A week past since the incident and Alec has kept his nightmare to himself. The reason being is because he doesn't want Magnus to get worried and since the incident, he has becoming more attentive to Alec. He refused to let Alec go far from his side and it has been rather suffocating for Alec. He knows how much Magnus loves him and he know he loves him too but since the attack, Magnus became more paranoid of leaving Alec not even for a minute.

They were currently at Alec's apartment and its weekend. Magnus brought Rafe to spend time with them as they usually did and they were cooking in the kitchen at the moment. "Okay Rafe, grab that and pour into that." Alec instructed him as he stood side by side from each other. Rafe had requested for him to make chocolate chip brownies and Alec would do anything to make Rafe happy. He slowly grabbed the small bowl that contain the chocolate chip and pour them all into the large bowl as Alec instructed earlier. "Now what?" He asked as he licked his thumb that dipped into the chocolate mix. He was standing on the stool so he could reach the same level as Alec is.

"Now we mix, grab the spatula and stir it." He said as he grab the bowl and Rafe's hand, guiding him to stir the batter. He was enjoying in eating the batter more than focusing to what Alec said. Magnus was done making their lunch by the stove, he heard Alec and Rafe talking to each other ignoring him in the room. He turned off the stove and placed the grilled meat on the each plate. He decided to make them his infamous burger as so he called it but Alec and Rafe has no trust in whatever he is making. "Mine is ready." He said as he placed the meat in each plate on each bread. Rafe and Alec looked over at the burning meat stood before them and cringed at the smell of smoke and fire.

"I said I would like mine medium rare." Alec commented and Rafe added, "Yeah." He raised the spatula from the bowl to his dad but Alec quickly grabbed it back into the bowl as it dripped out from it. He continued to stir even though his stir is more like poking a stick in the sand. "Okay first of all, ouch you guys, you didn't even tasted it yet. Secondly, Rafe, you don't even know what rare means or taste like, how would you know which one you want if you didn't try mine first." Magnus said while he grabbed the ketchup bottle and squeezed them on the meat.

"Aunt Bella told me that's what you said back in college and she told me it taste like road kill." Alec burst into a laugh after Rafe snide comment towards Magnus cooking and Magnus on the other hand eyed his son with his eyebrow furrowed and his jaw tightened. "Well you're aunt Bella is even worst." He added, Alec took the batter and mix them properly before he put into the container, he then later put the container into the oven that he had pre heated it earlier. He grabbed Rafe from the table and went to the sink to wash his hand. "You know aunt Bella almost burned down our house." Rafe and Magnus gasped at the same time.

"Its true. She told me and my brother Jace that she can make lasagna like our mothers but she sure is wrong. She's lucky she only burn the kitchen not the whole house." Alec told them his memory that he remembered well while he dried Rafe's hand off from a towel. "Alec I didn't say Bella was Isabelle, d-did you remember?" Magnus asked hesitantly and Alec looked at him with a confused look. He stood from the floor since he need to crouch to reach Rafe's height, his tall making Rafe had to lift his head up for his height difference.

"I remember vaguely, you telling me, you and her went to college together with your other friends." Alec turned facing the sink refused to face Magnus as it hurts to see him hoping like his memories is back. "Rafe, go and watch some cartoon, grab your plate, I'll be there in a second." Magnus instructed him and he quickly ran to the living room bringing his over cooked burger shouting his joyous answers. Magnus went closer to Alec and stood behind him, he raised his hand slowly on Alec's shoulder and he felt him tensed but relaxed shortly after. Magnus closed their body together and rested his chin on Alec's tall shoulder and kissed it a little.

"You'll get your memory back, one day. Be patience." He whispered but Alec shrugged it off and went to the side and crossed his arm on his chest. "What if I don't? What if I will never got my memory back. After all this years, our memories being together is faded just like that because my stupid brain didn't work." Alec grunted as he make his statement. Magnus sighed and walked closer to him, he grabbed Alec's hand and tangled it with his. He slowly bring it to his lips and planted a soft kisses on Alec's knuckles. Alec smiled at the gesture and kept his gaze at their tangled hands.

