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adjective ~ sad or dejected because of lack of companionship or separation from others

Another two weeks went by in a slow and painful blur. I became tired easily with all the exercise but could not sleep. Food became unappealing with my mood shift.

Sean was busy with his latest duties so we didn't train privately together anymore. They left me to work out on my own, or as part of the female group, but I had no motivation most days.

Molly often came round to see me in the evening after she finished work. She had taken up a full-time job in the local clothes store. They sold and repaired clothes, and she was actually not a bad seamstress.

But other than that, I felt lonely. The days when I was stuck inside became dark. I started to draw again, using mostly shades of grey, my pictures dark and brooding. I had many scattered across my desk and my floor, but I was too lazy to organise them.

I had just woke from yet another drawing daydream. A glance at the clock told me it was nearly dinner time. Molly finished work at six, so I usually met her in the dining room. I tried to get there first, so she didn't get suspicious that I wasn't eating much. That way I could say I ate before she came and only wanted a snack. Sean wasn't around anymore to rat me out, so that was a bonus, too.

I fixed my hair with a sigh and adjusted the extra-large t-shirt I wore. It was covered in paint, but I didn't mind since I wouldn't be downstairs for long.

I don't know why I felt this way, but no matter what I did, I couldn't sleep at night.

I didn't lock my bedroom door behind me as I made my way downstairs. It was nearing six now, so the dining room was going to get fairly busy soon. I crept my way through a few people and headed for the fridge. I grabbed a bottle of water before turning to the spread of food left out.

The chefs only made one meal a day on weekdays, and that was dinner. Weekends were usually breakfast and dinner. Today seemed to be a buffet. Different rice and noodle dishes, curries, chicken, beef, soups, Chinese pancakes...

I hummed as I glanced at all of them before deciding on a small bowl of chicken noodle soup. I took a spoon and went to make my way over to my usual spot when I saw someone sitting there. I hesitated mid-stride and narrowed my eyes at Sean's overly large back.

"Are you gonna sit down or you just gonna keep staring at me?" He mused.

I grumbled, but made my way around the table to sit in front of him. He eyed my bowl of soup with a frown before taking in my appearance. When his eyes finally settled on mine, I was hoping he would be wary of my glower, but he just frowned back at me.

"You're slacking." He growled.

I blinked, taken aback at his tone. Sean never got harsh with me.

"You're not looking after yourself, Nova. Don't think I haven't been keeping tabs on you. Alpha specifically requested I monitor you, even if they are not my eyes." He grumbled.

"What?"

"You're skipping meals, not working out. When's the last time you washed your hair?" He raised an eyebrow.

I went to retort with a comment of my own but found myself dumbfounded by the fact other wolves have been watching me.

"You can't talk. You left me alone." I grimaced.

He sighed and dropped the harshness. "I have so many more duties now. The one-to-one sessions will have to wait until I have more time. The pack is under a lot of pressure."

"Yeah, I know. Beta Charlie told me." I grumbled.

"When did you last speak with him?" He wondered.

I shrugged. "He takes me hunting every three days."

He hummed. "The deer are yours?"

I was confused for a moment before I realised he meant the dinners we've been receiving, and nodded in answer.

He smiled slightly. "Wow, they were good kills, too. I'm impressed Novie."

I smiled thanks but realised I was mad at him almost immediately after and dropped it. I sighed in thought, willing myself to open my mind through the private link.

I'm bored Sean. I have no motivation anymore. I feel blank.

'But you can't use that as an excuse, Nova. You gotta push through.' He replied.

I growled. I literally am always stuck in my room because there is nothing to do. I can't sleep. I don't have any hunger or need to be clean. It's really hard.

He paused in thought. 'It'll probably be the mate bond.'

What? How? I frowned.

He shrugged. 'Distance between mates is hard. Did Alpha not give you any instructions?'

I pouted. He told me to talk to Kate or Charlie.

'Then we will talk to Charlie!' He smiled.

I nodded with a frown. But why would a mate bond do this to me when I am not even accepted as his mate?

He shrugged. 'Let's go to Charlie after dinner.'

Molly soon appeared with his last comment and frowned down at us. "You guys already ate?"

"Yeah, and sorry Sis, but I have to take Nova here to talk to Beta Evans." He smiled and stood from the table.

"Oh, okay. Everything okay?" She turned to eye me. "Is it about you not eating or sleeping thing?"

I gawped at her. "W-wha-

"I'm your friend Sherbet. I can tell when you are acting weird. Now go, before the starling living in your hair attacks me." She grinned.

I grumbled at her but took my queue to leave, taking my drink with me. Sean lead the way, and I was happy to be in the shadow of his looming figure once again. People just moved out of the way. No one nudged into you when you're Sean.

We arrived at the alpha office and walked straight in. The smell of the wood and cotton fresh candles had my cheeks heat as a reminder of what happened last time I was in here.

"Everything okay, Sean?" Charlie questioned, glancing at us.

