" Make a wish!"

"Oh god, I hope my pimples go away or something..." Liv nervously chuckled and blew out the candles on her cake. Everyone laughed.

" Your face is beautiful as is!" I said, bouncing Steven's youngest in my lap.

"Only because of you though," she smiled, " I wish you could do my makeup everyday, Rose."

"You know where I live, hon. Hair, nails, makeup, anything...I got your back."

I couldn't believe she was turning 14. She was definitley more reserved and shy than her dad but she had the same giving heart as he did. Steven and her were just starting to develop a close bond and he was really trying to manage making time for all his kids while also literally becoming a household name. It stressed him out a lot, but if there was anyone who could do it, it's him.

A tour was scheduled, and I was officially sitting it out. Everyone insisted. However, staying home was making me go stir crazy, even when everyone was home. If I wanted to keep myself busy while on a so-called "maternity leave" from touring I needed to make a plan. But at the same time, I wondered if the days of touring was over for me...

" So how you doin', mamas?" Steven approached me, grabbing a handful of the snacks on the kitchen island and jumping up to sit on the counter.

" Very pregnant," I laughed, " This shit is no joke...but I didn't wanna miss this for anything. She's so much like you Steven, it's crazy."

" I glad to hear that because you really did make her feel so special today."

"It's why I do what I do. Seeing that smile is enough."

" Any word from the daddy? He hanging in there? I heard about that riot in St. Louis. That's some heavy ass shit."

" I mean he said he's doing okay, but you know him. He could in the middle of a burning building and be like 'babe don't worry, it's not your problem it's mine anyways'. And he always finds a way."

"Damn, to be young and stupid."

We both laughed, "Wanna know something funny though? He asked me if my mom had been around. He's never asked me that before."

And then, he stopped laughing and frowned at me, "Oh, hell no."

" He wants us all to have dinner. Weird, huh? I don't know, he seemed genuine about it over the phone...but I don't trust Priscilla for shit. She's compulsive when it comes to lying."

He put his drink down, " She isn't dealing again, is she?"

" I don't know, and I don't really wanna find out."

" Well shit, if she's dealing to your own husband you definitley wanna fucking find that out."

" Come on, I don't think he'd do that to me. We talked about it before."

" Honey, that's just not how drugs work. You don't choose heroin--it chooses you. Like it's your God or some shit. It alternates the way you think. Puts you on survival mode."

" You're making it sound like he doesn't have free will to say no."

" Oh, he has the free will. But once you start it feels almost impossible to stop. No matter if your soul is already dead. It's just something you won't fully understand, and I praise you for that. Seriously. You have the privilege of hearing it rather than experiencing it."

"But you made it through, though!"

" I mean yeah...but it took me 20 years to sort my shit out. I'm still processing my shit. I started when I was his age and I've lost so many relationships along the way, including the relationship with myself for a long time."

I sighed. Thinking about the fact of him using had me exasperated. He knew we were going to start a family soon, and he couldn't think of anything aside from himself?

" I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get into this now. This is Liv's day."

" It's alright, I haven't gotten around to check on you in a couple of weeks and that's my fault. Maybe when you feel ready, call your mom? Get some answers. But just sleep on it tonight--maybe it's nothing. Maybe he really does wanna know what your mom is like...since you're close with his mom. Listen, I'm not saying he is using, I'm just saying it is a possibility knowing him and your mom that something could be up. And you damn well deserve to know as his wife and her daughter. You are nothing but good to both of them."

"You're right."

"Remember you're still preparing for a little one, yeah? Think about your baby girl. I mean shit! You're gonna have a child, mamas! And she? comes first before any of this shit. What kind of life are you gonna give her?"

"Man, I don't even know at this point."

As I drove home, Steven's words really stuck to me. I might have the privilege of not having experienced it but I grew up around heroin all my life. Shit, I'm pretty sure my own mother selling it kept a roof under my head and food on my plate. But never did I think about taking it. It felt like something business related. And my mom when she did it could never keep anyone around for more than a week. Her relationships and friendships were so superficial. And I just thought so negatively of the drug. That's why back in the day Axl and I hit it off so quickly because I was trying to get away from heroin. I know what it does to people.

A part of me wanted to think nothing of Slash asking my about my mom. Maybe I was overthinking it, maybe he had good intentions? Maybe they'd contacted each other and became friends? Who knows. Worrying wasn't gonna help. And it was getting late.

I kicked my shoes off, massaged my tender swollen feet and started a hot shower. I'd call my mom in the morning.