"Then we make new memories. I don't mind if you couldn't remember what happened in the past. Its too dark and dreadful and sickening. I will still love you no matter what." Alec looked up and gazed into Magnus' eyes. He saw nothing but love and passion but somehow he could spotted a hint of sadness in them. Probably Magnus is right, probably its for the best if the past stays in the past. He smiled as his palm raised cupping Magnus' cheek. He nodded with a soft smile on his face, "You're right, past is unchangeable but the future aren't. We can always changed what happen to our future but I rather chose to enjoy my present with the man I love, and his adorable little boy."

Alec kissed Magnus lips with a soft peck and Magnus retracted immediately after. "What about me? Aren't I adorable?" Alec chuckled and leaned for another kiss. "You are not adorable but rather sexy." He trailed his kiss on Magnus' cheek, "Hot." Another kiss on Magnus jaw, " Arousing." Another kiss on Magnus neck, Magnus moaned at the contact of Alec's luscious lips and hot breath, he leaned back against the table top as Alec leaned forward on him. He felt Alec's hand roamed around his neck to his chest and landed on his ass. "Above all, you are insatiable." He moaned when Alec pressed his lips on his and groaned when Alec cupped his ass even harder. Their pelvis closed to each other and feeling the raging warmth pooling in between them.

Magnus couldn't take teasing and temptation especially if he's the dominating one. Alec was then pressed to the wall behind him and Magnus continued pressing his lips harder into him. Alec opened his mouth letting Magnus' tongue to enter and subconsciously Magnus hand went underneath Alec's shirt lifting it up but Alec quickly pulled it back down and pushed themselves apart. "Magnus wait, wait. We can't do this." Alec said as he kept his distance from Magnus and fixing his shirt. Magnus wiped his lips with his thumb seductively and looked at Alec with confused all over his face. "What? Why?" He said as he tried to get closer but Alec pushed him off. "We can't cause Rafe is just next room and you know how we get." Alec whispered as Magnus smirk, "Don't start something you are too scared to finish Alexander, plus that's my line."

Magnus tried to catch Alec on the other side but Alec was to quick to retract to the side and he was again separated from Magnus by a table in between them. "Come here my little seductress, you won't get away this time." Magnus warned but Alec ignored his threat and let his tongue out to challenge him. "Only if you could catch me." He said and went to other side Magnus was going and they are back at same position only the opposite side. "You are so screwed when I caught you." Magnus said and tempted to go to the other side and as he imagine, Alec would turned the other way, he then quickly changed his direction and caught Alec in between. Their chest bumped and Magnus jumped on Alec as he fell to the ground.

"You are so gonna get it." Magnus said as he pushed Alec's hand off of him and starts tickling his side. "Magnus, stop! Oh god, ha ha, stop, please." Alec begged but Magnus didn't until Rafe came into the kitchen and stood exactly in front of them, "Daddy why are you both on the ground? Alec?" He asked, his face filled with questions, "Rafe helped daddy, Alec is being naughty, we should tickled him." Magnus said locking Alec's arm under him, "No, Rafe don't listen to daddy, helped me escape." Alec pleaded and Rafe was making a mental decision in his head but choose to join his daddy to torment Alec till he surrender.

They were laughing till no end when suddenly they were interrupted by a sound of Alec's doorbell. They all looked at each other, and then darted their eyes towards Alec's red face. He was red due to so much laughing and to be honest the tickling was exhausting. "Whoever it is, I will send them away. Probably some sales person." Alec said as he got off from the floor. He fix his shirt and his messy hair before he open the door. He gasped at what was in front of him. 

~o~

"Seriously Alec? No call, not even text? I thought we are sticking together no matter what!" Izzy screamed at him. They are all currently in Alec's living room. Jace and Izzy decided to pay him for a visit since the last time they spoke to each other was when Alec left Italy. "Alec its been months, you didn't reply to any of my or Izzy call. If you're still angry-"

"Damn right I was angry! You all should know better than I have to explain myself." Alec cut him off, he stood angrily and paced behind the couch trying to control his anger. "Alexander, I will take Rafe home." Magnus said and stood to grab Rafe from his side. "But daddy we didn't get to eat the brownies." He pouted and Alec felt his heart drown with his guilt for having their evening interrupted by his siblings. "That's okay sweetie, go upstairs and I'll bring it for you." He said and instructed Magnus to go and put Rafe in his room.

