This chapter contains a scene that deals with intense emotional pain and mental health struggles, including references to suicidal thoughts. Please read with discretion.

My mom's words echoed in my mind. She had always been a voice of reason. If she thought there was a chance AJ was mine, he had to been mine.

But the fear of what I might discover was paralyzing. Suppose it was true like my heart kept telling me. I was being an absent father like my dad was. I can't explain to AJ how I didn't fight for him.

I ignored everyone's texts and finally accepted Alex's friend request on Instagram. I stalked his page, scrutinizing the photos of AJ and the one of Sophia holding him as a newborn.

Sophia was sweaty with a bright smile as AJ's eyes closed with a smile on his chubby face with his eyes closed. Then I swiped to the next photo, AJ's tiny hand holding onto Alex's index finger.

Each picture intensified my turmoil. My mind raced with questions and doubts. Had Sophia gotten with Alex out of fear, I wouldn't have been a perfect dad. It could have been our life, I bitterly thought.

The sun's rays seeped through my room, and I still hadn't slept a wink. My eyes focused on the digital trail of a life I might have missed. It had everything I could ever want: AJ's birthdays, first steps, his smile. Yet it didn't offer me relief since I should have been there.

I got out of bed, unable to bear the torment any longer. I paced back and forth, my thoughts racing. Memories of Sophia and I flooded my mind—our laughter, our plans for the future, the love we once shared. How had it come to this?

I glanced at the clock. It was nearly 11 AM. I needed to do something, anything, to calm my mind. I made my way to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water, but even that simple act felt like a futile attempt to drown out the noise in my head. I leaned against the counter, staring into the darkness, and felt the weight of my uncertainty pressing down on me.

I returned to my room and threw on a pair of basketball shorts and a white tee shirt, determined to confront Sophia today.

"Ethan, you're going like that?" my mom asked, breaking my thoughts as she saw me heading for the door.

"What are you talking about?" I replied, looking down at my clothes.

She looked puzzled. "Jules's ceremony to see if she got nominated," she reminded me.

I had forgotten about Julia's ceremony. "No, I'm heading somewhere else first," I replied," I'll come back later to get dressed. Besides, I might be a few minutes late, so you could head there first," I declared, my voice dismissive.

"Ethan," my mom stopped me, her tone firm, "I know you want answers, but now isn't the time. Jules needs you. She's counting on you to be there."

"I'll be back in time," I stated. Julia is important, but the truth is more. The only person who could answer it was Sophia.

"Ethan, stop and think," my mom warned, gently stopping me with her hands, her eyes filled with concern. "You're putting everything at risk for this. Think about Julia. Think about how she'll feel if you're not there."

"I can't sleep," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I can't stop thinking about AJ," I confessed. "What if he's my son, Mom? What if I've been missing out on his life and still currently doing it?"

She sighed, her eyes softening with empathy. "I understand, Ethan. But you need to approach this carefully. Rushing in might not be the best idea."

"I can't wait any longer," I said, my resolve hardening. "I need to know the truth."

My mom nodded slowly. "I know you do. Just promise me you'll think about how you approach Sophia. It is a delicate situation."

"I'll see you at the ceremony. It shouldn't be long," I insisted, though I could see the disappointment in my mom's eyes.

I needed Sophia to provide me with a DNA test to confirm.

My phone rang nonstop on my drive there. I got missed calls and texts from Emily, Keilen, and Julia. Despite their concern, my mind remained steadfast on the answers I needed from Sophia. It seemed like Sophia would always have a pull on my life now.

Flashback

I stood on the edge of the bridge, my mind a whirlwind of despair. Memories flooded back—dark days when I struggled to make sense of everything after Sophia left.

"Hold on!" a voice shouted.

Someone grabbed me and held me until the police arrived.

They contacted my mom, who had to make decisions on my behalf.
I forcibly got admitted to the psych clinic. I begged for freedom from this emotional prison.

"Ethan, the love was real, but you are worth more than that," my therapist stated," You accomplished your bachelor's degree with your dedication. And you will continue to succeed," she professed with enthusiasm as she stared at me softly.

My therapist taught me in the months that passed how to heal and love myself for the first time. Eventually, I regained enough stability to return home.

Keilen and my mom supported me during that emotional year. With their encouragement, I eventually pursued dental school and shared an apartment with Keilen.

End of Flashback

I needed answers to avoid returning to that dark place. I would be honest with everyone after this conversation.

When I arrived at Sophia's gated community, the gatekeeper recognized me and let me in. I felt a pang of gratitude that Jules' event later today had facilitated my entry. It was a small mercy during my turmoil.

Sophia opened the door, her face a mixture of surprise and concern.

"Why are you here so early?" she asked, her voice gentle as she let me in.

"What is it you need, Ethan?" she nervously stated as I glared at her. My anger was on the rising of the possibility.

I stepped closer to her, feeling the tension in the room. "I want the truth," I demanded, my voice low and intense. She looked puzzled, but we both knew what I was asking.

The door closed behind us with a soft click, sealing us in the charged silence of the moment. I took a deep breath, my heart pounding as I prepared to confront Sophia.

It was time, " AJ-" I started.