Previously,
When Xander notices I'm not talking to anyone, he bends forward and leans out, gesturing for me to do the same. His eyes are filled with a mix of curiosity and concern. "I know we agreed to not talk about it, but I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You know, after the last time... our trip to the medical room. I can't get it out of my head. Why did you almost faint that day, and why were you feeling so dizzy just from not eating breakfast?"
The memory of that day floods back, a tide of emotions I've been trying to suppress. I don't want to think about that day or the day before it. Here Xander is, bringing up everything I've spent my entire vacation trying to forget. My throat tightens, and I have to fight to keep my tears at bay. His questions render me speechless; I never thought he would remember any of it.
"Uhh... that was... uhh... I..." I stutter, unable to think of anything to say. Oh god, I am doomed.

Finally realizing I don't have to answer him, I gather some courage and tell him, "If you know I'm not going to answer, you shouldn't ask. I don't want to talk about this. End of discussion. It's not like you told me about what I asked, and even if you did, this is something I won't tell you anyway." My voice is firm, even if I come across as rude. I just wanted to make it clear that this topic is off-limits. He is invading my personal space, which I do not tolerate.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I offended you. It's just that afterward we weren't able to talk, and I thought now you might tell me. It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," he replies immediately, making me feel a bit guilty for my outburst. Still, I am sticking to what I said. So I let out a small "It's okay," noticing our history teacher has arrived. I hope he forgets about our conversation. But time and again, I see his eyes still filled with curiosity, and I think I see some concern too. I shake my head because I have a habit of looking too much into things that shouldn't be my business. Not to gossip, but just to know things. Well, what can I do? It's in my nature.

Just like a snap of fingers, days pass, weeks pass, and before I know it, two months have passed. We all have fallen into our routine of studying, having fun, and teasing teachers.
Today, our teachers hand us the schedule for the upcoming midterms, which means a temporary change in sitting arrangements. I don't ponder much about it and check out the schedule, noticing they have given us necessary time between consecutive tests. I am satisfied with it.

Now, the new sitting arrangement requires us to sit according to our assigned roll numbers, which means all the girls will be sitting in one column of benches and boys in the other two columns of benches. Nothing sexist about it; it's just that our class has half the number of girls, that's why.

In the past two months, Xander and I have become much closer. I like it; I like talking to him. I even talk a lot with his friends too. I am happy. I haven't been this happy ever since... No, Violet, don't think about that night.

It's the end of another school day. I go home, eat lunch with Mom, and talk about various things. I tell her I have midterms starting this week, then I ask about my elder sister, Lillian, who is in college. We usually talk to her during her lunch time, but I can't talk to her much during weekdays because of school. Mom asks about my preparations for the exams, and I tell her not to worry as I have it covered. I help her out, take a shower, and then start making schedules and checklists as usual, which I do for each and every one of my exams. Then I start studying, having no time to waste since I don't have any classes.

Finally, after studying continuously for the next eight hours, I get up and get ready for bed as I am damn tired. Kissing Dad goodnight, I go upstairs to my room and sleep.

The next day, I sit according to the new arrangement. Everyone is serious today because our exams start tomorrow. I don't have to worry about anything because I did my work. I know it sounds nerdy, but believe me, it was just for the distraction and to keep my mind off of stuff. I get excited because Amelia will be sitting right in front of me due to the arrangement. And have I told you that Jane and Lorna get along pretty well? In fact, we four are now really good friends. So now Lorna and Amelia sit right in front of me, and Jane is two benches ahead of me. Xander has to sit with Jason on the first bench of the other column of benches, but of course, he doesn't mind that as Jason is his best friend. We all settle down and get back to business as the day proceeds. We are given instructions for the following day that even though we have exams tomorrow, we will have lectures too, and we are not to leave the school premises. After all this, we are free to go home early to prepare for tomorrow's test.

The following day, I sit in my place and read a few last-minute things. A few minutes later, I am all confident with my work. Glancing around, I see everyone still engrossed in their books. Some are so nervous they are sweating but still keep on reading at the same pace, not wanting to waste even a second. I chuckle a bit.

