6. une mémoire 
[a memory]

"JUNGKOOK!"

Lalisa hollered and charged towards Jungkook, who seemed to be completely oblivious to her actions. By the time he turned back at the sound of the trigger being pulled, he caught a glimpse of Hyun Shik laying on the ground like earlier, but this time a deadly evil grin plastered on his face as he grasped Jungkook's gun and pointed it at Jungkook himself.

He felt a sudden jerk on his arm that caused his to retrieve away and before he could process the scenario surrounding him, two loud gunshots were heard. The commotion was too fast - a hazy vision forming before his eyes. He watched in horror as he felt a weight over him, the truth piercing through his heart as he lowered himself to the ground, in a frail attempt to sustain Lisa's weight, her body plummeting to the floor.

Lisa took the bullet that was meant for him — the realisation slowly spreading through the lobes of Jungkook's brain.

A scornful, sinister laugh echoed along the walls of the tent — until some of Jungkook's trustworthy guys stepped in and fires bullets towards Hyun Shik, until the laughter subsided.

Jungkook wasn't in a fit to know what was going around him, because if anything, he was concerned about no one, except the woman in his arms who was trying to gasp for air.

Not just any woman, but the one he deeply loved all his life.

He couldn't just care for anything else in the world, especially when Lisa lay lifeless and out of breath, streams of blood gushing out of her abdomen, red and crimson as he tried to stop the bleeding. Lisa was visibly drained out of energy from the heated brawl from earlier, protecting herself against those who invaded her safe place and the bullets seemed to badly hit her stomach pushing through her internal organs.

His oversized shirt on her body was forming adhesive blood stains damp and wet from the amount of incessant blood loss.

Never in his entire life had Jungkook felt ever so pain stricken and hopeless.

"M-medic? Get the damn medic guy!!" He yelled calling out for help as Lisa gripped his hand, causing him to directly meet her eyes.

"P-please w-wait okay? I-I'll let n-nothing happen to you...you will be fine." Jungkook cradled Lisa, her gaze never leaving his.

"J-j-jung....k-kook." She shook her head sideways, her lips unable to form coherent words as her voice lowered into inaudible whispers, eyes gleaming with tears threatening to fall out.

"N-no Lali....y-you c-can't duh-d-die..." Jungkook's hands went to intertwine his fingers with Lisa's. "W-wh-whyy?"

He had never stuttered in his life; unless he did it out of fear and sheer despair.

"S-someone h-ha-had to d-do it...take one f-for the t-t-tea-team." Lisa managed to let out, reminiscing how Jungkook would always repeat the same phrase to his trainees. She chuckled, before coughing out making wet gurgling sounds down her throat, blood that tugged at her lips and tears trailed down as she tried to look at Jungkook with the progressive blur in her vision.

"L-Lisa I will do everything...I-I c-can't l-let y-you go-"

"Jungkook! We managed a stretcher from a nearby medical facility. Rush her out!" Jimin's voice called from outside the tent as Jungkook tried to lift Lisa, yet she refused to cooperate.

"P-pl-please L-L-Lali this isn't the time-"

Lisa's palm tugged Jungkook's palms tight, not letting go out of the hold, her knuckles turning paler by each passing moment.

"R-re-remember t-that n-night when w-e t-t-talked? It w-was r-ruh-raining?" Lisa gulped, trying to breathe through blood as Jungkook nodded. "W-What about i-it?"

Her lips curved into a small smile. Despite of death knocking at her door, her smile never seemed to leave its beauty.

"Y-Y-You told m-me, time is p-precious. W-We can't w-waste it on s-so-something w-we can't change." She took a pause, trying to restore her dwindling consciousness, clutching Jungkook's hand tighter than ever before.

"D-Don't grieve o-over m-me or b-blame yourself if I die, K-kookie. T-Th-This w-was bound to h-happen a-anyway, I w-was j-ju-just l-lu-lucky enough t-th-that night. T-T-Thank y-you so m-much f-for l-loving me."

"N-No." His voice trembled. Jungkook had never assumed a person who he loved with all his heart would become a subject of sacrifice as she was struggling between the battle of life and death. In midst of the burning furnace of his pain, a pool of fresh tears forced their way down Jungkook's eyes, somehow trying to keep his soul alive to take the edge off the searing pain.

"A-And t-there-therefore, p-pro-promise me t-that y-you would lead a b-better li-life wi-witout me...be t-the good man y-you are...t-try to seek y-your h-happiness in l-littel t-things, in s-someone w-who would n-never leave you or p-put you th-through so m-many d-dangers like I d-did.. T-Th-This m-messed u-up w-world needs t-to l-learn m-more of y-your kindness, J-Jeon Jungkook."

