~ How beautiful it is to stay silent when someone expects you to be enraged. ~
                
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Important note: The chapters which were previously marked as Chapter1, 2 and 3 are merged together as Chapter 1 now. If there is still any confusion while reading, you guys can always ask me about it. :)
       
                         ~~~~~~

I sipped my coffee while scrolling through my Instagram homepage, I cringe slightly as a video captioned as "ATTENTION WHORE", uploaded by the school's queen bee, starts playing. My eyes widened and memories from last night come crashing down like a pile of rocks.

Oh my god.

The girl in the video only had her bra on with her jeans hanging loosely on her waist. The belly ring sparkled slightly in the dimly lit area as she moved her drunk ass from side to side while holding the beer mug in her other hand. I stop playing without bothering to watch the rest of the video. That girl in the video is me.

This is from Ricky's party last night. Usually, parties are not really my scene but once in a while, a little partying and getting wasted doesn't hurt. Also, last month has been pretty stressful because of final exams and the only thing I remember doing is eating, studying or sleeping. That's one of the reasons I agreed when my best friend Naomi asked if I wanted to go to the party along with her and Nick, her boyfriend. I almost declined to say I didn't want to go third-wheeling again but decided against it at the last moment. I said yes cause first, I did want and need a break and second, I might have a teeny tiny bit crush on Ricky but Naomi doesn't need to know that yet.

Now you are obviously wondering who this Ricky might be. Let's just say Ricky is that one person in my life about whom if I start talking, I can go on and on forever. With his azure coloured eyes and jet- black hair always spiked up, he looks like a yummy model out of a photo shoot. He has a drool-worthy body, okay? You can't blame me. Duh! I guess if he wasn't the captain of the basketball team, he definitely should have been a model with his 6'2" built. I bet my eyes are already twinkling thinking about him.

                        *****

14 hours ago

Later that evening, we got ready in my room and Nick picked us up in his Range Rover around 8 pm. I was so ready to finally let myself have some fun tonight. One of those nights, where I would probably wake up the next morning with a terrible hangover and a lot of missing pieces of memory and drunk regrets.

The night was a blur once we entered the mansion where all the furniture in the living room were cleared out to make a makeshift dance floor. People were dancing, sweaty bodies grinding against each other, while others were either busy making out or puking their guts out in the front lawns. The usual. Nothing new. One of Ricky's friends guides us to the swimming pool in the backyard where many people were hanging out.

My eyes met Ricky's and he flashed his usual megawatt smile at me. The girls at my school would swoon whenever he smiled or spoke with them. The best part about him is that he is friendly with everyone and by that I literally mean everyone. Unlike other popular guys at our school, he doesn't seem to stereotype his fellow mates based on some tags and actually puts an effort when it comes to friendship.

I know him to cause his mom and my mom were schoolmates before. And yeah, we continued the friendship. Sometimes, I felt my mom wouldn't have any problem if I ever decided to date, Ricky. The woman practically loved and pampered him as her own son whenever he would show up at my place.

Umm...so yeah if you figured that is the main reason why I wasn't really sure if I should acknowledge my crush on Ricky. What if the guy considered me as his little sister or something, that would really be terrible. But all these sane thoughts were thrown out of the window last night once the liquor hit my throat. The slight burning feeling that you get when it goes down your throat is exhilarating. I have never taken raw whisky shots. I don't know why I agreed last night to Naomi's ridiculous idea.

Perhaps, it was because of her persistent attitude or the fact that she is so bloody stubborn that she doesn't know how to take a no for an answer. I was already feeling nervous being around Ricky and me without a second thought, complied with my best friend's wish.

After a few shots, I started to feel a little dizzy and the urge to puke became a little stronger. Sensing my discomfort, Ricky asked if I needed anything but I just shrugged it off saying I needed to use the washroom. If I am not mistaken it was after coming back from the washroom when all hell broke loose. I remember smoking pot with a few stoners out there and dancing around only in my bra and jeans before Ricky decided it was too much and pulled me away from the crowd.

