~If you only knew how much those little moments with you mattered to me.~

                            👨‍👩‍👧

I drop my backpack on the floor as I slump down on the couch and release a sigh. Today the midterms are officially over. The last two months have been an utter nightmare and I am in seventh heaven now that there are only two days left before Christmas. As a little girl, I was always excited for Christmas. I still am but it's not the same, I guess.

I have not yet worked out what to do with regard to Alexander. I did want to help him but then again, what are the chances that he was telling me the truth? So even if I just this one time give him the benefit of the doubt, what will I say to my parents and to everyone else? Besides, I am absolutely clueless about his kingdom or their kind.

And as if that secret hadn't been enough, I still had to deal with Ricky. He apparently never let a word out about me to Amber and she seemed to know from her father about my eighth-grade accident. No, that wasn't it. The missing cherry on top was discovering that Amber's father is none other than Mr Summers, the so-called reputed CA that I worked under during the summer. I still have no idea about how this detail ended up in his hands.

Like father, like daughter.

So, Ricky and I were friendly with each other but till now I really haven't resolved the events of that morning. I still loved Ricky but no, the spark was just gone. I'm always going to be his best friend and support him in every step of his life but I've realised it's time to let go. In the first place, things would not have escalated, had I stopped my increasing affection for him back a long time. Much like how people say it is best to cut the roots of a problem itself before it starts to grow further.

"June, are you back already?" My mother's voice calls out from the kitchen.

Mother is home? What is she doing here?

Now don't assume I am not happy to see mother home. It's just that over the years, I am so accustomed to being alone with Mrs Willson that having my parents home feels odd. I walk towards the kitchen and I exclaim at the sight that greets me. Mother's apron and hair seem to be covered in flour. Actually, the entire kitchen counter is covered with flour and other ingredients, which I am not able to figure out. I spot Mrs Willson standing next to mother with a spatula in her hand, mirroring a terrified expression.

"Woah! What exactly are you doing, mom?"

My mother lets out an uncomfortable laugh, wiping her hands with a towel. "Nothing much, honey. I just wanted to bake a cake for you."

"I told her I can assist but she is too stubborn," Mrs Willson adds. "Look at the mess you have created, Julia!"

I laugh at the both of them although it's unlike mom to try baking a cake. It will be right to put it up this way- mom always stays ten feet away from the kitchen. Did I forget to add that she is a terrible cook? She is a lost cause, not even exaggerating.

"Mom, you don't have to bake me a cake. It's not even my birthday!" I exclaim. "Besides, by the time you manage baking one, Mrs Willson will be done baking another three cakes."

At that, my mom offers me a sheepish grin. "I just thought I could bake one," she sighs and looks around the mess in the kitchen. "But it seems I failed at such a small task too.''

Argh! June, you should have just kept your mouth shut. Look now, mom is upset.

I walk over to mom and hug her from behind, placing my chin on her shoulder. "It's the thought that counts. I still love you even if you can't bake me a cake, mommy.''

"It still makes me feel hopeless as a mother,'' she says softly. Turning around, she offers me a regretful smile and sets aside the bowl that contained the batter. Or if one can still call it the batter.

I am taken aback by my mother's sudden change in her demeanour but it doesn't look like a show she is putting up. As much as I wanted to comfort my mother, I still didn't know her quite well. We just never really spent time as a family but now, looking at my mother putting effort finally, I feel I too can let go of the past and start anew. Let bygones be bygones. I immediately perk up as an idea brews inside my mind.

"Mom."

"Hmmm?" My mother responds, looking confused to find me grinning from ear to ear.

"How about we learn how to make cupcakes together?" I ask excitedly. "I mean we can look up cooking tutorials on Youtube," I offer.

"Are you sure, honey? You just got back home after appearing for an exam,'' mom adds reluctantly.

"Stop with the drama already." Mrs Willson speaks. Releasing a huff of breath, she sighs as she says, "The kitchen anyways needs cleaning, Julia. You might as well just spend some time with your daughter here and learn to bake a few damn cupcakes."

