(WARNING: SPOILERS FOR JUMIN'S ROUTE/AFTER END AHEAD)

Watching her proceed on Jumin's route was different than with the other routes. I didn't know why but something about the whole route was very very different from everyone else. Maybe it was because Jumin's was a Deep Story route?

I had forbidden myself every thought of how it would feel to have her coming my route, that's why I was still alive.

Even though she stopped being so mean to me after 4 days we still didn't return to our old relationship. She didn't laugh for me anymore, that hadn't changed. She focused on Jumin and tried to help him through his whole arranged-marriage-fiasco.

We didn't talk about it but something had definitely changed between us. She was suddenly so far away, so cold and so out of my reach. I didn't know why I suddenly felt that way since she had already done two other routes and I'd never felt that way before. Maybe it was because of how she had behaved for the last four days. I could never forget her cold words from back then, not even when she was moderately friendly or at least polite to me now.

I didn't log on very often, too. I preferred to read the messages she'd left, no longer pretending her kind words were for me. I forced myself to finally stop pretending.

She is not mine, nor will she ever be. She will never say these love-filled words to me and she will never see me in any other way than as a weird guy who's useful for the RFA.

That's what I'd been repeating in my head like a mantra until I finally started believing it. It was time to wake up. I had pretended she liked me for too long already.

I couldn't go on like this. It was unhealthy and it affected my life, my work and my thoughts way too much.

I needed to let go off my senseless feelings for this girl, the sooner the better. I was a secret agent, I had important tasks and I couldn't be distracted any longer. Even though a part of me kept saying that my work was in vain anyway, since it would be erased as soon as she resetted again.

But would she even reset? Of course, she hadn't done Jaehee's route yet but if she looked for a lover with whom she could stay forever, Jumin was basically the perfect choice.

Maybe this was actually her last route. Maybe she will not reset and I will never have the chance to talk to her again after these eleven days.

But would it really be Jumin with whom she would stay? Yoosung would've been a good choice as well. Even though he didn't have that much money he would've taken good care of her, even with his injury that I'd caused. I had failed my role, that was protecting Yoosung, on his route and I was still ashamed because of that. Never would I forget that it had been my fault.

Zen would've been a great choice too. He would've protected her and been there for her, even with his unstable job and career. I had failed even more on his route, since he had to almost beat me up before I helped him save her.

Even though I could've easily defend myself and knock him down – one of my easiest tasks, I had received endless hours of combat training as a part of my secret agent schooling – I didn't do it. Maybe it had been out of remorse or I was just surprised. Or maybe I just felt as if I deserved the beating. I let him hit me...what I usually didn't allow anyone to do.

And now there was Jumin, rich, handsome, protective – maybe a little too possessive, but she didn't seem as if she disliked that part very much – the perfect man, wasn't he? At least once he'd learned how to show emotions. She would definitely teach him. If anyone could warm up his ice-cold heart, it would definitely be her.

She even managed to warm up my heart. And that was a way more difficult task I realized. Never before had a girl interested me this much. I had always been focusing on my work and never let anyone get close to me, at least not for the last ten years. Was it ten years already? How time flew...

Jaehee wanted her to come to Jumin's house. I decided that it would be for the best as well. The sooner the two of them got it on the sooner it would be over. I tried to tell myself it didn't but it actually did still hurt to read all her compassionate and kind messages that she sent him.

Why did it have to be this hard to let someone go? It was not like me to get so sentimental, nor to care about someone so deeply.

Was it maybe my destiny to love her, since I was part of this game? Did I only have feelings for her because I was part of it too?

No. I couldn't imagine that. The feelings were too real to be fake. I suddenly realized, this was all real. Even if it was a game. Even if I was just a route in a game. Routes can have feelings too, can't they?

She eventually went to see Jumin. And just like I expected, he didn't want to let her go anymore. I avoided the chat on purpose, not wanting to be confronted with their messages.

She spent a few days there and while everyone – especially Zen – tried to convince her to return home as soon as possible, I knew it was useless. Jumin could be very possessive and wouldn't let her go that easily.

We kind of had a chat a while ago, I don't remember how we started the topic but he told me about his special preferences and admitted he tended to be the possessive type. I think he wanted a neutral opinion, or even an advice.

