-Dick's POV-

I grit my teeth. Bruce left me on the rooftop of Gotham. He didn't say a single word to me, just grappled away and grumbled to himself.

I looked down at my gloves. Splatters of blood coated the knuckles, blending in with the red stripes going down my hands. However, because most of my uniform was black, Red Hood's blood glared at me. The more I stared at it, the more it seemed to be accusing me.

I could hear Bruce's voice. Why did you let your feelings get in the way of a mission!? He was blaring inside my head, screaming at me and lecturing me. I felt like someone had placed a Batman-shaped boulder on my shoulders. Even though he had left, I could still feel the pressure of being watched by him. I wasn't sure that that feeling -- that feeling of needing to impress Bruce by any means -- would ever go away completely.

In the back of my mind, I also could hear Athena's voice. It sounded hurt and soft, like someone had beat her into that tiny corner in my brain. Not someone, me. What were you doing!? Why would you do that!? What is wrong with you? She sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Personally, I had never heard her sound like that, but the guilt in my heart was taking over my imagination.

Deciding I couldn't take the weight of my failures anymore, I fled the busy city. I escaped to the outskirts where I knew I had a safe haven. I tried to avoid looking at myself. I felt that if I saw with my own eyes what I had become, I would throw myself into jail.

Red Hood wasn't a good guy, by any means. He deserved to have his ass kicked. But the way I beat him...I could've killed him if I wasn't stopped. That was what ate me up inside. The fact that I would've killed him. He wasn't as bad as the Joker or the Scarecrow or any of the guys in Arkham. Yet, I loved the feeling of seeing him cowarding under me as I drove my fist into him.

I fished out my key and plunged it into the door. I pulled open my door. I hadn't been to my Gotham apartment in weeks. The room was devoid of any smells or traces of me. Instead, the familiar smell of Barbara's favorite perfume filled the room up. Her clothes were laid out on the coach in a very organized way. That was the thing about Barbara and I. She was organized, I wasn't. I stood over the kitchen sink. I turned the water on all the way and shoved my hands under. I stood there for a solid ten minutes, but the blood was stained. Not a single drop bled out. I scrubbed as hard as I could. My fingers started to hurt and my skin started to tear, but I still continued to scrub.

"Yeah, I can come in tomor-- Dick!" Barbara shrieked, coming around the corner on her phone. She smiled, but turned back to her phone. "No no, not you, Luke. I'll talk to you later. See ya."

I turned and leaned back against the sink, taking off the top of my costume. I ran my hand along my hard stomach, all the scars making me feel bad. Barbara walked towards me. She flung her arms around my neck. I draped my arms around her hips stiffly, my body refusing to conform to hers. She jerked back sharply.

"What's wrong?" She asked, her greens eyes searching my face, full of worry and concern. The disappointment I felt for myself bubbled up into frustration.

I sighed, trying to convey how drained I was. Instead, I sounded like I was angry. Barbara noticed. Her eyebrows scrunched up over her eyes, her expression twisting into something sour. I felt even more guilty for hurting her feelings, which made me even more frustrated.

Barbara crossed her arms over her chest and tossed her red hair over her shoulder. "So it's about me, then?" She hissed, cocking her head to the side in a condescending way. I felt like someone was squeezing the sides of my head. I rubbed at my forehead, trying to silence the noise in my mind.

"No," I groaned, pressing my fingers into the soft spot above my ear. Barbara tsked and rolled her eyes.

"Am I annoying you? Jeez, I'm sorry for fucking asking." She turned on her heel. I grasped her elbow and turned her back towards me.

I looked up to meet her eyes slowly. I hoped they showed how sad I was inside. Telling by her pissed off expression, they didn't. "Listen, you're not my problem. The whole thing with Red Hood and Athena is just...kicking my ass."

She chuckled sarcastically. "Athena. Right. Why am I even surprised?"

This time it was my turn to get a little mad. "What does that mean?"

"Every single time I've seen you so far, it's always Athena this, Athena that. It gets kind of repetitive," Barbs sounded so honest and soft, but her words still fired me up.

I released her arm and felt my face get hot. "Well I'm sorry my problems aren't entertaining enough for you. I guess I'll keep them to myself from now on."

"Don't be dramatic, Dick," Barbara sighed, "I didn't mean that. It's just that every time you come to me, I want to have real conversations with you but they all always end up back at her. I swear, you talk about Athena more than you ever talk to me."

I was furious. How could she say that? I would listen to her complain about working for Bruce and about how great a co-worker Luke is for hours on end but as soon as I bring up my problems, they're repetitive? Babs was never the jealous type, especially since she was friends with Athena. But she definitely didn't sound like she was chill.

"I can't believe you," I said, running my hands through my hair. My knuckles were swollen and bloody still, despite the protection within my gloves.