"At times you make me forget that I am the lady of the house, Mrs Willson."

Both Mrs Willson and I laugh at the expense of my mother as Mrs Willson offers me a wink and a thumbs up. I knew exactly what she was doing. She wanted both mom and me to spend time together, perhaps, work on our long- lost bond too.

"Alright then,'' I say as I slip on an apron over me and clap both my hands together in excitement. "Let's bake the cupcakes, then."

                           ***

Mom and I spent the rest of the afternoon baking cupcakes if mom even counts as cooking while reading out loud from the phone, but at least I'm grateful to have spent quality time with her. We've made three different types — Apple Pie cupcakes, Lavender frosting Lemon cupcakes and my favourite Blackberry Coconut cupcakes. Dad came home finding both mother and daughter in the kitchen laughing and talking, least concerned about the chaos that surrounded us.

At first, I stiffened when I saw dad standing in the doorway but a grin broke out of his face and his eyes shimmered with unshed tears as he extended his two arms to both of us. I didn't waste another moment hesitating or trying to figure out the cause of Dad's unlikely behaviour too and hug him tightly.

Only if they were always like this.

It was one of the few times in my life that I wished this moment would last forever. I've never understood the coldness of my parents towards me, and over the years I've been so hurt that sometimes I just wanted my parents to be gone. Cruel, I know but we do have good as well as evil in us. And now seeing their transformed self before my eyes, I'm really wondering if this is just a dream because it's too good to be true.

I repeatedly blink my eyes and look up trying to hold back the tears that now threaten to fall. I vigorously rub my nose while doing my hardest to hold back a sob but miserably fail.

Dad untangles my arms and takes a step back, watching the emotions etched on my features with confusion clearly evident on his face.

"What is it, honey? Why are you crying?" He asks me concerned.

"N-nothing Dad," I shake my head at him, smiling, through my tear-filled eyes. "I am just r-really h-happy."

Dad gives me a kiss on the forehead as he glances at mom, once, before turning his attention back to me again. "You have nothing to worry about, honey. Both your mother and I are here now."

"Yes, June. We all love you so much baby," mom says as she squeezes my hand reassuringly. "I hope you can forgive us in your heart. We too had our reasons but-" she pauses, ''we cannot tell you the reason yet."

There. There it was again, the uncanny feeling of not being told the entire truth. I did not want to create a fuss even though it kind of bothered me. By choice, I tried to shrug off the disappointment and view things from a positive perspective.

"It's alright, mom and dad," I reply waving my hands in the air. "I already forgave the two of you. Let's not hang on to the past, anymore."

My parents both smile happily as I reassure them, and soon after talking in the living room for a long time, we get ready for supper and then retire for the night. As I walk out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my head and wearing just shorts and a tank top, my attention is drawn to the ping sound of a new unchecked message from my phone.

Still smiling at the afternoon activities, I take my time after a long time, as I do my night routine of pampering my face. Only then another ping sound goes off again.

I wonder who is missing me so much right now.

I grab my phone from the nightstand as I sit on the edge of the bed and open my messages to find the first message from Naomi, asking about my Christmas plans and the other, a very simple, "How are you, June?" from Alexander.

My heart starts pounding as I reread the simple text a couple more times before my eyes find their way to the last text he sent before tonight.

"Autumn is gone, June. She is dead."

I don't know what came upon me but I put my phone back on the nightstand without trying to leave an answer to either of them and put on Netflix once I turned on the television. Noticing that I skipped watching a whole lot of new shows due to school, I decided tonight that I'll be doing Warrior Nun binge-watching.

This is my best option right now.

                          ***

The intense blaring from the phone wakes me from sleep. I groan as I put the pillow over my head covering my ears from the unwelcome sound. Yet the ringing ceases for not even a minute before it begins, again, to my delight.

