Fingers brushing against his knuckles: that's what he felt first. Then, he felt the pressure of soft lips against his own. The lights were blinding him, causing his eyes to remain closed as he laced his fingers in his captor's soft hair.

"George-" Matty groaned, finally opening his eyes to find himself, yet again, in a hospital bed.

"Matty, you're awake!" George exclaimed happily, though the curly haired lad could see large tears forming in his brown eyes.

"Yeah." Matty mumbled, pulling George's face towards his to kiss him once more.

After a few moments of just kissing and holding hands, George let out a choked sob, finding that Matty's eyes had closed again.

"Why didn't you tell me about your head?" He whispered, not wanting to disturb the lad in case he'd fallen asleep again. A few moments later, Matty's eyes opened again, wincing once more at the fluorescent lights overhead.

"I was scared you'd freak out." He admits, sitting up on his elbows as he eyes the taller man carefully.

"Well, it's a bit late for that. I thought you'd died. Your pulse was so weak and I just- your head's all kinds of fucked up. I had to call your mum and tell her you were in the hospital, and she's the one who spilled the news to me. She thought I already knew." George states, thumbing across Matty's knuckles once more.

"G, I was gonna tell you. I just didn't know how or when. I wanted to let you know when I told you I loved you, but I was so caught up in the kisses and the skyline to focus on my own head." Matty admits, blushing. He stared at the IV plugged into his arm idly, wondering just why it was there. He'd just fallen asleep, right?

"You had a panic attack over a thunderstorm, and you never have those. Adrenaline was rushing everywhere in your body but your head. I was worried absolutely sick. I-" George froze, tears falling down his cheeks once more. "I thought I lost you."

"I'm not going anywhere, Georgie. At least not right now." And with that, Matty pulled the taller man into the bed with him - careful of the tubes and machine - and fell asleep cuddled beside him.

The whole while, George fretted on whether he should let Matty be sleeping right now. Was it a good idea for Matty to be lying down with his brain so damaged? God, he wished he knew what to do. He set his own mind to just focus on running his long fingers up and down Matty's spine, holding the smaller lad close when he felt in denial. He couldn't lose Matty, not yet.

~

When you're young and there's something terribly wrong with you, you're granted one wish to do anything you want before the sickness takes you, or you fight it. When you're an adult, you just have to suck it up and deal with it.

Matty wasn't good at dealing with it.

"Come here." His voice came in a whisper, and George just barely heard it. Slowly, the taller man walked to the older one and sat down on the edge of the bed. His eyes were bloodshot from tears, and Matty's were bloodshot from, well, blood. His nose had started bleeding again, and George quickly grabbed a tissue and began dabbing at it.

"I love you, Georgie." Matty whispered, carting his fingers through the taller lad's hair whenever he leant towards him to wipe at the blood, sweat, and tears - literally. Matty was feverish.

"I love you." George spoke, pecking Matty's tear-stained cheek. "You're gonna be okay. You're strong, Matty, you're gonna get through it."

Matty huffed out an agitated breath, and tugged at his curly hair. Very slowly, he looked up at George again.

"George, I'm not strong. I'm not okay, and the sooner we accept it, the better. I'm dying, George. I don't know when, but one day, I'm not gonna be here anymore. We need to be ready for that." Matty stated, sitting upwards in his bed.

"You're not gonna die, Matthew. We're gonna fight this. You're gonna be okay. You have to be okay." George's voice cracked then, and Matty felt his heart breaking.

"I will be okay, George. When I'm dead, I may be gone, but so will my pain. I'll be in the ground. There is no heaven, hell, nor purgatory for me. When I'm dead, I'm dead; but you will be okay. When I'm dead, you have to be okay. You have to live a life that I couldn't, and you have to be happy. This is an order, George, and you must understand that." The older lad spoke softly, running his fingers down George's face.

"I don't see a life without you in it." George cried out, pulling Matty into his arms carefully.

"You will."

"I don't want to."

"But you will."

"Matty, you're still here now. I don't wanna think about this right now." George sighed, nuzzling his face into Matty's neck.

Why was Matty so okay with dying? Why was Matty so at peace with it? Why couldn't Matty understand that, without him, George might as well have not existed. Without Matty, life wasn't worth living for George.

"I'm merely floating between dimensions, Georgie. I'm not alive, but I'm not yet dead. I'm just- I'm existing. I do know, however, I don't want to die in some cruddy hospital bed. So, kiss me and let's get me the fuck out of here." Matty stated, tilting George's head upwards so he could ghost his lips across his.

~

The days were a bit better after that. Matty was weak, and therefore the shows, and tour had been put on hold. Fans, however, were super understanding and supportive and wishing Matty the best of luck. They didn't know how close he was to dying, and they wouldn't know.

Matty had gotten a haircut, under the doctor's orders. Taking x-rays and MRI's had been difficult with Matty's bushy mane. He had went to an interview the other day. He'd met up with his good friend, and roommate, Sam, as well as his 1/2 bullmastiff, 1/4 staffy, 1/4 rottweiler - Allen. Today, Matty had even gotten the chance to take his little brother to a game of footie.

Spending time with Louis proved to be very heartbreaking to Matty. The fact that he knew that soon, he wouldn't be alive killed him. It hurt him so much knowing that he'd be leaving behind his mother, father, George, and his little brother. It hurt him knowing he'd be leaving behind Adam, Jamie, Sam, Ross, and Ross' not so platonic friend John. It hurt him knowing he'd be leaving behind so many people who loved him.

"Did you see that pass? That was remarkable!" Louis cried out, eyes wide as he watched the game before him.

Matty couldn't help but smile. He loved his little brother so much.

"It was quite good." He smiled, watching his brother's enthusiasm out of the corner of his eye. A few moments later, Louis' eyes were trained on his brother.

"Why you lookin' at me?" He asked, lip jutting outwards as he adjusted his brown hair awkwardly.

"I love you." Matty admitted, blushing as Louis frowned.

"I love you too, Matty. You sure you're feelin' all right? I could call Mum." The fifteen year old said.

"I'm fine. I'm just- I just wanted you to know that I do love you." Matty sighed. This hurt him terribly.

"I love you too. I wish you weren't dying, Matty. I like spending time with you. I don't get to see you enough." Matty felt horrible once Louis said that. Louis was twelve years younger than him; so by the time Louis was starting to talk, walk, and understand some things, Matty was already out of the house and working on his career. He'd watched his baby brother grow up from afar, rather than right alongside him.

If Matty could go back to the days when Louis was only little, and decide to hold off his career for a little bit, he would. He spent those years in drugs and women, but no high could ever amount to the high he could've gotten by spending time with his family. He'd fucked up royally in that way.

Eventually, the game ended and Matty decided to take Louis out for a burger and milkshake. He heard about his brother's new school year, and the friends he was making and the girl that he fancied - some pretty thing called Tea or something like that. He heard about Louis' teacher Mr. Seraph, and how his best mate Mikey had already gotten a detention on the first day for calling some El kid a wanker. He was fascinated by the fact that Louis enjoyed school this much when Matty had always despised it.

The day did have to come to an end after that, however. Halfway through their second shake, Matty had received a text from Jamie insisting that he head to his house right away. The band was having some very important meeting.

Just before Matty could turn back towards the cab waiting for him, Louis pulled him into a tight hug.

"I love you, Big Brother." He spoke, hugging him tighter.

"I love you." Matty said, feeling as if he were going to cry. He pecked his mum on the cheek and was on his way.

Leaving behind Louis would be the hardest.