Patrick

There's only one month left until she leaves, and by now we both have a countdown. It's not the type of countdown you'd have for your birthday or anything. It's not like a countdown on New Year's Eve, where you're just filled with so much excitement to kiss your lover at midnight. It almost feels like a countdown until the day you die or something. That's a little drastic, but it's just the only thing I can think of to relate it to. Needless to say, it's not a good one by any means.

Ella called me last night and wanted me to meet her on the beach tonight like I normally do. This time I couldn't be here until after nine though, and she wouldn't tell me why. She said it was a surprise, and when I show up on the beach at exactly nine, not a second later, I see her standing there in this red long-sleeved dress with a tent and blankets sprawled out at her feet.

Her hair is beautiful like it always is, but it looks even more beautiful underneath the moonlight. The water behind her is gently lapping at a slow speed, creating such a peaceful sound between the two of us that it's almost sad in a way. I want to freeze time and stand still in this moment with her so I can watch the way her dress moves with the wind and the way she gets that smile on her face every time she sees me. I'm going to miss that the most.

"You look amazing." I say, pulling her into my arms. "Can I ask what you're doing with a tent though?"

My usual choice of wardrobe is a tank top and khaki shorts, so that's what I wore tonight. I always feel underdressed compared to her. Ella looks so good. I always swear to myself that I'll start to dress better, but I never do. I always continue to wear the same thing, but she likes that I think.

"You're going to pitch a tent. I'm going to help you. That way you won't be embarrassed anymore about it." She kneels down onto the sand and grabs the poles in her hands before she sends me another wide smile. The only thing I can think of at the moment is how on earth I got so lucky to ever find a girl like Ella. I never thought I would find someone to care so much about me, but here she is with a whole damn tent waiting to help me overcome something I've always wanted to.

"My grandparents are sleeping. I've been keeping track of when they wake up. It's usually not until around eight or nine. I was thinking we could possibly sleep here tonight. That's also of course if you even want to. It's fine if you-"

"Don't even finish that." I laugh. "I'll risk getting in trouble if it means I can spend the night with you somewhere. The real question is, can we actually pitch a tent?"

Kneeling down beside her onto the sand, she rolls her eyes at me and instructs with her hands how to put the poles together. She explains how it's going to frame the tent, and then I ask her how she knows how to do this. She responds with a story about her going camping with her dad all the time when things were decent between them and how he taught her how to pitch a tent tons of times. She says she should have been a girl scout if given the opportunity, and that makes me laugh when I picture her in a girl scout uniform. I have to admit though; I'd certainly like to see it.

"Now what?" I ask once the frame is up.

"Now we put the cover on."

Then she picks up the cover and I sit back and watch her focus on pulling it over the frame, struggling a little to make sure it fits over it. The way she gets frustrated and lets out little sighs when she has to readjust it makes me start to laugh, which causes her to give me an annoyed glance.

"You're supposed to be doing this." She giggles. "I wanted you to learn how to pitch one."

"And I am learning." I reassure her. "You're doing a very good job at showing me, and also doing a very good job at being cute as hell right now."

"Flattering won't get you anywhere, sir. Pick up the hammer and the stakes please. Oh, and the flashlight."

"Ella I don't know your middle name Carson, did you just call me sir?" Sending her the cheesiest smile I can muster, I pick up the hammer and the metal things that I'm assuming are the stakes before I crawl over to where she is and hand them to her, reaching for a flashlight as well since it's dark outside.

"It's Grace, Patrick I don't know your middle name either Connelly, but don't hand them to me. I want you to hammer those down into the ground. Make sure you stretch the tent a little so that it doesn't blow away."

"Ella Grace Carson." I repeat, beginning to hammer in the first stake. "My middle name is Alexander, but I think your middle name is a lot prettier."

I move to the second stake and after about fifteen more minutes the tent is up and I realize I have pitched my first tent. Ella helped of course, but we did it together, and now I know how to pitch a tent. The one story I couldn't tell anyone except her because I was so embarrassed suddenly vanished because I just pitched one.

"Thank you, Ella."

I mean that. It comes out so quietly that I don't realize I spoke it out loud, but when she turns to look at me she just smiles one of those smiles that drives me crazy before she picks up the comforter that came from her bed and starts to lie it down in the tent. This is probably one of the best dates we've ever been on, and spending a whole entire night alone with her seems too good to be true. I don't care if my mom finds out. I don't care if I get grounded. I only have one month left with her and I'm going to live it up as much as possible.

"Okay, you can come in now." She says.

Once I'm inside I zip up the tent so that we're alone, immediately being surrounded with nothing but the sound of the waves and the outline of her face in the dark. I appreciate the fact that this tent is small because that means she doesn't have a choice but to sleep next to me.

My back hits the comforter and I let out a sigh from how nice it is, pulling her body next to mine so that she can rest her head on my chest. God this night is already incredible and it just started.

