Lucas stared at William's front door for a full five minutes. In the end, he was too afraid to knock it.

He didn't want to force a confrontation. He just wanted to know why.

Eventually, he sat down on the curb across the street and sent a text message.

To William:
I'm outside your door.

He hoped that William would come outside, but at least this way it was in William's hands. If he didn't want to see Lucas, he didn't have to.

The minutes dragged on and Lucas' gaze fell to the cracked cement under his shoes.

Despair built in him again, the same way it had all night. He could feel the pressure in his chest, up his throat, pushing behind his eyes... any moment now he knew there would be tears, but he swallowed and held them in and continued to wait.

Just a few more minutes, and then he would go. Just a few more minutes, and then it would all be over.

"Lucas."

Lucas looked up from his scuffed shoes with a gasp.

He hadn't expected William to come. He had thought the other boy was so over him that he wouldn't even bother. Yet here William was, standing before Lucas with his hands in his pocket and his head bowed and looking so goddamn beautiful that Lucas' heart started pounding.

"Why didn't you tell me you were back?"

It wasn't what he'd intend to ask, but it would do just as well as any other question.

William blinked and finally looked away.

"I wanted to surprise you."

His voice. Lucas had missed his soft, smooth voice so fucking much.

He took a shuddering breath and William sat down on the curb next to him.

Lucas wanted to touch him. His fingers twitched toward the blond but he knew it wasn't what William wanted anymore.

"Why didn't you?" he asked, finally finding his voice. "How did you go from wanting to surprise me, to not even wanting to speak to me so fast?"

William's lips pressed into a thin line and he didn't speak for a moment.

Sitting so close to each other in the sun, William next to him... It felt like the early days again, just them in their clearing.

"I did try," William finally said. "I came to help you babysit."

Lucas frowned.

"You didn't."

"I did. I was there."

"I think I would have seen you there," Lucas huffed.

"Well I saw you," William snapped. And it was so unlike him that Lucas fell silent, staring as William's cheeks turned blotchy with anger.

"I saw you with that guy, the one who treats you like crap, by the way."

William took a shaky breath and looked away.

"Rolling around on the couch and playing with the kids and--and doing everything we did on our first date."

Lucas blinked. And then he blinked again.

"You thought that was our first date?"

William flushed even redder and then jumped to his feet.

Lucas managed to catch him by the arm half way across the street.

"That's not what I meant. I didn't think of anything as dates because I didn't get that you liked me back then."

His thoughts flew to that night, how they they ended up laying in bed together wrapped in each other's arms, and he had to shake the memories away.

"And with Blake the other night--" William turned away and Lucas had to twist around until he could force William to look at him again. "It was definitely not a date."

They were standing so close now, Williams upper arm still clasped in Lucas' grip. William had his head tilted toward Lucas, eyes wide while they stared into him, blue so bright Lucas thought he could probably swim in it.

His hand slid up a little higher, reaching for Williams collar, where his thin sweatshirt exposed the skin.

His body was flooding with relief. All of this, it was just a misunderstanding. He felt lighter and lighter, any moment now he could float away.

He smiled but the smile dropped when William placed a hand over his, stopping him from touching.

"He likes you," William said firmly. "And you dont notice it."

Lucas swallowed.

He did notice it, but saying it out loud seemed like a bad idea so he kept his mouth sealed.

"I liked you," William went on. "And you didn't notice it."

Lucas frowned.

"What does that have to do with--"

"There's someone else who--is a complete asshole--but you might want to be with if you were open to it."

Lucas stepped back, shocked.

"William," he said slowly. "I want to be with you."

William nodded, eyes clouding with emotion. He looked away and took a deep breath and still couldn't look at Lucas when he started talking.

"The whole time I've been gone, I didn't want to bother you. I didn't want to hold you back or make you wait for me in case someone else could make you happier."

"William--"

"But I was actually hoping that I would come back here and you would be waiting for me."

