I was going absolutely stir crazy, while also being incredibly hormonal and feeling so uncomfortable in my own body. but it was almost time to meet my little girl, and it felt so right. I was gonna be a mom.
and I hadn't called my own mom yet, just thinking about it made my anxiety skyrocket. so like an idiot, I did everything I could to avoid it.

Until I absolutely couldn't.

I was sitting on the couch after a long day, watching television mindlessly when I heard the door open and shut. Which naturally made me jump, and I really didn't want to get up with my body aches. Something was telling me I needed to though.

I could hear footsteps, maybe Steven had stopped by? Or Ola? He came unannounced regularly...but Ola always called before heading over.

"Steven, is that you?" I yelled from the couch. No answer, " It's late, what are you doing out tonight?"

Still no answer. And the footsteps came to a halt. "Okay, what the fuck?" I said to myself...Now it was time for me to get up because there was no way I was tryna get murdered on a Friday night in my own damn house.

I put on my robe, tied my hair back and kept two weapons in my back pockets. Slowly opening the door, it was silent. I walked a little further, trying to careful as I heard footsteps again. They were coming from the stairs that led to the bedroom.

I gripped one of the weapons in my pocket and headed for the stairs.

I turned on the light. And my eyes widened as my own mother was running down the stairs from our bedroom, " Oh, hi."

" That's really what you have to say to me? Jesus Fucking Christ mom, what the fuck are you doing? You can't scare me like that, Ive been alone here for months. I almost fucking hit you!"

" I-I can explain—"

I looked at her as if to say, "go on then!"

" I didn't think you were home tonight, Rose."

"Well shit, I feel better now that you've explained yourself," I scoffed, " Now tell me what the fuck is going on, you got caught doing whatever you're doing so just spill it."

She sat in silence for a good couple of seconds.

She was doing exactly what I thought she was doing. My worst nightmare.

" Tell me you're not...please tell me you're not doing it." I didn't want to even look her in the face.
" Rose, it's...I'm sorry. Just listen, okay? I-I just wanted to-"
" Wanted to what? Make some extra fucking cash while also actively sabotaging your daughters marriage and putting my husband's own life in danger? What the fuck is wrong with you mom? I swear to God...you'll stop at nothing just for your own comfort."
" My comfort? He was practically begging for it! He was calling me regularly saying he needed a plug."
" Wow," I laughed sarcastically, " That's your excuse? That's what you want to bring to the fucking table? For someone whose dealt with addiction before you're doing a such a great job at making sure others don't make the same mistakes you do. You could have died mom, and for what?" I ran past her up the stairs and into our bedroom.

" Where is it," I yelled, tearing apart our bedroom, " Where the fuck is it, mom?"

" Rose stop it, let's talk about this-"

" You know, I think for as little as you've said you've said enough. I know you're not sorry, stop putting on an act and acting like you care. I know if I don't end this now you're going to keep doing it."

She kept a stash for him in our bathroom under the sink. Third Drawer, where he kept his razor...a place where I'd never even think to look.

I started to put pieces together. He never used on the road but when he was home and had spare time, that's when the using would start up again. And this is where it came from.

At this point I was full on sobbing, now tearing apart the bathroom and sitting on the floor.

" I don't understand why you're not as angry at him than me!"

" Who said I wasn't angry at him? Did I say that? Im angry at both of you...having a secret little friendship behind my back because you knew this is how I'd act, huh? Like I cared? God fucking forbid I care about y'all."

" It's not like that, Rose. I just wanted to help him-"

" Oh save it, please. I'm not interested in your savior complex. We made a promise going into starting a family and he broke it...and you? He wouldn't be in this if it wasn't for you...because every drug addict needs an enabler, and you're enabling him to kill himself! You knew what the problem was and how it was putting a dent in our relationship." She just remained so shocked and speechless, I had never really opened up about my frustration with the whole drug dealing when I was younger. And when I did, she'd just get angry. I always just walked away from the situation to protect myself and others. But now, I knew she was putting someone I loved in danger, and I'm sure he was wrapped around her finger. Made me sick to my stomach.

" Why didn't you ever tell me this is how you felt about this shit? I didn't know it bothered you so much."

" First of all, I did tell you. You never listened, you were too busy chasing the bag to even slow down and listen to your own daughter. Second of all, you wouldn't be sneaking in my fucking house near midnight looking scared shitless if you didn't think it bothered me. Stop making excuses, I'm so done," I threw the stash into her hands, " This is already hard enough, being pregnant practically by myself and trying to prepare for a family. Take your fucking shit and get out. The party is over."

" W-What do you mean?"

" You're not welcome here. Until you get your shit together. I don't wanna see you, and I don't want you dealing to my husband or you loose me."

I slammed the door. I regretted being so harsh but at the same time didn't care. I couldn't even believe what was happening. It felt so surreal. So surreal that I just spent about 20 minutes or so just yelling at my own mother for going behind my back. I needed to call someone. I needed to cry. I needed someone to just hold me for a second.