"Twenty questions." She grins, running her fingers up my chest. "Please?"

"I think by now it's one thousand questions, but I love playing this with you. Of course, El. You go first."

She asks me if I'm a cat or dog person, which I respond to with dogs. In return I ask her what her favorite TV show is and she says the one with the zombies, but she can't remember the name of it. We talk about our biggest fears in life after that, and I tell her mine are heights and she tells me hers are spiders.

"When we're older and live in a huge house with tons and tons of spiders I'll kill every single one." I say.

"You think that'll happen?" She responds. "You think we'll have a future?"

I guess I don't realize I said something about that, but thinking about a future with Ella came natural without me even realizing it. I can actually see us living together. I can see us with kids and growing old together, and that doesn't scare me like I thought it would. Instead it makes me excited and it makes me want to continue on this journey with her. Even when she leaves I'll be calling her every single day. I'll fly there, or I'll pay for her to fly here. We'll spend every second possible together until I graduate, and maybe I'll go there for college, or maybe I won't. I don't know yet, but I'm going to make it work with her.

"Of course I do." I finally decide to say. "You don't?"

"I do. I mean, I don't know. I'm going to be gone in a month, and who knows what'll happen then? Maybe you'll find someone else, or maybe you'll-"

"Ella, do you love me?"

It comes out before I can stop it, and I look at her with the most intense expression I've probably ever given. I've never been so nervous for an answer before from anyone, but right now I'm vulnerable. All of my emotions are just let out of me all at once. She has the ability to save them or completely ignore them, which will break my heart into pieces. It's up to her.

"Yes." She says quietly.

"Say it." I whisper, my heart picking up speed.

"I don't want to say it Patrick because I don't know if you feel the same way about me."

I just stare at her for a few moments once she says that and wonder how naïve she can possibly be. How can she not realize that I'm in love with her? She's been hurt so much by all of these assholes that she can't even see someone in love with her when I'm sitting right here. I will never be able to understand why she's so self-conscious, but I'm going to relieve her of one fear right now.

"I've been obsessed with you since that night on the beach. I know you probably won't believe that, but it's true. I know that other guys have hurt you in your past, but I'm still here after all this time. I don't plan on leaving you, Ella. I love you. I'm pretty sure I always will."

Her face is so close to mine, her cheeks immediately becoming flushed before she lets out a deep breath and kisses my cheek. "I love you too, Patrick."

I laugh out of happiness, looking up into the darkness of the tent in disbelief. I found a girl that means the entire world to me, and I love her. It's not everyday you find someone that you have a mutual connection with, and sometimes people never find that person. Sometimes you wind up with the wrong one because you're so focused on running out of time that you don't wait to find the one that you're supposed to be with. I believe that I met my match even though I'm only seventeen. I can't think of anything else to express my gratitude other than climb on top of her and begin to kiss her, her fingers tugging my tank top off before she tosses it beside us. I run my fingers down her waist and try to not let myself go too far. With her it's so hard not to though. It's so hard to not strip her of all of her clothes, and I don't even realize it until I move my hand to hers that she's holding something.

"What's in your hand?" I mutter, leaving kisses down her neck.

As her palm slowly opens, my eyes settle upon a condom. She looks up at me and is all wide-eyed, setting it down onto her chest and waits for me to say something.

"El..." I trail off, unsure of what to say.

"I want to." She whispers. "You know, with you. I want this."

"I'm not saying I don't want to, because believe me, I do. Are you sure you're ready though? I don't want you to regret this."

"I'm not going to. You are who I'm in love with, and you are the person I want to lose my virginity to. I want this more than I've wanted anything. I don't know if I'll be like the others you've been with though, or if I'll look the same. I'm scared out of my mind, but you make me feel beautiful, and I think that-"

"Has anyone ever told you..." I laugh a little and move my hand to the back of her dress so I can start to unzip it, leaving kisses along her collarbone as I do so. "That you talk too much?"

"Patrick, I'm serious. I don't want you to think I'm bad at this."

I remove her dress before she has the time to finish and continue to kiss her over and over again. I'm still trying to process the fact that she wants this to happen, but I will make sure it's the best night of her entire life. I can't think of a better night to do this. We're in love with each other, and right now nothing else matters. It's just her and I.

"I don't want to be bad at this." She repeats, her body beginning to shake.

"You won't be. I'll do everything so you don't have to worry, okay?"

That seems to relax her because for the first time of the night she completely lets herself go, allowing her naked body to mesh with mine as I do what I told her I would. I take control and guide her, hearing the sound I love to hear and having our emotions completely become one. She may have thought that she didn't know what she was doing, but she did every single thing right. God, did she ever, and when everything is said and done, when she's lying fast asleep in my arms, I can't help but fall in love with her a little more. 

A/N:

OMG.

UGH.

THEY ARE PERFECT!!!

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