The pain in my shoulders ease.

"Raven," Daniel begs. "You can reach me now. Grab my hand."

"She let go," I breathe, staring into where she disappeared.

"Dammit, Raven! Grab my hand!"

I turn my head to stare up at him. "She let go," I tell him, my voice hollow and distant.

"Raven!" He roars, stretching to grab me.

I release the dagger and close my eyes.

"Raven!"

Something slams into me and wings beat around me.

We hit a wall, then collapse onto a stone floor.

Charlie rolls away from me.

My vision goes red when I see him. "You could've saved her." I lunge for him and grab his shirt. I slam him into the floor. "You could've saved her!" I scream.

"I still can!" He shouts, blocking any blows with his hands in front of his face.

I freeze, staring down at him. "What?"

He turns his head to where her body lays. "But only if she's still breathing."

I scramble for her. I want to lunge and check for a pulse, but when I get near her, my heart stops.

Nothing looks wrong except for a trickle of blood from the corner of her mouth.

I pet her hair back. "Rae?" I whisper. Something warm and wet coats my fingers. I don't have to look to know it's blood.

Charlie eases beside me and searches for a pulse. "Her heart's still beating," he whispers.

My heart isn't. I sob and bow my head over hers. "Rae, please. Please, open your eyes. Ple-please! I can't do this without you!" Sobs wrack my body. I scream at her to wake up. I beg. I beg with everything I have left.

Charlie pushes me away without a word.

"What are you doing!?" I scream. "Don't take her from me!"

His wing snaps out and holds me back, even as I punch and dig my nails in. "I need to do this quickly, before her heart stops." He puts his hands over her heart and closes his eyes.

"What are you doing?" I repeat. I stop fighting him. For now.

Rae's body glows.

"Are you healing her?" I rasp.

Charlie flinches. "I'm sorry... I don't know how. I'm not a healer."

"Then what are you doing!?"

"I'm stopping her body from dying. It'll keep her alive until-." He doesn't continue.

"Until!?" I shout.

"Until I can figure out how to fix her."

I can't even argue. I can't move. I can't speak. I can't do anything to help her. After all she's done to keep me alive all these years... I can't even do anything.

I'm completely helpless. My best friend is dying and I can't do anything but sob.

Charlie moves to Erick and my body finally moves.

I shove him back. "Don't," I snarl.

Charlie blinks. "He's a person, Raven."

"She's dead because of him," I hiss.

"She's not dead! I can fix this!"

"Fix this!? How are you going to fix anything!? Her bones are probably shattered! Her skull is split open!"

"No! I've stopped it! It's like cryogenics! I can fix it!"

I shake my head. "How, Charlie?" My voice breaks.

He opens his mouth and searches for an answer.

I bury my head in my hands, sobbing. Her warm blood smears along my face.

"I could send her to Ebony."

I lift my head. "What?" I whimper.

Charlie's expression has shifted into something else. Cold and calculated. He's nodding. "I can reach a friend from the rebellion who is stationed nearby. There's magic there that can save her, but she would have to go to Ebony."

"You said humans can't survive the magic there."

Charlie's eyes flutter. "I know what I said."

"So, there's a chance she could survive this? But the magic will poison her and kill her slowly? How can you ask me to make that choice, Charlie?"

"The magic won't kill her," he whispers.

"You said it kills humans!" I scream, hitting his chest. "Don't give me hope! I can't take it! I can't-." I wail, balling my hair into fists. "I can't, Charlie. I can't believe she's going to come back just to lose her again."

"But there's a chance," he whispers. "The magic could heal her."

"It could kill her," I whimper. "It could kill her slowly. I can't put her through that."

"It won't kill her," he insists.

I shake my head. "I can't, Charlie. Not unless you can tell me why it won't kill her. Tell me she's not going to suffer. Tell me. Please."

He closes his eyes. "She's not human."

The world stops.

Everything stops.

My sobs. The rumbling, deep in the cave. Charlie's tears streaking down his face. Everything's just... silent.

