Sorry for the long and boring chapter. I tried my best to write but every time I did I ended up deleting them. I hope this is not disappointing for you guys.

"Are you ready for your leaving next week? Is everything prepared?" Maryse asked his son while he was packing few of his books away in the luggage. He turned and nodded with a smile excitedly but his mother didn't return the favors. He noticed the silenced in between them so he pulled her for a hug. "I'm just gonna be gone for few months, I will come back for holiday okay. I promised I'll come back." He said and he noticed her mother cracked up on his chest, sobbing in her tears.

"That's what you said last time, then I lost you." She said in her sobs, Alec sighed before sitting her down beside him on the bed and they looked at each other. "Mama, I'm here, I'm not gonna go anywhere. What happened in the past is something we can't changed." Alec noted but his mother's eyes showed a lot more than what came out from her mouth. She tried few times with her lips apart but no words came. She sighed rubbing her cheek from the tears.

"Did you remember anything from past two years?" She asked, contented that he knows nothing. Alec frowned at her knowing well if he did he would have said something. He shook his head in response and his eyes lurk in his mothers. "Do you have any glimpse of anyone in one of your dream?" She asked again, curiosity filled in.

How did she know Alec is been having nightmares or dreams about the past but she never mention anything to help him remember. Alec's eyes turned to the side of her and stared down remembering his dream. He remembers every each and one of his dreams but he couldn't made up the pieces together. Its like the pictures is there but he had just to put them all together in a correct placement.

The image of the man with black hair wearing suit appears in a blur for him. He could make up he sat on the desk but he couldn't made the face appear and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't remember. But his voice is cracking and far away, making Alec difficult to understand what he said. But he remembers his toned, low and husky but his voice changed in times. They always end up ending the dream with gun shot, silent and quick unlike some gunshot that he tried to google the sound, loud and crashing.

The thoughts of his dreams made his head throbbed again and he winced in ache. "Arghh." He held his head with his hand and Maryse held his shoulder, "Alec?" She asked and Alec shook his head trying to stop the pain but it worsen, "Mum, it hurts." He said and he wanted to stood and shake it off but his legs gave up and he fell on the floor in pain. "Isabelle!" He heard his mother shouted for his sisters. "Oh god, Alec please forgive me. Baby please, I'm sorry."

Her mother's voice was the last thing he remembered before he fell into darkness again and the pain subside after. Every time he would let the darkness invaded him, he will dream again and this time, he want to see that guy. The black haired guy with spiky hair and smelled like cinnamon and sandalwood.

"Alec please wake up sweetheart."

"Alexander, wake up." The male voice echoed.

"Alec baby I'm so sorry."

"Alexander please forgive me." 

He couldn't make up who's voice it was actually but he knew one of them is his mother. he tried to open his eyes but his vision was to painful to react to the light. He tried few times before he finally opened his eyes and make up the surrounding. He groaned as his throat felt like sands and seconds later a glass of water being placed on the tips of his lips. He shakily accept the hand and sips the water, relieved as the cold water went through his throat. His head fell back on the pillow as he saw people around him with same expression as he was waking up two years ago."What happened?"

He asked as he tried to fix his seating but held back by Maryse. "Easy baby, lay back, you need to rest." He obeyed and lay back on the bed, his head still hurts but the throbbing is gone. "Is he gonna be okay?" He heard Jace asked a lady standing beside him with a note in her hand. She smiled looking at him before continued writing in her paper. "He's gonna be okay, just need some rest." Alec noticed he still in the room and all of them is there except his father. Every time he had his episodes, he won't be here to check on him. He felt insecure knowing his father still doesn't care about him just like before and he kept himself busy. "Where's dad?" He asked and Maryse sighed looking at Isabelle next to her, "He's busy at his office, he will come and check on you later. Alec maybe you should rethink about going to London. What if something bad happened there and no one is there to take care of you."