He laughed and it sounded so wrong, so ingenuin that Lucas reached for William.

"I have been waiting for you," he said, holding both of his shoulders. "I wouldn't even look at another person!"

William shut his eyes and Lucas didn't know why, but he knew he'd said the wrong thing.

"That's just it," William said. " you're a good person, and you have a big heart and we never said it was over really... seeing you and him made me think, maybe I'm holding you back and I'm not even here and we're not even really together. It's not fair for you."

Lucas swallowed.

"Don't say that."

"It's for the best though. Who knows how long it'll be before I'm back here. You could be living an awesome life with someone else by then if I let you."

Lucas shook his head furiously, his fingers digging into William's arms.

"That's not what I want though. Are you even listening to me?"

"I know its not," William said. "That's why I'm making the decision for both of us."

Both of us.

The words rang and Lucas' ears.

William wanted to move on too.

It wasn't just this nice act for Lucas to be happy.

Suddenly, Lucas was aware of many things. He was aware that his eyes were red and swollen from a full night spent awake and in tears. His clothes were rumpled. He couldn't remember if he'd brushed his hair...

As always he was a disaster. Unattractive, messy, clinging onto someone who didn't want him.

He couldn't find his voice this time. Tears came instead.

They flooded down his cheeks and he was one hundred percent sure he'd finally officially felt his his heart crack into a million little pieces and it hurt so much that he couldn't even find it in himself to feel humiliated.

He wanted to get away, far from his stupid, reckless, idiocy in coming here just to hear what he'd already suspected. But William suddenly had Lucas in his arms, squeezing him tight, just like Lucas had been aching for only minutes before.

And then William was kissing him, lips feverishly pressing into his, devouring him, pulling him ever closer, fingers digging into his skin.

This time, even more than ever before, he knew it was a goodbye. He couldn't help the way he clung into William's shirt, how his hand finally found that bit of warm skin at the nape of William's neck and glued there. Despite everything, Lucas didn't want to let go and for a confusing moment, Lucas was sure that William wasn't planning to either.

Until an extremely loud honking made them break apart with a gasp.

Both of them stumbled out of the way of the car, arms still holding each other.

Lucas caught their reflection in the window as the car passed.

William was flushed, lips swollen pink, looking dazed. Lucas, next to him, looked exactly like he felt; completely wrecked.

He pulled his arms free, the image imprinted on his mind.

Part of him still half expected William to come after him but of course, William let him go. He didn't even say a word to stop him and even though it hurt, Lucas was suddenly so tired of begging.

If William really didn't want him, maybe he should just learn to accept that.

He managed to make it home before the tears started again. They were more muted this time, slipping down his cheeks so softly he barely felt them.

He was so exhausted and numb. All he could manage was to lay in bed. Surprisingly, he fell asleep and when he opened his eyes again it was to the blue light of early evening in his room and his phone buzzing incessantly.

"Hello?" he asked groggily.

Blake's annoyed voice came through at once.

"Lucas, where are you? You forgot didn't you?"

Lucas blinked, attempting to wake up.

"What? No, I didn't forget."

"So you're home?" Blake asked, disbelieving. "I've been knocking for like, five minutes."

Lucas sat up.

"You're here?" he asked.

He hung up the phone and practically ran to the front door, swinging it open and finding Blake mid-sentence, still speaking into the phone, with his back pack on, hair freshly dyed shockingly teal the long parts at the top curling artfully.

He gave Lucas a look and hung up the phone.

"Your hair..." Lucas said.

Blake shifted his bag on his shoulder awkwardly.

"Yeah, it was pretty faded so I decided to do it again..."

"Oh..."

Lucas was so use to the red that he actually couldn't tear his gaze away.

"Are you going to invite me in or..."

"Right."

Lucas managed to get a hold of himself and move out of the way for Blake.

In the entrance they stood there for a moment looking at each other before Lucas couldn't take it any more.

"So, why are you here again?" he asked.

Blake sighed.