Even the smell of Rae's blood smeared on my face is gone.

For a second, there's nothing.

"You're lying," I whisper. "You're trying to trick me. So, I'll do what you want. You want to hurt her, and I won't let you. I won't let you hurt her. I love her! I won't let you hurt her!" I slam my hands into Charlie's chest, sobbing. "I won't let you hurt her!"

He catches my wrists and brings my hands to Rae's chest.

Something bubbles up around her, like a second skin. It shimmers white and silver, like the coldest of snowstorms.

"Do you feel that?" He whispers in my ear, his breath warming my face. "I knew as soon as I saw her. She has magic. It's buried, deep inside. She doesn't even know about it. None of them do."

"None of them?" I whisper.

He looks away. "The magic won't kill her," he promises.

I stare at her face.

She almost looks serene. There's a bruise forming along her cheek and one of Charlie's feathers is stuck in her hair.

She looks like a character in a murder mystery movie. All framed, and still, and peaceful.

"There's a chance she'll live?" I ask, my voice small and weak.

I can't believe I'm considering it. His realm is the reason she's like this. Erick is, but that realm is to blame too.

I'm to blame.

"I can't lose her," I tell him, in the same, tiny voice. I've never sounded this meek in my life.

Charlie squeezes my good shoulder. "I swear to you. This magic can save her. But she has to go to Ebony."

"Will I get her back?" I rasp.

He flinches.

"Don't lie. Not now. I'm not doing this without knowing."

Charlie closes his eyes. "Like I told you... The only portal I know that comes back here is guarded by Thomas. My rebel contact can sneak her through, but Thomas won't let them return."

I study Rae's face. "Okay," I whisper.

Charlie starts. "Okay?"

"Get your rebel friend here. As soon as possible."

Charlie stands. "It's been a while since I contacted her. I'll need to be as close as possible, so I have to leave the cave."

I nod, mutely.

He gathers Erick and spreads his wings. "I'll be right back."

I stroke a finger along Rae's cheek. "I'm going to find you," I promise her. "Maybe Will is there too. Maybe you'll find each other and he can keep you safe. Charlie's going to fix this. I have to trust him, Rae. I hope you can understand. But I can't lose you. I can't. I can't lose anyone else. I barely survived losing Ollie. I barely survived Alex turning his back on me. You and Ava are the only reason I'm still here, Rae. I can't lose you."

I kiss her forehead, tears pouring onto her face and sliding into her curls. "Please. Please, let this work. You're gonna be okay. I swear. I will move Heaven and Earth to get back to you. I'll kill this Thomas guy. I don't care what I have to do, Raelynn. I'm-." I sob. "I'm gonna find you. I promise. I promise. I will see you again. I will never stop fighting to come home to you. Hear me? So, you have to be strong for me. I can be strong for you, if you promise to be there when I come home."

"Raven Black."

I sniffle and look up into the darkness. "Who's there?" I call, my voice tremoring.

I move in front of Rae, drawing the dagger I still have. I point it into the darkness and that silver glow illuminates the shadows again.

"Who are you talking to?"

I jump and turn.

Charlie frowns and studies my face. "Are you okay?"

"You're back," I breathe, my heart hammering in my chest. What had I heard down there, in the depths?

He gathers Rae and I look down.

I can't focus on her limp body in his arms.

"My friend will be here soon." He looks down at Rae in his arms, then back to me. "Do you want to say goodbye?"

I turn away from him and curl my arms around myself. "No."

He shuffles towards me. "Raven," he whispers.

"It's not goodbye," I snap.

He stops and sighs, "Raven."

"No!" I shout. I dig my nails into my arms. "It's not goodbye."

He's gone with a flutter of wings and I collapse to my knees.

I bow my head and let my tears flow freely once again. It's not goodbye.

Charlie returns for me a few minutes later.

Neither of us speak as he lifts me into his arms. We lurch upwards and the air slices across my skin. It stings as it blows over my opened stitches.