Maryse grabbed his hand but he pulled away, "No!" He growled and she was taken back on his expression and she clenched her hands together on her laps looking down. "I'm fine. Its just a headache." Alec said sitting up, and he saw the gaze on his brother and his sister. "Mr Lightwood, you need to rest, your body is exhausted and your mind is tired. You're gonna have to let your memory comes by itself not by force and that's what happened when you forced it. In some cases, the memory never did came and they lived throughout their lives not knowing what happened in the past. Perhaps creating new memories is what you need. It seems that your mind doesn't want to remember or its too painful to remember. This things takes time and if it meant to be, it will be." She said and she handed Jace a piece of paper in his hand, "This medication will help you to sleep. Your body is too exhausted to remember and with lack of sleep it'll worsen. Have a good day people."

She exited the room accompanied by Jace while Izzy and his mother still by his side. "Alec, maybe mama is right, maybe you could postponed it in a while and when you are better you can go." She said and Alec frowned looking at her. "The reason why I can't remember is because none of you helped me to remember. Whenever I asked, you guys just kept silenced and instead of telling me the truth you lied to my face. I know something is up and you can't hide it from me forever. Sooner or later I will remember and if I found out if any of you had anything to do with it, you can say goodbye cause I'm not coming home ever."

Alec was so angry at them especially his mother but he had too, he had to stand up for himself and he did. He stood up from the bed wobbling himself before he ran out from his room. He need some space, he need some air and he can't look at his mother right now.

"Mama, you can't hide this forever, Alec needs his memory back. He might be our brother, your son but he's like a robot in this house. Pretending that our family are actually normal to function. Him being the only one not able to remember and earning a side glanced from all of us. He can read us, he knows something is up." Izzy tried to reason with Maryse hoping she would at least considered but then she stood up angrily. "Are you saying that you want Alec to remember his memory of being abandoned by his family while you and Jace are here living like kings while he's back in New York living like a slave? You want him to remember being raped by that bastard? You want him remembered what that asshole Magnus did to him before when he actually saved his son? Saved me? You want him to remember all of that and accept it? Tell me Isabelle if he found out about it how do you think he will react? How do you think he would look at you when he knew you actually had a fucking nice lives while me and your brother were supposed to be dead?!"

Maryse stormed out from the room leaving Isabelle by herself crying her eyes out on Alec's bed. She felt bad for what she said but everyone kept pushing her to be honest but the fact is no one is being honest in that house. She was ashamed for what happened to Alec and she wished he didn't lose his memory but on the bright side, Alec is happy, or so she thought.

Alec didn't know where he got his strength to fight his mum like that but when he went out from the room, he felt remorse. He felt sudden fear and longing that made him want to go back but he was stubborn, as stubborn as Maryse is so he flee. He ran towards the main door and escaped to his little secret place at their vineyard. There's a small bench where he would watch a sunrise there but now its night time so everything is dark. With the help of their house lights, its visible to walk around. He found his little tranquility and serenity when he's there and he can think better, his mind wide open with no one disturbing him.

He didn't know how long he was there when he saw Jace coming up to him. "Hey," he said while sitting at the bench near him. "Hey." He answered with no slight of emotion. His eyes kept on the yard as the small fireflies sparkle in the night. They both sat in silenced for a while before Alec decided to say something but was cut off by Jace. "Alec." Alec looked at his brother noticing how his playing with his finger, he will always do that when he was younger especially when he's nervous. He remembers the moment when their parents bring Jace in from the foster care and the first time they met, he remembered everything. "Did mum send you to come and find me like always?" He asked but Jace scoffed before he smiled at the memory of their childhood.

"You know we can see you right? It's not exactly deserted anyway. We can still you sneak in here every night when you can't sleep." Now its Alec's turn to scoff, there goes his privacy."Now you know why I have to go. I need my space. Mum is helicoptering me again." Jace remembers when Alec got out from the hospital, their mum didn't even move her eyes away from him. Every single move Alec made, she will watched like a hawk. But to no one faults cause Alec still struggled with his seizure activity. Every time his body shook she knew he will drop and she will always be there to catch him. No one can blame her since after what happened to them.