I couldn't help but feel burning jealousy, thinking about what he probably did to her. Did she enjoy that kind of stuff? I didn't know and I would never find out.

Even in my still distracted state it was easier tracing the hacker this time, since I had already done it twice. After I decided to pay him a visit again I remembered how I went with Yoosung the last time. How I didn't manage to protect him. Maybe I could actually right that mistake?

It was very selfish and irresponsible to do that but I decided to try and make him accompany me. Not only because I wanted someone beside me who could spread the news if something happened to me, that was the official reason I told Yoosung while riding my car with him beside me.

I had another reason as well. I wanted to prove to myself that I could protect him. That I wasn't such a lousy agent, that I was simply distracted the last time.

Who knew what it had been. Jealousy, stupidity, carelessness. I wanted to prove myself that I could do it better.

Still, after we returned, I wished I would never have gone. Nothing did happen in fact, I could even manage to protect Yoosung and find Jumin's runaway-cat. I could've been satisfied, even happy with myself and my work and maybe I even was but there was something else that made me regret that trip.

I had actually already suspected it after I'd seen him for the first time in Yoosung's route but I hadn't been exactly sure back then. It had been more of a feeling than a fact.

But now there was no doubt of who the hacker was, that lead her to the RFA. Who'd interfered with my work, using similar methods to mine.

Haha, of course he was using similar techniques.

Everything suddenly made sense now. Even if I didn't like the sense. It was like a puzzle finally coming together. But the puzzle's result made me want to forget everything again.

I was not fair. Why did I keep my memories? Why was I the only one who could never forget while everyone else was oblivious of previous routes?

I didn't expect her to call back. I had called her, desperately wanting to talk to someone after that shocking realization but had lost courage and hung up again before she picked up.

But she called back and I had no choice but to take the call. She seemed really worried about me but I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell anyone about the hacker, anyone but V of course. But I couldn't pretend to be the cheerful 707 when I heard her soft voice, I couldn't pretend to be alright.

This was the first time I let my sorrow and pain shine through when telling her she wouldn't see me again. I wanted to say goodbye, it was my way of trying to let my feelings go.

But after I remembered how confused she would be after that call, I pulled myself together and said that I'd try to be the usual 707 again when I saw her in the chat.

I remember crying myself to sleep that night.

The day before the party finally arrived and I stared at my phone, unbelievingly, what was the meaning of this? She was calling again.

I had been trying not to cry since I left the chat and I wasn't sure if I could talk to her now. Still, my fingers took the call without my head telling them too.

She had cared about me. No, that couldn't be. I didn't want to hear her kind words, I had just decided to let her go for god's sake!

I ended up mumbling some nonsense about bread crumbs and hanging up. I was not sure if she actually heard me crying but I could hardly hold back the tears.

Jumin's party went well, he exposed the secret of his father's new girlfriend so that the arranged marriage was off the table. It was actually me who provided that information about her to him. I had worked really hard to make that possible since I didn't want to fail on his route as well.

Had I actually done something right this time?

But none of us was prepared for what happened next. Jumin proposed to her at the party. I could still see her surprised but amazed face when he said the word and feel the sharp pain hitting me again.

I knew it. Jumin and her, it was meant to be. They were the ones destined for each other.

Still, even if I should be happy for them, I felt hurt. I had almost worked myself to death in order to help Jumin and he proposed to the girl I loved so much that I would've done anything for her.

Was it maybe even my fault? What would've happened if the scandal hadn't been exposed? I hated myself for these thoughts but I couldn't help it.

I was the one responsible for their happiness and even though I tried really hard, I just couldn't be happy for them.

She wouldn't reset, that's what I told myself. It almost hurt physically but I forced myself to accept it. Jumin was the one whom she would be happy with, thanks to me. Thanks to me not failing this time.

Why would she reset anyway? For Jaehee? Was a woman's route worth loosing Jumin?

But I was proven wrong. It was only about a month after the party, the two of them had just returned from their honeymoon and we greeted them at the airport.

That's when it turned out that Jumin too, was just a route for her. Her who decided to leave him as well and  r e s e t   again.