The pain feels good. It's better than the numbness I've been feeling since Charlie took Rae from me.

The first thing I see when we land is Alex.

Izzy is holding his shoulders as he sobs.

James is whispering to Ava, who is covering her mouth and silently crying.

Alex sees me and the cave seems to grow warmer, as if a volcano is warming under my feet. He steps towards me, his dark eyes seeming to glow like embers. "You," he whispers, his voice raw. "This is all your fault."

"Alex," Izzy snaps, "give it a rest."

He shoves Izzy's hands off him and jabs a finger in my face. "You promised to protect us! I told you! You're nothing but a curse! First Oliver, then Will, now Rae!" He yanks my blood-soaked hand forward. "Who else's blood will you have on your hand next?"

"That's enough!" Daniel snaps, shoving him away from me.

Alex shoves him back.

"Stop," I plead, before Daniel can shove him again.

Alex's eyes burn with hatred when he looks at me. He slaps me without a word.

"Alex!" Izzy shouts.

Daniel goes to punch him, but I catch his arm. His head swivels around to look at me. "Raven."

"He's right," I whisper.

Daniel drops his arm. "He is definitely not."

I shuffle towards Charlie. "Take me back to the motel," I whisper. "Please."

"You shouldn't even be around us," Alex spits. "You're a death sentence."

Charlie wraps me in his arms, and for a while, I'm weightless.

Then, he settles me back in the room I'd left. Everything comes crashing down around me and I fall to my knees.

"Raven," Charlie whispers.

"Please leave," I beg.

"But-."

"Go," I plead. "I need... I need a shower. I need a minute alone."

He gives in, leaving me there. The door eases shut behind him, but I still don't move.

It takes me a good half an hour to finally force myself to my feet.

I struggle to the bathroom and turn the shower on. The water is warm for a while, but I can't bring myself to wash the blood and grime off me.

Alex is right.

Rae was out here because of me. She said so herself. She was scared I was going to get myself killed, and now...

I squeeze my eyes shut, sitting on the floor of the shower as the water turns icy on my back. The look in her eyes when she let go keeps reappearing in my mind.

The door creaks open, but I don't look up.

I don't care who it is. I don't care if Alex has come to stab me in the back. I don't care who sees me naked anymore. I don't care.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ava's voice croaks.

I lift my head now, to look at her.

She shuffles forward until her leg hits the toilet, then she settles onto its lid.

"Tell you what?" I whisper as the water cascades around me. It hasn't been warm for a while now. I shut it off so I can hear her. Water drips off me, swirling mine and Rae's blood down the drain.

"What Erick did to you."

I look away. "Who-?"

"Does it matter?"

"It wasn't their story to tell," I snap.

She shakes her head and grips her knees. "Raven, why didn't you tell me? We could've stopped hanging out with him! We could've told Rae."

"I told Rae," I snap, bitterly. "And she still chose him."

Ava slides off the toilet and searches for my hand.

I tap my nails on the side of the tub and she grabs my hand.

"She made a mistake."

"She could be dead," I whisper.

A tear slips down Ava's cheek. "Do you think she is? Do you think Will's dead?"

"You don't know?" I ask, quietly, not looking at her.

She shakes her head. "I'm sorry I don't. I wish I could give you an answer."

A jolt goes through me like Izzy's zapped me.

I stare at her. "What?" I ask, my voice raw.

"I wish I could figure this out," she says, "so I could make it easier for you."

My stomach twists and I shake my head. "Ava, you don't take care of me. I take care of you. That's how this works. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that it's your job to make me feel better."

"Why isn't it? You always do everything to make me feel better. We're a team, aren't we? We support each other."

I shake my head again. "You're a kid, Ava. You shouldn't have to deal with all this crap."

"You're not much older than me," she snaps. "It's not like you're the only one who's strong enough to do this!"

"I'm not."

"Not what?"

"Strong enough."