"I know Alec, too much estrogen in the house, mum and Izzy had a fight again, I have to get out for some air, that's why I'm here with you." Alec sighed knowing the fight started from him. He felt a sudden nudge from Jace to his arm and he looked to his side. "Hey, it not your fault. Stop thinking like that." His eyes widen in surprised that Jace knows he blamed himself for their fights. He nodded before his eyes went back to the vine under the moonlight.

"Dad still the same, worst if I must say." He said and Jace kept his silenced. "Don't mind him, he's old. Alec chuckled at the words, "He's not that old Jace." He said and Jace followed his laugh. "Jace." Alec spoke after they both kept silenced awhile, he hummed in response and looked at his brother. "You won't lie to me right. Why didn't you guys tell me what happened?" He asked and the same guilty eyes flashed on Jace's face.

"Alec its not my place to tell. Its better if you remember by your own. Remember what the doctor said? You need to let it come to you not to force it." Jace made his point but Alec sighed in disbelief. "So, you're saying that if you were me, you don't want people to let you know even? To keep it to themselves and acted like everything is fine and let you walk around like a zombie while having your father look at you like he hides a dead body in your closet hoping you won't find out? Is that what you want Jace?"

Jace sighed knowing Alec is upset, "No, I would react the same you would right now. But the answers you looking for is not here Alec. The memory is too painful for us even, we are just afraid that if you remember, we would lose you again." Alec huffed his chest feeling guilty for putting to much pain for his family. He shook his head and stood, "Thanks Jace, now I know how much it pained for me to be here." Alec tried to walk away from Jace but he felt his wrist was tugged and he looked back, Jace was holding it. When he look at Jace he saw his eyes were brimming in tears.

"As much as it pain you, it pain all of us too. Like I said, the memory is too painful. Seeing your brother disappeared for years and failed to find you but when we found you, we lost you again. We thought we trusted you with someone we had much faith in but we were wrong. That bastard let you slip and it almost cost your life. But when he found you he blamed everything that happened to your fault. We all thought he was a noble man but he proves us wrong." When Jace finished, tears run down his cheek. His hand released Alec's in a while now but Alec stood before him, he looked up to Alec's face and their eyes met. "He?" Alec asked and he stood, even though their heights didn't met but he looked him directly in his eyes, "You're missing piece of your mind, the reason for all of this happened."

Jace left Alec stumbled in his own thoughts when he ran and Alec saw he grabbed his bike and left. He let out a breath of exasperation before he went inside to his room with his mind still wandering on the weird conversation he had with Jace. When he lay down, his eyes looking at the ceiling, "The missing piece of my mind?" He mumbles but his eyes drooped and he finally gave in to sleep. The medication the doctor gave him works fast, faster than he thought or maybe he just really tired and he just gave in.

One week later

A week passed and Alec made his peace with his mother after what happened but things with them is still cold. Alec wouldn't talk much to them and rather spend his time in his room. Tonight is last night he will be at his home in Italy and tomorrow he will travel to London for his new life. Dinner were quiet and they only engaged in conversation as simple as it could. After dinner Alec decided to visit his father, thanking him for everything and probably asking him few questions. He knocked few times before he heard him answered and allowed him to enter, "Dad?" He asked.

"Alec, is everything okay? Have you finished packing?" He asked and Alec nodded. "Here." He gave him an enveloped and he took it. He opened them and shocked was the least he could say, the enveloped contained cash, credit card under his own name and cheque enough to cover his years of expanses. "Dad, you don't have to give me this." He tried to push it back but Robert insist. "Keep it, I can't let you struggle with money there. Plus, I have the driver pick you up and take you to the town house there. Izzy and Jace lived there before when they were still studying so now you should too. Its the least I could do." He said and went back to his leather couch and sip on his scotch.

