I'd always wondered what peace and serenity really felt like. Being here gave me a lot of time to think. We had reflection time, group discussions to focus our thoughts and of course the majority of the time spent alone in a colorless room.

I mean would it kill to put up one picture in here. 

Sometimes the white drove me mad. However, today it gave me peace. At least there was some sort of continuity to it. 

I lay in bed and stared at the light in the ceiling. Even the lights were white. 

Everything here was in Zayn's favorite color. It was funny how he would always be the first thing on my mind when I woke up and the last thing before I escaped to dreamland. 

At first, every thought of him felt like a knife poking at my chest. A sharp and painful reminder that he was dead and it was by my hand. Then came the doubts. They were the absolute worst. I spent every second anticipating that he would appear out of thin air and laugh at me, telling me it was all just some big joke.

He was cruel like that and I wouldn't put it past him. 

But then a week went by and it slowly began to dawn on me that he might actually be gone and that I might have killed an innocent person. The realization was pure torture. I would scream and cry like a maniac and the nurses had to force a needle into my arm every time to put me to sleep. 

That went on continuously for about two days until I had finally exhausted myself to the point where I had no more energy left to cry.

They must have increased the dosage of my daily medication because today I felt like I was floating on a cloud. 

My body felt light and unburdened. My breaths were even and my heart wasn't beating like a it was running a race. 

I had done the right thing. Deep down I knew that. My thoughts went back to that day in the court room when I had seen Harry sitting in the back row. Even from a distance I could make out that his deep green eyes were filled with worry for me. 

He had always cared about me regardless of the situation. I remembered how the sunlight had shone through the windows that day and illuminated the back row. His long brown hair had glowed against the burst of light making it look like there was a halo around his head.

Just like an angel. My angel.

My lips curved into a lazy smile as I thought about how close we had become in the last few weeks. 

 I had saved his life. It didn't matter if Zayn was real or not. The point was I wasn't going to take my chances on someone so important.

So what if everyone called me a crazy murderer. In my heart I knew I had done the right thing.

There was a loud knock on my door and a nurse came in holding a glass of water and some pills.

I eyed them hungrily. The effects were wearing off and my chest had begun to feel heavy again. I didn't want to think of Zayn any longer because it only made the pain worse, and the guilt. 

I stood up quickly and rushed to her. I then grabbed the pills and swallowed them with the water she had brought with her.

It was a younger nurse today and she jumped back when my hand brushed against hers. I wanted to laugh at the way she had recoiled and stared at me cautiously, like I was a highly contagious flesh eating virus. 

Oh right, she thought I was a murderer. Everyone here did and honestly whether I was or not didn't make a difference to me. 

The only thing that mattered was that Harry was alive. 

All thoughts of Zayn had been pushed to the back of mind where I didn't have to deal with them until later in the evening before bed. 

Now I had my daily routine to distract myself with. I flashed the most innocent smile her way as I gave her the glass back. She flinched when she took it from my hand and a flash of annoyance rushed through me. If  I really was a murderer like she thought, I would have smashed the glass on her head and then stabbed her with one of the broken pieces. 

I mean who brings a glass to a so called violent, mentally unstable person who's so dangerous she needs an escort to the cafeteria and recreation room.  

Just then I caught sight of the tall man who followed me around during my daily activities. I ignored the frightened nurse and quickly washed up. I slipped on a fresh pair of clothes and walked outside. 

"Morning V," I greeted him cheerfully just to annoy him. The truth was I didn't know his name so during one of our morning walks I had guessed it's first alphabet by reciting all the letters even though he constantly ignored me. The only time he had given a reaction was when I mentioned the word "v" so I stuck with that.  

As usual he didn't respond as he chained my hands together and made me walk in front of him to the cafeteria. 

Once we reached it I walked inside and grabbed a tray of semi burnt vegetables and porridge. Once my therapist had emphasized the importance of diet on mental health but I sometimes wondered if they fed us this food just to make us crazy.

I instantly lost my appetite when I sat down at an empty table and stared at one of the carrots on the plate. One of them had some mold growing on the bottom. 

"Good morning my lovely queen," Jasper sat down in front of me and smiled. 