I know what all of you are thinking—why am I not talking to Amelia even though she is sitting just ahead of me? Well, the thing is, Amelia sweats too much about the exams. Even though she prepares everything, she will keep on reading till the last minute, and I am not like her. Not wanting to disturb her and knowing she will not listen to me right now, I just sit quietly, waiting for the teacher to enter the class with our question papers.

After a while, the teacher enters, and everyone gets up from their respective places and greets her, but many keep their eyes glued to their books. Although it is very disrespectful, the teacher lets it slide, knowing fully well everyone is stressed.

The teacher starts giving out the papers, issuing last-minute instructions. When the bell rings, we all start writing.

An hour later, I finish my paper just seconds before the time ends and the bell rings, indicating we have to stop writing. I let out a satisfied sigh and stretch my hand to remove the stiffness. The teacher starts collecting papers, snatching them from students who haven't finished. Once everyone has handed in their papers, I turn to Amelia to discuss answers, which we do after every exam. Mostly, our answers are the same and correct, so we both sigh in relief.

It's almost break time when Jane hands me a book of Xander's, confusing me. I haven't asked for any book of his, and I wonder why she is giving it to me. I ask her with a hand gesture what it is, and she tells me to open it discreetly.

I open the book carefully, making sure no one sees Xander's book in my hands. Inside, I find a handmade card addressed to me.

I slowly open the card, and to say I am shocked is an understatement. He has written a song for me in red ink:

Muskurane ki wajah tum ho,
Gun gunane ki wajah tum ho,
Jiya jaaye na jaaye na
(You are the reason to smile, you are the reason for humming, and I can't live without you.)

On the next page, there is a big red heart drawn and properly shaded. Below it, he has written "I LOVE YOU" in big capital letters. He asks if I like him or if I have feelings for him.
I don't know what to say. 'THE ALEXANDER HARDY' has feelings for me. I've always heard about boys falling for Amelia and fawning over her (not that I mind), but not me. And now, the most famous guy in our class has confessed to me. But I can't deal with this right now. I am damaged, broken, and sad, even though it's been almost six months since that night. If I say yes to Xander, it will mean I will have to tell him everything. Also, I am too embarrassed to think about what will happen if everyone finds out. I don't like being judged.

Finally, I decide it is best to return the card to him. I don't want to keep it in my house—what if my mom finds it? I shudder just thinking about it. I shake my head and slowly get up to hand the book back to Jane, asking her not to open it and to pass it directly to Xander.
When I sit down, Amelia has already turned around with a questioning look in her eyes. I mouth "Break time" to her. She just nods and turns back around, but I can still feel her curiosity.

After a few moments, I look over at Xander. He opens the book, and Jason tries to look with him. When Xander shakes his head to signal Jason not to look, I am surprised. I've heard Xander shares almost everything with Jason and Ethan. Jason just nods and looks the other way, continuing his work.

Xander slowly opens the book, and I see the disappointment on his face. It hurts me too, knowing I caused it, but I don't think I can tell him about that night six months ago.

I tear my gaze away, realizing I've been staring at Xander for far too long. I just want to talk to Amelia alone, which I plan to do during the break. Five minutes later, the bell rings, signaling the start of break time, and everyone scatters in different directions. I motion for Amelia to follow me, knowing she understands where we're headed.

We find a secluded spot near the canteen shortcut, where we can sit and talk without being disturbed. Even if someone approaches, we have a clear view of them.

As we settle down, Amelia's excitement bubbles up, and she urges me to spill all the details. I oblige, recounting the events from Jane passing me the book to the heartfelt message inside, and finally, my decision to return the card. I omit the tangled mess of emotions swirling within me, knowing that's a conversation for another time.

Amelia squeals softly, then quickly tones it down, aware of our need for secrecy. She leans in, her eyes sparkling with curiosity as she poses the inevitable question, "So, how do you feel about him?"

I take a moment to gather my thoughts, then respond, "Look, I've always envisioned an honest relationship whenever I think about having a boyfriend. And to achieve that, I'd have to open up about..."

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