Chapter 41

No physical pain can be compared to the pain you feel in your heart!!!!

I woke up next morning with wobbling pain in my head as it pounded leaps and bounds in that skull of mine. A glass of water and two tablets of aspirin were lying on the table besides my bed.

‘How thoughtful of Joshan’ I told myself and blurred memory of last night came rushing in one by another. But one thing that was crystal clear and not misty at all was “kiss”. Shit I kissed him again and I enjoyed it. Dexter’s wasn’t even 10% of what his kiss does to me.

BITCH I am a whore, slut, getting married next day and see what a blunder I had committed. I cried, cried loud alone in my house may be that could help to minimize the sin I had done. I was feeling nauseated of myself. I felt like shit.

“Sorry Dexter” I repeated a thousand times in my heart. Sorry sorry sorry but can any words of apology nullify the sin I had committed. I promised Dexter with my honesty and here I am feeling incredibly slutty.

 “We are here.” Two voices came echoing into my ears.

“Vow you are bad. How much did you drink?” Stacie asked.

“Stacie” I hugged her tight and cried.

“What happened Pearly? Is everything alright? Are you hurt?” Stacie fired me with questions worriedly.

“Stop panicking Stacie. It’s only the pre marital jitters.” Cairo whom I didn’t realize had come pulled me from Stacie into her hug.

“My cousin got married last year, she too had same nervousness. It’s natural.” Cairo moved her hands on my back in circles, rocking me like a baby.

They handed me aspirin and water and also fed me with some breakfast they had brought with them.

I was quite in all the flight. Stacie and Cairo tried their best to bring me back to normal. I did smile a couple of times to avoid unnecessary questioning by them. I pushed my eyes closed as if I was sleeping and flashes of the kiss were keeping me awake feeding my conscience with guilt.

 We landed on the airport and were greeted by my parents, Dexter, his friends and relatives who hugged me one by one. Dexter like a good host greeted Stacie and Cairo. He did not come to me making me feel relaxed that I did not have to face him after ditching him last night. I did not have $ex but whatever it was it was immoral in my books of conduct.

 It was a warm welcome for the future bride. I put my shades on and a fake smile constantly rested on my face.

I was led to a limousine and I entered and sat quietly absorbed in my thought of confession. Shall I keep mum or shall I tell him and let him take a call. I know he’ll forgive me but won’t it shred his heart. Living a life with an expectation to receive love one day than living a life accepting that your love someone else is much more difficult and I am living every day with it. I don’t want Dexter to go through all this. I do care for him and I cannot do anything to hurt him simply to get rid for the guilt.

I am all in for any sort of punishment heavens decide for me and I promise to take it with open arms without any complaints or regrets.

I was dropped to an open ground which was decorated with flowers and drapes, probably our reception venue. It was only then I realized that I was driven alone and Stacie and Cairo were not with me.

A smiling but worried Dexter as though he was smiling it did not reach his eyes which looked narrower than usual that I couldn’t see the green in them.

He removed the shades from my face and put them in his pocket. “Red and blotchy but they are still very pretty. Don’t hide them.”

I hugged him back hiding my face on the crook of his neck. “I am sorry Dexter.”

“For what?” he asked now looking at me.

“Everything. You are so good, caring and loving. Your love is immortal. I wish I could love you atleast half as you love me.” I said with all the courage I had left in me.

He stopped in the middle, “I like you as you are. I don’t want anything else from you.”

“Dexter you don’t know. I.. I..” I was about to tell him.

“Sssshh I don’t want to know anything that upsets you. And no pre-wedding nervousness please.” He hugged me and I kissed him back. I kissed him full on only to make him moan. It was a long one as we tasted each other. We continued till we could breathe no more. His hands were now cupping my breasts underneath my white tee that I was wearing. Lot of lust built inside me as I had the feelings I had never felt before.

“So I take this as my MY first kiss.” I told him.

“Shall I add it was awesome?” He said making me blush.

Best thing was that the place was empty with no body around. I did not bother to ask whether he made it or it was just too early in the morning. I however let it go. I kissed him to forget the kiss I had last night. I kissed to tell myself to confirm that he was my destiny. I kissed to punish myself to prepare myself, to affirm myself that he is my chosen one by the destiny and in no regards can I ever ditch him in my life. Better learn it soon. Like it or not but I have to accept it and it was not that I did not enjoy it. I did. It helped me ease my nerves.

 I walked on the aisle holding my dad’s hand, promising myself with each and every step I take to behold my marriage with faith and commitment.

