⚠️ tw: mentions of suicide, anxiety, and panic attacks

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TO DESCRIBE THE NEXT FEW SECONDS AFTER WHAT HAPPENED AT THE DINNER TABLE WAS DEVASTATING. In all honesty, all you could feel inside your heart was pain numbing every inch of your senses. As you closed the door to your room, you could still hear the wails of your mother downstairs, their muffled voices causing your whole body to tremble as you leaned back on the door, locking it before sliding down to the floor. You looked at your hands and you could feel your body stiffen as you let out an incredible gust of wind out of your system.

You closed your eyes as you felt your teeth clenching with one another—the emotions swirling and flowing through your veins was enough to make your breath hitch and your heartbeat quickened, your breathing unable to catch up sooner or later. Realizing what was happening, and the way your body reacted to you trying to move—you were having yet another panic attack. You wanted to scream but the way your throat tightened at each sound you tried to make was hurting your insides.

That's when your thoughts started to spiral again and again on the words your father had said—him regretting his choices, him regretting your mother, him telling you you'd be better off somewhere. It shook your bones to the point that the tears trickling down your cheek were warm with hatred and the coldness of your skin made every inch of you shiver. After a few minutes of deafening static and blurry visions, you managed to calm down and you felt yourself getting weak. The voices of your parents couldn't be heard anymore but you knew your mom on the other side of the hall was barely getting any better at handling the situation as well.

This was it. It was the last straw.

You stood up, not minding your wobbly figure walk over to where your bag was and fumbled inside its contents, trying to get to your phone. You dialed Hitoshi's number and the longer the line rang, your waterworks threatened to spill again but you inhaled sharply, thinking that he would pick up—hoping you could hear his voice at least one last time. Your ears heard his automated voicemail pick up and you sighed, ending the call and leaning on the side of the bed. 'He's probably still in his shift right now...' you thought as your fingers tapped on the keyboard. You decided to just leave him a text message and hope that Shota was right about him being your knight in shining armor.

Because damn, you really need some saving right now.

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YOU: Hey, Hitoshi.

YOU: It's funny to be texting you like this, huh?

YOU: Normally, I wouldn't be the one to text you first but... I really needed you tonight but it seems like you were busy and I didn't want to be selfish about it. Haha! Weird, hm?

HITOSHI: Hey, (your name)... I just got out of my shift. Why are you sending these messages? You're worrying me. I'm sorry about earlier... your dad really scared me.

YOU: Nothing much really. Can we talk tomorrow?

HITOSHI: Hmm. Yeah, sure, why? Are you sure you're alright?

YOU: However, if I don't show up, I'm sorry.

HITOSHI: Then, I'll make sure you will.

YOU: ...Thank you for everything.

HITOSHI: No, I should be the one thanking you. You've done so much for me along with mom too!

YOU: :)

YOU: I love you, Hitoshi. I love you so much.

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HITOSHI'S VIOLET EYES SQUINTED AS HE READ THE MESSAGE OVER AND OVER AGAIN. But as much as he wanted to pry over it, he responded with an "I love you too" thus ending the conversation between the two of you. On your side of the city, you were finishing putting the last bits of your things in your small bag, slinging it over your shoulder. You gulped as you looked back at your room, the heartbreak finding itself to hurt you again as you bit your lower lip. But your thoughts were only brought back to reality when a knock on your door was heard. Mentally cursing yourself for moving slow, you walked near the door and leaned your ear close to it.

"Sis...? Are you there...?"

Eri's voice cracked as she gulped, her knocking still insisting on the door. You hummed in response, wanting to hug the little girl but you thought that if she saw you in your jacket and a bag slung over your shoulder, she'd be broken. "I know you don't want to see anybody right now but... I love you, sis..." Eri could be heard sobbing through the door and you felt your mouth open to let out your own sighs, your lips trembling as you placed a hand over them. "H-hey, are you crying, Eri? Don't be sad, okay? Sis is fine... she's gonna be fine... she loves you so much..." Eri sat on the floor outside your door and sniffled as she hugged her stuffy. "Eri..." you called out to your little sister, wondering with bloodshot eyes if she could feel your motives through the door. "Will you promise big sis something?"

"What is it?"

"Will you please take care of mom?" you sighed, closing your eyes. "I'm really sleepy already and I don't think I'm ready to face mom, Eri. Tell her I love her so much, okay? I love you so much." You leaned your head on the door as you firmly pressed your hands on the wood, supporting yourself from the trembling of your own balance. "Dad is mean..." she whispered as you heard shuffling behind you, signaling that the little girl had stood up. "She hurt you and mom... I don't like him..." Eri started to walk away as you hear her giggles down the hallway, shouting back at you that she would take care of Naomi.