Jungkook shook his head in dismissal of all thoughts Lisa worded out, still not wanting to accept the consequences of a world without her. There were many, millions of people he could find in this world, a couple hundred thousand in Busan itself; but there was only one Lalisa.

Jimin barged into the tent to find his boss squatted down on the floor crying holding onto the woman in his arms, choking over her breath to cough out more blood, her body tensing painfully as she takes one last deep breath.

"J-Jungkookie..." Jimin crouched beside him, the latter's mind consumed in guilt and regrets. "S-Sorry." Jungkook spoke in a hushed tone. "I'm r-really s-so-sorry. I c-couldn't protect y-you." Jungkook had never felt so guilty in awhile for failing to keep a promise. He rarely made promises without assuring he could fulfil them. He had failed to provide a better future he had promised to Lisa. He had failed to promise Lisa a better spring and her wish to see the Cherry Blossoms with him.

"Its time, Jungkook." A few men stepped inside on Jimin's commands and took the barely living body with them. She never spoke anything later - Jungkook palmed his hand over her eyes, shutting them close - just like how soldiers at war do. She smiled again, amidst the weakness, Jungkook finding solace in hearing her slowed, soft padded heartbeats and the rise and fall of her chest.

A number of second thoughts intruded in Jungkook's mind as he leaned against the corridors of the concrete refuge camp where the injured were being treated: what would happen in a world if he were to never see Lisa again? Was any of this messed up world going to change? Will he ever seek happiness, that he promised Lisa?

His belief in God was put into test. He was aware that Lisa, like many others was a human - who were known to be mortal, fragile and transient and much to his dismay she was the part of the circle of life which had to be completed at one point.

He prayed for the first time - asking for her to stay a little longer - because the world outside was unfair and asphyxiating anyway and he fell out of breath without her. It was a miracle - as if his pleas were heard, because Lisa was still able to survive, just minutes longer than expected.

"Please spend your last moments with her wisely." Was all the old doctor had managed to say, knowing the end was near. Jungkook rushed to the bed, leaning down to rest his head against Lisa's, wrapping his arms to embrace her as carefully as he could. Lisa let him hold onto her, feeling herself occasionally slip away from her consciousness from time to time. Her mind was foggy and blurred just like her vision from earlier, she had her eyes closed trying to process that she was about to lose herself, the period was extremely near and could happen any moment that followed next.

"Will you watch over me? Will you stay - why, just why can't you stay a little longer....I-I I will miss you s-so much, angel. Th-There w-were so many things I promised we would do together..." he gulped as his breath hitched midway. "W-We still haven't had a f-fair share of m-moments to recount a-as m-memories."

There wasn't a response from her, neither was he anticipating one from her. Her eyes were fixated on him, monitory the slight movements he made - she reached out her hand, running through his hair that had noticeably grown out in the span of a few months. It only gave Jungkook a sense of affirmation that she hadn't passed yet, she was still fighting for her life as long as she could stay with him. Lisa closed her eyes, her lips parted as she fell limp in Jungkook's arms.

He watched the heartbreaking scene with his eyes filled in misery as she mouthed her last words, particularly a phrase — I love you — before her hand dropped down.

The bubble they once resided in with dreams of a future together — had bursted after bearing the cracks — and the worst thing was that Jungkook knew about the cracks, yet he wasn't able to do anything to see them.

The intended happy ending was now reduced to an unfinished chapter.

━

Two years later

Early Spring

"Thank you." Jungkook thanked the cashier as he accepted the two strawberry ice lollies from the ice cream stall. The heavy, torrential rains had departed long back, finally the citizens could witness the days getting back to normal. He smiled looking around the minor developments of his city where people could finally feel the freedom than ever before. There were no restrictions on roads, on beaches, on observatories, nor on parks as people squirmed in delight enjoying the time with their beloved, the city felt lively than it once was. The bustling of the cityscape was a normal phenomenon, contrasting to the grim silence that once existed decades back.

The contractual obligations of the signed treaty mutually terminated from all provinces, these two years saw major changes in the dystopia of Korea's political sphere. Governance and democracy were restored, people electing their leaders to rule over a place they could now regard as theirs.

The weather seemed lovely enough for a date, as Jungkook recounted, as he searched around for his date.

He smiled back when she pouted cutely, her dimples poking out of her cheeks; she ran into his arms as he inhaled her vanilla scent — striking a sharp resemblance with Lisa's.

