Sweet sleep was interrupted by someone shaking Jessie's shoulder. She swatted the hand away, but it continued to disturb her, prodding her ribs. Her body felt right on the edge of that perfect, comfortable sleep and she wanted back in there.

"Get lost, I'm trying to sleep."

"Jessie, Sam's gone."

She cracked an eyelid open and took in Kyle's worried face. "Maybe he's in the bathroom." Which was right across the hall, though across was a rather generous word since it was basically five feet away.

"He's not." Kyle let her go and opened the dresser. "And I have a very bad feeling about this."

"Sam's not an idiot. I'm sure he'll be fine," she mumbled, putting a pillow over her head.

It almost worked. For a few seconds, she could ignore all the shuffling and almost drift back to sleep, but then her brain caught up with Kyle's words and she bolted up. Sam was depressed and alone in a foreign country that could be crawling with Snitch Gravel's men. It was not a good time for him to be alone.

"Ah, crap." She hopped out of bed and almost landed on Kyle who was tying his shoelaces.

He'd already changed into a pair of army print shorts and a t-shirt. With her in the room. She opened her mouth to tell him it was weird, but shrugged it off. Now was not the time for a chat on boundaries, and she honestly didn't mind that much.

Jessie grabbed a pair of shorts and a tank top and headed for the bathroom to quickly change. When she came out, Kyle was already in the hall, bouncing on the soles of his feet, looking even more worried.

"I'll go find a car. Meet me at the reception." And he headed for the stairs.

Before he could go down even one step, the door to the room next door opened, and Jerry dragged his feet outside.

"Where are you guys going?" he asked with a yawn.

"Ditch him," Kyle said between his teeth before hurrying down.

Jessie blinked, her mind still foggy from the lack of sleep and the jetlag. She wasn't exactly sure why she had to ditch Jerry, but maybe Kyle was more alert than she was and actually had a reason. So she put on a smile.

"We just got bored and decided to go look around a little." Maybe Jerry wouldn't notice that she looked like the walking dead.

Jerry nodded, stifling another yawn. "Where's Sam?"

"He's still sleeping," she answered, heading for the stairs before Jerry had the chance to ask more stuff.

"He should. He needs all the rest he can get. Though I have no idea if he can, not with all those nightmares he gets." And he headed for the bathroom.

Jessie hurried down. As soon as she stepped outside, she hissed. The sun blazed above her, searing her skin. She checked her watch. It was two in the afternoon. Great, she'd only had four hours of sleep. Barely enough to function properly on, but now she was legitimately worried for Sam. Jerry was right, Sam always had nightmares, and they could drive him to do something stupid and dangerous. Or maybe he was around and they were just being paranoid.

She reached the reception area and the air conditioning blew the sweaty hair out of her face. Goosbumps erupted up her arms and she gritted her teeth. A cold was the last thing she needed right now, but changing temperatures so fast might just do it.

Kyle was at the reception, talking on the phone, looking extremely pissed off. As she approached him, he slammed the receiver, startling the girl behind the desk.

"We have to wait for ten minutes," he said the moment she reached him. "Sam has apparently gone out about twenty minutes ago, according to their log."

"Well, that's good. Where do you think he is?"

"My guess is Valetta. Where else could he go?"

Jessie nodded, though she found it a little weird that Malta wasn't just one big city seeing how small it was. "What are we waiting for?"

"A car."

Oh. Right. Transportation. God, her brain was slow and probably still in Chicago. The more she shook sleep off, the more worried she became for Sam. Why would he just disappear without a note or anything? The sound of a car pulling up front snapped her out of her musings.

She and Kyle both exited the reception, back into the searing heat, and Jessie got inside the car while Kyle signed some papers and grabbed the keys. He joined her, his face set in a frown and she couldn't tell if he was annoyed or worried.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a rental with the wheel on the left side," he mumbled, starting the engine.

"What? Why?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Because all cars here have the wheel on the right side."

"They do?" she asked stupidly.

"Were you sleeping inside that van?"

"No." She just wasn't paying attention.

Kyle huffed and looked over his shoulder, putting the car in reverse. "I would've gotten one with the wheel on the right, but I've never been in one before and I'm a little afraid I'd elbow the door off out of reflex."

Yeah, that sounded like something Kyle could do. Jessie took in a deep breath, mentally preparing for what felt like a fruitless search, when Jerry charged out of the building and climbed into the backseat. Well, so much for buying her lies.

"Where are you two going?" he demanded, slamming the door shut.

"Jerry, get out of the car," Kyle replied.

"Sam's not in his room and the receptionist said he left," Jerry continued, completely ignoring his brother.

"Jerry, I'm not going to ask again. Get out of the car."

Jerry did not get out of the car. Instead, he reached out between the seats and snatched the keys from the ignition. "You're not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on."

Jessie opened her mouth to answer, but was interrupted when Kyle swore violently. He twisted in his seat, grabbed Jerry's collar with one hand and snatched the keys from him with the other. Before any of them could react, he turned around and started the car again. He pulled out of the courtyard and headed down the street.