"No, Magnus I think you should leave." Jace commanded and Alec stood before Magnus, protecting him. "You don't talk to him like that." Alec said defensively, Magnus felt like intruding in this situation and although his heart insisted he'd stayed, he had to leave this siblings to talk. "Alexander its okay. I should go by the way." Magnus decided and hold Rafe closer to his chest. He got scared at the siblings quarrel in front of him.

"No Magnus stayed, you were the one invited, not them." Alec pulled him back but Jace turned to stood and face both of them. "This is our house, you should leave Magnus, Alec let him go, we need to talk." Jace informed with a stern voice. "No, he's staying and its my decision. You want to talk, talk when I'm free and ready to talk." Alec pulled Magnus towards the kitchen but stopped in his track as soon as he heard his brother voice. "He didn't tell you exactly the reason why mum separated you and him after the incident two years ago right?" Jace hinted and Alec turned to face his brother. "What?" Alec asked and he eyed Magnus next to him. He saw the look on Magnus face staring right into his eyes. "Alexander I can explained everything, its just-" Magnus stopped himself, he couldn't finished his words since he had no reasonable answer for it.

"Same old Magnus, always get what he wants, no matter what." Jace continued. "Jace! Enough, Magnus can you please excuse us. We have a lot to talk about with our brother." Izzy tried to be reasonable and from what she just saw, things are about to break. "NO! Tell me what is Jace saying Magnus, NOW!" Alec raised his voice and kept his gaze at Magnus but his face quickly drown in guilt as he saw him carrying Rafe in his arm, he rested his face on Magnus' shoulder hiding his fear when everyone started to shout at each other. "You should go and take Rafe home now. I'll see you later." Alec said and when Magnus was about to say something else he raised his finger to shut him up. For the first time, Magnus obeyed but the feeling of guilt, scared and nervous of what could happened after haunted him. He nodded and left the house in a heavy heart knowing things will be different next time he sees Alec.

"Speak!" Alec said harshly as he sat on the couch ignoring his siblings questioning look. "You know that you are supposed to be the big brother not me. You haven't called mum and she is worried sick about you and dad-" Jace was cut off with Alec glares at him. "He's your father. Not mine." Alec stated and the words are like knife piercing towards the siblings heart. "Alec, you know no matter what we are family and mum is devastated. She misses you." Izzy said as she sat beside Alec, she wanted to hold his hand but he shrugged it off and stood from his seating.

"I did try to call her, but no matter what, they are still treating me like I'm their gay, messed up son. No matter how things were fucked up in the past, they still haven't accepted me the way I am. What's the point of waiting for their acceptance, I should live my life the way I wanted, not the way they wanted." Alec continued. Tears started to flood his eyes but he hold it, he hated crying and still no matter how many times he faces the same matter, his heart couldn't bury more sadness.

"Alec you know that's not true." Jace said standing behind his brother. He held Alec's shoulder and gripped it in assurance. Alec sighed before he continued, " I'm sorry I wrecked your vision of a happy family years ago and did again the last time I came home but dad once asked me what I thought had turned me gay." Alec kept his gaze towards the window in front of him, he gulped his throat feeling the lump grown heavier. "Alec you didn't tell me that." Izzy came to his side gripping his arm, her face contorted into anger filled sadness. Its not Alec's fault he became like this and all the arguments kept going on for years were still unsolved.

"I know you want to think that mum and dad is fine now with me being gay, but they're not." Alec sighed and walked towards the couch again. He sat rubbing his face with his palm. Izzy and Jace stood before him at the same spot looking at their brother in question. "Alec if you didn't tell us when people say things like this to you, or if they do things to hurt you, then how can we help you? How can I-" Izzy was cut off by Alec before she could say further, "It's not like that Iz, its not that bad, but the little things that hurts me more. Whenever mum called and I told her I'm with Magnus, not once did she ever asked how is he doing. Whenever I'm at home, voicing out my thoughts, they treated me like I'm not there. I don't know whether its because what happened two years ago or because of something else."

"Alec its not like that." Izzy sat beside Alec rubbing his shoulder in assurance. She pressed her lips together figuring out whether or not she should tell Alec the truth. "I heard mum talked with her friends once. They didn't know I was there but somehow they know I'm gay, they told her its a pity no one would ever inherit my looks, and they told her its a shame how I won't be able to give her grandchildren. Mum didn't say a word. She didn't even defended me. She just- she just kept her silence and she didn't talk to me for days." Tears flowed on Alec's cheek, he kept his gaze forward not bother to wipe the tears away. Izzy leaned her head on Alec's shoulder and let herself cry on her brother's shoulder.