He still hadn't moved on from Lisa's death, the flashes of her last moments would always spark in his mind at night. He now held hatred for the rain even more, because it was for the rains that he had now lost his love. Jungkook would often give it a thought, of all possible ways he could've saved Lisa — yet the more he thinks about it, he gets convinced that there isn't anything he can do to change the past and he needs to live his life in the present.

Jungkook knew how important of an asset he was as a leader of his city; the people needed him, he had responsibilities. Although, he wasn't sure if he could potentially find love after Lisa was gone. Much to his surprise, he finally had found a soulmate — a six year old girl by the name of Jeon Jihye. It was a strange turn of events when he tries to recollect of how he met her.

It was the same night as Lisa's death; a little girl, aged nearly four was rushed with her parents into the refuge camp. After being displaced from their home during the war, the family was forced to live in a poorly maintained public shelter and it was reported that they suffered from severe food poisoning and the rain caused the roof to fall off on them, injuring the three. Whilst the couple succumbed to their wounds right before they were rushed into the hospital, their little girl still held on to a last ray of hope as the doctors tried their best to save her. Jungkook remembered how the nurse kept calling out for urgent blood donors of blood type A, as he immediately went inside the donation chamber to help save the girl by donating his. He watched over how the girl lay lifeless on her bed, her expressions mirroring Lisa's when Jungkook found her for the first time after she had managed to escape from her uncle. He instantly realised that the girl, now an orphan, had nothing to lose, just like him. Moreover, when she had completely recovered from the injury, the poor girl didn't have a proper recollection of her past memories, causing her to believe that Jungkook had been her father as she clung onto him. She was just a younger version of himself and although they weren't blood related, Jungkook could've easily regarded her as his daughter, if he were to ever have one with Lisa.

He inquired her name was Seo Jihye after he had spent a few days at the refuge camp, caring for her. Jimin noticed the paternal instincts too, which he perceived as Jungkook's way of filling the void in his life. Thanks to Jimin who suggested Jungkook to adopt the child as he happily obliged. And that was how Seo Jihye came to be known as Jeon Jihye, the daughter of Jeon Jungkook who meant everything to her small world.

"Appa! Ice cream is melting!" She cooed as Jungkook kneeled down, handing over her share of the ice bar and smiled watching her happily suck the sweet layering.

"Where is your bike baby?" Jungkook asked after finishing their ice cream, remembering how Jihye wanted to go bike riding today. She pointed her baby fingers at the two seated bike that stood by the streetlight. "Alright, let's get going." Jihye complied, her arms reached up attempting o wrap around Jungkook's neck that caused him to chuckle at his daughter's reaction.

Standing in front of the bike, Jungkook helped his daughter get onto it as a giggling Jihye craned her neck to glance at her father who stared down at her.

"I'm ready!" She chimed happily causing Jungkook to smile, showcasing his bunny teeth. He quickly strapped his child securely before sliding into the empty seat beside his son, strapping himself as well. Jihye tugged her father's hand tightly; squealing loudly as Jungkook started pedalling.

The beginning of the ride was a breeze, with Jihye being talkative and observing the slightest of details along the ride. "Appa, look at the pink blossoms!"

"You wish to get down?"

"Yes!!" Jungkook obliged before getting off the bike and returning it back to the bike rental shop as they walked down the gravel path with a shallow stream of water flowing past. Jihye's eyes glimmered watching the cherry blossoms dance around the cold wind breeze, blowing against her hair. Jungkook brushed away the hair falling on her face, before tying up her hair into a single braid.

"Appa you said these were eomma's favourite, right?" Jihye asked, her hand holding some pink petals in her hand that might've wilted from the branch of the tree. "Yes." Jungkook exclaimed. "Lisa would've loved these." He let out a sad smile, remembering one of the faint conversations when Lisa confessed she wished to see the cherry blossoms after the harsh winters would end someday.

"What are you doing baby?" Jungkook asked when he noticed Jihye stuffing some of the petals in the pocket of her pink sweater. "These are for eomma. I will leave it near her wall photo in the hall." Jungkook giggled at her young thought; usually when Jungkook would be looking over the matters of the state, Jihye would play with her toys in the hall, talking with Lisa's portrait hung along the huge wall.

Jungkook's daydream is brought to a halt when Jihye whined and kicked her legs in a grumpy way making him look at her in a worry.

"What is it Jihye?" He leaned down to reach over to his daughter who spread her arms apart, wanting to be lifted up again. She whimpered again, snuggling into her father's embrace to shield herself against the cold.

"Here." Jungkook lifted her down again and pulled out a shawl from her backpack before wrapping it around the baby, yet the whining didn't stop.

Slightly annoyed, Jungkook shifted his gaze at Jihye who looked at him with glistened eyes. 

