LOST IT TO TRYING

CHAPTER TEN

When Amora stirred the next morning, it was because she could hear loud thumps and banging. The walls and the floor reverbed, and for a moment she thought she was dreaming before she heard the noise again and felt it in her bones. Amora's eyes widened, her heart lurching in her chest. She was up in seconds, yanking her training wand off her bedside table.

It felt like shards of ice were stabbing into her feet as she raced down the wooden staircase, jumping around the corner with her wand held high, her words dying in the back of her throat when she realised it was just Malfoy.

There were no intruders, he was not being attacked, and nobody was hurt.

Malfoy stood in the dining room, his chest heaving with pants as he glared at her. He reached up and ran a hand through his platinum hair, pushing back the fallen strands. He looked so put together and yet so dishevelled at the same time.

A voice in the back of Amora's head reminded her that her favourite novels would describe this as "handsomely dishevelled" but Amora told that voice to fuck off because even if Draco Malfoy was attractive, he was still the biggest liar and arsehole going.

Amora's wide brown eyes glanced around at the broken furniture surrounding Malfoy. He had flung some of the chairs around— one of which had gone into the china cabinet. The mirror above the fireplace was now in shards on the floor alongside an oil lamp.

"What happened?" Amora gasped.

Malfoy only glared harder and Amora realised he was not looking at her face. Her head shot down to her body and she winced upon remembering that in her momentary panic, Amora had raced down the stairs in the night dress the girls had given her. Luckily, it was not too revealing, but she felt more naked than when Malfoy had caught her in her towel the morning before.

Amora's hands shot up to cover her chest. "I thought something happened," she muttered bitterly, "I didn't have time to change."

"If something was happening, do you really think it's clever to run straight into the room with nothing but a training wand?" Malfoy spat.

Amora rolled her eyes. "I forgot this stupid thing does absolutely nothing. Besides, are you actually mad at me for investigating a noise?"

"I'm mad at you for a lot of reasons," Malfoy said, "Being stupid is up there."

"Are you joking me?" Amora laughed.

"What if I were a Death Eater?" He moved closer to her. "What if when you ran into this room with a wand that does fuck all, I heard you coming? You would have been shot down by the killing curse before you could step through the door."

Malfoy glared at her from inches away. Amora hoped her expression was just as fierce.

"You are a Death Eater," she stabbed, "Did you forget? Or are you trying to insinuate that you're not one of the bad ones? Because that's a load of rubbish considering the fact that you—"

"That was not what I was insinuating at all," Malfoy flashed her a grin, "On the contrary, Buckley, why the fuck do you think I'm one of the Dark Lord's favourites? How do you think I single-handedly rebuilt the Malfoy name and got my father the role of Minister of Magic?"

"I don't have to think," Amora hissed, "I know how you did it. I've helped the people you hurt, I've—"

"You're welcome," Malfoy cut her off and headed towards the door, running his hand through his hair again from where it was trying to flop back in his eyes. "That's what you were going to say, wasn't it? That you're so grateful for everything I've done for our side?"

Amora's glare was scathing.

"You need to get your anger under control," Malfoy growled, "Remember which side you're on. And for fuck's sake— go and put some clothes on, Buckley."

Amora covered her chest with her hands again, although Malfoy had already left her alone in the destroyed dining room.

D.M + A.B

Amora huffed when she reentered the room an hour later to find Malfoy had left it a mess. She heard him leave through the front door whilst she was changing in her bedroom, and so she felt free to roam the house. Not that she was finding anything useful. Malfoy seemed to have every important room locked up and most likely warded. He did not trust her one bit.

Amora figured she might as well get used to using her magic again. She felt so out of practice that using the levitation spell to magic the chairs upright was nearly difficult. She could feel the weight of them where she knew she shouldn't.

"Evanesco." Amora pointed her wand at the broken mirror.

The shards disappeared. She grabbed the oil lamp and put it on the table, huffing when she realised it had dripped everywhere. Amora went to magic it away when her eyes landed on a newspaper beneath the table. She looked around before getting on her hands and knees to grab it.

There was a moving image of Amora when she had been sent to the factory, another of Minister Malfoy outside the burnt building, and a third of Draco Malfoy leaving the Ministry what must have been the day before.