"I knew you forgot. We were going to study for our exam tomorrow."

Lucas nearly had a heart attack.

"Oh shit. It's tomorrow."

"Yeah," Blake said and then laughed.

"Were you asleep or something?" he asked.

Suddenly remembering his appearance, Lucas barely managed not to turn tail and run.

"Uh, yeah. Do you mind if I quickly shower?" he asked.

Blake shook his head and Lucas hurried to his room, locking the door behind him and letting his head thump back against the door.

He didn't think he was capable of concentrating on anything right now, let alone textbooks, while Blake was sitting next to him.

A small part of him blamed Blake for everything but Lucas knew that was irrational and unfair. All Blake had done was like him. Although the reason why was still hard to comprehend.

In the washroom, Lucas was relieved to see that catching up on sleep had made a bit of a difference. He didn't look so exhausted and wrung out anymore. Aside from the way his hair was sticking up, he looked fine.

Still, he started the water and got in, attempting to wash away more of the day.

It didn't work though.

Really, all the shower managed to do was bring Lucas' wits back to him along with all the gritty little details.

The way William's lips felt, burning into him, hotter than the sun beating down on their heads. The way he didn't want to look at Lucas whenever Blake came up. The way he told Lucas it was better for both of them to just move on...

All while Lucas was here, left behind, pining. And meanwhile William was off, having "fun". What kind of fun, Lucas wondered. And had he missed out on enjoying himself fully by not officially ending it with Lucas... until now?

Bitterness swelled in Lucas and he hurried out to the living room, suddenly desperate for the distraction from his own thoughts.

Blake was there, sitting on the couch with his notes and books already spread out. He looked up when Lucas entered and smiled.

"All better?" he asked.

Lucas managed a small smile but couldn't bring himself to nod or pretend any more than that.

He sat down next to Blake and looked over the papers and books spread out and felt like he wasn't seeing anything.

Eventually, he pulled his notes closer, looking at William's tidy scrawl and began rewriting them, hoping that some of it might stick.

He got through two pages before coming out of his trance and remembering that someone was with him.

Blake met his gaze at once when Lucas looked over at him.

"Are you okay?" he asked uneasily.

Lucas opened his mouth to answer but at the last moment managed to stop himself. A strong, forceful; I hate you wanted very badly to come out of him but a bigger part of him knew that was wrong.

Blake hadn't done anything, he reminded himself. No point placing blame and starting a fight when really William was the one who had hurt him. 

Good god, he was censoring himself and using his brain before speaking. Something really was wrong with him.

"I've never seen you this quiet," Blake said. "Are you feeling sick?"

He looked worried and Lucas felt guilt twist through his belly like a tapeworm. Hating Blake was definitely wrong. Really. This had nothing to do with him. William probably needed a reason to end it and he found one. In fact, hating William was probably what he should be doing. He should send him a big fuck you in the post, just for breaking his heart.

Lucas didn't know how he had ever been so fooled. Why would Wiliam like him that much? William was perfection on two legs. 

Suddenly, Lucas felt how he had at the beginning, exactly the same way as he'd felt laying in his bed with William's lips pressed into his, that first time. Like he was imagining the connection between them. Like William was lying and Lucas couldn't quite figure out his motives. Their whole strange relationship felt like a confusing game, that only William had been playing.

"Why do you like me?"

Blake blinked and drew back and Lucas didn't blame him. He was surprised too. He hadn't meant to say it. 

Now that the words were out though, Lucas leaned forward, eager for something that might make sense, something that might fix how he felt.

"I don't..." Blake started, then he looked at Lucas and sighed. "I just do, okay."

He turned back to his textbook as though Lucas had morally offended him and began to read with so much concentration that his face turned red.

"Will you stop staring at me," he muttered, flushing even deeper.

Lucas frowned. He almost went back to pretending to study, but he couldn't. Now that it was out, it was all he could think about.

