Lexa was reading quietly in bed. Next to her, her wife Y/N was sleeping soundly beside her. Fondly, she brushed her thumb over the other girl's cheek, and smiled at the sight of her hands wrapped around the small bump of her abdomen.

Y/N had discovered she was pregnant after a trip to Arkadia to see Abby for a routine checkup. Her aunt had quickly declared the girl pregnant after she'd complained of constant hunger and smells making her nauseous, much to Y/N's confusion. One pregnancy test later had confirmed it. Y/N's eyes had been huge.

"What?" She'd exclaimed.
"The only person I've ever slept with was-" Her eyes cut to Lexa, standing next to Clarke with raised brows.

Abby had glanced between the two women awkwardly.
The Commander assured her it was something that was rare with female Heda's and their wives, but completely possible. Something to do with Becca Praimheda and The Flame. It was almost legend among the grounders, but it had happened more than once before. Sometimes not, though. Lexa hadn't expected it, so she'd forgotten to tell her. She'd taken Y/N's hand to gently explain.

"But it only works one time, niron. Only one baby will be born by us." Y/N nodded doubtfully. Clarke and Abby exchanged skeptical looks, but let it go.

Now it was Y/N's 13th week of pregnancy, and her stomach was only slightly swelled with her tiny baby bump. Lexa watched her eyes flicker under her lids with amusement. She was dreaming. Inside her head, a small boy was running from her, laughing wildly and dodging her arms. They were in the meadow that she'd found with Lexa. He ran to her wife, and the brunette swept him up into her arms. In her sleep, Y/N smiled. She knew that boy was their son, growing slowly inside of her. Suddenly, the dream was replaced by a haze of black, blooming over the promising vision. Y/N woke with a gasp, and Lexa dropped her book when her wife cried out, clutching her stomach.

"Y/N, what is it? What's wrong?" Lexa asked, worried. She figured it was a nightmare, and stroked her damp forehead comfortingly. Y/N gripped her abdomen as another wave of crippling cramps tore through it. Terror crystallized her thoughts.

"Lexa! The baby!" The brunette went white and dropped her hands.
Lexa ripped the furs from the bed to reveal a rapidly spreading bloodstain between Y/N's trembling legs. Her face went whiter when she realized that her wife may very well bleed out. She sprinted to the door and threw it open. Y/N panted on the bed.

"Radio Raven! Tell her to wake up Abby! Tell her we're coming now, and it's urgent!
Y/N needs immediate medical attention! Go!" She shouted.

The guards scrambled to comply. Lexa went back to the bed and helped Y/N stand.

"Can you walk?" She asked, searching her wife's face with alarmed eyes. It was twisted with pain. Another wrack of cramps had her doubled over.

"No." She panted. Blood was running freely down her legs and splattering the floor. Lexa swept her into her arms and started running to the elevator. By the time they reached the bottom level, Y/N was gripping Lexa's shoulder so hard it had lost sensation. The Commander didn't feel it, but a mind numbing terror was holding her lungs constricted. She couldn't lose Y/N. A smaller but equally scared part of her was hoping against all hope that their baby was alright. But the tightness in her heart said otherwise.
There was a jeep waiting by the stables so the Polarians could visit Arkadia and a sister car in the Arkers camp. It was there in case of emergency, and right now definitely qualified. The driver had been roused and Lexa held Y/N in the backseat as he tore out of Polis. She was stroking her face as the other girl curled in her lap, cupping her stomach and grimacing.

Alarmed little whimpers were spilling from her lips. Lexa herself was covered in
Y/N's blood and it was smeared all over the seats, but all she cared about was focusing on calming her panicking wife.

"Shhh, ai hodness. We're almost there." Her soothing words did nothing to hide the raw terror burning through her own head. The driver was driving dangerously fast, but Lexa demanded he go faster.
Y/N had fallen alarmingly silent in her arms.

"Hold on, niron." The Heda murmured.
"Your fight is not over yet." She choked out.
When they reached the gates of Skaikru's camp, Lexa carried a limp Y/N through. Abby and Clarke raced to meet them. The took the pregnant girl from the Commander. Lexa found herself promptly shut out of the hospital room where her wife was and ushered instead to a waiting room down the hall. The brunette succumbed to her fears, pacing and worrying with tears burning unshed in her eyes.

Her thoughts were a whirlwind of broken sentences, and she was so agitated that she wouldn't have been able to speak any English at all if prompted. Suddenly the door slammed open and the Heda jumped a foot, eyes wide.
Octavia scrambled in, nearly slamming into the other girl. Lexa backed up, taking in Octavia's own panic. She looked as if she's just woken up. It was the middle of the night, after all.

"Commander!" She gasped.
"Y/N- I heard..." She trailed off, taking in the Commander's obvious distress and anxiety.
"Fuck." She whispered. Lexa continued her pacing, not sparing another glance at Indra's second. Octavia sat down heavily. The sounds of Lexa boots on the floor were smooth and lulling, but did nothing to unknot the tension in her shoulders.