I scream loudly into the pillow, annoyed while suppressing the urge to murder the traitors as soon as I realize it's a group video call from the other three monkeys.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," Naomi's shrill voice greets my ears as soon as I answer the call. I roll my eyes at her cheerfulness and cover my mouth with the hand, stifling a yawn.

Nick bursts into fits of laughter as he makes ugly faces at me and urges Ricky to do the same, along with him. Ricky awkwardly says no and mouths me a "Good morning."

"You look like crap, J." Nick states. "What the hell you were doing last night?''

"I stayed up till morning 6 ish watching Warrior Nun and it was awesome," I admit proudly. But as I take in my appearance on the small screen icon, I might very well say that I have to agree with what Nick had just said.

I indeed look like crap, without a doubt.

"So, what are you doing for Christmas tomorrow, J?'' Naomi asks. "Do you want to join my family for dinner? My mum would love to have you with us."

The few other times anyone of my friends offered me an invitation for Christmas dinner, I declined politely not wanting to intrude but feeling lonelier than ever. My parents would put more money into my bank account asking me to spend it buying things I love but they would never be present for any occasion, including my birthday. And even though today I will be declining Naomi's invitation once again, the reason was different. Things were not the same for me. Or at least that's what it appears like to me.

"Thank you so much, Mi but it's alright," I reply politely.

"But J, you know-"

A knock on the door grabs my attention before I see mom's head peeking in slowly. I gesture at the three of them to give me a minute and smile widely at my mother.

"Good morning, mom."

"Morning, honey," she replies, smiling as she places a tray, filled with food on the nightstand. "I just thought you could have your brunch on the bed today. It's half past one already."

"Thank you so much but you didn't have to do this. I would have gone down soon, anyway," I say pointing to my phone screen.

"Oh, you were on the phone? I am sorry I shouldn't have come right now, I guess." She seems uncomfortable and awkward.

"Mom they are just my friends. Chill." I let out a laugh. "Besides, you already know Ricky and this is Naomi and Nick."

"Hello, Mrs Morrison," Naomi greets her. "I hope you still remember me."

"Hi, Mrs Morrison," Nick greets her too and Ricky smiles at my mother.

"Oh, wow. You kids are really all grown up, huh?" She says. "I last met Ricky a couple of months back but both Naomi and Nick, it's been ages since I have met both of you."

"Yes, Mrs Morrison. June said you and Mr Morrison are really busy with work so are hardly home." Naomi starts.

Mom smiles at me before looking back at the screen. "Yes, we were very busy but we realised how we have forced June to look after herself. I am really glad to see my daughter have great friends like you."

"We too love her a lot, Mrs Morrison," Nick replies to my mom.

''Oh, please call me Julia. No need to be so formal, now." Mom beams at the three of them as another idea seems to hit her up. "Why don't you three come over for dinner tomorrow? You can bring your families too."

My eyes widen as I hear my mom utter those words. She seems really changed. She never invited anyone over before for a meal, except Ricky. As I peer at the screen, I see my friends mirroring the same surprised expression on their faces.

"I would love to but my mom already invited all our other family members tomorrow," Naomi replies with a sheepish grin on her face.

"Same here, Mrs Morri- er, I mean Julia. My father and I will be driving to my grandparents tonight. We will be spending our Christmas with them," Nick adds.

"That's disappointing but you all are invited here next time," my mom says cheerfully. "And you Ricky, I see you are quiet today. Should I expect both you and Marie tomorrow night?"

Ricky nods his head at mom. "Yes, of course, Julia. Mom and I would love to join you guys, tomorrow."

After chatting for another minute or so, Mom leaves me to have my breakfast and I hang up after promising Naomi and Nick that I will come over to her place today and meet up with the two of them, later in the evening.

Just as I am about to drop my phone back and head to the washroom, my eyes catch another unread message notification.

It must have come when I was busy talking to them.

But to my horror, it was no one but Alexander.

From: Alexander

Will you please help me, June? I really need YOU to help me out.