"Nova is not being herself. I think it's the mate bond, and Alpha told her to talk to you." Sean pushed me forward.

Charlie nodded in acceptance and gestured for me to sit in front of him. I slid into the armchair slowly, giving Sean my best glare of betrayal. He chuckled at me but stayed standing by the door.

"What's going on? You've done so well to get through three weeks with no intervention." Charlie's soft eyes turned to glance down at me. "You look rather pale."

I shrugged. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Nova..." He warned.

"W-what!" I huffed. "I don't get why I feel like this. It can't be because of the bond. It can't be that when he wants nothing to do with me!"

Charlie blinked at my outburst and leaned back in his chair. He turned to look at Sean and I huffed as they talked to each other in their minds.

After a moment, Charlie sighed. "Definitely the mate bond."

"Wh-

"Not eating, sleeping or having energy are signs your wolf is being drained. It's a way to get mates to be close to complete the bond. It is hanging on by a thin thread and part of your energy is being stored into keeping that bond tight." He explained. "It's probably why she hasn't lashed out at anyone in a while."

"N-no, that's because we go running twice a week."

He shook his head. "She is an unmarked wolf wanting her male. She's been holding back a lot, and it's because she's drained. It's her nature to go hunt him down. Believe me, Phoenix is having a lot of trouble with his wolf, too."

"Ares better be kicking his ass for me," I mumbled under my breath.

Sean chuckled. "Oh, I'm sure he's giving Alpha hell Nova."

Charlie smirked, but moved away to grab something from a cabinet behind him. He didn't have to look for long in there before he came out with a box of what looked like pills. He slid them over to me and I stared down at the big word on the front.

"What are these?" I asked.

"They are herbal medication to help with the emotions you are feeling from the bond."

"I'm not feeling any."

"Exactly." He mused.

"Take one of those every morning with breakfast." He slid another box towards me. "And if you can't sleep. Your wolf will go into a good sleep. I suggest you lock your door, as you will be out of it for many hours."

I took both boxes and eyed them warily. "So what? I'm a druggie now? A-all because he c-can't accept me?"

Charlie sighed. "Trust me, Nova, please. It will be worth it in the end."

I stood from my chair. My anger was dissipating, but I held my head high.

"I don't know if I want to wait that long."

I turned without another word and let myself out. They uttered nothing in return, and I knew I had shocked them. I had basically admitted to thinking about the rejection of the bond. Despite being highly frowned upon in the wolf community, many still did it.

A lot were fearful of the attachment of the mate bond, but honestly, I just felt like maybe I deserved better. I didn't want to be treated like a ghost for many weeks and then be led along for his selfish desire for a moment in an office or store cupboard.

But I'll take the pills, as I knew they would help me in forgetting. They were going to be new for me, and I hoped the side effects were not as bad as the birth control I used to be on as a teen.

Only time will tell.

Cel sighed in my mind as we made our way, yet again, to my bedroom. I placed the pills on my bedside and went to have a nice hot bath to pass the evening away. I filled it with nice-smelling bath salts and placed my bath pillow in the optimum position.

I set up the laptop I borrowed from Sean on my wash basket and reopened Netflix. I was currently exploring the world of vampires; two brothers pining after the same girl. It was cliché, but I was hooked and already on season three.

So, I climbed into the hot bath and spent the next hour wallowing in my own self-pity.

***

That night in bed, I lay tossing and turning. I couldn't sleep, although I had taken the medication Charlie recommended. Cel had settled but not gone to sleep. She was too stubborn to commit.

With a huff, I threw off the covers and climbed out of my bed in the night. I went for a walk in the house in my slippers. I wandered downstairs and explored the rooms I could find. It was eerie to see so many of the rooms not in use, especially the kitchen.

An hour passed, and I still didn't feel tired, so I asked Cel what she wanted to do. She didn't reply but took slight control and began leading me around the house. We climbed the stairs once again, and I thought she was going to send me back to my room, but she bypassed it and went up the next staircase.

I was hesitant because I knew that this was the alpha's floor, and it was always off-limits. I reached the top of the staircase and stared up at the wooden door. I could smell the familiar earthy tones seeping through the cracks in the doorframe, and it made Cel bristle.

I tried the handle to find it locked and looked around for a key. I instead came across a digital keypad and grimaced in defeat.

'I got this,' Cel chirped.

She took over once again and punched in numbers on the screen. 1504. The keypad beeped twice before turning green and the door made a locking sound. I stared at it in amazement, but pushed my way through. It shut behind me and locked itself, and I found myself just standing in a hallway that smelt of Phoenix.

I wandered the hall before instinctively stopping at a black-painted door. It opened with no force and I glanced around the moonlit room to see it was his bedroom. I inhaled deeply with a sigh. The scent alone was comforting enough to dull my senses.

How are we in here? Why are we in here?

'Ares gave me the combination.' Cel spoke softly. 'I knew it would help us.'