Lexa ran her hands through her curls. She wanted something to do, to feel useful. But all she felt was helplessness and fear. Tears threatened her eyes, and she just knew that her emotions were written on her face. She couldn't bring herself to care.

Lexa's head snapped to the door again when Raven and Bellamy spilled into the waiting room too. Raven looked especially worried. She had gotten Lexa's frantic plea for help, after all.

They all sat down next to Octavia, and Lexa could feel their eyes tracking her as she paced. The minutes passed, but they felt like hours to Lexa. She was imagining the worst, and her heart felt like it was being squeezed in a fist. Her lungs felt constricted too, like the time she'd fallen off her horse when she was 7 and knocked the wind out of them.

The door at the end of the hallway opened, and an exhausted, blood covered Clarke stumbled into the waiting room. Lexa's heart was in her throat. She strode to the blonde and swallowed hard, eyes pleading. Clarke shook her head, biting her lip.

"I'm sorry." She rasped. Lexa fell to her knees. Clarke watched her with tears glimmering in her own eyes.

"No." Lexa whispered. A searing agony tore through her chest. It was heaving and a buzzing sound filled her skull. The others gathered behind her were silent as the Commander grieved. Her wife, the absolute love of her life, was gone. The light that drove out her darkness vanished. The girl from the sky that was her sun, her moon, and all her stars,  extinguished like a candle flame by a cruel wind. Tears slipped down her face.

She was so consumed by her heartbreak she almost didn't notice when a male nurse yanked Clarke back into the hallway. Muffled shouts caught her attention.

"Abby managed to restart her heart! We have to move quickly!" And then something about a blood trans something that Lexa couldn't quite catch. She stood abruptly. Hope ballooned in her chest as a fierce expression crossed her face. She started to the door, determined to see her wife. Octavia and Raven grasped her arms. Lexa wriggled and fought them, growling in Trigedasleng. Octavia shouted right back and Raven just dodged Lexa's halfhearted swings. Bellamy watched quietly in shock.
They managed to force the shaken Commander into a seat and Octavia took her face in her hands.

"Listen to me. If you go in there now, you'll distract them and
Y/N will die." Lexa's expression twisted, and she opened her mouth.
"Shut up." Octavia snapped. Lexa blinked, unused to being spoken to like that.

"We love her too. And I'm not about to let you go in there while they're fighting to keep her heart pumping. So stay. Your. Ass. Here." Lexa didn't argue, just dropped her head into her hands. So the four of them huddled together for the next few hours as the light started filtering in through the windows as the sun rose. Lexa was too anxious to fight the comforting warmth of the two girls clinging to her, so she didn't bother.

When Clarke appeared again, she was covered with even more blood and looked like she was about to keel over. Octavia and Raven clutched at Bellamy. Lexa grabbed Clarke's ruby stained hands.

"Beja." She said, eyes filled with tears. Clarke leaned heavily against her.

"Y/N is stable." She croaked.
"But she lost the baby." Lexa exhaled heavily. When she blinked, a few tears fell from her lashes. She'd known, some small part of her buried deep, had known when that first cry had parted her wife's lips that something was wrong with the baby. When she saw the blood, she knew in her heart there was nothing to be done.
Lexa struggled for a minute to recall the English words necessary.

"Can I see her?" She asked, vulnerable. Clarke nodded, and led her through those doors and down the hallway.

"She's been under pretty much since the beginning. It was almost impossible to stop the bleeding, but we did it." The blonde sounds haunted, and Lexa thanks every god that exists for Clarke and Abby's expertise.
"She needed a blood transfusion. Luckily, I shared her blood type and we had some sterile tubing. If we hadn't..." She trails off and Lexa feels sick. Clarke rubs at a bandage in the inside of her elbow before shrugging tiredly.
They stop outside the room and Clarke grips Lexa's arm.

"She doesn't know... about the baby. When she wakes up she'll go through hell and back and blame herself. Take care of her." She chokes out. Lexa nods wordlessly.
When Clarke opens the door, she sees Y/N surrounded by white sheets. Lexa thinks she looks small, like a child swallowed up by a snowdrift. The Commander gulps hard and moves to sit carefully on the edge of the bed. Her wife is pale and her breaths are shallow and quick. Clarke lingers in the doorway, unable to help Lexa now.

The brunette cups Y/N's face as she holds back more tears. A small groan rumbles low in the unconscious girl's throat as she fights the last remnants of the morphine. Lexa strokes her cheek with a thumb.
When Y/N's eyes finally flutter open, a tiny smile tugs on her lips.

"Lexaa." She slurs.
"I luh yoou." A strangled sort of laugh huffs from Lexa. She leans forward to press a kiss to her dazed wife's forehead.

"Ai hod yu in, niron." She murmurs.