Feeling really messed up and confused, I mute his messages and head towards the bathroom to do my business.

                             ***

"Autumn, wake up."

Peering my eyes open, I see a woman hovering over my body. She had the most captivating pair of eyes which were the lightest shade of blue as clear as crystal. With a pointed nose and small puffy lips, she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever laid my eyes upon. But what stood out the most was her silvery long hair that fell on her back. It almost felt like I knew her yet I couldn't recall where I had seen her before.

Sitting up, I pushed aside the comforter and stood up, stretching my limbs. Still feeling groggy due to lack of sleep, I blinked my eyes trying to push the sleep away. The woman cleared her throat behind me.

"Erm- sorry but do I know you? I am not sure if we have met before." I say uncomfortably while shifting my weight from one foot to another. She didn't seem like she would harm me but I still felt eerie having an unfamiliar person in my room.

She smiled at me as her eyes shimmered with tears. "We go long back, Autumn."

Autumn?

''I am June, not Autumn. You must have mistaken me for another person."

"I haven't," she replied confidently. A pause. "A mother will always recognize her daughter," she sighs as a tear slides down her cheek.

But she doesn't look like Mom. Is she lying?

"Er- I think it's best if you leave right now," I replied, still wondering what her words meant. It definitely felt like there was more but I didn't want to take my chances with a stranger in the middle of the night. Now that I think about it, how on earth did she manage to get inside my room?

"You should leave," I say again but this time a little louder.

She silently takes two more steps closer to where I stood. "Alex needs your help,'' she pauses for half a second. ''June."

"Alex? Wait, how do you know Alexander?" Furrowing my brows, I look at her in confusion.

''You need to help him. I have to go now," she says as she caresses my cheek and pecks me on my forehead. "Everything will make sense one day." And just like that, she disappeared into the thin air right in front of my eyes as she left me standing alone in the middle of the room.

"of June. June, wake up."

I groan loudly, annoyed at the sudden interruption as I pull the comforter tightly over my head. "Go away," I reply groggily.

The sound of my mother's laugh reaches my ears. "Honey, wake up. It's Christmas."

Christmas?

Instantly, I snap my eyes open to see my mother sitting beside my sleeping figure on the bed. ''It's Christmas, already?'' I ask surprisedly while rubbing my eyes.

"Well, to be precise it's quarter past twelve right now and in another few hours, Christmas will be over." She replies with a morose expression.

Oh, fuck! Great, seems like I messed up once again.

"Mom," I say softly. "I am sorry I passed out after coming back from Naomi's last night," I reply feeling the guilt seep to my bones. "I promised both Dad and you that we three would decorate the tree this year and it looks like I just bailed but I swear I didn't realize when-"

"It's alright, June," my mother interrupts as she laughs watching me blabber. "Perhaps, if you could come downstairs now, we already have a surprise waiting for you, honey.''

My ears immediately perk up when I hear the word surprise. Well, that's my undoing. After all, who doesn't love surprises?

I leap out of the bed hurriedly and rush down the stairs, thrilled to see the surprise. I pay no heed as I hear my mother calling after me and warning me not to jump two stairs at a time.

My breath hitches as I look up shocked at the incredible view ahead. About eight feet tall, in the middle of our living room, there is a lush green tree. The tree appears to be freshly cut, and a gleaming gold star is set on top. There are small, twinkling lights in every shade of colour on the tree. The whole tree is adorned with small bells and stars, the different ornaments in gold and silver colours. Underneath the tree, boxes of various sizes wrapped beautifully were kept. It won't be an understatement to admit that this is one of the best Christmas mornings I woke up to.

"Merry Christmas, honey." Dad comes forward and gives me a hug. "We thought you were going to spend your Christmas sleeping away," he chuckles. "Didn't we, Julia?"

"Exactly. Well, now that you are awake June, why don't we open the presents?" My mother suggests.

"But I didn't get time to buy you guys anything," I answered, feeling guilty as I cast my eyes downward.

