I woke up with fucking body pain and a heavy head. My headache felt like someone was drilling a tiny hole from the back of my head to my forehead.

Last night was . . . damn.

How I wish I couldn't remember what happened last night.

Raccoon and I went back to my unit. We were supposed to sleep.

But the mats stayed under the bed. The bed was messy. I was fucking sore in between my legs. I could hardly walk without flinching in pain. Raccoon wrought me bad, hindi ko alam kung mabubuwisit ako or what.

Waking up alone after a rough sex was never on my list of desired experiences, and it only instilled fear in me, especially after learning about my mom's struggle to find my real dad among her many hookups.

Even though it was easy to identify the guilty party at this point on my side, I never want to claim rights for something that someone else was responsible for.

I checked my phone. Raccoon never failed to send me an update after waking up. Seeing a blank notification was a clear message for me.

A no-answer is still an answer.

I took a bath, regretting what we did last night. All of a sudden, parang gusto ko na lang bumalik sa Canada at hindi na tapusin ang last year ko ngayon sa Retail.

The mirror before me only brought back memories of what happened when we got in here. Hickeys all over my neck and breast. I even have bite marks on my shoulders and arms!

That raccoon really bit me?! The fuck.

But the neck kisses. Fuck neck kisses. That jerk found a flashing sign of weakness in me.

I could only recall vague memories from when my eyes were open. I spent the entire night eyes closed and senses open.

The cold shower helped ease the pain in my body. I went out of the bathroom with a clean towel wrapped around me.

Wala pang tatlong hakbang, natigilan na ako nang makita si Raccoon na may hinahanda nang kung ano sa dining table.

"Hi. Good morning," he greeted with a toothy smile.

I gave him a bored look. "I couldn't remember fucking me was a part of your yesterday's itinerary."

His smile was barely a cringe and gave me a peace sign. "Breakfast?"

Ang sama tuloy ng tingin ko sa kanya habang papalapit ako sa dining table. "Akala ko, isa ka ring sex-and-run enjoyer."

"Uy, grabe naman po. Bumili lang ako ng breakfast?"

"Bakit hindi ka nag-message na bababa ka?"

"Um . . ." Napakamot siya ng ulo. "I left my phone sa nightstand. Hindi mo ba nakita?"

"Saan?" tanong ko pero sinilip ko pa rin ang nightstand sa tabi ng kama. His phone was there. His phone was on the other bedside table. I never placed my phone on that side kasi hindi naman ako left-handed. Laging nasa right side 'yon na madali kong maaabot para sa alarm.

Raccoon and I spent enough time with each other to let him know what I always want for breakfast. Wala akong specific na favorite food pero may specific set of foods akong ayaw kainin. So far, wala pa siyang nabibiling hindi ko nakakain.

I was checking the food on the table when he stood close to me. Napailag ako pakaliwa nang bigla siyang umambang manghahalik. Napandilatan ko tuloy.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked, dazed.

"Kiss," he answered with a grin.

"What the—are you still drunk?"

"Kiss lang?"

"Shoo. Huwag na tayong magpanggap na lasing."

He took a few steps back and made that annoying look.

"Don't give me that duck face, Raccoon."

His reaction shifted, giving me puppy eyes and a few pity blinks.

To hell with this guy. "Fine! Smack lang."

Then he giggled and jogged, offering me his arms for a hug.

"I hate you," I sneered as I looked at him with disgust.

But he grabbed my waist and pulled me close. I gave him a clear instruction, and he didn't listen. I met his lips, and I could easily tell that he wasn't really an expert to this shit. For someone who had boyfriends before, Raccoon's kiss was different. It wasn't a hungry kiss or I'd-devour-you-whole-bitch kiss. It was soft and slow—that kind when once you closed your eyes, you can imagine yourself in a movie with your handsome leading man kissing you passionately.

He let go of my lips, and I saw toothy smile once again.

"I said smack, not a Hallmark kiss," I said with a bored look in my eyes. "Puwede mo na 'kong bitiwan para makapag-breakfast na 'ko."

