-Dick's POV-

I watched her form leave the space where her door had been. I was stuck in a continuous loop. Everything Athena said...everything I said...I couldn't get it out of my mind.

Everything would be different if you came and saved me!

If you came after me, you would've found the truth!

But you didn't. You never do.

Her honeyed voice was dripping with emotion. Her words were silvered and enchanting, each sound so painful to listen to. Listening to her made me realize what I had missed. I tugged at the ends of my hair.

That's not the fucking reason!

I pinched my eyes closed and screamed silently. It was like millions of wasps were buzzing around inside my head, embezzling their little stingers into my brain. I couldn't take it!

I couldn't take it anymore!

I was done feeling like I was in the dark on everything. I was done feeling like I was the punchline of a joke. I used to try to avoid letting her get to me, but I was pretending. While I still disagreed with Barbara, I had to admit to myself that I still cared about Athena fucking Thomas. I wish I didn't. I wish so bad that I could feel like she did. But I couldn't.

So, I needed to find out the truth. Maybe then I could forget how her eyes sparkled when she smiled or how she lit up when discussing her adoration of Wonder Woman. Maybe then I could truly move on. Like she had.

I surveyed the room. She always kept her room organized. And no one had ever visited it -- including me -- when she left. It definitely didn't help she was good at hiding things. If she didn't want something to be found, it wouldn't be. Unlike usual suspect's rooms, there were no obvious clues. No unorganized papers, no messy piles, no scattered objects. The evidence was just not there.

I walked over to her file cabinets. If she says I don't understand, then what am I missing? I continued to tear through drawers, boxes, and compartments. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead as I combed through everything in her safe house. My muscles started to tense as I got more and more frustration with my lack of progress.

I grabbed folders and files, reading through each word. All of them were just cases and information I had already knew about. I groaned loudly. "Ugh! There's nothing! What am I even doing here? I'm just playing her games! I'm done! I'm done with games! You hear that, Athena? Is Red Hood listening too? Are you two laughing it up? I'm done with your stupid fucking games!" I shouted out, staring up at the concrete ceiling.

I grabbed hold of the file cabinet and tore it out. With a hard kick, it skipped across the floor. Papers fluttered out and around the room like white butterflies. Still, nothing.

"Tricked again, Dick? I'm over here!" I imitated her voice in a nauseating way that used to make her laugh. It just brought me pain. I flipped her table over and shoved her dresser onto the floor.

A surge of adrenaline and pure satisfaction jolted through me. I let my hands take over. I ran through the room, flipping everything I could find. Clothes, papers, and miscellaneous belongings scattered the floor. I pulled books off shelves, ripped maps and charts off walls, and threw weapons across the room like frisbees.

This feels good, I thought, to destroy. To wreck. To get her back for destroying me.

I approached the corner where her bed used to be. I saw my own reflection in her mirror. What I saw was distorted. I saw myself, smiling, holding Athena in my arms. She ran her fingers through my hair and whispered truths into my ear. The sun warmed us both, shining our smiles and infusing us with carefree vibes.

With a final punch, I smashed the mirror. Pieces of glass exploded around me. The setting sun glinted off of the shards, lighting little orange fires at my feet.

I sank to my knees. Oh god, look what I've done. Look at this mess, my mess. What happened to me? When did I become someone who destroyed a whole room when I'm mad? What happened to me?

I skidded away from the glass like a scared rat. I pressed my back against the door that was hanging off its hinges. The glass still surrounded me, cutting small holes in my uniform. Closing my eyes, I dropped my head into my hands. My long hair fell into my face. I peeked out through a single slit between my fingers.

There was a shadow. I saw it.

"What's that?" I asked out loud. I raised my head. In the spot where the bookshelf had been, there was a slight shadow on the wall. It wasn't part of the decor. I was sure.

I stood up, stepping on the shards of glass like they weren't there. I guess, at that time, they really weren't. I stared at the spot where the shadow had been, but I didn't see anything. Suspicious, I ran my fingertips over where I had sworn the shadow was.

