Tw:
SENSITIVE CONTENT
mentioning the start of the development of an ED.

Tanna Carson

"Morning baby." I lift my gaze away from my phone screen, my eyes meeting Luke's as he walks into the Kitchen.

"Hey." He makes his way over to the island where I was seated and he leans his crossed arms on the table, letting his body weight follow.

"I woke up alone again." His eyes remained set on me, whereas all I wanted to do in that present moment was avoid his gaze.

"Yeah, I woke up at some point and couldn't fall back asleep. I figured I'd just get up and ready for the day."

"Why didn't you wake me Tan?" He asks, the worry evident in his voice.

"I didn't want to bo-"

"I really hope you're not going to finish that sentence." I stop talking after that, knowing that I would have woken him up if I didn't need to be alone.

It was convenient, Luke was asleep and so were the boys, meaning I didn't need to worry about them questioning anything.

"I wish you'd tell me what was going on in that pretty head of yours." He sighs, not moving from his place, possibly worried that I'd pull back from him again if he came any closer.

"Luke-"

"Sorry. I just miss you."

"I'm right here." I whisper, not wanting to outright lie when I know I had been holding back from him.

"You know that's not what I mean. I miss that beautiful smile, I miss being close to you all the time, I miss waking up with you in my arms everyday."

I sit there silently, my eyes not fraying away from his, allowing me to clearly see every inch of pain and confusion rushing through his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Although those are the words that I think are best to use, they seem to upset him even more.

"For what Tanna?" He runs his hand frustratedly over his face, all the way through his hair as he pushes himself off the counter top. "I don't know what happened. I don't know what's going on and I'm trying to give you your space to figure out whatever's going on but I don't know where everything went wrong."

I swallow back my emotions, not realizing how much my actions had actually affected him.

"I don't know where I went wrong Tan." If his previous rant didn't get to me, that last sentence just shattered my heart.

It wasn't him, it was nothing he did, he is perfect, in every sense I could even begin to think about but I wasn't. I'm not.

His publicist had a point, I was not good enough for him. I was going to get him bad publicity before he even gets the chance to really get out there with the boys.

"Yeah, okay." He took my silence as an indication of not getting any response from me and he slowly stepped backwards, while shaking his head.

As soon as Luke had left the kitchen I dropped my head into my hands on top of the counter, feeling even worse than before, knowing how much pain I was putting Luke through.

Was I ever any good for him anyways?

I quickly lift my head up at the sound of footsteps padding into the kitchen, losing hope of Luke coming back when I see Reggie step into the kitchen.

"Morning Roomie!" I flash a small smile in his direction, his eyebrows furrowing at the action but he chooses not to comment on it.

"Hey Reg. I'm going to head to class." I slowly stand up out of the chair and make my way over to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

"I was going to make breakfast. You don't want to stay for a bit?"

"Oh no, don't worry Reg, I already ate. I was up quite early this morning." I giggle softly, watching him scatter around the kitchen, searching for everything he needed to make breakfast.

"That's too bad, you know I make some mean poached eggs." He wiggles his eyebrows at me which made me let out a genuine laugh.

"I do know that. I'll have to have them next time then." Reggie really did make the most incredible eggs and I could almost feel my stomach asking me to stay, but I wouldn't listen. I wasn't going to listen. Not to my stomach at least.

I'll listen to Sharon. If I want to stay with Luke then I'll change. I know I can.

"Perfect! Have a good day Roomie. I'll see you later?" He turns around from his fiddling to gaze at me.

"Of course Reg, we do live together." I smile as he chuckles in response and nods his head slowly.

"Just checking." He waves at me as I start making my way out of the kitchen, but he stops me before I can fully make my way out. "Oh wait, take this, it's your favorite pasta."

"Don't be ridiculous Reg, it's your favorite too! I've already packed my lunch for class." He tilts his head slightly at me as I nudge the box back in his direction. "You'll enjoy it. Unless you want to trade for a falafel wrap."

I laugh softly as he scrunches his nose up slightly and shakes his head.

"I'll pass on that actually. I'll stick to the pasta then. I don't know how you eat that." I laugh softly once again, shaking my head at his expression.

"I'll see you later Reg. Have fun at the studio today yeah?"

"Will do!"

As I made my way through all my classes of the day, I couldn't help but feel bad.

I felt bad about lying to Reggie.

He's like an innocent child and here I am taking that completely for granted.

My mind kept wondering to whatever was happening between Alex and I, because he hasn't been acting the same, no matter how much he tries to hide it.

Most of all, my mind, no matter how much I try not to, it keeps straying back to Luke.

I know what I'm doing is supposed to benefit him and his career and as long as it'll help him in the long run, I don't mind hurting myself along the way.