Frowning, he reached out and pried the textbook from Blake's clutches. The other boy tried to cling to it but finally it slipped through his fingers with the distinct sound of paper ripping.

Blake paled.

"That's a hundred dollar textbook," he informed Lucas.

"Please," Lucas said, ignoring him. "Tell me what you like about me."

Well aware that  he was begging, Lucas placed the book on the coffee table before facing Blake again.

"What does it matter?" Blake asked.

"I just--" Lucas fell silent. He didn't really have a good reason, not one that he could explain... aside from the deep gnawing fact that he was finding harder and harder to ignore. "I just don't know anything good about myself."

Now that the words were out, Lucas regretted it. He couldn't meet Blake's gaze, eyes glued to the loose string on the couch that his finger had found. 

Somehow, it was like William had been the band-aide, patched over Lucas' self esteem all this time. With him, all the bad parts had been hidden. But now that he was gone, it was all exposed again. Every bump and scratch and scar. 

A hand landed on Lucas' arm, surprisingly warm and comforting and Lucas remembered that Blake had a million younger siblings and was probably use to things like this.

"There are so many good things about you," Blake said quietly, "I find that kind of hard to believe."

The sincerity in Blake's voice nearly brought the tears back. Lucas fought them but Blake's eyes widened and he leaned forward, his warm hand gripping Lucas' arm tighter.

"Lucas, what happened?"

Silence stretched on for a minute until Lucas was finally able to speak in a wavering voice.

"Can't you just tell me what some of those good qualities might be?" he asked.

Blake watched him for a long moment, his wide blue eyes boring into Lucas.

After a long moment he sighed and drew back, leaning against the back of the couch.

For a long time he didn't speak, Lucas was almost sure he wasn't going to humour him and disappointment was stirring in him already because the boy who liked him, the one who William had left him over, didn't even like him enough to give him a reason.

"You know," Blake finally said. "I don't have nearly as many good qualities as you do."

He glanced at Lucas and then just as quickly away.

"I'm stubborn," he said. "I'm pretty anti-social. I can be anal, I know, and I have a problem with rules. They're there for a reason," he said heatedly. "I like following them and don't like people who don't."

He took a breath as though to calm himself. 

"I very strongly prefer to not address my feelings," he said with a bitter laugh. "I mean, I did pretend to hate you for most of a year because I liked you. Like, how does that even make sense?"

Though mildly amusing, Blake's self-deprecating tirade was a little confusing.

"I actually was looking for a list of my virtues," Lucas said, poking Blake's arm. "Not a list of your faults."

Blake raised an amused brow, lips twisting into an odd smile.

"That's my point Lucas," he said intently. "Look at what type of person I am. Why does my opinion even matter to you?"

Before Lucas could think of an appropriate answer to that, he went on.

"My other point," he said, shutting his eyes. "Is that I don't want to tell you. It's embarrassing for me... and I know you don't like me the same way... and I hope that if someone is making you feel like you're worthless, you can look inside yourself and find all of your strengths without having to look for others to make you feel better..."

He was looking at Lucas now, but Lucas found he couldn't meet the gaze. The way he said someone made it quite clear that Blake knew just who this conversation was really about. 

"Then again," Blake whispered, emotion clouding his voice. "If it'll get that look off your face, I'll tell you."

Lucas looked at him sharply. He wanted to tell Blake that he was right. He would look inside, whatever the hell that meant, and spare Blake the humiliation that Lucas was so clearly putting him through but Blake's next words stopped him.

"You're really energetic," he said.

Lucas gaped.

"That's it?"

Blake rolled his eyes, cheeks burning red.

"I don't know how to explain it," he defended. "You're like a battery or the sun or something. I'm serious. You have no idea what its like when you're not there. Everyone can be so dull and listless but they brighten up when you come around."

Blake shrank back into the cushions self-consciously.

"You give everyone around you this excited, energetic feeling."

Surprised, Lucas didn't know what to say. He didn't even know what to think about that. Vaguely, a memory returned to him. His dad use to call him Sunshine. Lucas wondered if that was why.