"What are you doing Rickyyy?" I asked slurring as Ricky guided me up the stairs to one of the empty rooms.

"Just making sure you won't create any more trouble for yourself tonight, hon. Your mom will surely be in a mood tomorrow," he chuckled.

He opened the door to a guest room and helped me lie down on the bed.

"Rest for a while, June. I will be back soon," he said while leaving on a dim light and closing the door behind him.

I fell into my drunk slumber not before feeling someone caress my cheek lightly. I smiled to myself thinking it's Ricky and reach out to hold the hand. My eyes are still closed when I feel him intertwining his fingers with mine but it doesn't feel like Ricky's hand. My heart started to beat faster and then slowly, I opened my eyes to meet dark brown eyes with a fleck of gold around them looking directly at me. I opened my mouth to scream but the person is quick enough to place a hand on my mouth before coming close towards me and whispering in my ear, "Sleep June. We will be meeting again." Then darkness.

                        ***

If I didn't watch the video, I wouldn't have remembered any of this. How did I end up in my room? Did Ricky bring me home? Who was the guy who came to the room after Ricky left? I am quite surprised myself that a video with me dancing around like that is circulating around in social media is not even bothering me anymore. Instead, all I can think about are those eyes. I couldn't make out his face clearly due to the poor lighting in the room and obviously, because of my drunken state but I doubt if I ever heard that voice before. It sounded like soft velvet caressing across my skin.

Trying to distract me from the thoughts of the mysterious guy that has started to invade my mind this early in the morning, I decided to give my best friend Naomi a call and wake her up from her hangover.

                                                                                       ~~~~~~

"Hello?" I'm surprised that Naomi even managed to answer her phone. Usually, after a night of vigorous partying and getting wasted, little Miss Naomi here doesn't leave her bed till after 2 in the afternoon and claims her hangover usually lasts longer.

So you can only imagine my surprised voice the moment she responded when I wasn't even expecting her to answer any of my calls.

"Good morning to you Mi," I answered her in a chirpy voice.

"Nothing is good about this morning J. It fucking sucks. My head feels like someone hit me with a hammer a couple of times and here I am now," she complains groaning. "I won't be surprised if I have another migraine attack by the time I wake up."

"That's the same thing I hear you say during every hangover," I chuckled. "And do not roll your eyes at me now."

"Ewe...stalker alert. How the fuck did you know I was rolling my eyes, J? If I didn't know you any better, I'd assume you are into me or something." I hear the laughter in her voice.

One question lingered on my mind. "Naomi, how did I end up in my room?"

"What do you mean by how you ended up in your room? Of course, because you left hon just after midnight," she replied nonchalantly. "I mean...all of us were wasted you know...Ricky wasn't okay with you coming back without anyone accompanying you but you were pretty persistent about returning home alone." I didn't miss how she emphasized the word "alone."

"I don't remember any of that," I said aloud. Strange, I thought to cause the last thing I remember about last night are those eyes that felt like they were staring into my soul. I have no memory of making it back home alone or with anyone else. Although there's no need in worrying about it now that I am home, there is an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. As if the fact that I don't remember shit wasn't because I was too wasted but because someone wanted me to forget them deliberately.

Snapping me out of my thoughts, Naomi informs me that she will call me up later once she feels completely fine and hangs up. I scroll through Instagram for a while before deciding to take a shower and go down for breakfast.

As usual, our cook, Mrs Willson, has prepared a huge breakfast just like she does every morning. Honestly, it just makes me feel more lonely this way. The food prepared is enough for at least ten people but she claims Mom and Dad will be joining me tonight for dinner. I doubt if it's really going to happen cause the last time I remember eating a meal together with them was a couple of months back. No, they are not out of town every time. According to them, they just have things to do. Their words, not mine.

