Shay takes Cat through the portal Charlie took Ava to.

Carter had mapped out a way through Thomas's defenses, but Shay hadn't. She would've been captured, or lost Cat, if she tried to go through the portal Thomas guards.

She tells me there's a high-risk taking Cat to the other portal. It'll take longer, which may make Cat's condition worsen before Shay can get her to safety.

But the only alternative would be certain death. For both of them.

The next morning, the snow has turned to sleet. It makes it hard to climb. The cliff-face becomes slick with ice and if it weren't for my dagger, I'd be dead ten times over.

Thunder rolls through the snow and shakes me to my bones.

I hold all my friends faces in my mind while I climb.

They're waiting for me.

I pass the time trying to imagine what life has been like for them since they arrived in Ebony.

Will had arrived first, and from what I've learned, he'd been there before. So, hopefully that means he knows his way around.

Based on that, I imagine all my friends have cushy rooms in the castle.

Will wouldn't have left them in the streets. And even if he couldn't help them, for whatever reason, some of them are the stolen Elementals. They're the 'entire' reason Thomas invaded the dome.

Surely, the kingdom will treat them like royalty.

I imagine them happy, and safe, and all recovered from their various life-threatening injuries. Even Cat, once Shay has gotten her through the portal and out of Caraly.

And when I show up, we'll all celebrate Christmas, or whatever Shay wants to celebrate, being Jewish, and everything will be perfect.

Thomas will be gone, my friends will be healthy and safe, and I'll have fulfilled my damned destiny.

It'll finally be over.

It doesn't even matter that while I climb, the twenty-fifth creeps closer. Christmas doesn't have to be on actual Christmas day. That's usually reserved for my birthday with my friends anyway.

All that matters is seeing them all again. Knowing they're safe. Knowing I can finally rest.

I try to ignore all the things I know will put a stop to my happy ending.

Ava's vision of my death, my mother being alive, the war Shay wants me to fight, the mystery surrounding Chase and Thomas. All the things I'm supposed to do.

None of that matters. Nothing matters except seeing them all safe.

When the twenty-fifth rolls around, I clutch the MP3 player in my hand.

It had been a birthday gift from Chase. From my maybe father.

I press the hard plastic into my forehead with a hard sigh.

If you've been with me this long, you should know by now the easy answers to my questions I've been avoiding.

What happened in Ebony that a bunch of non-humans ended up in a different realm? My mother kidnapped a bunch of children.

Why didn't Chase protect me, if he's really my father? He tried. But she killed him.

Why does Thomas really want me dead? He doesn't care about Chase really being my father. He doesn't care about returning the lost Elementals to their families. Even the prophecy may never have come true if he didn't make me aware of magic and Ebony. So, why? Why does he want me dead? Why go through all of this just to kill me and bring the elementals back to Ebony?

My mind hesitates and I press the MP3 player harder into my forehead.

Everything is washed in silver and the power surges through my veins.

Just answer. The answer is easy.

I know who my mother is. I know who the Queen of Caraly is. I know who I am.

I know why Thomas has done this.

So, why am I still hiding from myself? Why can't I just... admit it?

I squeeze the player.

I wish Chase were still alive.

He could answer my questions. He could take the pain out of admitting who – what – I am. He was there. He was a part of the whole thing. He could tell me the truth.

I scream and yank my arm back, clutching the player.

I start to throw it out of my alcove, over the cliff.

It chirps in my hand.

My arm freezes and my eyes snap to the screen.

It flashes a low battery symbol.

I stare at it.

I've tried to turn the thing on ever since I found it in my mom's closet. I've tried turning it on for the past few weeks since Charlie gave it back to me. I have tried for years to get it to turn on.

The glow fades from my eyes and I scramble for a pair of headphones I know Izzy had in her bag in case the electricity turned back on.

I plug them in and hold the MP3 player in my trembling hands.

When he gave it to me, he told me there were messages he'd recorded.

I ignore the downloaded songs from decades ago and find the audio files.

There's two, each of them blinking at me.

I click the first one.

As his voice flows into my ears, I squeeze my eyes shut.