"That's... kind of nice," Lucas said.

"It's amazing," Blake said and then he blinked and tore his gaze away. "And there's so many more things... You don't give up. You're smart. You're extremely considerate and you never mention it--aside from being late all the time--"

"I get lost--"

"It's fine," Blake said, chuckling. "I think people will always be willing to wait for you." 

They fell silent, watching each other and the implications of Blake's last statement hung in the air between them. Was Blake actually waiting for him?

"We should probably get back to work," Blake finally said.

Lucas nodded.

He watched Blake pull his textbook back onto his lap but still didn't move.

The sad truth of the matter was that he did feel better. Only Lucas wasn't sure if it was from the oddly sweet words or the fact that they came from Blake. 

He was confused.

On one hand, he wanted William so bad it hurt. On the other, William didn't want him back and Lucas wanted to hurt him for that. Then at the same time, Lucas wanted to prove William wrong, but then Blake was turning out to be something unexpected and honest and sweet.

Blake was trying his damnedest to ignore the gaze Lucas was drilling into the side of his face, Lucas could tell because his body had gone so still, his eyes weren't moving on the page, he didn't even look to be breathing. 

And he seemed to expect it when Lucas pulled the text book out of his hands.

He set it gently on the table and turned back to Blake, and whatever it was Lucas was planning on doing, Blake seemed to be waiting for it. He didn't say anything, didn't hesitate or resist as Lucas' palm landed on the flat of his chest.

He pushed Blake down until he was pressed flat on his back in the cushions, heart racing under Lucas' palm. Lucas pressed down over him.

He hadn't been planning to go horizontal, hadn't been planning anything, but it felt good to have Blake under him, waiting for Lucas, just like he'd said he was. A distant part of him thought maybe he wanted to be in control of something but Lucas paid it no mind. Instead, he pressed his lips slowly and purposefully against Blake's.

Blake's lashes fluttered shut against Lucas' cheek, a small noise left him, in between a moan and a sigh.

He responded at once, moving full lips easily against Lucas', his hands tangling into his shirt and then up his back to weave into Lucas' hair.

It felt good. He could feel his body responding and Blake's too.

Blake rolled up into him, tugging Lucas down tighter until Lucas gasped.

Encouraged by his response, Blake kissed him with renewed vigor. His tongue delved into Lucas' mouth, hands both slid up Lucas' shirt.

The feeling of palms so suddenly on his bare skin made Lucas jerk. Blake misread the movement, moaning into Lucas' mouth and parting long enough to attempt to tug Lucas' shirt off.

"What are you doing?" Lucas squealed. 

Blake paused and blinked up at him.

"What?" he asked.

Lucas swallowed and looked down at him.

He looked dazed, pupils blown and cheeks red, lips swollen and shirt twisted. He looked half way there and to be fair, Lucas has done that to him. Where exactly else had he thought this was going?

"What's wrong?" Blake breathed. A hand landed on Lucas' thigh, stroking it.

It was meant to be comforting, he knew, but it was just too high.

"Nothing," Lucas stammered. Except that Blake's eyes were the wrong shade of blue and his lips were too full and his hands were too firm and he just wasn't William.

What the fuck was he doing?

Lucas blinked a few times, reality returning to him. He felt weirdly out of sorts, like he'd been absent from his body for the last few minutes and couldn't figure out how he'd gotten here.

"I--I just..."

Shit. He didn't know what to say or how to get out of this mess, but inside of him, he knew it was a mistake. He wanted to run but his legs felt like lead and Blake was looking up at him with concern now.

"We don't have to do any more," he said and the overwhelming sense of relief that swept through Lucas couldn't even be tempered by the slight hesitance in Blake's voice, like he was really hoping Lucas wanted to keep going.

"Thank god," Lucas sighed.

Blake frowned and looked away.

"Um, okay," he said, pushing Lucas' legs.