Stacie and Cairo were looking extremely beautiful as they were the most charming ones. Sam and the group were also equally thrilled as they waved me from their corner. This was the best part about getting married in Florida. I would meet them very often and we went very well with each other.

Next when my eyes lifted up to the most handsome man in the arena, my heart fell to my boots. He looked gorgeous in his black tux, broad shoulders and a confident poise. How could such a person who is perfect fall for me and why didn’t I fall for him?

He offered a hand to me as I neared him. I honestly did not fear of tripping or choking of words or spoiling the thing or dropping the thing.

My entire focus laid on the vows to be said and heard and to be believed and to turn each and every word spoken into a living perfection. I succumb my life as I handover myself to him. A full determined determination. They say the veins of the ring finger are linked to the heart and I promise to put my heart and soul in fulfilling the vows throughout the life.

I heard each and every word clearly that he said and I am sure that what I said with

I Pearly Mathews take you to be my husband

From this day forward

For better or worse

For richer or poorer

In sickness and in health

To love and to cherish

Till death do us part

According to Gods holy law

And this is my solemn vow.

I engraved the words neatly and clearly on my soul.

“I DO”

“And you may kiss the bride.” The priest said and again my first kiss came alive again. The one with Joshan. I threw it out of the mind convincing myself it’s all over now.

 It was a lovely day with blessings blowing from all directions. My mom cooing and crying at regular interval making me cry too. Dexter was always there to calm me and lifted my mom’s spirits too with his humorous comments.'

 The reception was a long and thrilling one as all our group of friends Sam, Liz, Mirca, Joseph, Alex and all others who were mocking about different ways we were supposed to spend our first night. I had my gracious dance with my father

The party was at its worst when our parents left leaving us kids alone. They were planning to sneak into our bedroom to see me and Dexter crazily and whackily racking each other’s bodies and the next part too.

They gave me some extra strong drink too so that I am extra naughtier in the bed. I didn’t mind because I needed some extra boost for my first time. Dexter did not approve of it but by the time he objected it was too late. I had already gulped in the amount more than the standard dose. He simply shrugged.

The drink had a different side effect because I woke up next day in my same bridal gown, my head spinning like a toy windmill on a windy day. Dexter was not besides me. I removed the covers and went to look for him. I was scared that he was pissed because I simply spoiled his, no ours first night sleeping. I am such an idiot.

 “You are doing this to me.” A heard a rough and loud voice from a different room.

Today was my first day here so last night was my first visit to Dexter’s house. My parents had visited his house and from that day my mom couldn’t put her words off appreciating his beautifully designed home which was a miniature mansion. She was accurate in her observation. The place seemed beautiful.

“I don’t believe a shit. She’s dead.” I heard Dexter’s pained voice.

“No she ditched you and now this girl you married is nothing but the same”, he chuckled “Traitors”

“Bloody all of them are whores.” The voice of an unknown person called.

Kitchhhkkkkk

I heard breaking of a glass followed by, “Get the f##k out of here.” Dexter’s croaked voice shouted.

I flinched to his angry tone.

“Just wait and watch. You are doing this to me because of her. See what she does.” the other voice teasingly shouted.

“Leave” Dexter shouted and it was loud this time.

I saw a dark figure, dressed in an old mid 60’s coat, having a big beer belly and scanty but untidy ruffled hair walk away from the room. He gave me a deadly glance telling from his looks that I was a piece of shit.

All this while I was in a dilemma to enter the room or not but once this man left, I had the courage to open the round golden knob of the door.

I entered to see Dexter dressed in the same tux of last night. His hair messy like bed messy, one we have in the morning. His face had lost its color as if he had a sudden realization of something wrong and hurting. His eyes were red raging with anger; his hazels were a shade darker taking in the anger.

“Oh shit!” I gasped as I shifted my eyes to his hands which were red, full of blood. He had a broken glass tumbler in his hand which he might have squeezed so hard that it broke. I had never seen such a Dexter and it scared me to the core to see him like this.

Being new to the house I did not know where to expect the first aid kit.

I took the small towel from the table, he was standing with broken glass, bleeding. I moistened it and went to wipe his hands. I was half way through wiping the blood and reaching the wound.

He stood still without reaction. I don’t think he felt the pain. He was too shocked at the moment.

As the towel reached the fresh wound, he might have had a severe shot of pain and he came in live to reality. He jerked his hand and threw me away.

My first violent act with him which hurt me bad on my forhead just above my right eyebrow. I was bleeding....