You smiled. At least you know you're mother will be in safe hands.

That evening, you went out through your window and left the house that had broken you since the start of high school—ever since Shota Aizawa started changing. You may never really know where your feet may take you but one thing was for sure, if you die today or on the span of your disappearance, your family will never forgive themselves for whatever fate may be inflicted upon you. Little do you know that, as soon as you were rummaging some things through your room, your old box of suicide notes fell on the ground—waiting for someone to notice it.

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THE NEXT DAY WAS NO BETTER THAN YESTERDAY. Naomi had just woken up with swollen eyes and her shoulders were slumped as she made her way to Eri's comfort room, the mirror showing a disheveled Naomi. She decided to sleep with Eri in her room as being in one room with Shota might result in her committing a crime she was not ready to pay for. Shota had already left for work; his eyes also puffy and red from the regrets he had been drowning on. But Naomi could care less about what he thinks and feels because her main priority right now is you and Eri. The little girl was still sleeping soundly on the bed as she exited the bedroom, heading to your door.

"Honey?" The knock was loud enough to wake you up but this time, she was surprised that there was no answer. "Honey, Eri told me everything about what you wanted to say... please come out..." After several tries, her heart starts to pick up its speed as she quickly ran to the other side of the hallway where their bedroom was, opening the door and the drawers to find the extra key she kept in case any of you kept locking yourself in your rooms. Quickly, she ran back to your door and failing a few times before getting the key to insert into the knob. She opened the door and her golden irises widened in shock, her mouth falling agape to see that nobody was inside your room and most of your cabinets were rummaged over. "Oh my..."

"Fuck! (Your name)!" Naomi started breathing heavily, running around the house to grab a fresh set of clothes to go after Shota at school. Lots of questions ran through her head as she drove to the school; Did she just go there? Did she leave? Was she taken? Did her father take her somewhere? As she took a deep breath, parking her car at the parking lot and making sure the doors were locked and the keys were in her pocket; she ran to the school entrance, her skirt jumping up and down as she climbed up the stairs. Most of the students recognized her and were mostly concerned over the worried look Naomi had on her face as she ran across hallways, finding Shota's office. But as much as fate keeps throwing her around, she managed to have bumped into the one person she needed the most right now.

"Naomi? What are you—?" Yshi was cut off by Naomi's speed talking over the rundown of events that happened the night before. However, since the darker-haired female was so overwhelmed at how fast Naomi was talking, she managed to only make up the sentence that you have gone missing and she's trying to find Shota's office to tell your father. Yshi's eyes were wide and her eyebrows were cocked as she pointed to the direction where Shota's office would be, the blue-haired female shaking her thankfully while running to that area. Yshi made her way to the student council room, her anxious state making every member question if the teacher was feeling alright. Ever since what happened yesterday, the student council had not been functioning properly yet and Hitoshi was losing his concentration now and then.

"Hitoshi, we need to talk..." The female was standing by the door, using her head to gesture outside while the lilac haired male stood up, using both his hands and pressing them on the table in front of him to support his weight off the chair. Yshi was quick to drag him out while looking back and making sure no other student could hear what she was about to say. "Something's wrong and I am yet to figure it out... I bumped into Naomi before going to the council and out of all the balderdash she told me all I could make up was (your name) is gone... she's not at her house." Hitoshi looked down while he gulped as he felt his heart drop, remembering your messages to him last night.

"Do you know anything, Hitoshi?"

The male shook his head, sighing as he admitted. "She told me she wanted to meet today..." Yshi listened as the male showed her the text messages, the male running his fingers through his hair as a surge of anxiousness wash over him. "What if something bad happened to her..." he stated worriedly while Yshi clicked her tongue. Yshi's face grimaced as she realized what she had to do and who she had to ask to at least give her some peace of mind that you may not have managed to kill yourself. As she clicked her heels and started walking to Shota's office, she looked over her shoulder and on to Hitoshi who froze on the spot as Yshi's gaze sent a million daggers right through him.

"Tell everyone the meeting is dismissed. It seems like I have a score to settle with a certain Aizawa..."

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NAOMI HAD BURST THE DOOR TO SHOTA'S OFFICE OPEN CAUSING THE BLACK HAIRED MALE TO LOOK UP FROM HIS PAPERWORK WITH SHOCK. "N-naomi? What are you...?" Shota stood up as he tried to walk near the female but she held her hand up making him pause on his own steps. "If you go near me, I will make sure I will scream loud enough that the classes in the next room are going to think you're killing me..." Naomi warned as Shota backed away, nodding slightly, a pained expression painted on his face. "What do you need, honey?"