Jasper was the first friend I made here. He approached me during our recreation time and challenged me to a game of chess. It was during that game of chess that I had learned what he was in here for.

He had killed his abusive father. According to him his father was about to go over board and almost killed his mother when he had stepped in by smashing a baseball bat on his head. 

Although his story was horrific, I had sympathized with him almost immediately. We were similar in a way because we both had to make sacrifices to protect those we cared about. We forged a friendship after that game and he called me his queen because I had beat him in chess with that exact piece.

He often spoke about how he was going to marry me once we got out of here and I would just laugh as we both entertained a reality that was far beyond our reach. 

The truth was we were both too damaged, too broken to even fit together. 

"Good morning my king," I teased and his smile widened. Just because we were beyond repair, it didn't mean we couldn't humor ourselves with absurdity. 

"I saw a new doctor clock in at the main office," Jasper said while he picked at his food. I wondered if he was checking for mold.

"A new doctor? What did he look like?" For a moment, my heart rate picked up as I imagined a beautiful dark haired doctor, with haunted dark eyes that could swallow me whole. Perhaps his name started with Z?

"Tall, blonde hair, good looking," Jasper answered, silencing my thoughts and puncturing that balloon of hope that had filled up my chest. I suppose he really was dead and the realization that I had killed him felt like a river against a dam that was cracking by the minute. 

"Oh," Is all I managed to say before I choked slightly. I looked up at V who was standing by the table staring into space. 

"Can I have another dose of medication?" I wanted to feel more numb. I wanted to drown the overriding guilt I have been ignoring in another daze of drowsiness. As usual, V ignored me. 

Once we finished the edible portions of our food, Jasper and I headed to one of our group meetings to discuss our feelings and thoughts. It was annoying but I day dreamed most of time. We then had our lunch before heading off to the recreation room where we played chess together.

When evening came V stood up and I followed him down one of the corridors to Dr Stephanie's office. She was actually one of the nicer doctors around here but the way she always asked me pointless questions sometimes got on my nerves. 

Everyone here thought I killed an innocent teenager including her and to be honest the longer I spent here, the more I believed it and doubted myself. That is why I was ecstatic when our session was over and I got to go back to my room.

Once I'd eaten my dinner and swallowed my pills, V unlocked the cuffs that bounded my hands together the whole day and let me inside.

I heard the lock click and sighed to myself. Great, now the only company I had were my poisonous thoughts. They ate at me until I almost howled in pain as images of Zayn's dead body falling onto the floor flashed behind my eyes repeatedly.

I was about to scream into my pillow when I heard the door unlock which made me sit up quickly.

That was weird, nobody visited my room at this hour of the night.

The door swung open slightly and a tall man in a long white coat entered silently. He was holding a syringe in is hand which made me apprehensive. I scuttled further into the wall, away from him.

He locked the door behind him and turned around to face him. When he caught me staring he smiled a dazzling smile that looked too perfect to be real. 

"Good evening, Rosalie. My name is Dr Logan and I just came to check in on you. How are you feeling? I heard you have been slightly unwell for the past few days. I brought you something to calm your nerves," he said sweetly and he walked towards me.

I started to panic as he neared. There was no way out of here besides that door he just locked. 

"No, I'm fine. I've never felt more relaxed. I don't need anything more," I replied with a shaky voice as I stare at the syringe in his hand.

"Oh, don't worry. This will just take a few seconds, trust me it will be good for you," He said. 

The moment he sat down on the bed next to me, I bolted up and attempted to run away from him but he moved faster than lightning and before I knew it he had me pinned down beneath him. 

"Just relax. It will all be over in a few seconds," He lifted his hand and brought the needle up to my arm.

I struggled beneath him and fresh tears stung my eyes. I felt the tip at my skin and anticipated the prickling pain of the needle but the door burst open and both our heads whipped in that direction.

My eyes widened and for a moment I wondered if I was dead. I had to be because Zayn was there standing in the doorway, looking at me with the same intensity I had dreamed about every waking minute.

"Zayn?" Dr. Logan asked in shock but before I could comprehend what had happened, blood splattered all over my face and he collapsed on top of me.

Heyyy, welcome back Inzaynies! Hope you enjoyed and please let me know what you think below.