Tw:
SENSITIVE CONTENT
.ED.

Tanna Carson

"You're home early." I swiveled around on my heels, seeing Alex standing, arms crossed and leaning against the kitchen island.

"Isn't that something I should be saying to you Al?" I say playfully, shutting the fridge door as I walk over to the other side of the island. "Weren't you supposed to be at the studio until 9?"

"Mmh, I was."

"Oh, well, howcome you're home so early then?"

"I left my sticks at home."

"Your sticks? Don't you have a spare at the studio?"

"Left those at home as well." I shake my head, laughing at his words which sounded exactly like something he would do.

"Of course you did." Alex remains rather reserved, not really breaking the resolve he had put on, for whatever reason. "Is something wrong?"

"Nope, The boys just sent me a message to grab them lunch, I thought I could grab something for you as well."

"You're going back to the studio?" I ask, feeling slightly more relieved knowing I was going to be alone once again.

"Yeah, like I said, just needed my sticks, but now that I've caught you, you might as well join us for lunch."

"Oh, uh, that'd be fun but I've already eaten." My nails dig into my hands underneath the island, trying to hide the tell tale sign of me lying.

"It's still quite early for lunch."

When I went to grab the water bottle from the fridge, I had noticed the pasta was gone, which gave me the perfect excuse.

"Reg gave me pasta to take with to class, I ate before I got home." His face doesn't falter at all, seemingly believing everything I've said.

"The Alfredo?"

"Yep, you know it's my favorite." I smile before lifting the water bottle up to my lips to take a sip.

"You mean the one that Reggie has at the studio with him?" I freeze, the water bottle mid air as I register what Alex had just said.

Slowly placing the bottle down onto the table, I keep my gaze on Alex but choosing to remain silent. Maybe he hasn't picked up on it.

"Tanna."

"Alex."

"No Tanna, I'm serious, you have one chance to explain it to me from your point of view, because to me it seems way too similar to what happened years ago."

I lift my hands up, dropping my head into them while trying to maintain my emotions as my elbows rest on the counter top.

I breathe in deeply, trying to find a way around this, knowing Alex wasn't as easily convinced as I thought.

"It's not the same." My voice is soft as I lift my head up to meet his worried gaze. "It's nothing."

"Don't tell me it's nothing Tan when you and I both know it's not. We don't lie to each other and we sure as hell aren't going to start now."

"Really it's not-"

"Tanna. You haven't eaten a meal with us in a week and normally I wouldn't have even questioned that, but with the way you've been isolating yourself from us, from Luke and especially with what you just said now, I know it's not the truth."

I bite down on my bottom lip, trying to keep my emotions at bay, although at this point, I was failing miserably.

"Fuck Alex, what do you want from me." The tears slowly ran down my face as I kept my eyes locked with his.

"I want you to look after yourself Tanna. You can't start falling back into old habits, you know how bad it was. I cant bare to see you like that again, okay? You can't let yourself get to that point again."

"I know." The two words slip out of my mouth just below a whisper as Alex walks around the island to stand in front of me. "Fuck, I know I can't."

He opens his arms, allowing me to choose whether I wanted his comfort or not, which shows me that he's clearly been noticing these things and was not as oblivious as I thought.

I stand up from the chair, walking directly into his arms, almost melting into him as he wrapped his arms tightly around my back.

"What's going on Tan?"

I try to stay silent, but the second he asks the question, it was like the floodgate to the dam had just broken and there was no way of holding anything back anymore.

"Shh, it's okay tan, it's going to be okay."

"It's not." I murmur into his chest, relishing in the safety he gave me.

"It will, I promise. You're not alone Tan, you have me to help you okay?" I thank him softly in appreciation, keeping my head against his chest as I listened to the sound of his heart beat, which instantly managed to calm me down.

"I'm sorry Al."

"Hey, it's okay, you don't need to apologize, I just need you to promise me two things yeah?" I reluctantly pull away out of his arms, giving me the chance to see him while he speaks.

"Yeah?"

"You need to promise me that you'll look after yourself and that when you're ready to talk about what's going on, you'll come to me."

I take in his words, remaining silent for a minute as I contemplate his words before nodding.

"Good, now you know how this is going to work right?" His voice is suddenly more commanding, taking me back to the last time this had all happened.

"Three meals a day, with someone either in person or on FaceTime." He could clearly tell by the tone of my voice that I wasn't ecstatic to have to do this again.

"Tan, I know it's hard, but it'll only get worse. So let's stop it before it does." I nod slowly, before wrapping my arms back around his torso.

After Alex had left years ago, I had fallen into a really bad cycle, which eventually landed up with me developing an eating disorder.

It was one of the scariest times in my life. I felt so alone. Even though my parents were there, they weren't enough to actually help me out of what was happening and the night they had rushed me into hospital will always stick to the back of my mind.

Once Alex had found out about what was happening, he made these rules, one of them being the three meals with my parents or him over FaceTime.

So understandably, I can see why he is so strict right now, but I need it.

There is so much overcrowding my mind right now, that I could have easily fallen straight back to the way I used to be, without any second thoughts.

"Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me Tan. I just need to you be alright."

"I will be."

"How about you come to the studio, it's just the boys and our producer?"

"Yeah, I'd like that." I say softly which makes Alex smile widely. "Uh, do the guys know?"

"They don't know what happened years ago Tan, but they've been noticing here and there." I sigh deeply, knowing it would be harder that the two others know as well. "They won't think of you any differently Tan, don't overthink."

I chuckle softly at the way he knew what I was thinking as we both climb into his car.

"You're not bringing your sticks?"

"They're at the studio."

"But you said-"

"Yep, I needed an excuse to be home without looking too suspicious."

"Of course you did."