"You can't believe me? I can't believe you! You always say you and Athena are on bad terms and that you feel nothing for her and I took that with a grain of salt but I mostly believed you," Barbara's voice rose in sound as she tossed her arms up, "But I think you're still in love with her with how much you talk about her!"

I raised an eyebrow. "What has gotten into you?"

"Oh, of course. Everything is always my fault."

"I wasn't blaming you!" I shouted back, "You have never been jealous once and now you've exploded."

Barbara stalked across the room and began collecting her clothes. As she did so, she said, "I was talking to Luke and he agreed that it seems very likely that you are still in love with Athena."

I gasped. She was jealous of Athena when she was the one hanging out with someone else. I couldn't believe the hypocrisy. "Luke, huh? You mean that guy you spend every waking hour with? When exactly did you talk to him about me, huh? At the club or in our fucking bed!?"

Barbara turned toward me and glared daggers. "You know its not like that. We got some drinks while you were in Bludhaven," her anger seemed to have ran out, but mine was far from diminishing, "Speaking of Bludhaven, you have been gone for days and the first time you come back, you completely ignore me and then start a fight!"

Leaning over the island, I looked at her form. "I tried to tell you what was wrong but apparently you don't want to even hear it!"

There was a buffer. I felt the energy leak out of Barbara as she gently sat down her clothes. Slowly, she looked over her shoulder at me. Her eyes had lost all their spark and now looked like sad, watery pools of green. Her full lips were pressed together in a pout. A wave of silence fell over the room as we gazed at each other. My anger also started to flood out, instead being replaced with a feeling of depression and overwhelming guilt at making her sad.

"Dick," she said, her voice barely over a whisper, "I think we need to talk some things over." Her words split my world in half. Suddenly, the situation changed completely. Barbara and I had fought before, so I assumed it was just another fight, but now I realized. I didn't go into my bedroom, but I could guess that half of all the drawers were now cleaned out and empty.

Without thinking, I followed her to the couch and sat beside her. She took my hands in hers, bringing the top of my hand to her plush lips. "I know you tell me that you don't care for her anymore, but I know -- if not both of us -- that that isn't true."

I was shocked by what she was saying. "Barbs, I'm telling you--"

"No, I don't want to hear you regurgitate the same words over and over," she squeezed my fingers slightly, "I have known you for a long time, Dick. I have seen you through many girlfriends over the years. I know when you feel something for one and when you don't. And I can see that you don't feel the same for me as you do for Athena. And I don't think it makes any sense for you to continue to string me along or for me to continue to string you along when it's clear we just aren't feeling it anymore."

My heart crushed in on itself, making my chest and head hurt. I wanted to shove my fingers in my ears and sing la, la, la over and over. I didn't want to hear what Barbara was saying. It wasn't true. It wasn't true.

"I'm not, Barbara! Listen to me!" I yelled. Her face remained steel and her breath was calm and even.

Her eyelashes slowly beat, taking the stray tears with them as they fluttered. "I know you don't want to acknowledge it Dick, but its what's best. You aren't supposed to end up with me. Not anymore, anyway. Every fight you engage in is all about fighting for her. I've had time to accept that."

I wanted to protest and start shouting, but the low energy coming from Barbara didn't feed me very well. "You never stopped loving her since the moment you met. I truly hope you end up with her, even if that means that we don't work out." Her voice shook and cracked, but she didn't cry.

To fight down the feeling of sobbing, I let my anger grow. "Barbara," I started. She shook her head. Just as I predicted, she fled to the bedroom and came back brandishing a duffel bag. The image made my eyes swim slightly.

"I'll see you. I will always love you, Dick. You're my best friend," Barbara mumbled. Her voice was so quiet, yet I heard every word clearly as if she was shouting it. Each sentence, each word, each syllable struck inside me like a knife.

I reached out as she opened the door. "No! Barbara, wait! You're wrong!" I called out, but she was gone.

Being in a relationship with Barbara felt stable, orderly. It kept me grounded when everything else around me was spinning. Her accusations felt wrong and true at the same time, leaving my emotions in a jumbled mess. Dating her made me feel like I was a kid again and that my life was just as simple as having a crush on a girl. But, I knew it wasn't. Red Hood and Athena and everything else was leaving me feeling lost.

I was stuck in a dark tunnel. I couldn't see anything around me and every time I tried to move towards an exit, I got even deeper into the tunnel. The more lost I got, the more I prayed and prayed that I could find a light. But a way out seemed just as distant as my own happiness.

~~~~~~~Kind of a depressing chapter, I know. So, I recently created a new tumblr account and I have no idea how to use it, but if you guys want to follow me my account name is "layinglane" and I basically just put random original writing exerts on there if you guys are interested. I will try to update this story as much as possible! And thank you guys for all the positive and funny comments. I try to respond to as much as possible, but sometimes I just forget to reply after reading one, so don't feel bad if I don't reply and I'm sorry! Thank you guys so much for the support! I love all of you so much!~~~~~~~~