Lucas took the hint and climbed off of him awkwardly, nearly tripping over the goddamn coffee table and knocking some of their papers down as he tried to stand.

Blake sat up quickly, still not looking at Lucas, that pinched frown back on his face. It had been so long since Lucas had seen that expression and he didn't miss it.

"Sorry," he muttered awkwardly.

"If you didn't want to have sex you didn't have to push me down and get on top of me, just so you know," Blake said, voice dripping with irritation, only now that Lucas knew him better, he could see through Blake a lot easier. The other boy was embarrassed. Of course, he had his shit together much better than Lucas did most of the time, he probably wasn't use to embarrassing himself half as often as Lucas did.

Lucas nearly said as much but managed to bite his lip as he sat back down, perching on the edge of the cushions.

"Sorry," he said again.

They fell into silence, but neither of them reached for their books again and Lucas couldn't take it. His heart was still racing and he still had a hard-on that was wondering where it's partner had gone and he still felt oddly guilty. For one, because he wasn't use to being with someone other than William and also because Blake didn't know that Lucas was still thinking about William, even when they were making out... he didn't deserve that either.

"I don't know what I'm doing," Lucas said.

Blake snorted.

"As usual," he said, but there was no heat behind it.

Lucas swallowed and tried again.

"I didn't plan to keep going..."

Blake looked at him and a lot of the discomfort was fading already from his body, so Lucas kept going.

"I didn't think that would lead to having... sex." He just managed to choke the word out, cheeks heating. "I haven't--haven't--"

Blake's eyes widened, catching the meaning.

"I assumed you went all the way with William..."

Lucas shook his head awkwardly and the oddest thing happened; Blake bit his lip and a small smile pulled at his lips.

"Okay," he said.

He took a breath and slid a little closer to Lucas on the couch, smiling shyly at him again when their thighs touched.

"Should we get back to studying?" he asked.

Lucas nodded, confused.

Aside from their proximity and the way Blake occasionally leaned into him, he seemed to be trying to act normally. 

It took about an hour of seriously trying to study before it finally clicked in Lucas' mind what had happened; he'd just made Blake stupidly happy by telling him he hadn't had sex with William and that some of his jealousy before was nothing but an overactive imagination.

He really did like Lucas. But Lucas didn't deserve it. He'd been thinking about William. He'd been doing it for an ego boost. He'd been doing it for revenge. He didn't even know if he liked Blake like that. He was using him.

He loved William.

Shame flooded Lucas. 

He found it hard to concentrate after that and it was a massive relief when Blake finally pushed to his feet saying he should head home to at least try to get eight hours sleep before tomorrow.

He collected his things and stood in front of Lucas at the door for a long moment as though he wasn't quite sure what to say and instead of speaking, pressed his lips warmly to Lucas' in a long, chaste kiss. Lucas let him, because he didn't know what else to do.

"See you tomorrow," Blake said breathlessly.

Lucas nodded and shut the door behind Blake, promptly thudding his forehead against it. Then he did it again. Maybe if he did it hard enough he could give himself a concussion and forget this whole ordeal.

It was William, he decided, that was the source of all his problems. Their strange, prolonged breakup and all the misleading things that William did to string him along. And now Lucas was doing the same thing to Blake.

Groaning, Lucas returned to the couch and stared at the beautiful hand written notes that William had given him.

Blake deserved to have someone that actually wanted him. Maybe Lucas could if he could just forget about William.

He bet, if he tried, he could even fall for Blake. In fact, Blake was probably the perfect distraction.

And yet, he still couldn't stop thinking of William. He couldn't stop remembering the look on his face when he had given Lucas the notes. Or the way he'd watched him from the train window, the serious look on his face...

As the hours dragged on, all Lucas could think was that maybe he owed it to William to let this all go. Maybe they really both would be happier.

The next day took forever to come. It was bright and hot and there was an air of excitement on campus as people sat their exams, knowing summer vacation was on the other side.

