Chapter 8
~ To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves. ~
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Important note: The chapter previously marked as Chapter 8 is a part of CHAPTER 5 now. The CURRENT CHAPTER 8 was previously marked as Chapter 13 and 15. If there is still any confusion while reading, feel free to PM me and ask away:)
***
I saw June getting into the car with him as I, along with a couple of my teammates, walked out of the school entrance. I ignored the disappointment I felt and pretended that I had not seen anything. But yes, stuff doesn't always go the way you plan in life.
"Isn't that June, Dude? Did she really drive away with the new guy?" One of the boys now asked me gesturing toward the nearly empty parking lot.
"Looks like she will, after all, give it to Alex. And we all thought Ricky would be getting to tap that thing.." Another guy snickers.
I let the anger breathe out. How dare they just talk like this about June? I mean it's just a ride anyway. Perhaps she had already assumed that I was leaving, so she didn't bother calling me, though that's quite unlikely for her.
"Look, boys." I turn around looking at them all. "Keep June out of this. I mean it. We are just friends, that's it. No matter who you see her hanging out with, I don't want anybody talking shit about her again."
"Cool bro. We were just pulling your leg. Don't have anything personal against June," one of them speaks up, raising both hands in surrender. The other guys agree with him too.
We all leave school quite soon after.
***
The amazing aroma of freshly baked cookies greets me as soon as I step inside through the front door. Mom must be home, I guess. I drop my backpack on the living room couch and head towards the kitchen.
"Ricky, honey is that you?" My mother's voice greets me as I spot her making fresh pasta behind the counter.
"Hello, mum. I missed you." I greet her and in both her cheeks I kiss her. I see the freshly boiled pasta around her and eye it. "You've actually learned how to make pasta? ''
She is smiling at me and shaking her head. "Not exactly, honey. Just trying out the pasta maker your dad gifted me two years back during Christmas," she had a distant look in her eyes and I saw how her eyes got moist thinking about dad.
I despised it. My mom has gone through so much and is still crying thinking about that piece of shit. Everything was fine even after we transferred here for his job until one day I came back with June from school and caught my father naked in bed with another woman.
We had just won a basketball match with our rival school and I was so excited. The coach informed me earlier that I have a high chance of being elected as the team captain from next season if I play exceptionally well today. And to say the least, today's game was amazing.
"Omg!!!!!! Today's game was terrific. "June states. "You're sure to be the captain from next season," she says excitedly as she walks into the kitchen and helps herself with goodies from the refrigerator.
This girl knows her way around my house pretty much too well. She hands me a bottle of beer from the refrigerator. Just as I was about to decline, she says, "Cmon man, just for today. You fuckin' earned it."
I don't actually drink alcohol. I know it's pretty absurd to hear this from a 16-year-old teenager, especially from a guy, but I just didn't like doing things that I haven't been comfortable with yet. But since it is June, I accept it anyway and take a sip of the beer, letting the bitter taste go down my throat.
"See, it wasn't all that awful now, was it?" June sits with a beer in the kitchen counter.
Just as she starts to chug her drink, we hear loud moans from the bedroom upstairs. June chokes on her drink and starts to cough as I run to her side right away, rubbing her back in circles to calm her down.
“The fuck? Are your parents home already? I thought they were away for the weekend,” June asks slightly frowning at me.
“Well, only mom was supposed to be gone. Dad has been working on a big project recently so he hardly comes home. Most of the time he ends up sleeping in his office itself so it’s the same as being alone at home for the weekend." I reply shrugging my shoulders nonchalantly.
"Wow. That’s so amazing Ricky. That means she came back early to surprise you guys and you know your father was home maybe, and then they started to-"
"I don't want to imagine what's going on behind those closed doors. Please stop." I reply fake gagging.
"Oh Richard, don't stop, please!!!!! Aaahhhhhh ....fuck..I am so close babe." We both hear a woman moaning the name of my dad from upstairs. June is looking directly into my eyes and I already knew by the expression on her face that she had figured it out too.
