HARRY E. STYLES
October, 2014

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Things were okay.

Yeah.

That's one way of describing things, right? You say things are okay when they are, well, okay.

Describing weird situations was hard, especially for someone like me who'd rather ignore what is going on and then pretend like it never happened. It was easier and didn't require as much effort. Call me lazy but I didn't like conflict, especially with people I loved. It made things difficult and sometimes, even worse than how it started out.

Things blew over and everything was normal. That's how I liked things, without the drama regarding matters that could have been sorted in one conversation. Regardless of this, the birthday dinner planned for Nadine was tonight which excited me as I finally had one of the happier reasons to lift alcohol to my mouth and cause my mind to go on a little holiday.

Work's been tough this past week, with no time to go out. Every time I'd leave for my shift, the house was vibing, lights on and music, alcohol on the table with a group of people around. Prinks usually took place at our house with the only rule of not leaving the scene trashed before heading out. So, safe to say I've been jealous of my mates, going out and having a blast without me. Suppose that's what I get for having a job that needs me during sociable hours.

As Nadine was getting ready in our room, I watched her from the comfort of our bed, hands behind my head and ankles crossed. She'd catch my stare in the mirror when our eyes would meet and she chuckled every time, no words shared between us. She applied her makeup carefully, could almost call it delicate, making her cheekbones look pointier and more defined, drawing her lips with a pencil to then filling them in with a lipstick.

"Can you stop staring at me?" she groaned as she turned around, though her eyes gave away just how hard it was not to smile. The only reaction she got from me was a smirk.

I had the prettiest girlfriend and as hard as it was to deal with everyone giving her the eyes every time we went out, times like these made up for it. I could gawk at her as much as I wanted, without anyone making any comments about how much of a creep I am or how smitten I am. It's hard not to be, when she looks so good all the time.

That got me thinking. Whether or not I was with her for her looks. I mean, she was smart on top of being so gorgeous, but honestly? A lot has been running through my head recently. This whole thing with meeting the parents... I tried to not think back to it, because as I said, it requires tremendous amount of effort and I was glad to leave it behind us, but at the same time, it was a little bit like, what if this is a sign?

Okay. Yeah. That sounds stupid, I know.

But maybe, this was life telling me I wasn't ready to be with her forever. Which was never my intention, honestly. I wanted to get laid when we first met and as bad as that sounds because of the complications it could have come with seeing as we were housemates for the first year of our university, the moral of the story is that I was never meant to end up with her. Even my very first thought was regarding her appearance, and my boyish needs that needed satisfying overpowered everything else until I suppose I fell for her.

She became a habit of mine. A habit I couldn't escape. Not only due to the fact that we lived under the same roof, but also because she was always there for me. When I was going through a rough patch in my life, she smoothened it for me, she made me believe it would be alright in the end. Spoiler alert, she was right. She was always right. Not sure how, perhaps it's a woman thing. I never questioned it, I just accepted it.

Much like the fact that I'd have to face the witch after a week of successfully not seeing her. I didn't think of her until tonight came along, I was much too busy to focus on her or anything that was remotely about her. Even as Nadine and I brushed the past under the rug, neither of us mentioned her name, not that she came to my mind at all.

Eh.

Okay.

She may have popped in for a second. But it was only to remind me that meanwhile Nadine Miller is in love with me, I love her.

As in I love Nadine.

Not Griffin. I do not love Griffin Walker.

Great. Now I couldn't stop thinking about her and the fact I'd see her. I didn't want it to be awkward, it didn't have to be awkward but I was already feeling awkward. Not that there was anything to feel awkward about.

Okay.

Calm down.

Put your jeans on, pull the white shirt over your head, make yourself smell great and fuck off to celebrate your girl!

And so, I made sure everything would go perfectly. From the moment I ordered the Uber for us, to the point where I acted like a civilised individual when we had to pick the best friend up. Nadine and I travelled with Adrian, Wesley and Katherine and since Griffin barely knew anyone else other than us, Nadine offered a seat in our ride. A couple of people my girl knew from her course were coming as well as a few from the netball team she was playing for. Since her sisters cancelled with it being too short notice therefore unable to attend due to work, I thought this was the next best thing. Everyone she cares about under one roof and around one table.

What could go wrong, right?

Well, apparently a lot.

Griffin and Katherine went against one another, the minute we stepped out of the Uber. What happened, was a mystery to me, one that no part of me wished to know about so with ease, I removed myself from the situation. Nevertheless, it made the two of them sit as far away from each other, as it was possible. See, their personalities were insanely similar, they were bound to clash after so long of it not happening. They were better to be kept apart rather than together.