The sight of the glass in his hand triggered something in him and the image flashes. He saw hands, beautiful hands, long fingers and he felt warm, he felt like wrapping his fingers with it. The hand was holding the same glass with the same colored drink and then the image changes to the glass broke into pieces. He felt rushed, he felt his chest thumping and he clenched his hand on his chest. "Alec?" Robert was worried and took Alec to the couch, "You okay?" He asked and Alec still gulping his throat and his eyes clenched and closed at few moments.

"Here. Lie down Alec." Robert gave a small pillow for Alec to lie down but he shook his head, "I-I'm fine dad. Its okay. Just some images, I didn't even know what it is." he lied, Robert sat beside him looking concern at his son but Alec rubbed his eyes and smile. He leaned back on the couch and took a few deep breaths before he said another word, "Thank you for all of this dad, it means a lot to me." Alec said and Robert smiled shaking his head, "It's the least I could do." He said and he went back to his alcohol, sipping it till he's done. He placed the glass back down and Alec eyes didn't move bit. "Dad, can I ask you something." He asked and Robert nodded, knowing Alec must have want to say something before he came in. "Sure." He answered. "Why are you so distant with me? Did I do something wrong in the past?"

Robert look into Alec's eyes and he huffed, he stood and went to his desk followed by Alec. "Don't talk nonsense Alec. You must been thinking things." He tried to avoid the issue and Alec sensed it. "You didn't even look at me anymore. If I did something to upset you in the past, I'm sorry and tell me how to fix it." His eyes were begging for him to look at his own son but he kept his gaze on the papers on his desk. "Dad, please. I'm leaving tomorrow and I don't want things between us to end like this. Please tell me." He forced but Robert slammed his fist on the desk earning Alec a gasped.

"Damn it Alec! Its not you, its me alright! Are you happy? I can't look at you because of what I did and every time I see you, it hurts." Robert screamed and Alec was taken back at his words and his toned. "I-Its that why you wanted me to leave? B-because you can't look at me anymore?" Alec stuttered in his words, upset on his father's behavior. Robert didn't answer and instead he looked down on his desk. He was too ashamed to face Alec after everything that he said about him and the way he treated his family. Yes they are still living under the same roof but his own wife didn't even addressed him as her husband, heck they didn't even sleep in the same bed anymore and their kids are not like before.

"Whatever it is dad, I am still your son, your flesh and blood and you are still my father and I love you. I hope whatever it is that I do in the past, you would forgive me for that. Thank you for these." Alec stormed off the room leaving his father in the office and headed to his room. When he entered, he was surprised of his mother sitting beside his packed luggage and her hand on top of the bags while her gaze towards the window. "Mum?"

She turned her head around and wiped her tears pretending Alec didn't see it already. She smiled and hugged him but Alec frowned at her gesture. "I have something for you." She said and she released her hugs and went back to Alec's bed and pulled out a small box of gift and hand it to him. "Mum, you didn't have to." He said unwrapping the box with a small red bow on top of it. "Its a getaway present so you could talk to us everyday." She said and when Alec unwrapped all of the papers he gasped. Its new iPhone XS Max and its what he's been wanting to have but he doesn't want to use his parents money to buy his own phone. "I got you the sim card to use in London and its international so you can use it everywhere. Let daddy handle the bills." She winked and Alec snickered with a smile.

"Thank you ma." He said wrapping his arm around her pulling her into a hug. "I'll never get bored of these hugs." She said with a laughed and Alec couldn't helped it, he wanted the hugs to last longer. She noticed how Alec still wrapped around her even though she already released her but she again place her arm around her son's body. He heard small sniff coming from Alec and when she pulls back, Alec's eyes teared up and she cupped his cheek. He leaned in towards her small warm hand. Her hand travels towards Alec's hair and her fingers dug onto his scalp and she could feel the scar underneath those thick ruffed hair. He winced every time anyone touches it and its not because of the pain but the memory they had to open his skull in order to release the clots inside his head.