"Hello Birdy. This is Chase, your papa. Happy Birthday! I know you haven't had much experience with human technology, so this might not make sense..." He's quiet for a moment, then lets out a rough sigh. "I've been talking with the court Seer. She's been telling me grave things. I fear something will happen."

I bend over, clutching the player to my chest. I let out a wet sob and squeeze my eyes tighter.

"I want you to know, that no matter what happens, I'm going to protect you. Emily and I are taking your cousin and you somewhere safe. Home. We're leaving the kingdom soon. Before your mother can learn our plans. But if that doesn't... If something happens-."

He takes a shaky breath and the recording ends.

"What?" I ask, sitting up. "No!"

I scroll to the other message as the low battery sign blazes in the corner.

The message starts with a deep breath, then a feminine voice. She sounds like my mom, but kinder. Gentle.

"Raven? Your papa asked me to finish this message for him. He wants you to know that he loves you, so very much. And no matter what happens, we're going to keep you and Catherine safe."

Chase's voice says something muffled in the background.

Emily sighs, deeply. "I know you blame me, Raven. For the war. For Thomas. For everything. I know it's my fault. But please, if anything happens and we all get separated, trust me. I know your mother hasn't been good to you. But I'm not your mother."

Chase snaps something and Emily hushes him.

"Keep Catherine close. She's not as tough as you. She's never had to be. I worry for her. I worry for you both. So, please, just... don't let her get hurt."

My lips quiver and my nose burns. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm so sorry."

"There's some mountains," Emily whispers, "your mother knows about them, but she's never been able to find them. They're safe. Your father has family there. A home. If we get separated, we'll be there. We'll be in E-."

The recording stops and my eyes snap to the screen.

The low battery screen flashes, then the player powers off.

I scream into my teeth and lift my hand to slam the player into the stone below me. But, I hesitate.

It had turned on once, even if I have no idea how.

I wrap it, carefully, in Danny's sweatshirt and stuff it in my bag. I hold the bag close, tears streaming from my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to it, as if my aunt will be able to hear me. "I'm sorry, I let her get hurt."

I'd let them all get hurt. I'd promised to protect them and I'd failed.

I'd been so wrapped up worried if they were okay or not. I hadn't even stopped to consider whether they'd even want to see me.

Rae... and Erick fell because of me. Because I wasn't strong enough to hold them up. And James- he only had to protect Ava because I couldn't. I'd chosen Izzy over Alex, and I'd still lost her too. And Nick sacrificed himself for me, and I couldn't even fix him. Ava had to save me because I got scared.

And Danny... God, I should've just waited in the damn cave until Carter was ready. He never should've been in that tunnel.

Cat never should've been on this mountain. She never should've had to rely on me. She should've never had to leave Danny behind.

None of them should've trusted me.

None of this would've happened if I'd stayed with Will.

If I had been his soldier, like I was supposed to... He wouldn't have gotten hurt. He wouldn't have left.

At least they have their true leader now.

I'm sure Will has them safe and he's leading. Everything's fine now that I'm gone.

Maybe they're better off without me.

I step up to the edge of the cliff and look down, into the abyss that took Cat from me.

I should've been stronger. I should've held on, even through the pain.

I should've gone with her, so she wouldn't be alone. In the end.

My feet shuffle forward of their own accord.

They don't need me.

I'll only make things worse.

Everyone I care about gets an unhappy story.

Chase is dead. Oliver is dead. All of my friends... are gone. They may not be dead, but they went through so much pain. Because of me.

I close my eyes.

Thunder cracks through the sky and the sleet turns, slicing into me.

Lightning flashes directly in front of me, illuminating everything through my eyelids.

A tree in the cliffside catches on fire below me. The smoke curls up towards me.

I stumble back from the edge and fall onto my ass.

"No," I snap.

I grab my dagger and sling my bag onto my back.

I'm not saying I'm not to blame for not protecting my friends. It was my responsibility to protect them and I failed.

But the things that happened were the direct results of one person.

Thomas fucking Black.

I hate destiny. A lot.

But if it's my destiny to kill Thomas Black, then fine. I'll believe in destiny. At least for now.

I yank my backpack back on and stare into the storm.

I am going to see my friends again.

No matter the cost.