That led to another miscommunication of sorts, once again, including Walker. Sigh after sigh came as a reaction from me, slightly annoyed by her at this point. Although no one seemed to pay as much attention to her, it was clear the air between us was tense. Definitely not the way I planned for this evening to go.

Hence, I asked her to come get another round of drinks with me, it being the perfect opportunity to debunk what caused her to be so off the edge. My actions were even more powered by the looks my girlfriend gave me from across the table, worried and unsure of what was going on with her best friend. The reassuring nod and half smile I gave her as I stood up and walked after Griffin, seemed to calm her down as she effortlessly eased herself into the conversation between her friends.

"A-ah," I nudged her away from the bar and nodded towards the door, the one that led us outside. It was dark and most likely freezing, but something deep inside me said that was what she needed. To knock some sense into her? Yeah. Hit her cold.

"What?" she pressed the question out as though it bothered her that she had to be in my presence, a feeling I desperately shared with her. Spending time with her as opposed to being with my girl wasn't my dream evening.

"What's the matter?" I asked, straight forward, easy. Had to get it out of her faster than she most likely planned on revealing her problem, that being something that ticked me off about her. She'd play twenty questions with you before she'd give up what the issue was.

"Why would you assume that I am the problem?"

Couldn't help but scoff as I crossed my arms in front of my chest and leaned against the stone wall, the top of it reaching to the middle of my back. "Are you seriously asking me that right now?"

No answer. Didn't come as much of a surprise, yet still, it caused me to chuckle as I thought how unbelievable. Even when put on the spot, she kept to her truth, defending herself until the very last moment. The only reason this was clear as the night sky to me had to be because Nadine was the complete opposite but Katherine was the same. The connection between my best friend and mortal enemy was almost freakish, the thought of them being long-lost siblings did cross my mind. Though, that was nothing more than a silly idea, much more of those in the back of my head.

"I don't know what's going on with you and I don't care, either. Tonight, it's about Nadine and you know that. So, act in a way that's not embarrassing or I can call you an Uber home. It's up to you," I gave her my options. Every cell in my body tried to fight the power not to put more emphasis on the latter one which made me wonder why and how that happened.

Did I want her gone? Or did I want her to stay? I could've pushed what I favoured more, but which one did I favour more?

As hoped, my thoughts were interrupted by the voice of the woman before me.

"Who do you think you are? Speaking to me like you're above me, like you're some authoritative figure in my life?" she pushed as she came at me with a voice, she's been using all night. Accusatory, hurt, angry. She even stepped closer and pointed her index finger at me, the move being familiar as my sober mind recalled the night she came to my rescue and I blatantly told her the truth: that she was annoying, with my finger pushed against her chest.

"Watch it."

"There you go again."

Griffin chuckled as she stepped away from me and leaned on the stone wall. She could see out onto the water and the way it moved with how windy it had gotten. This way, with our backs to the restaurant, the street lamps were the only thing lighting up the night, the occasional car lights flickering all the way on the other side.

Swiftly, Griffin moved back. It scared me as it was unexpected.

"You know. I actually came out tonight, put effort into how I look and pushed myself to be here, only for everyone to find something to pick on," she vented to me and that was what surprised me. It didn't happen before, not in this sense, anyway. When she'd vent, it was always about how annoying I was and how she couldn't stand me or how I was no man for Nadine and I needed to do better. "I really, genuinely want nothing more than to go home and be alone, but I can't do that. I won't, actually."

"Why?"

"Because I won't go home, Harry," she laughed dryly. I peeked at her from the corner of my eye, the sound of her voice close to indicating that she could cry at any moment. That was new. I don't think I've ever seen Griffin Walker cry.

Well, other than from laughing. That only happened once and Wesley was behind the story. It didn't surprise me, he was one of the funniest people I knew. Plus, the relationship between the two was undeniable, they clicked in a way which was almost amusing to witness. Mostly because neither of them actually wanted the other, they were fine being acquaintances with the occasional comment from Wes about how he'd get with her.  

"Okay. Well. How about the drinks I mentioned, then?" I asked, easier to deal with this if we brushed it under the rug as opposed to if we would've debunked it further. Griffin didn't say much, rather, she moved away from her spot and pushed the door open to enter the restaurant. I took that as a good sign, one that indicated she'd behave for the rest of the night and not cause any more unnecessary word-fights with Nadine's friends.

It seemed as though the rest of the night would be chill. The guests have moved around so my spot was now beside my girlfriend, Katherine still at one end of the table and an empty space for Griffin at the other. Slight change in seating included Wesley moving closer to where the troublemaker would sit and it made me feel at ease, knowing he'd cut any possible arguments right from its root.