Ava grinds her teeth together. "Do you think they're dead?" She whispers.

I stare at Rae's blood on my hand. "No."

Ava's breath shudders out of her and she clenches her fists. "How can you be sure?"

I can't answer. But deep down, I know I would know. I would feel it. Their lives slipping away from mine. I would feel their loss.

It's not because I'm numb right now that I don't. I would feel it. I don't. I haven't lost them. They're still there, somewhere. They're still somewhere I can get to. Which means I'm not done fighting for them.

"I would know," is all I can offer. "I would know."

We sit in silence for a while, then Ava beckons Cat and Izzy in to clean me, since I refuse to stand and do it myself.

Cat unhooks the shower head and begins scrubbing the grime out of my hair.

The water is warm again.

Izzy takes a rag from under the sink and scrapes Rae's blood off my hand and face.

They don't really know what to do about my open bullet wound, so they just try not to get water in it.

"I don't understand Alex's problem," Cat says as she massages shampoo into my hair.

"Cat," Izzy hisses, "we said we weren't going to talk about it."

"What? Never? I'm too impatient to never know the answers to my questions."

Ava pinches the bridge of her nose. "You two are here to clean Raven because I can't see what's dirty. Keep the chit-chat to yourselves."

"It's okay," I murmur, "I don't mind."

"Is it okay if I ask, then? What Alex's deal is?"

I glance up at Cat. "Alex doesn't have a 'deal'. He's right."

"Raven," Ava snaps.

"No," I grumble. "He is. Rae let go because I couldn't hold her."

"She let go because she couldn't let go of Erick," Izzy corrects. "That's not on you."

"Would she have been able to let go if I could've returned her feelings?" I ask, quietly.

Izzy and Cat share a look.

"No," Ava says, "no matter how she feels about him... she's built her life around saving people. She wouldn't have let go even if it was a stranger."

I gulp. I want to believe her. I don't.

"Still, I really want to punch Alex sometimes," Cat says. "Especially when he slapped you. That little weasel will get what's coming to him."

"I deserved it," I mutter.

"How can you say that?" Cat asks. "You've done nothing wrong!"

I flinch and look away. "You don't know me, Cat. Alex has every right to hate me."

"Why!? You make no sense to me, even if you have my face."

"Drop it," Ava demands. "The past is none of your business."

"Says you," Cat mumbles.

"I wanted to punch him too," Izzy says.

I lift my head to stare at her. "No," I tell her. "No one is punching Alex. He's my friend."

Cat scoffs, "some friend. All he's done since we've met is yell at you and belittle you. We should leave him here, if you ask me."

"I didn't ask you," I snap.

She blinks, the shower head freezing in place.

Warm water flows down my back, over my old and new scars. The new ones sting.

"I deserve his anger."

She shakes her head. "For what, Raven?"

Ava grabs my hand and squeezes.

I look away, but squeeze back.

Ava sighs, "it happened several years ago. One of our friends, Oliver, was trans. Like Alex. He found an underground doctor that would perform top surgery on him. Alex and Raven went with to support him. But-." Ava shakes her head.

"But?" Cat prompts.

Ava can't go on.

She'd been close with Oliver too. It's hard for either of us to talk about what happened.

I haven't been able to since it happened.

I swallow the lump in my throat. "As we were leaving, some punk confronted us in this damn alley. He cornered us. He went to our school. He'd heard what Oliver and Alex were. He said they were sick. Said they were illegal anyway, so who cares what he did to them?"

Izzy covers her mouth and shakes her head. "No," she whispers. She squeezes her eyes shut.

Cat's hands slow in my hair as she scrubs the conditioner in. "How is that your fault?" She asks, quietly.

I close my eyes. "He told me he would spare one if I chose. I should've done something. I should've offered myself."

"You chose Alex?" Izzy whispers.

"I chose Oliver."

She pulls back.

"He shot Alex," Ava murmurs. "The bullet missed his heart by inches. He barely survived."