There was an indent. I could feel it. A part of the wall -- barely bigger than a pack of gum -- caved in and was painted over. It was only slightly dented in, but it was there. I stood to the side. The indent was obvious. However, when I stared at it straight on, it was invisible.

"Hmmm," I hummed in confusion, digging my fingers into the corners. I tugged and tugged but nothing happened.

That's when I saw it. A tiny little black dot. A censor.

It's obviously supposed to be opened by her alone, I concluded, I knew how she was. She wouldn't leave her most prized possessions behind on purpose.

I quickly searched through my wreckage and found something useful. Athena's most beloved dagger -- the one Thalia Al Ghul had gifted to her -- was buried under a stack of books. I grinned to myself when I saw The Odyssey at the top of the stack. A memory struck me. The first time I met her, on that beach, ruining her favorite book like an asshole.

I held the handle of the dagger up against the censor. With a beep and a click, the indent slip opened to reveal a little cubbie. "A hidden locker?" I dug around inside, pulling out fake ID's, passports, and sentimental gifts. I recognized some of them as the gifts she received from the Team for her nineteenth birthday. A preserved tree bark carving was pressed flat in the back, looking old and important. There were medals Athena had received during her training and assorted pictures. I continued to file through the stuff until I plucked out a tiny black disk.

It was barely bigger than my thumbnail. It had no label. It was just completely black on both sides. "Its designed to be played on her watch computer. It only plays on super computers like the one she wears and in the Batcave," I deduced, flipping the disk over and over.

Because I had updated my wrist computer, the disk wouldn't play. That left one option.

-

I blocked all the Batcave's entrances with a simple hack that Bruce still didn't know I knew. When I was sure I was completely alone, I turned on the computer. My heart raced as I held the disk up to the video player. With a deep and shaky breath, I gently pushed it in.

The video was titled "For Richard Grayson" and was recorded on September 19th. Exactly two years ago.

The first image was a familiar one. Athena appeared on screen, sitting in front of her computer in a warehouse somewhere. Her hair was messy and she had removed her mask. As I looked closer, I realized that she was bleeding all over. Behind her sat two large, black duffle bags.

She spoke.

"I am currently hiding inside a warehouse awaiting my death. Hey Dick, it's me. I can't be sure when you're watching this. It might be months, years, decades...but here I am. Haven't seen you in awhile," a soft smile arose on her pretty lips as she chuckled, "Where are you now? I can't be sure. Maybe you're watching this years and years after I left and this is the first time you've seen me in over twenty years. Maybe you found this video in your suburb attic and wondered what it was. Maybe you're watching this on your couch with your wife and kids. Maybe you've forgotten about me..." Her eyes lingered to a space above the camera.

She shook her head and focus reclaimed her eyes. "If you are, I'm happy for you. If this video is just an old reminder of a time that was so long ago it might as well have been a different life. Where am I? It doesn't matter. I made this video to tell you the truth, even if I die. The entire time I knew you, I only lied to you. And I'm sorry. But, before I tell you the truth, I'm going to tell you one more lie. I'm happy I met you. That's a lie. I am so thankful that I got to love you, but I wish we never met. Because ever since you met me, I have been ruining your life. That has been my biggest regret. So, now, I'll tell you the truth. Because you finding this means that you came after me. You're ready for the truth..."

I slammed the pause button. My chest heaved up and down and my heart beat faster than a rabbit. I stared down at the keyboard. Was I ready to hear it? Was I really ready?

I had to hear it. But, now that the truth was there for my taking, I didn't want it. What was the truth going to be? What had Athena done? Worse yet, what had I done? I needed to know. Deep down, I needed to know.

I pressed play.

The old Athena I knew continued on. "You see, Ra's Al Ghul will be collecting me anytime now. After the Joker was imprisoned, stopped, and ever more out of the way, I was confronted by my past mentor. He made me an offer I had to take. Turns out, as you may know, this whole thing was about getting me back. So, Ra's told me he had a secret about someone I loved. You, Dick. He knew what was under your mask. And he knew the power that that knowledge gave him.

