this chapter probably sucks and is pretty short but i have the BIGGEST headache omg im sorry

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Jungkook thought it'd be easier to resist.
Smelling Taehyung's perfume once again, a soft mix of vanilla and strawberries along with seeing his face up so close that he could see exactly how a smile formed itself on the older's pretty lips. He leaned back on the sofa, watching Jungkook closely without saying anything for a while. That this made Jungkook even more nervous and uncomfortable was actually pretty present to the older, but it was the exact thing Taehyung wanted to achieve.

"Just tell me what you're trying to tell me instead of staring at me like that"
Jungkook anxiously moved on Taehyung's lap, wanting to flee but stay at the same time. He longed for Taehyung's kisses, yet he knew he couldn't handle his feelings towards the boy if he'd let him back inside his heart.

"Oh, you really want me to speak it out loud?", Taehyung smirked and to Jungkook that smile seemed evil as fuck.
"Not sure", he grumbled, looking away. He felt insecure and he had no clue why. Shouldn't he be used to Taehyung's whole way of being by now?

"Well, Koo", Taehyung leaned forwards, almost letting their lips touch. "I know you love to make yourself believe that I'm still in love with Jennie, and you have a way of making me the bad guy in everything. I kinda get it though, you're afraid of your own feelings and that's okay. But as much as you hate to hear it and as much as you'll deny it in about two seconds, I'm in love with you and not with anyone else."

For about a minute there was silence.

They had never spoken about their feelings for each other and Jungkook was convinced that Taehyung wasn't feeling the same way. Now that he said it, Jungkook only knew one thing to reply to this, "No you're not."

They were quiet again.

Until Taehyung started laughing bitterly, "Who are you to tell me who I'm in love with?"
"You don't even know me", Jungkook let out, "You can't love me."

"Well, hate to break it to you but I'm still pretty sure I'm in love with you, dumbass", Taehyung rolled his eyes.
Jungkook crossed his arms and looked more annoyed than ever, "Okay but I was in love with you first."

Taehyung was about to lose it, was Jungkook seriously admitting his feelings while being a brat and still complaining even though he got Taehyung to confess to him?
"I was in love with you the second I met you", Taehyung snapped, trying to top Jungkook's statement because he wouldn't let him get away with that.

"Too bad, I loved you before you even knew I existed. Watched all your movies, actually I'm a fanboy and-"

"Bro", Taehyung grunted, "You haven't watched a single movie of mine, you didn't even knew about Jennie. Stop lying?!"

"I still loved you first", Jungkook pouted, "You can't take that away from me too! You always take everything away from me!"
"Like what?", Taehyung asked confused.

"My virginity, my first love, my heart-, everything! I seriously hate you at this point", Jungkook grumbled and then got up from Taehyung's lap and sat down on the other end of the sofa. Taehyung let out the biggest sigh, "This is not going the way I wanted it to go."

Jungkook rolled his eyes, "Too bad."

"I want to talk things out with you, Jungkook. Tell you the story about Jennie and everything", Taehyung hummed a little disappointed, "I want to start over."

"I told you I'm leaving you", Jungkook repeated his words he said a lot of times before. "And I still don't want to hear about your Ex. She's annoying and I hate that she had you first."

"Oh come on", Taehyung groaned, "Can't you let me talk for once?"

"Why would I?", Jungkook snapped. "It doesn't make sense, I'll lose you anyway. You're famous and you can't come out. We'll never be happy with each other."
"So you define happiness over publicly dating and showing everyone you're in a relationship? Isn't that a bit superficial? We can still be happy without everyone knowing-"

"I want everyone to know you are mine", Jungkook said quietly. "And if it can't be like that, then I don't want you."

"Then you're not in love with me", Taehyung shrugged, "Sorry to tell you that, but that's not love. That's obsession", he got up from the sofa, "And just so you know, I never slept with Jennie, I never really made out with her and we mostly dated publicly. I never knew why she wouldn't be intimidate with me until she died and I found out she was into girls the whole time, just using me because her company forced her to. That's what's hurting me about all that. Not that I lost her, but that my experience of a first relationship ended up being nothing but fake. I deserve more than that, y'know? And I thought you could be the one who's going to show me what a real first love feels like. It's true, I hired you for sex but it's never been like that between us so stop portraying me as someone who's capable of doing that."

Jungkook remained silent, he really didn't want to hear any of this. It just made his heart ache and the guilt come up. Luckily he got quite good at pushing it down.

"But in the end, you're just the same as Jennie", Taehyung said. "I promised myself to never let anyone get close to me who makes me cry. All you did was making me happy and smile, everyday was a good day because it ended being with you. That's what love feels like, Jungkook. I really hope you're going to experience that kind of love one day without obsessing over someone like you're doing it over me."

"Fuck you", Jungkook let out quietly.

