all too strange that he hasn't started prying yet. He didn't make sneaky comments, he didn't say anything that would've hinted at something he suspected.

Then again, the way everything had been distracting me lately, it wouldn't have come as a surprise if I just managed to miss all those occasions.

Arriving at his house, I was stunned. Knowing that two men lived here, it was an extremely stylish and clean environmemt. Though, Harry was not a lazy person, he liked things to be in order. I should've expected it to be kept tidy.

Wesley was sitting in the living room, a beer in his hand and a bowl of popcorn by his side on the sofa. He was completely immersed in the game of football playing on the telly. He said a quick hello to me and nothing else which, for that reason, didn't surprise me.

"He'll probably shout at random times—you know how he is," Harry said meanwhile we walked upstairs, stepping on the soft carpet. My eyes soaked up the whole house. It was so different compared to my apartment.

"Do you want to watch it with him?"

"Whilst you do what?" he chuckled, looking back at me as we entered his room.

God. It was so Harry. Everything reminded me of him in there. If he wouldn't have shown me where to go, I would've figured it out easily. There was one of those small pianos in the room with the long legs, there were a bunch of books up on a shelf, plants which could've been fake because in all honesty, they looked a little too alive to be real. If the props wouldn't have managed to give it away, then the smell in the room was enough. The mix of his cologne, the smell of his freshly washed clothes and all the candles lit, it just screamed him. He also had some coloured lights coming out from under his bed, from his desk and behind the TV secured to the wall, brigthening up the room in a very modern approach.

"This is cosy, isn't it?" I grinned as I looked at him, sitting on his bed. It was incredibly soft. Almost as soft as mine. The duvet was covered in a blanket and it looked like the exact version of mine but his was brown. Mine was a soft blue with grey undertones.

"Glad you like it," he laughed, sitting down beside me. Even just that, made me realise how much I've missed him.

Leaning back on his bed, I faced the ceiling. Not long after that, he joined me and now, both of us were just looking up. It was quiet but calming. It was something I needed. My head has been all over the place and noisy all the time. Hearing the faint sound of the TV from downstairs and the cars moving outside through the window was enough.

Harry seemed to find it enough. His eyes were closed as his hand inched closer to mine, moving it around until he laced his fingers through mine. He was still awake. The gesture made me smile and move closer to him, turning on my side to touch my forehead to his shoulder. He was warm.

"Y'okay?" he mumbled the words, mushing them together. He sounded tired which made him speak slower. Often, he'd grow lazy of speaking and just bite his words, swallowing his sentences. That was a dead giveaway of how exhausted he was.

My response was a little hum. Then I asked him if he could hold me and he chuckled, deep from his chest as he moved up the bed slightly, getting on as one should lay in bed, and tugged me to his chest. Allowing me to get comfortable, his right arm draped over my stomach as he got a hold of my right hand, slotting his fingers between mine. Tucking his face in the crook of my neck, he pressed his lips to my skin, just where my neck met my shoulder, kissing it a couple of times as he pushed his leg between mine. Instantly, I felt so much better.

I was warm. He held me. I could smell him and feel him. Every time he took a breath, my body moved with his as I eventually copied his breathing. He must've noticed because he chuckled in my ear.

"Remember when we went to Winter Wonderland that one time?" he asked. The memory jumped to the front of my brain instantly. That day was the first day where we hung out properly. It felt like a good bonding day. He was rather handsy with me, quite affectionate which came as a surprise at the time.

"Yeah..."

"Do you remember what you told me when we went up the Ferris wheel?"

"I called you a dickhead at some point."

Harry chuckled. "You called me a dickhead at several points—but that's not what I meant."

"Then?"

"You told me I was too close to you for someone who's taken," right. That did ring a bell. He sat by my side to help me get over my fear of heights. Though it didn't work that way, it was thoughtful of him to try.

"Because you were. Both," I said. "Yet you focused on the fact that you were taken."

"I did, yes."

I opened my eyes and looked down at our hands. Should I ask? I had nothing to lose. "Why?"

"Because it bothered me," he admitted. I wanted to say so many things but somehow, all of them would've ended up making him feel awkward for telling me that. I just didn't understand how he could think that when he was still in a relationship and whatever was going on between us, wasn't even that relevant. "I don't know what it was. Just wanted to kiss you then."

"Are you trying to rehash all the guilt I used to feel?"

