I know a lot of people probably wish they could get my grades in the way I do, which is A's without really trying or studying or anything, but my Pre-Calc grade is stressing me so much.

I got 12/30 on ONE quiz and I had an F because quizzes and tests are 80% of the grade in there for some reason.

If course the moment I saw that, I was pretty much done for the day. Couldn't do shit because my brain would refuse to focus on anything else. Tried seeing if I could retake it or do bonus or something, no luck. Lied on my floor for two hours listening to one song before going to sleep which genuinely made me feel better.

Next day, cannot focus at school because of it. Second hour (Pre-Calc) rolls around and one of my classmates points out he put our other test that we took the day prior in. I prepare for the worst, ready to have to retake the class next year by that point. Grade went up to a C+, got 45/50 on the test. I thought maybe that would help me feel a tad better, no. I was almost crying for that entire class. I was generally just mentally absent that entire day. I hold back tears all day, and during 4th hour, realize how bad this is fucking me up and sign up to see my counselor. I slowly do my work as I wait and wait. 5th hour starts when my pass to see my counselor gets dropped off, saying to go when it's convenient, as per usual. My 5th hour teacher, bless her, lets me go down right then. I go down and just start bawling. Counselor talks to me for a bit and I feel a bit better. Talks to me about how rough perfectionism can be and stuff like that. Gives me some candy because I was so fucked up at that moment, sends me back. I get back to 5th hour with like 5 minutes left of class, if even. I think I'm fine, lol nope. Literally held in tears for like the rest of the day.

Later that night, while I'm just trying to fucking survive, my mom sends me a screenshot of my grades and jokingly asks me what's going on. She usually doesn't check my grades, so I kinda freaked out as I went into our living room and basically broke down again. She and my dad basically tell me it's fine if I don't get the grade I want and that I can raise it.

Thurday goes by with it still nagging at me, but I'm not actually constantly on the verge of tears.

Friday comes by and my homeroom teacher decides to look at all of our grades. I basically panic for the whole hour (which is in between 2nd and 3rd for some reason), but she goes slow enough that I don't think she'll get to me. Wrong, I was the last one. She makes a comment that my grades look like what hers would look like (She's a history teacher) and asks me to go back to talk to her for a second. I walk back there and basically start crying again. She feels bad and then I feel bad for making her feel bad, so I repeatedly tell her it's not her fault. She gives me some advice though, and I go on with the rest of the day. Apparently she told my French Teacher or something (which makes sense because their rooms are right next to each other and they're friends, love both of them btw) because when I went to French class, she asked me if I was okay. I had honestly actually forgotten about what went on earlier and was a bit confused as I said I was before I figured it out. Someone else in my class asked her if I was sick so she had to be like "No, she had a rough day."

It nags at the back of my brain all weekend, but I'm finally able to just ignore it, until yesterday, when we went back to school, though mostly because it stares my right in the face anytime I want to check my grades and I needed to check my 5th hour grade because we had a test. Wasn't put in yet, it was whatever.

Today in homeroom, I wanted to see if the Pre-Calc quiz from today was put in yet, since he graded them during the second part of class. At that point I had 25/28 on that (he changed it to out of 27 for some reason now tho??? still 25/27 tho). It's a B now. I feel a lot better about that because it's something I can realistically raise to my standards, though we only have half the grading period left. Though, the only important grade is the semester grade, which I have until late Dec. to raise.

Either way it still is really bothering me and I'm sril stressing about it so much.