"Kyle..." Jerry finally said, a tremor in his voice.

"I'm sorry. Like really sorry," Kyle mumbled.

Jessie fought the knot in her throat. "What's going on?"

"I don't know." Kyle rubbed his forehead, his voice low and soothing, as if afraid he'd scare them again. "I just have these moments when it's so hard to control myself."

"Is it getting worse?" Jerry asked.

Kyle looked at him in the rearview mirror and nodded. "I just don't know what to do because I don't want to freak anyone out, especially Kay, but it's..." He paused as they stopped at a red light, and looked at his own hands as if he couldn't recognize them. "This thing has side effects."

"Like the blackouts," Jessie said.

He nodded. "When it started, I thought it was that whole toxic water bullshit, but it didn't go away. I mostly keep it under control. But when I'm tired or worried, it just... I've worked so hard to beat it and now I'm afraid it's starting to beat me."

Jessie shuddered. They'd never talked about this before, about what that serum did to him. What it could do to Jimmy as well.

"Well..." Jerry straightened in his seat. "It could be because you've been under so much stress lately. You never had the chance to cool down after Mexico and now this thing with Tom..." His voice faded. "Don't be harsh on yourself. Just give it some time and I'm sure you'll beat it."

Kyle smirked. "I would've never imagined getting a pep talk from you, Jer'."

"Well, I would've never imagined you'd share something so sensitive with me either." Jerry shrugged. "I guess we're both growing."

Jessie smiled and her shoulders finally relaxed. Jerry was right. There was a bright side to everything, even this shitty situation. And at that moment, she really felt like she was their sister.

⭐⭐⭐

Sam got off the bus in front of a huge fountain representing three copper mermen holding a huge tray. With a bit of shock, he realized this was the biggest thing he'd seen in Malta so far. The fountain was surrounded by busses. Tones of busses. Cars were not allowed into Valletta unless they came from Sliema, but as he hadn't come from Sliema, he had to enter the city through the historical gate and go on foot. The historical gate was basically an old brick arch.

With a sigh, he headed for the inner city. He wasn't even sure what he was doing there, what he was hoping to find. He would've probably been a lot more comfortable being depressed in his small room than in the smoldering city. But the truth was, he couldn't take it anymore. He'd started being depressed about being depressed in the first place.

Did he have a reason? Of course he did. Did it make him feel less like a coward, a freak and a failure? Not really. What was worse was not having who to talk to. Sure, he had his brothers, but breaching the subject with them felt wrong, because he didn't want to upset them, to remind them what happened, to make them feel as bad as he did.

His feet carried him randomly, between old limestone buildings, past some ruins, and to a terrace overlooking the harbor. The place was interesting with its cobble streets, medieval-style buildings and colorful flags hanging above the streets. It looked like a cross between Florence and China Town. Not like he'd ever been to either, but he got a good enough picture from movies.

He should be a lot more excited about being in a new place. But as he watched the fishing boats and tankers below him, he just couldn't. Everything looked grey and smelled like fish. What was he even doing here? Being an overdramatic brat, that's what.

Overdramatic didn't even begin to cover it. But as much as he tried to pull himself together, he just couldn't do it. Functioning normally felt exhausting. And the smallest things triggered him, reminded him of Tom, made him lose it all over again. Silly, stupid things like water. Looking at the sea and realizing that if he jumped off the terrace, he'd probably drown because he couldn't swim. Tom couldn't swim either.

The sense of loss intensified as he imagined Tom grinning, laughing at him for being so bothered by the heat and tight spaces, for being a spoiled rich kid. Because Tom could laugh at anything, make everything a game. If he were there, they'd actually be having fun. Go big or go home. That was Tom. Sam felt like he was going to hell. Like they were all spinning randomly, out of orbit, out of balance, out of focus. To him, Tom had been joy, challenge, the moon lighting up the darkest night.

And as Sam watched the grey sky, he wondered if this was it. If there was no way to ever bounce back. If there was no way they would ever be more than lost stars, trying to light up the dark left behind when their moon had disappeared.

"You're being stupid."

Sam jumped and looked to his left. Tom stood a mere foot away, his forearms resting on the banister, looking over the harbor as well. He wore the faded blue jeans and black t-shirt he'd had on when he'd left. His sunglasses were missing, even if he had a legitimate reason to have them on. And it was that more than anything that convinced Sam he was hallucinating. That and the fact that he hadn't slept in over twenty four hours.

"I'm imagining you, aren't I?" he asked, and even he was shocked by the exhaustion in his voice.

Tom only nodded, his eyes still fixed on the horizon.

"I'm so sorry," Sam whispered. "Sorry I wasn't there, sorry that I couldn't help you."

"It was a plane crash. I doubt you could've helped."

"I really miss you."

Tom turned to him, a pained expression on his face. "I don't think that's ever going to go away, Sam."