"No... I'm just saying—just thought of it," he said. "You being so close, reminded me of it."

Hm. One thing was for sure. His closeness felt nice now but unwanted then. He was acting weird when we went on the Ferris wheel. I just didn't know how to deal with the cards he was putting on the table.

Things were different now, though. Thinking about the past, shouldn't have mattered. The things that happened, they shouldn't have gotten a reaction out of me. I was meant to be over it.

"Was that the first time you felt that?" I asked, the curious side of me winning. Without even having the chance to fight it, the question blurted out of me. Picking Harry's brain when it came to these things was interesting. We changed so much since all of that happened, I wanted to know everything.

"Yeah," he answered, pressing his lips to my neck again. Feeling him hover over my skin gave me goose bumps, a smile forming on my lips at the warm feeling in my chest. "I tried to not think about you—like that. It was hard. I think I hated that you were turning out to be a different person than you were in my mind."

A smile tugged on my lips. That was also my issue with him. Spending more time together, put him in a different light, showing more of who he truly was. Comparing that to all those rumours about him at the time and the way he was built in my head through the things my ex best friend told me, led me to confused feelings.

Feeling like I had to see him, I turned around on the bed. He was much closer than I expected him to be, even though he was completely melted behind me seconds ago. My lips parted gently as his forest coloured eyes met mine. Sliding my hand onto his cheek carefully, his stubble scratched my palm gently. He looked devilishly handsome with facial hair wrapping around his cheek, his jaw and lips.

Bringing his lips closer to mine, the kiss faintly tasted of whiskey. I could feel him exhale through his nose, the air cold as my body pressed against his, my leg climbing up on his side and linking over his waist. His hand glided down my side with ease before he carried onto my butt, wrapping his long fingers around the flesh to give it a delicate squeeze. Softly whimpering at the feel of his touch, my hips grinded against his, making him hold onto me desperately.

"Not tired, hm?" he put the words in my mouth, tilting his head as he dove in for a second kiss.

Giggling like a school girl, my skin lit on fire under his hand. Imagining the veins showing on the back of his hand as his fingers grasped my soft thigh, I pressed my body more into his, turning him on his back in the end. Positioning myself on top of him with my hands on his chest, he was gorgeous. Gleaming green eyes, beautifully shaped pink lips.

Leaning closer to his ear, my lips pressed to his skin, leaving kisses on the surface. "I want you," the words barely left my mouth before they pressed against the side of his neck again. Harry inhaled swiftly, his hands gripping me firmer as my words registered in his mind.

"You always want me," he smirked at me, pushing his hands up under my jumper and helping me out of it. That was the only thing I wore, other than my bra. Before I left to come here, I changed into comfier clothes.

"Is that an issue?" I placed my hands beside his head, leaning down to be closer to him. My chest was almost pressed to his, my breasts falling forward in my bra, almost leaking out of the cups. Tilting my head to the right, I nudged my nose against his then pressed our lips together, moving my hips up and slowly down, rubbing against his already growing bulge. "You seem to want me all the same."

"That was never a secret," his voice got stuck in the back of his throat as my hips pressed down on him. I chuckled at his breathlessness and he smirked, rolling us over so now, he was above me. "And I think you knew that already."

I hummed, agreeing with his statement. My lips parted to respond the same time his lips met the side of my neck, burying his kisses deeply into my skin. He moved his body comfortably between my spread legs, his necklace dangling between us as though it had its own cue to show up. Giggling, my finger hooked under the jewellery, using it to pull the man above me closer, connecting our lips like they were meant to be that way at all times.

And I wished they could've been because there was nothing, I wanted more than his lips on my skin, his taste in my mouth, his touch on my body. The indescribable feelings that came with being near him always managed to make me forget about everything, my senses focusing solely on him.

He was intoxicating.

Harry grabbed my hand, pinning them beside my head as he slid his over my arms until our fingers could touch. Tasting his tongue on my own for no longer than a couple of seconds, I whimpered as my grasp on his hand tightened. Opening my eyes with my eyebrows gently furrowed, a line of spit connected his lips to mine as he pulled back, darting his tongue out to break it.

The rapid movements of my chest were the clear indicator of how much he already managed to work me up and cheat my lungs out of even breaths of fresh air. Hunger filled my insides as his hands reached for the hem of his shirt, tugging the material over his head and throwing it on the bed beside us. It ruffled his hair in the process, turning it even messier than my hands made it look.