"Cuddles."

He sighed at his daughter's persistent request, before removing her bag off her shoulders and lifting her up in his arms, caressing her back and running his fingers through her braided hair. 

"Just like her mother. Persistent for whatever she needed." Jungkook smiled.

The whining slowly subsided, replaced by soft snores as Jungkook walked over to his car parked nearby and rested her sleeping body on the backseat with utmost care. He was just about to get into the car to return home, when his conscience advised him to stay a little longer and absorb the fairytale-like scenery.

Jungkook bent down to pick a petal that lands on his feet, before letting it go. His eyes follow the path travelled by the pearl as it is gently swayed by the wind, landing onto an undisturbed pile of beautiful petals that lay undisturbed. A strange feeling of nostalgia ran through his veins, causing a smile to erupt from his lips.

"Love." He whispered.

"So are you happy now?" He asked the same line Lisa would make a habit of asking him.

Some silent tears run down his eyes, a sudden gust of wind sends shivers own his spine, tickles his nape and weaves through his hair, as though he just felt a warm presence touch him. It was just like the feeling from two years ago.

"I'll take that as a yes."

This time, it won't be lonely than before, because it felt so complete.

An end to a melancholic winter and the start of a wistful spring.

fin.

｢A/N」

lost : plot origins

(request everyone to read this!)

The storyline for lost was mostly derived from the existing "mafia" books that exist in wattpad, and my frustration against their stereotypes.

What I have usually observed that most themes around which blacktan ships are based are mafia-type. In fact, these books nearly have the same content throughout the entire storyline, which seems to undermine the actual purpose of writing the book.

For example, the book always feature a powerful male lead, a helpless damsel-in-distress female lead, the two leads forced to live together under obligated contracts [forced marriage, sold etc] and the male dominates over the female with their insensitive, cold personality and surprisingly, after facing too much abuse (verbal/physical/s*xual) from the lead the female EVENTUALLY falls for the guy and lives happily ever after with him.

The female lead is shown so vulnerable that her influence is reduced to merely a s*x object in the entire series, because she can't take a stand for herself AT ALL. The idea itself is very wrong and threatening at the same time; because these books only "glorify" the idea that abuse and crimes against women are good. Plus, there's an added amount of smuts (that are written and read by underage viewers) which seems to be misleading with their imagination.

I'm not calling out that every mafia fan fiction is bad; but most of them are written with a nearly trivial perspective (as mentioned above) and tend to gain a lot of readers for obvious amount of s*xual content.

After all the chaos, the writers bring up a "happy ending" where the leads are happy together and the guy promises a better future to the girl. Doesn't that make the plot insensible towards the end? Furthermore, this tends to create a misunderstood image of mafia guys - they are portrayed as stone cold romantic romeos, some of these are only eighteen and study in universities but are undercover assassins? Okay, this is seriously messed up.

It isn't necessary that every mafia plot needs to have a happy ending of its own. Because first, it doesn't do justice to the characters and second, it completely frustrates the plot towards the end.

Now many might question, why did I feel the need to give a sad ending to my story?

The answer is simple; my story is based on a dystopian political perspective. It projects a scenario of unrest among nations (provinces) that leads to constant war-like situations. My idea was to concentrate over the war and its aftermath. Of how families are deserted, displaced and separated and seek to find shelter with new people to continue the cycle of life and humanity takes rebirth again. Some parts of the story did contain dramatic scenes, which were a straight up reference improvised from all the cliche scenes I have personally observed in the mafia genre.

I might probably get cancelled for calling out to such writers; but I would myself clarify that I'm not an experienced nor professional myself. But at least I do have the knowledge of what content should be talked about and what shouldn't. The writers should agree with the idea they're projecting is right or not and accordingly issue warnings if any part in the storyline they think, could be triggering towards the readers. Therefore the sole purpose behind writing over the idea was to educate the readers, that we should stop giving these books too much attention as they trigger sensitive topics like r*pe and physical forms of abuse without the proper information that it is wrong and misleading.

Let me know your opinions over why the number of mafia themes tend to outnumber the actual availability of a variety of other, nicer plots and if there's any other point that was left untouched.

It took me a lot of consideration to post this as I had been very skeptical from the start. I hope that everyone understands the moral of the story instead of focusing on the topic over which it was based. If this was a full length series, I would've written more backstories of each characters but I didn't necessarily mean to drag the book since I was only writing with the purpose of explaining a moral.

And lastly, thanks to everyone who made it towards the end of the book! I hope you would enjoy reading my other books as well, time to say goodbye for now!🤍 :)