That woman upstairs moaning my dad’s name is not my mother.
I rushed up the stairs two to three steps at a time and could hear the footsteps of June closely following me. I'm marching towards my parent's bedroom and as I get closer to the door, the moans are only piercing louder through my eardrums. I open the door with a kick and see a naked woman straddling my father. When the door opens, my father's eyes widen as he sees me standing at the door and June standing behind me. He keeps opening and closing his mouth, gasping like a fish.
"Son, that's not what it looks like," he begins to talk to me as he pushes the woman from the top of him and wraps a towel lying nearby to hide whatever dignity he still thinks he has. My nostrils are blaring and my eyes are blazing with anger as I snarl at him.
"Don't put on this fucking nonsense. So, this must be the big project you've been working so hard on over the past couple of weeks." I say eyeing the woman with disgust who was still sitting on my parent's bed.
"Get out of here you fucking whore." I scream at her and she quickly rushes out of the bedroom not before she picks up her pile of clothes from the floor.
Mom did not deserve this.
My father begs in a pleading voice. “Please don’t say anything about this to your mom. She’ll be very hurt.”
I scoff at his plea. Seriously? "Then, before you decided to jump into bed with that whore, you should have thought about mum. Was she the first, or previously there were others? " I ask him.
His silence only confirms my suspicions. I punch him square in the jaw before he even has the chance to utter another word out of his mouth and he stumbles back, tripping over his own feet.
Then I repeatedly punch him on the face until I hear screams behind me to stop hitting my father and I slowly feel arms around me trying to pull me back from my father's battered, bloody face.
I cringe at the memory and I feel my blood start boiling again just thinking about my father. Not wanting to dampen my mood further, I offer my mom a soft smile and excuse myself to my room upstairs.
Oh, June. Where are you now when I need you.
~~~~~~
A door knock wakes me from sleep. I take a look at the time on the lock screen of my phone and it says 7:30 pm. After the intensive practises, I was so tired that I passed out as soon as my body collapsed onto the bed after school this afternoon. I have got to work out. This summer I was either on holiday abroad the entire time, or drinking and partying away the nights. Even the exercises for warming up made me feel like shit today. Coach has definitely not looked delighted at my physical condition status. I know he's going to send me early in practice tomorrow.
The door to my room just then opens and I beam when I see the person standing at the doorway.
"Hey, June!" I walk up to her and place my hands on both sides of her face. "I'm sorry about earlier today," I sigh.
"I wasn't supposed to question you like that about the new student, that was a dick move, okay?"
She smiles at me mischievously through her lashes and grins at me. "Well, you're forgiven, since you've apologised and I'm such a super nice person." She chuckles.
"Too full of yourself, eh?" I ask her.
"Not really. I know you just love me too much and can't stay away," she replies and walks around the room to the wall section where all of my medals and trophies have been decorated.
Love? Why does the word sound so foreign to me? Is that love I'm feeling for June? She looks up to me like an elder brother and her mother puts too much trust in me. Wouldn't it be like taking advantage of her confidence in me? If I could just grow some balls and confess what I really feel for her. June and I, we've been through so much together. I don't know when I first got this mixed feeling for her.
Initially, all was fine and here and there I had been dating a few girls. Just nothing serious. I already had a crush on June since eighth grade but chose not to tell her about it. Then last year when I was dating this girl Beatrice, one of the girls from the cheerleading group, I couldn't take it anymore since all I ever wanted to be with was June.
Beatrice was charming and kindhearted and I didn't want to break her heart as she seemed to be pretty much into me but she was no June. Besides, dating Beatrice and almost all the time having June by my side didn't really help. So, I broke up with Beatrice a few weeks later when I woke up one morning and decided it's enough.
I remember slightly giving June some shitty lame-ass excuse for breaking up with Bea and I'm more than sure June didn't buy my shit but didn't push me either. I admire that about her. When I made my dad leave the house after we caught him cheating on mom with another woman, she was my pillar.