He had no time to move as I pushed myself up, planting my hands on his shoulders before they snuck up on the side of his neck and disappeared into his hair. My lips were back on his, kissing him with the same hunger that burned in the pit of my stomach, spreading onto every inch of me.

His fingers were busy messing with my bottoms, not realising that the joggers I wore, could simply slide off. Chuckling as I pulled away from him, I pushed my thumbs under the waistband, leaning back onto the pillows to lift my hips and free myself.

"I'd say you came prepared but that would indicate fucking you was the only reason I invited you over," his tone was playful yet sexy, his choice of word igniting something inside of me.

"And I'd be lying if I said I don't enjoy the thought of that."

He left me without a response and kissed me instead. His kisses were eager yet soft, his plushy lips wandering down my throat, reaching the softness of my breasts in a matter of moments. Gasping in surprise when his teeth sank into my skin, his lips wrapped around the area as he sucked it in his mouth, leaving a reddish mark there. He looked up, grinning like a devil as he moved down to my stomach, peppering the exposed area in his love.

Although he usually took his time to get me soaking wet, in that moment, there was a sense of rush in his movements. He was eager and starving, his eyes measuring the treasure in the form of my body. Being intimate with him felt unlike any other because he made me feel like he genuinely appreciated me. His touch gave me a sense of security, his words turned me on, his actions showed he cared enough to ensure we both enjoyed whatever was happening. He paid attention and did everything so... perfectly.

It was hard not to find myself dabbling in and out of emotional states. Was I falling in love with him when we were naked? In a weird way, it made sense. In those moments, our flaws became what made us beautiful rather than it being something unattractive. We weren't seeking acceptance from the other, we were merely appreciating what made us, us. 

Each time we'd have sex, it felt different. Especially this time. There were tender touches that turned rough, making our kisses consist of more biting and teeth clicking than soft pecking. His thrusts turned to strong jabs, pressing the air out of both of us, our moans dying before they even had the chance to be heard. The rushing feeling remained apparent in Harry's movements, he gave me the feeling he was trying to push something away—down inside of him, desperate to lock it away and out of his mind.

My fingers clawed into his back, deep enough to draw blood, red streaks remaining on his skin as we both panted on the bed, done for the time being. His moans, rich from pleasure, rang in my ear moments after his body began shaking on top of me, his face hidden in my sweaty neck, somewhere under my hair. He stayed on his stomach with his limbs crossing over me, his sweat mixing with mine as we continued to catch our breath.

Harry moved his head, resting his cheek on my shoulder as though it was his favourite pillow. Breathing out through his mouth, the cool air brushed over my chest, making my exposed nipple harden. I giggled and pressed my hand over it, warming up the skin before the man lying on me brushed it away, replacing it with his.

"S'not yours," I mumbled, taking his hand away, making sure it travelled over my chest before I put it on my neck. He glanced up at me with his messy sex hair, glistening forest eyes and plump lips. He gave me his infamous smirk, tugging on his lips to make me grin the same. His teeth bit down on my lower lip, pulling it backwards then letting it go.

He moved onto his back and pulled the condom off of his soft cock. Even when he didn't have an erection, he still managed to take my breath away. Not that I spent my free time staring at him—though, even if that was the case, I doubt he minded much. He proudly plodded around my apartment with his bare ass, not minding it one bit that I was around.

"Wanna shower?" he asked as he turned back.

"Does it come with you inside of it?"

"Can do," he replied.

"I'll take one, yes," I grinned. "But first," I added quickly, puckering my lips as I sat up. Harry was quick to lean on the bed with his fists holding him up, one leg bent at the knees. I wrapped my arms around his neck and continued kissing him. His lips were my favourite. "More," I whined when he started pulling away, feeling like he didn't quite satisfy my need for his lazy kisses.

"Shower first, hm?"

"Only if you'll make out with me after," I looked at him as I offered the deal. He snickered, shaking his head like he couldn't believe how much I wanted his attention. Like I said, today has been absolutely shit. He managed to make it better. "Deal?"

"Deal," he nodded on it, putting his hand out to pull me up from the bed. "But then I want head rubs. And I'll be the little spoon this time."

"Deal," and we shook hands on it.

Why couldn't every day of my life be like this?