I have stopped feeling disappointed now. It's always been like this. As an only child, one would think I am the apple of my parents' eyes but little do they know. I don't even know what their problem is anymore. They don't complain but yet they are distant. Sometimes, it feels like living with strangers under the same roof. Not even exaggerating. So, you see Mrs Willson here has always played a mother figure to me and is like a family member.

That is why when Mrs Willson says my parents will be joining me today, I simply smile at her and start digging into my chocolate chip pancakes. Mrs Willson fills my plate with bacon, fruits, sausages, scrambled eggs and pastries. I stop her cause this is way too much.

"Enough, Mrs Willson. Summer is here. At this rate, I will be weighing 300 pounds by the time senior year starts," I complain to her playfully even though I am more than grateful that at least, someone in this house cares if I am having a proper meal.

"No my sweetie, you are growing up. You need food. Look at how skinny you have become. Moreover, you skipped breakfast almost every day during your final exams. Your mom will be upset if she gets to know about this," she says looking at me disapprovingly.

"I doubt she even remembers she has a daughter," I mutter to myself as a lone tear slides down my cheek and I decide to bring along my breakfast with me to my room.

It has always been this way. I have tried my best to always make both my parents proud and happy but I seem to fail every time. I have studied so hard and would always top in every subject and engaged myself in various club activities at school. I even went to the extent of joining a ballad school for mom even though I never really wanted to learn ballad. But it never caught their attention so after a while, I just gave up. There is no attachment or any bond.

Sometimes, I feel all three of us are just fulfilling our assigned tasks towards each other. Sounds inhumane but that's how I have started to feel lately. Did they not want me? Are they having issues between them? Am I the reason? No idea. Because of this, I really don't have the best memories from elementary and middle school. I always felt like I couldn't connect with anyone. At home, it was just lonely and at school, I didn't feel like I wanted to get to know anyone.

No one seemed to understand me. Not until mom decided to introduce Ricky to me, the son of her old classmate when they decided to settle in our town because of his father's job-related transfer. This is one of the good things that has happened to me. Ricky. He has always been there for me. Whenever the mean girls from my class would bully me, Ricky would always be there to defend me. He always had my back. Then came along Naomi and Nick. These three are the only people who matter to me. If it weren't for them, I would have gone crazy by now.

I mean sure I am not some nerd or the head cheerleader but I too had my fair share of boyfriends and went to countless parties since freshman year yet I always felt like something was missing and I didn't belong here. I couldn't wait for the senior year to start and graduate so that I can finally leave this shitty town once and for all. But before that, the summer break is a month-long and I need to find something to distract myself. I sigh with my thoughts.

As for now, I have decided to continue watching the German series Dark on Netflix. This series is flipping my brain. I feel like the scriptwriters were tripping bad while writing the script. I settle back on the bed against my fluffy pillows while pulling my comforter up till my chin and turn on the television.

                                                                                          ~~~~~~

Just as I was about to play the first episode of Dark Season 2, my phone starts blaring to Drake's Chicago freestyle. I like Drake, okay? Can you blame me? Also, this song is amazing. I contemplated if I should answer the call cause I really wanted to continue watching. They fucking ended Season 1 at such a terrible cliffhanger. But as soon as I checked the caller ID to realise it's Ricky, a smile broke out on my face. If this means talking to him then obviously my episode can wait for a while.

Answering the call I say, "What up Rickydy pie?"

"What up? Really?" Ricky questions me back from the other end his voice slightly rising.

Taken aback by his sudden attitude I hesitate a little before choosing to continue, "Is something wrong? You don't sound like yourself. "

To this, I could hear Ricky sigh rather loudly from the other end. "June..." he starts slowly as if not sure how to continue the conversation.

Ricky never behaves this way. Did I do something wrong? As far as I can recall, except me dancing around like a hoe I doubt I pulled any other stunt that might have upset Ricky. After a few seconds of silence, he clears his throat before starting to speak again.

"Last night you were pretty adamant about returning back home alone." Oh god. There it goes again.