  MALFOY NAME UNDER FIRE AFTER BUCKLEY SURVIVES RESISTANCE ATTACK

By Rita Skeeter

  After Tuesday's suicide attack at the Cauldronworks by an unnamed resistance member, the Daily Prophet was informed by Minister Malfoy that there were no survivors.  It is still unknown whether or not The Order of the Phoenix were behind the event. Bodies were unidentifiable, however, by yesterday the Ministry was able to obtain all names of Death Eaters and workers killed in this inhumane attack.

Despite Amora Buckley, former Order member and newly restored member of the Sacred 28, being a name among the 72 published in yesterday's obituary, it seems she is actually the sole survivor of the Cauldronworks attack. She had been at the factory for two months as a Healing Potion Maker.

Oathkeepers reported Death Eaters taking Buckley into St Mungo's Hospital the day of the attack. They reported overhearing Minister Malfoy's instruction to "have Buckley seen to immediately". The Ministry has refused to comment on the survival of Amora Buckley and their original statement at this time.

Insiders have since speculated that the anonymous Death Eater who requested Amora Buckley's presence at the Cauldronworks two months ago was none other than High Commander of the Dark Forces, Draco Malfoy. This is due to Buckley's new living arrangements– those being at the original Malfoy Manor, with the High Commander himself.

The motives behind this are unknown, however, the story has caused an uproar in the wizarding community. High Commander Malfoy has yet to court a respectable Pureblood lady, claiming to the Daily Prophet that his priorities lie with aiding our Dark Lord— but was the presence of Pureblood Amora Buckley too much to resist?

Many are wondering why the High Commander would wish to settle with somebody as controversial as Buckley, or why she was sent to the factory in the first place. After his father, Minister Malfoy, slipped up reporting the attack's deaths, people found the situation slightly suspicious.

Is he keeping her around to make sure she is not the true Cauldronworks attacker? Perhaps the former Order member is being watched closely by our High Commander?  Or... is there a possibility that the High Commander has a soft spot for Buckley and is finally ready to settle down?  I, for one, hope that the Malfoy heir has finally found true love!

Keep a look out for the next edition of the Daily Prophet, where hopefully the Malfoy men will attempt to clear their name and reveal their affiliation with Amora Buckley.

Amora slowly put the paper back down on the table. It was a lot to process. It explained why Malfoy had been so furious, flinging furniture like he had. She wondered what sort of trouble his father would be in for lying about survivors– though she did wonder how he had been planning on covering it up.

She rubbed her forehead and sunk into the chair next to her. Malfoy had not settled down yet, which she knew of course, but she was shocked to find Daphne Greengrass had yet to try and get into his pants. Merlin knows she tried to a couple of times when they were at Hogwarts.

Whenever Amora wondered what Malfoy had been doing over the last five years (as much as she tried not to), she always pictured him living with his parents, dating Daphne Greengrass, perhaps in control of an aspect of the Ministry, keeping out of the front line. She did not picture him so lonely.

Amora decided she needed a distraction. She did not want to think about Malfoy more than she had to. It just made her angry. She still wanted to hurt him, beg him for answers, and make him feel awful for what he did to her and her friends. Amora hated Malfoy. She hated him so fucking much.

She made a green tea, grabbed some fruit, and took it to the library. Maybe a fictional boyfriend would stop her from thinking about her ex one.

D.M + A.B

  "I made dinner."

Amora jumped, glancing over her shoulder from where she was sprawled across the sofa. Malfoy looked exhausted. She sat up, feeling the cracks in her neck and back, and glanced at the clock—seven o'clock.

"I didn't realise the time," she said.

Was she expected to make dinner for him? She felt an internal panic for a moment before she had to convince herself that she did not owe him a meal. She did not owe Malfoy anything.

"It's fine," Malfoy said, "I'll be eating in my study."

Amora's eyes widened as he turned to leave. "Wait– I— I wanted to eat with you. I wanted to ask you about the article The Daily Prophet—"

Malfoy scoffed, huffing a breath through his nose. "You mean you would like to interrogate me? After the day I have just had, no thank you. I'm eating and then going to bed."

He turned on his heel again. Amora rolled her eyes and headed down the stairs into the kitchen. She sighed at the sight of more salmon and vegetables.

D.M + A.B

For the next three days, Malfoy left the house early, Amora read all day, and when he returned, he made the same dinner before retreating to his office, and then his bedroom. Each night, Amora fought the urge to cry herself to sleep, for every day she did not have information about the Order felt like a day wasted.