My mom was so heartbroken that I had to put in front of her this strong big boy's façade and it got to me. I needed someone to be there for me too because I had lost my father too. The dad who has always taught me never to give up and work hard for my goals. No longer watching the basketball games on TV or on special Saturday nights when both dad and I prepare dinner for mum. That fucking hurts when you know the person you have looked up to as your role model for your whole life has broken your perspective on them.
All love fades into the air, and recalling good old memories leaves behind only a void in your heart, and you know you're never going to be the same again. I lost myself after dad's episode. I've gone to dark places and I didn't know if anyone else or I could rescue myself.
My grades were dropping, my team lost the season's first few games because I was an incompetent leader who couldn't guide the team in the right direction and gradually I began isolating myself from everyone because I only found comfort in seclusion. Without any particular excuse I hated everybody and good family talks would just annoy me and get me more enraged. I drank or stoned up all day and this continued for months.
I remember someone knocking loudly at my door one morning and when I eventually managed to open the door, there stood a fuming June drenched wet from head to toe that created a puddle of muddy water outside my door.
I stared at the sight before me. I've never seen June so upset and if looks could kill, June's going to burn it all away by now. I was hungry and needed a little more weed. Last night the last one of my stash was over but I feel too tired to go score more. In short, I didn't want to deal with anybody, even if it meant June.
"What do you want, June?" I asked annoyed.
As she entered the room, she pursed her lips and shoved me aside by bumping her shoulder with mine. She looked around the room and disapprovingly eyed the bottles of empty alcohol. She scrunched her nose in distaste at the heavy marijuana scent floating around my room and I lost all my composure.
"Can you leave already? You must be done looking around my room by now."
Finally, I believe my words pulled her out of her reverie. She was fuming up there and I felt her squeezing my shoulders and shaking me vigorously.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? We've all been compassionate and supportive about your situation, giving you space, but it's been months now. I know it's hard and because I'm not in your shoes, I can't really imagine the stress you've got to go through."
"I empathize with your circumstance but YOU -" she says jabbing a finger to my chest " need to fucking grow up! Drinking and stoning up is not the only way out. I drink and stone up too but you have gone out of control. I know the truth is horrible and life is fucking unfair, but like this, you can't throw away your future."
"You're a star student and right in front of you you have such an amazing future, and I'd do anything to be in your place, in a heartbeat. You are so fortunate and honoured to be so talented. Look at me! I've got both my parents and neither stays around. You have your mum next to you at least. Often I too feel like running away where not a single soul knows who I am but it is not as easy as it sounds. These things help you to escape reality for a while but you have to fight your own battles at the end of the day." She finishes her rant.
I smile at the memory and feel so blessed that June was the one that saved me. Not once, did she give up on me? On us.
"Why are you smiling, creep?" June asks in surprise, staring at me.
I shake my head at her and said nothing. She leaves it there and returns to admire my trophies again. I never understood why she was so intrigued by them.
"So when are you appearing for your SATs?"
I knew this question would come sooner or later on to my path. It has always been my dream to go to an Ivy League. I thought to go forward with my passion for basketball at times, but I think that would not be a wise career choice for me. I just decided to go ahead with the academics, instead.
I turn towards her and reply nonchalantly. "Maybe, next month or the month after that."
"What are your options? You've planned and sorted everything. I so fucking envy you." She whines at me. "I don't know what I'm going to end up doing in life."
"I think, Columbia or Princeton. I'm all right with Brown too." I say. "Give yourself some time to think about it. College isn't the endgame, you know. Think about what you want to do and believe in yourself." I smile at her.
Soon after, my mom calls us downstairs for dinner and we three laugh and remember talking about old times while enjoying the delicious food that my mom has prepared, especially for June. Look, I told you. My mom loves her like her own daughter. I can never let June know about my feelings and risk losing her completely from my life.
She is too precious.
***
~XOXO
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