"Alec there's something you need to know." Jace started and immediately Izzy turned her head towards Jace. "Jace, stop! Don't you say anything." Izzy warned him but Alec got more curious at what Jace had to say. "No, tell me. I had enough people lying behind my back." Alec said with a seriousness in his tone. Izzy looked at Jace with a warned look begging her brother not to make things worst. "Reason why mum hated Magnus so much, was because what happened two years ago with him and you."

Jace walked closer and sat beside Alec on the single couch next to him. He looked at Alec's eyes and know how Alec waiting for him to spill it out. He knew there's no turning back now and Alec deserved to know the truth. He had enough everyone acted like what happened two years ago with Alec is something they could just forget. Alec deserves to know even though he didn't remember anything. "You remember you and mum was kidnapped, by-" Alec cut him off not wanting to hear the bastard who practically ruined his life. "Vaguely, by the bastard, what else?" Alec asked and his face changed to annoyance.

"Did Magnus ever told you about Camille?" He asked and Alec inhaled a sharp breath before he shakes it slowly. "Camille was his ex fiancé, they both dated since college. Camille always hated you cause you made Magnus look for something else in his life. You also the one who made him realized how much a gold digger she is, and the most important part you are the one who made Magnus realized that she is hitting Rafe." Alec gasped at the thought of someone hitting a child, even though Rafe is not his but he treated Rafe like he's Alec's. "How did you know this?" Alec asked curiously, "Maia told me." Izzy mentioned next to Alec, she remembers when they were reconnected, she asked Maia everything.

"Camille is one of the person involved in your kidnapping, she had an affair with Liam." Alec shook his head not wanting to hear the name Liam at the moment. "I remember her being there with me, I remembered her holding on to Rafe." Alec said and the thoughts making his head hurt. He rubbed it slightly with his finger making Izzy worried. She eyed Jace begging him to stop but Jace denies. "She was angry at Magnus for breaking off the engagement, so she had the revenged on both you and and Rafe. She's the one who hit you in the head." Jace stated and Alec trails his finger on the scar beneath his hair trying to remember the event. "I remember she stabbed me in the leg too." Alec muttered softly looking down on his leg and cupped his palm on it. "Still doesn't explained anything that made mum hated Magnus." Alec asked still confused on what happened. 

"Mum told me that when Camille grabbed her and Rafe, she pushed Rafe and he knocked his head making him unconscious. But as soon as Magnus saw his son, he got infuriated and blamed you for the whole event. He blamed you and told you how he hated you and said all of this is your fault and he should have never let his family involved in your drama. He mentioned it repeatedly actually." As soon as Jace finished his words, Alec felt like his heart was hit by a train, it shatters and broken into pieces. He stood leaving his siblings on the couch and walked towards the stairs. "Alec?" Izzy called, he stopped at the bottom of the stairs and didn't bother to turn around. "Its' okay Izz, I'm fine, I just need some time alone. You guys helped yourself with anything. There's brownies in the kitchen, go an eat it." With that Alec went upstairs leaving his family in the living room all by themselves.

He couldn't process the thought but he was starting getting images, he wanted it to stop but he also eager to remember. The thoughts making his head hurt and he wanted to lie down. He wanted to be alone. When he reached his room, he noticed his phone is vibrating by the desk. He took and inspect it knowing Magnus is calling. He cancelled the call and turned off his phone and throw it across the room. Tears began to spill like tap water and he couldn't bear the pain in his heart. He clutched his chest hoping his breathing won't hurt so much but its worst. Every time he wanted to breathe in he felt the pit of his stomach squeezing his chest. He fell on the floor crying his heart out. He blamed himself for what happened and too stupid to believe Magnus actually care but the fact is he's just felt guilty for what he did years ago. This is just a way of him reprimand what he did and easing the guilt he felt. 

A/N:  I know I changed the book quote but every time I read that my heart hurts and I cried each time. I know how every single gay people feels the same and I love how beautifully it wrote in the book. My thoughts are you guys are strong and you don't need people to tell you how to live your life, live the way you want them to be, as long as you don't hurt anyone, its fine by me.