"Ra's dangled your life in front of me. He told me that if I didn't come back with him and be his perfect little chess piece again, then you would be revealed. Naturally, I only had one choice. That's why I'm here in this warehouse, making this video. Tomorrow I have to commit suicide. Not physically, but emotionally. Tomorrow I have to convince you that I willingly went back to the League of Assassins. But, most of all, I have to convince you that I never loved you. I want you to know, Dick, that I always have and always will -- if I am still alive when you're watching this -- love you. I doubt you are watching this only a few days after I left that helicopter pad, so I will explain my probable whereabouts.

"I am the perfect and most important assassin to Ra's. But, I disobeyed him when I was taught to never disobey and I rebelled when I was taught never to rebel. If you think my torture during training were bad, just imagine what this will be like!" Athena laughed awkwardly, like she had a made a bad joke and only she was laughing. In a way, that's exactly what she had done. "But, don't worry. I deserved my own fate. I just want you to know, Dick, that if I could go back, I'd do it all again. All the pain, all the suffering, all the hurt. Because you showed me that I was alive. You showed me that I still had a heart. I had never experienced that kind of love in my whole life."

She took a shaky breath and looked down, blinking slowly. When she looked back up at the camera, her eyes were a little pink and brimming with tears. I couldn't take it. My face mirrored hers. I felt a cold tear slide down my cheek.

"Thank you for that, Dick. Thank you for everything we have been through. We weren't really friends as kids, but I kind of had a crush on you. And now, after everything, I still feel that childish crush. That's the closest to a childhood I would ever get. You made me feel like a kid again, like a person again. You made me feel free. So, what I'm saying is--"

From faraway, a couple disembodied voices boomed from outside. Even louder were the bangs and knocks that pounded against the door. "Come on, Nightingale!" A gruff, gravelly voice shouted.

Athena turned to look at the door for a second before jerking back towards the camera. Worry was in her eyes and she kept glancing at the door as if it would explode any second. Despite her fear, she pressed on with a soft voice. I don't know how she managed to sound so calm. "--What I'm saying is I recorded this to tell you I will always love you, Boy Blunder."

Suddenly, the doors busted open. A whole pack of massive assassins in all black stalked forward, grabbing Athena roughly by her arms. They jerked her out of her chair and attempted to drag her away.

"S-stop!" She screeched, wriggling, "Let go of me!"

"Shut up, traitor!" One of the assassins reared back, throwing his meaty fist into her stomach. She wheezed and bent over, blood gushing out faster. She coughed, even more blood sputtering out onto the floor of the warehouse. She stilled, meaning that she was really injured. Athena never stopped fighting.

"P-please," she whimpered, going slack.

At that moment, a man I recognized strode in. Ra's robes trailed behind him like a tail. He took one look at the girl before him. "Shut up, traitor," he said, his voice calmer and more threatening. He raised his fist in the air, but last minute, Athena scrambled out of the assassin's grasp and ran towards the camera. She smiled one last time and nodded at the camera. A hand grabbed her ankle and yanked her towards the assassins just as the footage cut out.

"No! Athena!" I screamed at the screen, standing up and shoving my chair away. I fell to my knees, crumpling into a ball like a broken puppet. "I'm sorry I hated you for so long," I whispered to myself.

I stared at that black screen for hours. I waited and waited for something else to happen. I don't know what I expected. I just stared at the black screen, my own reflection staring back at me. Tears wet my face, trickling down without a care.

This entire time I blamed her. I hated her for so long. I resented her. But, she left to protect me. She never betrayed me, I betrayed her. And now what? I can't even talk to her because she left town, probably to get away for me. Did she blame herself as much as I blamed her? I had destroyed everything, not her. She was right. We could never be the same. But, it was my fault, not hers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Alright, guys, I'm going to start doing this new thing where I list songs that you guys should listen to while reading my chapters so you can get the grasp of the tone I'm trying to convey. Is that cool? Two Ghosts - Harry Styles. Say You Won't Let Go - James Arthur. 24/7 - The Neighborhood. ~~~~~~~~~~