"And when I went to him... when I tried to stop the bleeding... that punk shot Oliver. He died there, in the street."

Cat shakes her head. "That's bullshit. Alex has no right to blame you. You were still a kid, Raven. You are still a kid. All of us are. It was an impossible choice you shouldn't have had to make."

I bury my face in my knees. "That surgery was the one-time Oliver stood up for himself," I whisper. "He wouldn't even touch me because he was scared the cops would find out and arrest us. He wouldn't even listen to talk of the rebellion because he was scared of getting hurt. That surgery was the only time in his life he cared enough about something to risk dying for it. And he did."

"You got justice for him, Raven," Izzy murmurs. "You can't blame yourself forever."

Ava's head shifts towards Izzy's voice. "What do you mean?"

Izzy looks at her. "What do you mean 'what do you mean'?"

"Justice," Ava says. "What do you mean Raven got justice for him?"

Izzy's eyes snap to me. "She doesn't know?"

I screw my eyes shut and bite my lip until it bleeds.

"Shit," Izzy whispers.

"Language," Cat rasps.

My breath wheezes out of me.

"Seriously, what the hell do you mean?" Ava growls.

"It's not my place," Izzy says.

Ava snaps to her feet. "Like hell it isn't! What other secrets are you keeping from me, Raven!? You didn't tell me about Erick and now this!?"

"Erick?" Izzy and Cat ask in unison, looking at me.

"Stop," I whimper. "Please."

"What justice are you talking about!?" Ava shouts.

"Calm down," Izzy pleads, "I overstepped. It's not my story to tell."

"I killed him," I warble, staring at the wall in front of me. There's a place where the backsplash doesn't meet the tile quite right. I keep my eyes on it as Ava shifts towards me, fists balled.

"Who?"

"Who do you think?"

"Say his name, Raven."

"Hunter. I killed the man that shot Alex and Oliver. Call it justice, vengeance, whatever. But he's gone. He's not gonna hurt anyone else anymore."

Ava's silent for a long time. Slowly, she eases onto the toilet again. "Okay," she whispers.

"I killed his father too," I note, because it feels good to get it off my chest.

Ava grabs her knees. "Why?"

"Because Hunter got that gun from him," I whisper. "The scanner can only be overridden by the cop that owns the gun. He confessed to the whole thing before-."

"I get it," she whispers. "Did you... enjoy it?"

My face scrunches as I stare at the wall. "No. I was sick for days. I just... I had so much anger in me. I had nothing but hatred. I couldn't sleep, or eat, or even visit Alex in the hospital. Then the court found them innocent. And I couldn't live with myself knowing Ollie's killers were free after what they'd done."

Ava takes my hand. "Raven, it's okay. It's over now."

"Does Alex know?" Izzy asks, in a quiet voice.

I shake my head, then realize Ava can't see me. "No."

"Why not? He might forgive you-."

"That's why I haven't told him. If he forgives me, I want it to be genuine. Not because I killed someone."

"What if he never forgives you?" Cat asks, shutting the water off.

I shrug. "Then he never forgives me. That's his choice. I don't blame him. I blame myself."

"You two go," Cat says. "I'll get Raven toweled up."

"Why you?" Ava asks.

"Well, you can't see and Izzy doesn't need to see Raven completely naked. Perverts."

"What, and you do?" Izzy asks, crossing her arms.

"We look exactly the same," Cat argues.

Izzy rolls her eyes. "Fine. We'll leave your bedroom door open, Raven. If you need someone, just holler at us."

I nod, but don't speak.

Once they're gone, Cat helps me out of the tub and wraps a towel around me.

She keeps her eyes on the floor the whole time. "You don't seem very comfortable with people seeing your chest," she says.

I jolt. "What?"

She meets my gaze. "I can be observant when I want to be. Which isn't often, but still."

I sit on the side of the tub with the towel around me. "Thanks, Catherine."

She tips an invisible hat. "Anytime, partner. And it's just Cat." She slips from the room without another word.