"First and foremost, do not call me honey after what happened. You have no right to call me anything except my name after what you had said." Naomi fumed as she stared at him with half-lidded eyes. "Second, (your name) is lost... she's not at home and her cabinets have been rummaged through. I think she ran away..." Your father gulped as he felt the heaviness in his chest weighing down on him after he heard that. But he still kept his straight face and looked at the female right in the eyes. "Are you blaming it all on me now?" Naomi took a bit of a step back as she squinted, her mouth forming into a small 'o'. "Can't you see how stressful it is to deal with work while dealing with all of this too, huh?!" Naomi went near the male and slapped him right across the face, all of her anger pushing towards his cheek in one blow. "Being stressed over your job doesn't mean you have any right to hurt your family like that, Shota! We're supposed to be helping one another and not bring each other down!"

The male cocked his eyebrows, watching as Naomi slowly slid off the ring from her finger and throwing it to the male with tears in her eyes. "It's over! We're over!" Shota could hear Naomi's heels click as she turned around and slamming the door behind her. Crouching, Shota picked up the ring and placed it in his pocket—he had been too numb to even cry over it but as he leaned back on his table and looking up at the roof, he felt himself wanting to crumble and turn into dust. The door slightly opened and he quickly moved his head, silently hoping that it was Naomi but was only disappointed to see a certain dark purple-haired woman walking in with her hands on her hips. His lips twitched into a smirk as he whispered. "I'm guessing you know?"

"That's why I'm here." Yshi rolled her eyes. "What the fuck happened, Aizawa?"

Shota stayed silent for a moment, knowing full well what was going to ensue if he told Yshi about what happened last night. But then again, even if he wouldn't tell the truth, Naomi would be telling her what had happened and of course, things were going to be way worse. "Yshi, listen I—," Shota told Yshi everything that had happened right after he walked out of the student council. He told Yshi about the argument you had at the dinner table and about the hurtful words he had said to you and Naomi.

He even started crying.

When he finished, he wiped away his own tears, walking closer to Yshi and kneeling in front of her—asking for her to do or say something. Yshi closed her eyes tightly as she clenched her fists, wanting to beat the shit out of the dude in front of her but she only stopped herself because Shota was still her best friend. "Shota..." Yshi began as she licked her lips, shaking her head. "After I walked out of my office yesterday, I was clear when I said I'm not going to help you anymore..." Shota kept his head low as he clasped his hands together, pleading even more. "Yshi, I can't lose Naomi... I can't lose my family..." The female laughed sarcastically as she eyed Shota down. "Are you hearing yourself? After all you've said to them? Are you really sure they're ready to face you?"

"..."

"Shota, I may be a psychologist but... no words can explain how much I am fuming with hatred under this calm and collected composure. You know why? Because unlike you, I wait until boiling water can be consumed." Yshi spat acid as she spoke and Shota's pride slowly sank under her words. Inch by inch, Yshi wanted to destroy Shota but she knows she has no right to do so. She continued. "I've told you so many times that when you're angry, you are going to end up saying shit you'll regret but sadly you never really got that through your skull, did you? Just like boiling water, you can't see your reflection clearly through your fucking anger. This is the consequence you have to face."

"Yshi..."

"Shut up, Shota. Whatever I am going to do next is not only going to hurt your pride but it is also not going to make you redeemable from your mistakes." As if on cue, Shota looked up to see Yshi raising her hand and slapping the male on the same area Naomi had slapped him. "This is for hurting my feelings yesterday!" She raised her other hand and slapped his other cheek. "That was for hurting your own daughter and causing her to run away!" Shota felt his cheeks sting and the skin started to turn red but what he didn't expect was the last blow that caused him to stumble to the floor, hearing Yshi panting and tears falling down her face.

"And that? That's for hurting Naomi. You sick son of a bitch!"

At that moment, Shota wanted the dirt to eat him alive and just bury him alive until he was ready to face life again.

But sadly, Anger realized that the only thing eating and burying him alive was his guilt.

And a few more hours later, Love was still lost.

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HITOSHI: (Your Name)?????

HITOSHI: Please respond... where are you?

HITOSHI: I'm getting hella worried. How are you?

HITOSHI: I've been waiting for an hour at our spot... you're still not around...

YOU: Hitoshi, I'm sorry.

YOU: I really do love you, Hitoshi Shinso.

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A/N: IDK MAN. IDEK HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS CHAPTER. I FEEL LIKE IT SUCKS :( I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M WRITING THIS AAAAAAAAAA.  ANYWAY, I AM A YEAR OLDER TODAY AND I'M HAPPY AND THANKFUL FOR THE BIRTHDAY GREETINGS.

I HOPE U ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER AND STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT ONE!