"Stop worrying, honey." My father reassures from the side. "This year it's all about spending time together as a family. Besides, gifts aren't always important."

"It's the thought that counts,'' my mother says with a smile.

I told her the exact thing two days back.

"I am starving, Julia. When will we have lunch?" My father complains grumpily.

"Robert," my mother says in a no-nonsense tone. "We'll have lunch after opening the presents. Moreover, Mrs Willson will soon start preparing for dinner tonight."

                          ***

After opening my presents, the three of us headed for lunch, well, more like brunch for me. Mom gifted me a limited edition small Two-tone Canvas and Leather TB Bag from Burberry and an exquisite pair of Swarovski Vintage Pierced earrings, Rhodium plated of the colour blue from Dad. It would be an understatement to say I was pleased. I was ecstatic. Not because of all the expensive designer gifts but it's one of the first times they bought me something instead of giving me the money to buy something according to my own choice. I am just so glad that heaven's finally lent an ear to my plea and I have both my parents next to me today.

I looked around the kitchen the rest of the day, watching Mrs Willson prepare and instructing the other cooks on the dishes to be prepared tonight. I wasn't really effective, but I learned one or two things. And, at last, the dinner was almost ready after god knows how long. Roast chicken and rice smoked salmon, Stuffing, Roast ham, roast sweet potatoes, gingerbread cookies, cranberry sauce and cauliflower cheese were only a couple of the dishes prepared tonight among the numerous others.

''June! Hurry up, honey," my mom's voice calls me from downstairs. "Marie and Ricky are already here."

"Two minutes more, mom." I decided to go tonight with a plain cream-coloured skater dress and a pair of sapphire drop earrings and basic ballerinas. Because the occasion tonight is at my place, I just put on some eyeliner, mascara, blush and lipstick. Scanning my reflection in the mirror one last time, I smile at myself, going downstairs to where everyone was already waiting.

I feel uncomfortable when I descend the stairs as I know that Ricky's eyes are on me the entire time. A few months ago, the inner June must have done something insane like bungee jumping, incapable of holding the excitement. Alas, things never go the way they were expected.

I shrug off the awkwardness plastering a smile to my face and beam at Marie, Ricky's mother. "It's been so long, Marie." I greet her with a bone-crushing hug. She has always been my mama bear. "I missed you," I whisper.

"You don't visit anymore, June. I am disappointed," she jokingly accuses trying to maintain a stern expression but bursts out laughing instead.

"It's just senior year and you know how things are. It's been pretty stressful," I lie. Well, it wasn't a hundred per cent lie but it wasn't the truth either. She doesn't need to know how awkward things are between her son and me.

"Oh, look at me! That totally slipped my mind. You kids are all grown up, now. Right, Julia?" She turns her attention to mom.

"I felt the same when I saw Naomi and Nick on a video call with June the other day. It makes me realise how time has passed by so fast," she sighs.

"Ricky, where are you planning to go after graduation?" My father asks him. My father has always thought highly of Ricky.

Ricky looks surprised for a second before he realises everyone is waiting for him to answer. Grinning sheepishly, he replies, "I already got the acceptance letter from both Princeton and Dartmouth College. I obviously went with Princeton."

''Very proud of you son," Dad beams at him.

"Yes, Ricky. Congratulations. This is some amazing news," my mother tells.

"What are you planning to do, June?" Marie asks. "Did you find something that might interest you?"

"I think I still need some time to decide,'' I say with a laugh. "Not exactly as talented as Ricky now so not too many options." Okay, that wasn't the way I meant to frame my sentence. It appears like I am being sarcastic at this point.

Way to go, June.

"Oh, take your time honey," she says reassuringly. "I am sure you'll be able to figure it out soon."

"Yes, it's her call now. We will support whatever decision she takes,'' my father adds from the side. I look up at Dad to find him smiling proudly at me.

Thanks, Dad.