"I get why everyone's saying you're too much. It's because you are", Taehyung said angrily. "If you love someone you want them with all their imperfections. Mine would be that I'm famous and you'll have to learn to respect that. I can't drop everything just because you want me to. What if you change your mind two weeks later, like you love to do? Then I'm alone and left with nothing."

Jungkook looked down on his hands, fiddling around with his fingers, "Okay", he only said, not knowing what else to say.

"I get why it's important to you to be known as my boyfriend publicly and one day you eventually will be. I'm not keeping you a secret forever but right now it's just not the right time. And you should have enough trust in me to not force me to do something like that in a homophobic country-"

"Shut up", Jungkook said and got up, "I heard enough. I certainly don't need someone who calls me obsessed and too much, I heard that before. I also made some promises to myself." With that he headed into the bedroom to grab his bags, packing the rest that was laying around. He didn't have many things anyway.
"Jungkook, I-", Taehyung hurried after him. "Don't go", he said, tears coming up.

"We can work this out, it'll be hard but-"

"No, you just said what I feel isn't love, it's obsession. Here I am, proving you wrong. An obsessed person wouldn't leave", he shrugged. "I just like you a little too much and I don't know how to handle things. I have never been with someone before and you calling me like that is just mean and-"

"Kook, I'm sorry-"

"It's fine", Kook said and put his bag onto his shoulder, "I'll book the flight myself. Thanks for everything though. The sex was pretty good, apart from that I wish I had never met you."

And then he just left.
The door fell shut and Taehyung stood there, shoulders hanging as he stared at the closed door for at least ten more minutes. That couldn't be it, right?

But why did it feel like it though.

*

Jungkook walked through the entrance hall, tears now falling off his cheeks while he sat down at one of the chairs to call a taxi and then the airport to book a flight straight to Los Angeles. Leaving Taehyung hurt more than anything ever did.
The boy knew that Taehyung didn't mean what he just said, he knew that he just said it out of impulse and anger. Jungkook wasn't stupid, but he also knew that if he left like that it'd be harder for him to come running back to Taehyung.

Something in between them was needed or else Jungkook would always end up in Taehyung's arms, falling for those charming eyes and the pretty smile.
Fuck, he really fell for this guy.

"Wonder when you'll ever be not crying when I meet you", Jeno chuckled as he sat down next to Jungkook and looked at him worriedly.
"And I wonder why you're always here."

"I work here", Jeno shrugged.
"Shouldn't you be working then instead of lecturing me?"

"Damn, little Koo is mad. What happened now? Did you finally had to hear some things you didn't want to hear?", Jeno leaned back.
"Fuck off", Jungkook crossed his arms. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Running away from your problems and your feelings is the worst way you could go", Jeno only said, "And that's exactly what you're doing right now."
"What am I supposed to do?!", Jungkook yelled out. "He hates me!"

The boy let out a huge sigh, "He doesn't hate you, oh my god. It's just complicated because he's an actor but isn't he worth it? Look at how lucky you are, dating the boy everyone wants to date and you're ruining it by pushing him to do things he's not ready to."

"You don't even know what you're talking about", Jungkook grumbled.

"We both know that the Ex he's having is just your excuse on why you're not facing your feelings. The real issue is that you're not wanting to be in the shadow while he's being praised by millions of strangers."

"Is it so bad that I want people to know he's mine? Are you gonna call me obsessed too? I'm not a fucking psychopath, I'm just in love", Jungkook cried out.
"No it's not bad, it's totally understandable. But his point is also pretty easy to get. Love isn't about always getting what you want, it's about figuring out a way that's enough for both of you."

Jungkook rolled his eyes and looked to his phone, he just got a text from the taxi cab that it arrived and was waiting outside.
"I gotta go."

Jeno nodded and got up as well, "Getting on that plane is a mistake."

The boy didn't bother to reply to that any further and just walked away, left the hotel and got into the taxi.
Just a minute later Taehyung came running through the entrance hall, tears all over his face.

"Dude you just missed him", Jeno groaned and Taehyung just kept running, jumping into the next taxi cab that he could catch.
It wasn't a long drive to the airport and Jungkook spent it all crying, it physically made him feel pain to leave Taehyung, the further away he was, the more it hurt. But there was no way of turning back, Jungkook had to keep going. Their issues wouldn't be solved and no matter how often he repeated Jeno's words in his mind, he couldn't get himself to stop the car and go back.

Jungkook just wanted to go.

Los Angeles did suck indeed but at least there were no boys who would rip his heart apart and make him feel things he didn't like to feel. Love was a horrible thing, it was annoying and it got him more tears than anything else ever did before. Seriously, Kook had no clue how it was such a big deal in movies to get the one for you, to fall in love and everything.

It just sucked in reality.

You usually don't get what you want and if you do, it ends terrible anyway.
There's no happiness in love, Jungkook was sure of that.

Or maybe it was just that happiness comes from within and if Jungkook couldn't love himself even a little bit, then how was he even able to love someone else in the right way?

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