Sam looked away, trying to pull himself together, but his nose already itched and he could feel the tears pooling in his eyes and he hated himself even more. "I don't want it to go away. Because that would make you meaningless. And you were anything but."

"You need help."

"Of course I need help. I'm talking to myself."

Tom smirked. "You're talking to your more awesome self."

Sam laughed bitterly. It at least made the tears go away, but the load on his chest was still there. And would probably always be. He'd just get used to the carrying it around and maybe, just maybe, sometimes not feel it. Or he could just take a swim and make all of this go away indefinitely. He knew it was stupid, he knew he wouldn't actually do it, but it was so tempting. To have the pain disappear just for one moment. To feel like himself again.

"Don't go there, Sam," Tom warned.

"I know, I know," he mumbled. "I have work to do."

"Call Ron."

Huh? Sam turned to Tom, but his twin was gone. Of course he was, because the idea had come from him, not someone else, and he couldn't believe he hadn't thought about it earlier. Who else would know how to find a deserter better than another deserter?

Turning his back on the harbor and leaning against the banister, Sam took out his phone and dialed his uncle. What if it was Ron he was supposed to find in the first place? Nah. Herrison would've mentioned it. And not because the agency were all about sharing sensitive information, but because they knew Sam could get to him with one simple call. Just like now.

"Hey, nephew, what's up?" Ron answered joyfully.

Sam opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. He wondered if he should tell Ron about Tom, but that was way out of his comfort zone, so he'd just stick to the issue. Besides, if he hadn't told his parents, he wasn't telling someone else first.

"Hey, Ron. Question: How do I find someone who used to work for Snitch Gravel?"

Ron fell silent for a few moments. "You don't," he finally said. "You see, Sam, when we get out... we don't really get out. Someone keeps check on us. And that someone is usually very hard to ditch."

Well, that was news, and it shocked Sam that he didn't even find it interesting. Just a bother. "You're telling me you're still being watched?"

"Of course I am. Well, not right now. I'm good at ditching people." Ron sounded extraordinarily proud of himself, which was probably justified. "The thing is, you can't find a deserter. They'll find you."

Great, just great. "But how will he find me if he doesn't know I'm looking for him."

"Trust me, we always know."

Sam pondered on this as he chewed on his lower lip. The screeching of tires made him focus on the street in front of him. A dark blue sedan raced towards him, driving on the wrong lane, and almost crashed into an unsuspecting minivan. The sedan turned with a screech, and stopped next to the curb in a chorus of blaring horns coming from the other cars. A police car, its sirens wailing pitifully, pulled over right next to it.

"Ron, thanks a ton. I gotta go." And he hung up and headed for the car, because he had a very bad feeling about this.

It was confirmed when Jerry, Kyle and Jessie got down from the kamikaze car.

"I told you that you were going on the wrong side of the street," Jerry shrieked. "You almost crashed!"

"I did not almost crash," Kyle said with a bored wave of his hand.

Jessie just looked from one to the others, her knees shaky. Jerry started screaming some more about safety, recklessness and Kyle completely losing his mind. Kyle continued to scoff and roll his eyes at everything. Two policemen got out of their squad car and joined the fun. And Sam couldn't help but start laughing hysterically. He had no idea why he found it so funny, but once he started, he couldn't stop.

Jerry rushed to him and started yelling at him for running away from the dorms. The police wanted to arrest Kyle. And Jessie just sat down on the curb, her face in her hands, and ignored everyone. It took Sam about five minutes to convince the police that Kyle wasn't worth arresting and calm Jerry down. And as the police car pulled away and drove off, taking the car and Kyle's right to drive in Malta with them, Sam felt a sudden warmth in his chest. For worried Jerry, reckless Kyle, and poor, exhausted Jessie.

"I didn't need this," Jessie mumbled. "Not without proper sleep and a good meal."

"Wait, did that guy actually said I can't drive anymore?" Kyle asked all of a sudden.

"Yes he did. You were right here!" Jerry said, throwing his hands in the air.

Sam raised his eyebrows. Kyle did seem unusually distracted. And it was definitely not like him to suddenly fail to understand what lane he should be driving on.

Kyle swore under his breath. Sam opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but stopped himself. If he hadn't mentioned it to Jerry and Jessie, he must've had a reason, so he'd get him alone and ask.

"Can we go? I'm melting," Jessie said, standing.

"What were you doing here, Sam?" Jerry asked as they headed towards the mermen statue to find a buss back.

"Nothing really. Just wanted to get a head start on this mission. I talked to Ron and he said the guy will find us."

"That sounds shifty as hell," Kyle mumbled.

"Could you shut up for the rest of the day, please?" Jerry groaned.

Sam bit back a chuckle. It felt pretty good to be alive.

🌟🌟🌟

I personally love this chapter so I want to know if you do too. Also, I know Sam is in a bad place right now, but I want him to stay relatable rather than annoying, so do you think he complains too much?

What about Kyle going all kamikaze all of a sudden? What's that all about?

Thanks so much for reading and don't forget to hit that star.