jackie💎.

i walked towards jazz's office and knocked lightly.

"come in" she said and i walked in.

"hey jackie" she smiled making me weak in the knees ofc cus she so fine omg.

"hey jazz" i said nervously sitting down.

"you don't have to be nervous, ion bite" she said smirking at me making me laugh.

"sorry about the wait, my computer been acting a little slow lately" she said.

"that's okay" i said.

"okay so tell me how you been ??" she asked looking at me.

"okay my body is definitely reacting to me not being on medication anymore but i feel like it's helping."

"but i been doing the normal working out more like i use to and it's really been helping as well. i haven't really thought about kb" i said.

"that's good shawty, you're doing amazing. any problems ?" i asked.

"no but i just started getting my energy back. we still working towards getting my appetite back" i told her.

"i see.. so lemme ask you a question and ion wanna get to personal but as a counselor i gotta know." she started and i nodded for her to keep going.

"have you cut ?? like anytime between the time you started having problems in your relationship til now ??" she asked.

"no, the bruises were bad enough i didn't wanna make it worse" i said.

"have you thought about it ??" she asked me.

"yes a few times. ngl i was really debating on if i even wanted to continue living at that time" i said.

"and how you feeling right now ??" she asked.

"kind of sad. im just a little insecure about my body now. i feel like these scars will most likely be here for the rest of my life".

"and looking back on it and actually thinking about it, its like d*** like this happened from someone that i loved" i said lowly wiping my tears.

i told myself that if i did end of talking about it or even thinking about kb i would put on my bravest face and not cry but i been doing ts for almost year being with her. and it's draining.

she nodded and handed me a box of tissues.

"thank you" i said exhaling.

"ofc it's okay to cry. ik that the scars may be hard for you to accept but you're beautiful. and they don't define you & it's just a symbol of you braveness and that you made it through because your strong and God wanted you too" she said making me give her a weak smile.

"thank you jazz. i really appreciate it, that's something i needed to hear" i said.

"that's what im here for. do they still hurt ?" jazz asked.

"no, not anymore thank God. it was h*ll tryna shower and because i play basketball i sweat 24/7" i told her.

"well im proud of you.. even if its only been 2 weeks i can tell this really has affected you but you still going strong" she said.

"thank you.. that means a lot" i smiled.

"ofc. ik i may not understand you but i do at the same time. as a kid i watched my dad beat my mom almost everyday".

"and to protect me my mom would hide me and when he couldn't find me he would take ts out on her. i was so young so i couldn't do much" she explained.

"im so sorry.. i had no idea you had to go through that" i said.

"i appreciate it. it went on as i got older until one day he beat my mom to death. ts weighed on me cus i couldn't help her and i carry the guilt with me everyday" she said.

"are you okay ?" i asked.

"yeahh i learned to deal with it. part of the reason i got my degree in psychology and counseling cus ts had such an affect on me it got to the point where i tried to ykk. i was so unhappy and leaving without my mom made it harder".

"watching my mom die is something i will definitely carry with me for the rest of my life but the guilt comes from the fact that she died protecting me" she told me.

"omg.. well im here if you ever need someone" i said.

"i appreciate you. just know you're never alone & we are so proud of you for pulling through and continuing to be you" she said.

jazmyn🦋.

"naleyah please get down" i said as my daughter stood up in the chair across from my desk.

"no i want my crayons and you won't get them for me" she said making me look up.

i got up and got her crayons for her handing them to her.

"now can you please get down for you fall ?" i said making her roll her eyes at me. omg she so sassy lol.

"girl.. who you rolling yo eyes at ?? with yo sassy a**" i said laughing as i shook my head.

she came around my desk and sat down beside my feet coloring making me shake my head cus she clingy asf.

i continued to finish some work for the business cus i do have a meeting in the morning. that session with jackie was intense but im glad we both got it out in the open.

i haven't talked about it since i went to counseling myself and i was like 16-17 at the time.

"mommy excuse me" she said moving my foot making my jaw drop.

"excuse me ?? my foot was here first and this is my space you came over here boo" i said making her giggle.

"hey im heading out i'll see you tomorrow" lex said.

"okay drive safe" i smiled.

"bye leyah" lex said.

"bye lex" her little voice said.

"okay" i said as i finally finished. i closed my laptop and grabbed it along with my phone and keys.

"you ready love" i asked and she nodded grabbing her crayons and coloring book.

she grabbed my hand and i shut the door locking it. i clocked out and we walked to the front.

"you gone jazzy ?" ashley the front desk worker asked.

"yes ma'am, i am. it's getting late and i gotta get her home" i said smiling.

"okay drive safe see you tomorrow" she told me.

"you too ash" i said walking towards the front door. we walked to my car and i strapped her in and yall she use to give me such a hard time cus she hated her car seat lol.

once we got home i fed her and then bathed her. she's definitely growing up cus now she wants to start bathing herself.

"why can't i bathe myself ?" she asked i finished putting her clothes on.

"you're still so young baby girl. i don't want you to end up drowning or anything like that." i said.

"okay you ready to brush your teeth ?" i asked.

"yes mama" she said smiling. i grabbed her toothbrush and washed it off before putting toothpaste on it.

"okay what's the rule ??" i asked.

"don't swallow the toothpaste spit it into the sink" she said proudly making me smile.

"good girl" i said high fiving her.

i walked into my room and grabbed some clean clothes sitting them on my bed with my lotion and body wash.

a few minutes later i heard a little voice call for me making me walk to her room.

"mommy im ready" she said.

i picked her up and she spit out the toothpaste into the sink.

"good job" i said washing off her toothbrush. i picked her up and carried her to my room so i could lotion her body.

"okay can you sit here and watch tv for me while i shower ?" i asked as i finished lotioning her body.

"mhm" she smiled.

i grabbed my clothes and body wash and hopped in the shower. i only take more than 15 minutes when im at home by myself.

a little after 5 minutes i got out and dried off my body putting on my shorts and bra. i lotioned my body, brushed my teeth, and did my skin care routine. i walked out to her watching tv.

"how's daycare ?" i asked getting into bed. she quickly crawled over to me laying her head on my chest.

"fun. i be by myself tho" she said.

"why ?? don't you wanna make friends ?" i asked.

"mm mm. i like being alone" she said making me shake my head cus she get ts from me. i was the same way in school but getting my degree in psychology forced me to socialize.

"lol i use to be the same way but i want you to socialize baby." i said lightly rubbing her back.

"okay i'll try" she smiled making me smile.

"night mama" she mumbled into my chest.

"night my love" i said kissing her forehead.

i usually put her in her own bed but imma give her the benefit of the doubt and let her be up under me tonight.

no matter how she got here i love being her mommy. it changed me for the better and she's helped me to better myself.

chapter 6😝! vote and comment💕!