"Thank you for everything you had done for me." Alec looked at his mother before him as he said so, "I know I didn't say this a lot but thank you for taking care of me for these past two years. I'm sorry for being such a burden and -" Alec was cut off by his mother's hand cupped on his mouth. "You are my son and I love you, nothing will stop me from taking care of you. No matter how old you are I am still your mother. Just one day if you remember things from our past just find a piece of your heart to forgive me. I did this only for you and for your own good." Alec didn't mutter any words after nor did he argues about the pressing issue but he just nodded and they both ended the night with their hugs. "Did daddy gives you the money yet?" She asked and Alec withdrew the enveloped from his back pocket and waved at her. "Good, spend it wisely." She said and Alec nodded.

Next morning came sooner than Alec thought it would be. He thought he had all the hours he need but the next thing he knew he's at the airport with his family to send him off for his studies. He already checked in his luggage and drop it off and he was standing at the departure gate with all of them. A bag pack and a jacket on his hand he looked sharp and lean, his hair is still ruffed with his curls but its not messy as it was when he woke up. "I'm gonna miss you big bro." Izzy said wrapping her small arms around Alec's torso and Jace hugged his side. They all hugged in a small three person circle before Alec hugged his mother last. His father decided not to come and send him off but he did saw each other before he left the house.

"Please take care of yourself and call me and I meant it call me if anything. I'll be just a call away. I'll come to you if you needed me." She said in their hugs and he nodded chuckling at the thoughts. "I love you guys. Promised you'll visit?" He raised his index finger at Jace and he nodded. "Of course, I have my brother in London and place to crash if I got drunk so why wouldn't I come there?" Maryse slaps the back of Jace's head and Izzy glared at him. "Why wasn't I invited to this?" She asked and Jace and Alec raised their eyebrow, "Uhmm, because now the townhouse has become a bachelor pads. No girls allowed." Jace answered and Izzy huffed in anger crossing her arm around her chest. "That's not fair, its still my house too." She said and they continued arguing while Maryse and Alec witnessed their childish argument but soon interrupted when he heard the announcement of his flights being boarded.

He looks at his mother who now had the same expression when he told her he's leaving but this time much more appealing. She didn't say a word and straight hugging her elder son hiding his face on his chest. "I love you." Alec whispered and she nodded. She pulls back and wipe her tears before clearing her throat, gathering herself altogether and put on a fake smile on her face. "Do you have all the medicine with you?" She asked for probably the twentieth times today. Alec chuckled nodding with Izzy and Jace in each of his side, side hugging him. "Seizure, headache, pain, sleeping tablet. Oh, for your tummy I forgot to get you some antacid for that. Wait did I packed for your fever meds? Oh gosh how can I forgot all of those." She kept mumbling to herself and Alec had to stop her right there.

He cupped both of her cheeks to made her look at him, "I got everything with me but if I don't I have the prescription slip with me and I will go there to their hospitals and get my supplies, and yes I have enough medication that if the airport securities checked through my bags they will think I'm smuggling some medicine into their country. Is that calming you enough?" He asked and Maryse had the frown on her face, "No! What if you got stuck at the immigration?" She asked worriedly and Alec hugged her in a smile. "I'm fine mama, I promised." He kissed her forehead and hug her for the last time. Jace and Izzy joined the hugs and a few seconds later Alec released their hugs and headed to the gate.

He stopped before he went forward and he turned and runs back to his mom. She opened her arms wide seeing him run back to her and they hugged again for the millionth time today. "I love you." He said and Maryse was now crying her eyes are filled with tears not able to let go Alec this time. But she had to let him go eventually and she had to stay strong for him. "You're gonna miss your flight, call me when you landed." She said wiping her tears and her hands raised to Alec's cheek. "I love you too Alec." She said and Alec kissed her forehead and then turned to Izzy and kissed her forehead later he went to Jace for their brotherly hugs. He turned and headed towards the gate and this time, he didn't turn around but instead he kept walking forward and disappeared through the glass door. 

A/N : Sorry again for the boring chapter but I tried my best. Next will be Magnus POV and braced your heart guys, our malec meeting soon. Thank you for the support and your comments are my air to breathe.