Chapter 49

The biggest magic of the universe lies in Gratitude

Gratitude was what I felt towards the almighty for saving my love>>> 

"Pearly" a voice called when I was staring at Joshan’s hand moving my fingers in circles as if it would heel the wound. If love had powers this would really work.

‘Joshan you okay” I was so happy that tears flowed freely blurring my vision.

“Pearly Pearly PEARLY” I heard him shout and next I was blank…..

~~~~~~~~~~~.

My eyelids were very heavy as I tried to open them but failed miserably. My thoughts drifted to Joshan ‘Is he alright. Why the hell was he shouting my name?’

I felt something been pierced in my veins. I tried to scratch it but my hands were heavy like pounds of weight was put on them.

 “Joshan Joshan” I shouted with the pitch of my voice but all I could hear back was my murmur.

“Pearly I am here. I am sorry.” Joshan said moving his hands on my head. I could feel his touch. I knew it was him but I still could not manage to open my eyes. I tried to but something was pulling it back. But why is Joshan apologizing?  ‘Is he..’ no no what am I thinking.

Out of fear I took all the strength I possibly had to stretch the muscles of my eyes and as I succeeded to open them, bright lights spanked on them and I was forced to close them again.

“Joshan Joshan I want to see you.” I almost cried as if I was dead and was seeing him from a different world.

“Okay calm down.” An unknown voice spoke. Surely now I was convinced that I am dead and I was happy that I don’t have to see any thing happen to Joshan but my baby, I have to live. I have my baby to live for. A mother can never be so selfish.

“Good now slowly, very slowly open your eyes” the same voice spoke again and I followed the trail of words.

I opened my eyes to see a blurry vision. A man in mid forties wearing a white coat stood in front of me. He also had stethoscope in his hand. Oh he is a doctor but what am I doing here?

“Joshan” I yelled all other things were of no importance at the moment. I wanted to see his face since now I am convinced that I am alive.

“Pearly I am here.” Joshan said not looking at me, his eyes filled with tears.

“Joshan what are you doing out of bed? You are supposed to rest.” I said in panic, worried about his wound.

He shook his head, “I am fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“Pearly. Baby.” My mom came to me. She too was crying bitterly as she was lovingly caressing my head.

“I am fine mom. Since Joshan is good I am gonna be okay. Don’t worry mom” I comforted her but she turned around and cried again trying to hide it from me but failing.

“Dad tell her she shouldn’t stress so much. I am okay.” I said last part a little difficult as it was still paining me in my stomach.

“We are sorry Pearly. We couldn’t see the pain in your life. You were with us all these days still…” he too turned around keeping his face away from me hiding his tears.

“My daddy strongest.” I tried to touch him but my hands couldn’t reach him and he ran from the room.

“Pearly” Joshan came to me in his wheel chair. “You need to rest.”

“Yeah I am tired.” I said honestly, “Is the wound paining too much?” I asked him.

“No baby. They gave me painkillers.” He said.

“I am not a baby now. I have a baby inside me now.” I mocked but he only cried harder to it.

“Joshan I am okay, I promise.” I said and suddenly I realized something. “Tell me one thing why were you apologizing when I was asleep?” I asked trying to look into his eyes but he turned his eyes any where but not me, scaring me.

“Joshan you are scaring me. Tell me why you said that you were sorry wherein I should be sorry for all that that has happened in our lives?”

“Pearly please stop now.” He said pleadingly.

“You are hiding something from me. Aren’t you?” I asked again something was telling me that there is no end to the miseries. I was getting restless now and the pain in the stomach was also worsening.

“Oooouccch” I yelled in pain.

“Doctor doctor why aren’t the pain killers working? Why is she still in pain?” Joshan shouted at the doctor.

“Relax son, her body has been operated. It will take time. The pain is evident.” The doctor replied calmly.

“Why was I operated?” I asked the doctor and Joshan hold my hands tightly trying to give me strength, to assure me something.

“Pearly you had a miscarriage. The baby was badly hurt and so was your uterus. We had to terminate the pregnancy in urgency for you to survive. Hope you understand.” The doctor said in his most professional tone.