I walked to his enormous bed covered in dark sheets and picked up one of his pillows to sniff it. I looked like a crazy person, definitely a psychopath. But it smelt so good, Cel was dozing off already.

I hesitated before sitting on his comfy bed, sinking into the mattress. I groaned in delight and laid back, enjoying the warmth his scent brought me.

Okay... maybe just for tonight. I thought as I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

*** HERE

Someone was banging on my mind link the next morning and it roused me from my peaceful sleep. I groaned and rolled over in the comfy bed, feeling so at peace that I was becoming angry at the intruder.

What? I snapped through the link.

'Where are you?' Sean growled.

In bed, duh. I grunted and snuggled further into the soft sheets.

'Uh, no, you're not, because I am in your room right now looking for you.' He scoffed.

I frowned, confusion taking place. What-

I shot upright when I remembered my nightly stroll. My eyes darted around the dark, furnished room in surprise that it wasn't a dream.

'Nova?' Sean wondered.

I-I will be there in a minute. I replied and cut him off.

I can't believe Cel snuck me into the alpha's floor. I mentally facepalmed and she rose from her slumber, amused.

'You slept good. The greatest in weeks. Don't deny it.' She teased.

I slept amazing actually. I sighed.

She yipped in agreement, and I dragged myself out of Phoenix's bed. I debated on using his bathroom but decided to just get out of here as quickly as I could.

I hurried out of his room and down his hallway, taking the stairs two at a time. I felt the drift of his scent leaving my senses as I made my way to my room, the comfort it brought me dulling.

Sean sprawled on my bed and eyed me suspiciously when I walked in.

"Where have you been?" He narrowed his eyes, nostrils flaring. "Waking up in another man's bed? Do you have no respect for your mate-

"Sean-

"No, Nova. Do you realise how-

"Sean!"

"What!" He grunted.

I rolled my eyes. "Cel lead me t-

"Don't blame this on your wolf. You have control of-

"Sean!" I snapped, growling at him.

He stopped immediately and gazed at me with wide eyes. I could see them flash as he controlled his temper. I waited for a moment as he calmed down and once he took a large breath, his eyes winced in realisation.

"Why do you smell of Alpha Titan?"

"Cel, lead me to his room last night. Ares had given her the passcode in case this happened," I explained, keeping my voice stern.

His cheeks tinged pink. "I-I apologise... For shouting at you."

I huffed and dropped my stance. I made my way to the bathroom and readied myself for the day. When I exited after dressing and brushing my hair and teeth, Sean was still sitting on my bed, waiting for me to return.

"Why are you here, anyway?" I asked.

"When you didn't show up for lunch, I got concerned." He shrugged.

"L-lunch?" I gaped. "What time is it?"

He smirked. "Two."

"I slept all morning?" I blinked. "A-all morning!"

His eyes softened. "You obviously needed it, Novie. You can't keep rejecting your basic needs. Did you take the medicine last night?"

"Yes, and all it d-did was stop my wolf's annoying thoughts." I sighed.

He frowned. "Well, she is strong to not submit to them. They were wolfsbane."

My eyes widened in surprise. "You tried to poison my wolf?"

"Correction... Beta Charlie did." He shook his finger at me.

My anger seemed to increase at his nonchalant response. My hands gripped at my hair at the fact they had conspired and gave me poison, of all things.

"It was a weakened dose." He began.

I held my hand up, fingers rubbing at my temple. "Just don't. I'm not up for it."

He kept his lips sealed and silence enveloped us. As I joined him on my bed, I noticed he kept shifting around, so I grunted and nudged him with my elbow.

"What now? Ants in your pants?" I eyed him.

He rolled his eyes. "No."

"Then what?"

I could tell he was debating on telling me, but when I noticed his shoulders relax a little, I realised he would not tell me what was on his mind. I knew Sean's tell of lying already.

"What are all those drawings doing out?" He instead asked.

"I've drawn them. The past few weeks." I shrugged.

"I looked at some... they're creepy." He frowned.

"I thought you were a big bad wolf." I chuckled.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pinching me. "I am."

"Doesn't l-l-look like it." I giggled. "Scared of a drawing."

"Hey." He pouted. "I like your paintings. The sketches are just weird."

I shrugged. "I don't know what I'm painting 'till it's done."

"So, you're possessed?" He raised an eyebrow.

"No!" I grunted.

He just laughed at me and squeezed my shoulder. "I'm messing with you. Come on, I made some time for us to go work out."

I frowned in disapproval when he dragged me up from my bed. "I don't wanna."

He ignored me, leading me out of my room by my wrist. "Stop being a child and come on, or I'll tell Beta about how you slept in another person's bed last night."

"Fine, fine." I moaned. "Not too much work, though, right? It's been a while."

His grey eyes turned to me, and he smirked. I knew I was in for it. The mischievous look in his eye told me I was gonna die.

"No. no. Nothing too bad."

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