The meal was okay. Slug and Lettuce wasn't my favourite place but it seemed to grab Nadine's heart. It could have been the fact that our first date was here but that was more so because it had already been her favourite restaurant. Wasn't too sure and in honesty, I wasn't too bothered about it. As long as it made her happy to be spending her twentieth birthday here, that was all that mattered.

There was a tiny cake that the staff brought out, with candles and all, so, the typical happy birthday sing-along did, in fact, happen. Nadine's cheeks were bright red and her smile the biggest I've seen in a long time. It made me feel better about myself because it meant that tonight was a success and she was feeling happy. She couldn't have faked it, she was much too transparent for that.

Unlike Walker. Masking away the dull look in her eyes, or the way she sang with such a fake smile that it almost hurt her, was top notch work. How I managed to look right through it, was strange, perhaps I was used to masking my own feelings away for the benefit of others. Nevertheless, seeing as she was not the highlight of the night, no one seemed to notice, especially not Nads and I felt relieved about it. She worried for Griffin all the time, it was kind of like a full-time job for her, so I knew her happy mood would turn into nothing if she'd notice her best friend was off.

Eventually, when the night had come to an end, our little crew was completely wasted. Excluding Griffin, who didn't even want to get a ride back with us, but Nadine somehow made her agree to it. She said there was something she needed to share with us and it was enough for her to give in.

"So, we haven't done this as a house, ever," she started as she reached inside her bag. Nadine sat in the middle, which meant I was on one side of her and Griffin on the other. Facing me, was Wesley, with Kath in the middle and Adrian opposite to Griffin.

"Oh, god," Adrian sighed dramatically, making Katherine giggle as she laid her head on his shoulder, her hands gripped her bag as it laid on her knees. "Is this what I think this is?"

"Secret Santa!" Nadine cheered and everyone in front of us boo-ed the idea. It made me chuckle. "Tonight, was everything and more I could've asked for because I had all my favourite people there," she explained, her head turning towards me and then to the right to look at her best friend. "So, to make it even better and give everyone a fair shot at coming up with a great gift idea, I thought we could do the names now and do the gifts before everyone goes home for the holidays."

And so, we did. Wes was the first to pick a name, followed by Katherine and finally, Adrian. Nadine turned to her best friend before she made me pick one of the two remaining names, the last one being hers.

"Now, before anyone looks at it—don't," she called the rule. "Keep it to yourself. I don't want anyone spoiling who they got because that'd take the fun right out of it."

"Oh, come on!" Wes groaned, his hands slammed against his legs whilst he leaned his head back against the headrest.

"I wanna know mine now, too," Katherine added, half asleep. Her eyes were closed and she was getting more comfortable as she slid down on her seat and completely cuddled herself to Adrian's side.

"One, you're too chatty. Two, you're sleeping," she defended her rules as she spoke to each of our friends. All I could do was giggle as I glanced out the window, the reflection showing Griffin's face. As a sigh left my lips, I looked away from the glass.

She was everywhere.

How it happened? Wasn't sure of it. One day, just out of nowhere, everything became about her or turned around her and focused on her. Now, I couldn't think of anything without her weaselling her way into whatever was going on. It annoyed me, more than her presence. It was unintentional, her need to be around me was non-existent. It was my damn mind that could not live without the constant comparison it made between things and her.

Thankfully, my thoughts were interrupted as her apartment was the Uber's first stop. Nadine got out and shut the door as she said goodbye to her best friend. Faintly, it was clear that she offered to go up with her but it turned out, Griffin declined. Once my girl was back in the car, we were on our way home.

I was excited to get a shower and tuck myself into bed, cuddle Nads and let the night make me dream. Today felt so fucking long and all my body and mind needed was a bit of rest. With everything being so hectic constantly, I felt drained and unmotivated.

"You okay, baby?" Nadine mumbled as she climbed into our bed, her voice soft and light. I hummed with my eyes slowly opening to look at her, a smile tugging on my lips as I lifted the quilt and ushered her under it.

"Better now," I answered eventually, my voice groggy from being exhausted. She giggled as she cuddled herself to me, completely. As she held my hand in hers and placed it around her stomach, our fingers intertwined. "Light?"

"Oh, shit," she chuckled as she pulled away from me a little bit and turned it off. "Sorry."

"Mhm."

"Did you enjoy tonight?" she asked me. Of course, she did. The caring side showing again. I loved that about her, so much. Even though it was her downfall, it also made her.

"Yes, angel," I answered quietly. So close to being asleep, talking was difficult. "You?"

"Me too," she shared. "Thank you for everything. I don't deserve you."

"Let's not argue over that right now," I said honestly. If anything, she deserved way better than me and I was the one who did not deserve her. "And you don't have to thank me. I love you."

"I love you, too."