Just like how Naomi put it that morning, Ricky too emphasized on the word alone. So before he could jump to baseless conclusions, I decided to cut him off by stating that I wasn't really feeling it last night and was in a mood so needed to be alone for a while. He did not seem to believe me but chose not to push it.

We instead spoke about our summer plans and how excited we were to start a senior year from next month. Ricky will be visiting the Maldives with his family and cousins for around two weeks. He offered for me to join them since he already knows I will be home alone once again for the summer. As usual. As much as I was tempted by his offer, I declined him and told him how I want to be productive this summer so probably will be looking for a part-time job or something.

You see I don't need the summer job neither do I need to be invited to spend my summer with other families. We were in a perfectly stable economic condition to travel abroad a couple of times in a year, I suppose. But my parents being my parents, they never bothered or asked if I wanted to visit any place with them. In all honesty, I would be more than overwhelmed if they just chose to stay home sometimes. Eating alone sure gets lonely when you have no one to talk to except the caretakers.

After talking for about an hour with Ricky, he says he will go hang out with the guys and check up on me later. Just as I am about to hang up he says, "June I want you to know that I am always here for you. Do not ever think otherwise. I will be leaving for Maldives day after tomorrow but anytime you need me, do not hesitate to give me a call, okay?"

After assuring him god knows how many times that I would call him up, he hangs up the phone. Then I receive a text from him.

From: Rickidy pie

June you mean a lot to me. A lot. Remember that. ❤

My heart melts after reading this simple text. He is the reason that sometimes I feel life has meaning. As much as I always want him by my side, I know sooner or later I need to let him go. I need to face the world alone. I cannot always expect him to be my knight in shining armour.

Dinner was usual with me having it while watching Netflix in my room since Mrs Willson informed me that my parents won't be able to join tonight. Apparently, they have work to do and didn't know when they could be back home again. See, I told you. It's always going to be this way. So, instead of sulking, I decided to hog the delicious dinner prepared for tonight. Mrs Willson made Chicken Scampi pasta, shrimp stir fry and bean soup. Yummy...Like I said I will be weighing a ton if I continue eating at this rate.

Once I was done with dinner, I looked through some summer job ads that might help me to kill some time this summer. Honestly, there weren't many attractive options, our town being quite small with an average population of twenty thousand. Twenty thousand might sound a little more but trust me, when you have grown up looking at the same people your entire life and everyone seems to know one another, life can seem pretty cramped up and boring. People being nosy and not minding their own business but they seem to have an opinion regarding your life. Not everyone, I repeat, not everyone is like that but yeah, most of them are annoying as fuck and don't know when to stop prying into others' business.

One of the ads catches my eye. It is regarding a summer internship under a Chartered Accountant for three months. It's unpaid but I am not really doing it for the money so that shouldn't be any problem I guess. Although I guess working as a part-timer in a restaurant or cafe would have been a pretty good option too for a high schooler but I guess I am totally so not okay interacting and smiling all day long while serving customers. No, not my thing. Besides, I am not sure if my parents would be okay with the idea of me serving tables. Something to do with their social status or some shit like that.

Deciding to pay the accounting firm a visit tomorrow, I get ready for the night. It's already 2:17 am but sleep was never my best friend. I decide to play my favourite playlist from Spotify and try to fall asleep to the voices of amazing singers.

After some time, my eyes start to feel heavy so I switch off the music and table lamp as well as setting an alarm for 8 in the morning before lying down on the bed again, I snuggle with my stuffed monkey.

That night I dreamt of brown eyes with specks of gold on it.

Kaia Gerber as June Morisson

                        *****

Hello, sweet buns. So, I have decided to post the first chapter and want to know what you guys think. It is not edited for now but I will start doing once I have completed writing the entire story. I promise to update whenever I have time. Please like and comment and let me know how you guys have liked it so far or how you guys think this story will further proceed. I have many exciting secrets to reveal in the story.

Keep calm and have fun reading.

~XOXO~

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