The exam itself was surprisingly easy. Lucas had spent so long staring at William's writing that the answers all jumped to him when he read the questions.

Blake sat next to him. He smiled every time Lucas caught his gaze and Lucas smiled back.

His thoughts from last night were a niggling tickle in the back of his skull all morning long. William would probably be happier anyway, without Lucas clinging to him and never setting him free.

They left their exam together, heading to meet Grace and Alex on the hilltop but someone caught Lucas' eye as they reached the grass.

He nudged Blake to get his attention.

"I'll be right back," he said.

He didn't wait for a response, running through the throngs of people.

"Lisa!" 

She jumped at Lucas' sudden appearance and clasped a hand to her heart.

"Oh, Lucas, hi," she said laughing. "You didn't need to shout in my ear you know, even though I speak sign language, I can actually hear."

"Uh, sorry," he said. "I just wanted to ask you something and it looked like you were leaving."

She glanced back at her friends and waved them along, waiting for them to leave before she turned back to him.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

Lucas shrugged.

"There's this sign," he said uneasily. "I was just wondering if you could tell me what it means."

He could feel his cheeks heating but didn't back down. 

"Oh?" she said curiously. "What is it?"

Lucas swallowed his nerves and held up his hand.

Lucas had almost forgotten about the way William had signed something to him through the glass on the train but he just couldn't let it go now. It was like the last piece of the puzzle. He just needed to understand it and move on, even if all William had said was 'see ya'.

He was sure he remembered it and curled his fingers into the position.

Lisa tilted her head.

"Love," she said.

"What?" Lucas asked after a moment.

"That means love," Lisa said, mirroring the sign and then, a knowing smile lit her face. "Did someone sign that to you?"

Lucas didn't have the grace to feel embarrassed. He nodded, shock hitting him in waves. His heart was beating so fast he couldn't hear anything Lisa said after that and managed to wave awkwardly and walk away without another word, not caring at all about the odd look she was giving him.

By the time he realized where he was going, he was already at their clearing. Lucas pursed his lips, but went into it anyway.

The sun beat down on him hotly, but the feeling of the grass and the sound of the creek was so comfortingly familiar that he could practically hear William's voice next to him and taste the ham sandwiches he'd brought for lunches a few times.

Lucas shut his eyes and a strange sense of calm came over him, one he hadn't felt in longer than he could remember. 

For the first time, everything was in clear focus.

He had low self-esteem. 

In an unacknowledged sort of way, he already knew that. He didn't know the degree to which it affected him though. No matter what went wrong, why was he always so sure it was because of some deep personality flaw within him? Why did he think everyone else was so shallow that they acted based on whether or not Lucas brushed his hair that day? Why was he so hard on himself?

Right now he could see though. He had lived a life, just like everyone, filled with his own experiences and they had shaped him. And Blake had lived a life that shaped him and made him act like he was tougher than he was, and Alex had lived a life that taught him that humor was more important than feelings. And William too...

William had lived years in his own self-imposed isolation. 

And he loved Lucas.

And his wanting to end things was because he was sent so far away and he was willing to lose Lucas as long as Lucas would be happy.

Even though nothing was solved, even though they were still broken up and not talking and even though he'd kissed Blake, a weight lifted from Lucas. 

He was seeing clearly now and whatever came next, was completely in his hands.

AN: Sorry for the delay my friends, this chapter almost murdered me.

As much as the story is about their Romance, it is just as much about Lucas overcoming his poor self worth. I was really happy to finally be able to have him see that he was not a target. Everyone is just living their own lives and sometimes we end up hurting each other without intending to. And I thank him ultimately hurting Blake is a big part of the lesson for him to understand that.

Also, Blake is secretly a sweetheart. Shhh! No one is allowed to know! He does nice things but he is grumpy about it the whole time. :P

Hopefully you guys liked the chapter and forgive everyone for their behavioural issues LOL next chapter is from Williams POV! See you soon!