But he didn’t know that the person at the receiving edge was a mother who was fighting her battle of life only with a desire to hold her baby in her arms. I was dreaming of that baby every single night from the day I did come to know about the baby. So many names had I shortlisted to be named to the baby. It was like an oasis in my wretched life, the reason that I still existed in this world. The only reason I was still ready to live the gruesome life with Dexter. How many times had I cradled the baby in my thoughts and what……. The baby is no more. My pregnancy is been terminated…………….

 “Ssshhh Pearly please pearly please stop crying. I am sorry, so so sorry. I could not save my god child. I am sorry.” Joshan said holding my hands kissing them.

It was then I realized I was crying. I was crying loudly moaning the death of my baby. I could have expected worst from my life. I had no expectations; no desire of happiness, all I wanted was a smiling and a healthy baby. But I am no good a mother.

“I ain’t a good mother. I am not a good mother. I don’t deserve to live.’ I started shouting and tried to remove the syringe but Joshan stood up now holding me.

He was pained as I heard him shriek once he stood suddenly.

“Joshan sit down. Go to your room and rest. Please don’t waste your life on me. I am no good.” I kept on saying continuously.

“ STOP it Pearly.” Joshan shouted now. All this while he was holding it inside. “Do you think I had nothing for the baby? I loved him equally. I too am hurt. But he’s gone that his mother might live. Don’t do this. Please for me, for your parents please. Can’t you see how much pain they are in?”

“Sorry Joshan. I am tired. Can I sleep?” I asked expecting some time alone to cry and mourn for the baby.

“Okay sleep. I’ll sit besides.” He accepted immediately with a condition of keeping me company. He would never leave me alone he knows me very well.

“No Joshan you go to your room and rest. Your wound is fresh and needs rest.” I said as I pushed his wheelchair with all the force I could put.

“No need. We have arranged for the best friends in the same room and so Joshan’s bed will be arriving here soon and both of you can rest in the same room without bothering much about each other.” Lucy, Joshan’s mom said as she brought a bed lifted by two ward boys in the room.

“Feeling good Pearly? I am sorry for the baby.” She said affectionately.

“Lucy I am sorry. It is because of me that Joshan is here and hurt.” I said honestly.

“That is why you know Joshan loves you.” Lucy said making me blush. “I could see it his eyes on the very first day he brought you to our house. You are always worried about others.”

I did not know what to answer so I kept my eyes closed and sleep took over me.

“Pearly have something to eat.” My mom asked.

“Joshan?” I asked.

“The nurse has taken him for dressing. He’s had breakfast.” My mom said, “You can have only juices and fruits” she said and handed me a glass of mixed fruit juice.

“Did you ask her?” my father entered the room and asked very slowly to my mom.

“No she just woke up.” My mom replied not sounding happy about it.

“Pearly”

“Yes Dad”

“Dexter has come to see you.” My dad paused.

“He is here?” I asked shivering now.

“He was here all the while. You couldn’t be operated without his consent. He had to sign. He was the father.’ My mom said choosing her words carefully scared about my reaction.

“So did he agree it was his baby?” I asked concerned but flatly. It didn’t matter any more.

“Yes.” Dexter said from the door and I turned around not wanting to see him.

‘Pearly” he called but I didn’t move not having the courage to face him after what happened to the baby.

“Listen I am sorry.” Dexter said.

I did not reply.

“Pearly listen to me. I know I have been a bad husband, ill-treated you too but we still are husband and wife. I think you should give a chance to our relationship.” He said in his controlled voice.

I couldn’t or didn’t want to judge if it was old Dexter before marriage or the after marriage one.

I turned back to face him now.

“Dexter all that you did for me all these months I promise I have no grudges. I honestly and truly forgive you. I still remember the vows I had taken

From that day

For better or worse

For richer or poorer

In sickness and in health

Till death do us apart

The death had done us apart. The death of our baby had done us apart and for that I cannot forgive myself then forgiving you gets impossible Dexter. I lost my baby” and I cried.

‘Now why would you come back to me? You get your Joshan back. This is what you wanted you bitch, you whore marrying someone and loving someone else.” His eyes were red with fury again like he always had whenever he’d get violent with me. He picked the rod of the iv drip and was about to attack me.

My father came from behind, followed by Mr. Blake and Joshan too. They hold him tight that he could not hurt me any more……