"Can I be your boyfriend?" he asked with a smile.

Saglit pang nag-loading ang utak ko saka nangunot ang noo. Hindi ako makalayo sa kanya kasi hawak pa rin niya ang baywang ko. "Are you still drunk?"

"I'm serious." Tapos nag-beautiful eyes pa! "Promise, I'll be a good boyfriend."

"I'm not a good girlfriend. I'm worst! Meerah's a good girlfriend material. Recap ka ng reason kung bakit tayo nagkakilala para ma-gets mo."

"But I like you."

"Ma-attitude ako. Pumili ka ng matino. Wala akong kilala aside kay Meerah, pero sure na marami sila."

"I know, and I remember handling your attitude since February. I've seen worst."

"Bored ka ba every day? Mag-aaway lang tayo lagi. Gusto mo ba, aawayin kita lagi?"

"I enjoy being with you kahit inaaway mo 'ko."

"Ang pangit ng taste mo! Gutom ka ba? Mag-breakfast ka kaya muna?"

"Hahaha! Sige na kasi . . . ako na lang boyfriend mo . . ." Nag-pout pa siya habang nagpapa-cute sa 'kin.

Ang kadiri talaga ng raccoon na 'to.

"I'll think about it. Magbe-breakfast muna ako. Saka kumain ka muna! Gutom lang 'yan."

Raccoon asked me not to be his girlfriend. He specifically asked me to agree na maging boyfriend ko siya. I mean . . . it was easy to say na maging girlfriend ako kaysa maging boyfriend ko siya, and it felt so weird kasi nasanay ako kina Salva na kapag nanliligaw, parating "Girlfriend na kita." It sounds like they have authority over you. More like, "I own you now, bitch."

But Raccoon asking me if he could be my boyfriend was markedly different from those assholes I've previously been involved. Sa perspective ko, ang dating kasi, hindi siya bossy pakinggan. Para ngang "Alipinin mo 'ko, please!" ang tunog niya for me.

But it was just me. I still acknowledged Raccoon's lead for the two of us. Ultimo sa breakfast pa lang, siya na ang nagde-decide for me.

"Ngayon na uuwi si Meerah. Huwag kang tambay nang tambay diyan sa may guard post. Baka masita ka diyan."

Pinabitbit ko na kay Raccoon ang mga gamit niya bago pa siya maabutan dito ni Jameerah pag-uwi n'on.

"Puwede akong mag-dinner dito tonight? I'll cook for you and Meerah," offer niya.

"Ask ko siya. Bumalik ka muna sa dorm mo."

Nasa labas na siya ng pintuan nang titigan niya 'ko. Gumanti naman ako ng masamang tingin. Tapos bigla siyang tumawa nang mahina at nag-flying kiss pa sa 'kin bago naglakad papunta sa elevator area.

Pinanood ko naman siyang maglakad hanggang mapahinto siya sa tapat n'on.

Lumingon pa siya sa 'kin habang naghihintay bumukas ang panels.

I was staring at Raccoon, and for some reason, I found our situation so alike. He was so famous, but I noticed how small his circle was. Ni hindi ko nga matandaang may circle of friend siya maliban sa maraming nakaka-appreciate sa kanya bilang Lauchengco-Dardenne.

"Raccoon!"

Nagtaas siya ng mga kilay para yata magtanong kung bakit ko siya tinawag.

"If mag-isa ka lang mamaya sa dinner, punta ka na lang dito. Sabay ka sa 'min ni Meerah."

Biglang lumapad ang ngiti niya saka siya mabilis na tumango. "I will!"

Bumukas na ang elevator. Sumakay na rin siya agad. Papasok na sana ako sa loob ng unit nang biglang sumulpot ang kamay niya sa labas ng elevator panel. Ayun na naman ang hand sign niya na nakataas ang pinky, index finger, at thumb.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya 'yon ginagawa, so I went back to my room and grabbed my phone. I imitated that hand sign and did an image scan of my own hand.

After a few loading, the results showed.

Related search:

I Love You Hand Sign

"What the—"

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