"Let's move to the dining room then," my mother declares. "June, Marie has especially prepared her roast lamb tonight for you."

"You are the best, mommy bear Marie!" I thank Marie profusely and we all head to the dining room.

Just then the doorbell went off. "I will get the door," Mom jumps up from her seat as she rushes towards the front door.

''Are we expecting anyone else, Dad?"

"Yes, actually but I didn't have time to inform you,'' he replies nonchalantly. ''A friend of mine is in town and I invited both his son and him too. Hope it's alright."

"Yes, of course! That sounds great," Marie agrees. "The more, the merrier.''

I was so engrossed drooling over the delicacies for tonight, I didn't realise when my mom walked in with our other guests.

"Hope I am not too late."

My world stopped for a fraction of a second as I already recognized that voice.

What is he doing here?

"Here everyone, this is Alexander," my father announces and introduces him to the other guests. "This is Maria Collins and her son, Ricky,"

"Merry Christmas, Mrs Collins." He greets her while taking her hand and placing a soft kiss on the top of it.

Marie blushes profusely and waves of her hands in dismissal. "Oh, just call me Marie. It's a pleasure to meet you, Alexander.''

"Hello Ricky, pleasure meeting you again," Alexander says, faking a smile which almost seemed genuine but I knew better while he took the seat directly across mine. Ricky mutters a "hey,'' and glares at him. Hopefully, everybody around the table was too busy to notice it.

"Merry Christmas, June," Alexander says casually as he raises his glass of wine and nods his head at me, finally acknowledging my presence.

"I thought your father will be joining us too. He didn't come?'' I question innocently with a raised brow, mocking him.

"Father had some matters to take care of at the last moment,'' he replies gritting his teeth. "He sends his apologies, Robert and Julia." My parents nod in understanding and I scoff at his excuse.

Yeah, right.

Yet what I couldn't grasp was why Alexander is dining comfortably on Christmas here at my place. Was he here to convince me to support him, and change my mind? It's best not. Had I realised that ignoring his message meant a free dinner pass with him, in a heartbeat I would have responded to him.

This is so bloody awkward.

The rest of the dinner went by smoothly if I claim myself victorious in ignoring Alexander's heated gaze on me the entire time and Ricky firing daggers at him from beside his mother. Fortunately, if any of the elders found something unusual, then no one pointed it out.

I focused on relishing my moment of family time and stuffed myself with all the mouth-watering dishes. The smoked salmon and Marie's roast lamb were my favourite tonight. Towards the end, Mrs Willson serves the Christmas pudding she prepared over a month earlier which was topped with double cream.

Once dinner was over, despite Mrs Willson's protest, I helped to clear the dishes a bit. Soon after, Marie and Ricky left, though I still could hear Alexander's voice laughing and talking in the living room with my parents. I requested Mrs Willson to assist with the kitchen work a little more.

Perhaps, he will leave soon but I need to ask Dad who his father is. What if Alexander was lying about his identity? That's quite unlikely but it's better to be sure about it.

"June," my father calls out for me. ''Come here, honey. Alex is leaving."

Oh, fucking finally.

"Coming, dad." I holler back.

I spot Alexander near the doorstep with my parents. "Take care and I'll see you very soon, June," Alexander says casually as he waves goodbye at me and my parents before walking back towards his car parked in the snowy driveway.

See me soon? More like no, thank you.

I talk for a while with my parents, then retire for the night. Suddenly, a loud ringing fills my ear on my way up the stairs which seems to pierce through my eardrums and gives me a pounding headache. I quickly crouched down on the stairs because my vision was clouded and I couldn't clearly see a thing. No matter how hard I try to call for help, I don't seem to find my voice and slowly, from the tip of my toes a numbness creeps and travels upwards as one by one, I feel every part of me unable to move. And just as I think it's the end for me, darkness engulfs from all over and I feel my eyes closing as my forehead hits the edge of a stairstep.

Little did I know then that nothing would stay the same once I wake up.

                          ***

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