"Hey. I know whaat that means." Y/N says, making an effort to force her tongue to work properly.

"Y/N..." Lexa tried. She knew she had to tell her about the baby, but she really didn't want to. Y/N must have gleaned something from her tone, because her eyes cleared and  hand drifted to her stomach and a proud smile turned up her lips. Right there Lexa's heart broke.

"You're gonna be such a good mom, Lexa." Her eyes were loving, but her brows pulled together.
"Why are you covered... in-in blood?" Lexa bit her lip as she saw the memories returning. A look of absolute horror and terror crossed her wife's face and she patted at her flattened stomach with urgency. Lexa took that searching hand in her own and squeezed it.

"They lost the baby, Y/N." Lexa whispered. The other girl stiffened. Her face crumpled and she fell silent. She stared at Lexa with agony boiling in her eyes.
She slumped back into the pillows.

"Take me home, Lexa." She rasped.
Clarke spoke up from the doorway.

"Sorry, Y/N. You gotta stay here for at least a couple weeks to be sure you're fully recovered."
Y/N's face went blank and cold, and then she pushed off Lexa's hands. The Commander reeled back as if she had been burned. Y/N weakly kicked off the covers and sat up, palm resting on her empty stomach. Clarke and Lexa both rushed to keep her sitting.

"No." Clarke said firmly.

"Yes." Y/N insisted.
"The healers in Polis can handle me now. Right, Lexa." She didn't look at the hurt brunette.

"Right." Lexa said reluctantly. Clarke rubbed at her temples.

"I'll ask mom, but she'll never agree. You're gonna tear those stitches." Y/N set her jaw.

"I'm going home, Clarke. I'm going home with my wife," She glowered.
"And you're not stopping me." Lexa knew that her bravado was just a front to hide her grief. The two of them would grieve in private.
Clarke held up her hands.

"Alright, alright. Don't bite my head off. I'm asking now." The blonde disappeared out the door.
As soon as she was gone, Y/N closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Lexa." This time, she didn't push away the brunette's hands when they held her own. Lexa knew she was apologizing for more than just her lashing out.
"I'm so, so, sorry." She sounded as broken as Lexa felt. Y/N opened her eyes and stared into Lexa's. She was cold, and the Heda's hands were warm.

"It wasn't your fault. You could have died." Lexa soothed.
"And I'm sorry. We shouldn't have-" Y/N cut her off.

"No! Don't you dare blame yourself! It could have happened if I'd been with someone else. Anyone else. But I only want you." The girl stated. Lexa looked tortured.
"It's my fault. There's something wrong with me," She poked at her abdomen that became their baby's tomb.
"In here." Lexa shook her head and tugged the poking finger away.

"No. There's not. You're perfect. Sometimes this happens, and we don't know why, but it does." She soothed. Y/N just stared at the door.

"I want to go home, Lexa. I want to see our people again." She whispered.
Lexa just nodded, expression stoic.
Clarke dashed back in, expression sour.

"Mom says you can go, but only if you drive slow and swear to come back if anything, anything, happens. Okay?" Y/N said nothing. Clarke crossed her arms.

"Just promise." Y/N gritted her teeth. Lexa decided to intervene before the cousins got into another one of their famous spats.

"I'll bring her back if something happens." Y/N shot her a betrayed look before sighing.

"Yeah, whatever." She muttered. Lexa and Clarke helped her up, and she leaned heavily on her wife. The brunette supported her gently. Soon, they were once more in the backseat of the jeep. Y/N buried her face in Lexa's shoulder, and Lexa stroked her back soothingly. She was content to let Y/N cling to her. They sought comfort from each other's warmth. The driver took it easy, and they were back in Polis before long. The walk back to the tower was lengthy and slow as Y/N leaned on Lexa. She'd refused to be carried again. Weakly waving to their people as they passed seemed to cheer her up some, and Lexa was glad.

In the elevator, Lexa had Y/N tucked up under her arm.

"Lexa?" She said, tilting her face up to look at the Commander. Lexa pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Sha, niron?" She brushed the backs of her knuckles across her wife's cheekbone tenderly.
The other girl melted into her arms with a whimper.

"I'm so tired, Lexa. So, so tired." The last part trailed into a whisper. Lexa assured her they could lay in bed all day if they pleased, meetings and obligations be damned. Y/N leaned her head on Lexa's shoulder.
Lexa was quick to open the door to their bedroom but the sight that greeted her filled her with dread. Their departure was so sudden it had thrown the whole tower off. No one had been in to change the bloodstained furs on their bed. She turned her body
to block Y/N's view and usher her to a different room, but she'd already nudged past Lexa and stopped dead in front of the bed.

When Y/N saw the blood that still stained their furs, she crumpled into Lexa's arms and the tears finally came. Lexa sunk to the floor and held her as she came undone. They rocked together as Y/N wailed.

~~~