By day five, Amora was not only bored senseless but desperate to know what was happening outside the manor walls. However, it might be an exaggeration to claim she even knew what was happening in the room over. That might be a good place to start.

The grandfather clock in the foyer read five o'clock. Amora had worked out that Malfoy always returned to the manor around six-ish, and so she made her way to the kitchen. She was lucky she had experience cooking for her friends at headquarters. Mostly, it was pasta dishes or other cheap meals that were easy to bulk-create. Leon's appetite had been massive since being bitten by Greyback, so Amora always knew to make more than she originally thought she should.

Malfoy did not have the largest range of foods in his pantry. The meats had been charmed to stay fresh and cold in the corner— lots of fish and red meat, and he had a fair share of green vegetables. Amora furrowed her eyebrows and lifted a head of broccoli, wondering how on earth she was going to make something impressive enough for Malfoy to loosen up and talk to her.

"How was your day, Malfoy?" Amora hummed in practice as she used her wand to grate cheese with one hand, the other stirring pasta into salted water. "No, he will know something is up then..."

She sighed heavily, scrunching her nose at the sound of the grandfather clock chiming that the hour was up. Amora worked quickly, straining her pasta and chucking it into the sauce she had made from scratch, scrambling to get everything into one pan.

Eventually, once she had found two bowls, Amora dished everything up as neatly as she could (her friends had never cared for the presentation of her food, so long as they had plenty of it), and placed it on the dining table. Amora cast a warming charm over the bowls and sat up straight, clasping her hands and tapping her foot anxiously. Her eyes burned into the ticking clock.

It reached seven o'clock and Amora was feeling completely discouraged. She huffed to herself and realised she would have to try again tomorrow. Her self-restraint was wearing thin, she was too hungry to hold off from eating any longer. Just as she picked up the fork to stab it into a piece of broccoli, the sound of the door opening made her heart leap.

"Something smells good," a familiar voice murmured.

Amora's ears pricked and her brows furrowed. That voice...

Two figures stepped into the dining room. Malfoy and... Theodore Nott.

Malfoy's eyebrows raised at the food set out at the table, but Amora could hardly tear her eyes from Theo. He had cut his hair, his curls missing and consequently causing him to appear slightly older.

  Beneath the table, Amora's nails were stabbing her palms, her teeth gritting so hard in her mouth she was worried they might break. Her gaze flickered from Malfoy to Theo, from Theo to Malfoy. Two people she had considered family, both of which had betrayed her.

There they stood, free men, and there she sat, at the table with the food she had made, in a dress that was not functional to cook in, a prisoner of the man she had once loved. If her wand was not limited, the clothes on their backs may have been on fire by now.

It was there and then that Amora recalled Theo had vouched for her at the Bureau of Magical Allegiance.  She assumed he had panicked upon finding out another Order member had defected, perhaps thinking it made him look suspicious, and so he covered for her. Maybe the last shred of human decency he may have had felt bad for betraying her. Or, there could be another reason. Either way, he may have unknowingly saved Amora's life.

"You made dinner," Malfoy said.

Amora nearly laughed, but she refrained. She had a role to play, after all.

"Theo." She pushed her chair backwards, standing up and wringing her hands together, forcing a smile. "It's been so long!"

Theo swallowed. "Amora."

"Merlin, how have you been?" Amora urged, "Please, I have some food leftover if you would like some. You could join Malfoy and I for dinner."

"Theo was just collecting something. He does not plan on staying," Malfoy interjected.

"But– but–" Amora scrambled, "I wanted to thank you for defending me at the BMA. I was hoping that we could talk, Theo?"

"Not today," Malfoy said firmly.

"I wasn't asking you," Amora snapped at him and Theo's eyes widened, face jerking over to Malfoy whose expression was unmoving. He was unphased by her comments at this point. "I was talking to Theo."

"Malfoy's right, Amora," Theo replied, "I'm only here to pick up something. We should talk another time."

Amora wanted to hurt him maybe as much as she wanted to hurt Malfoy on a daily basis. She could practically feel Pansy weeping into her side moments after they had all been interrogated for Theo's betrayal. She saw the look on Blaise's face— like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and stomped on.

"Fine." Her voice was meeker than she would have liked, her gaze flickering back to her food.

Suddenly, she wasn't hungry. The two men disappeared upstairs and came down less than two minutes later. Amora attempted to sit up straighter in her chair, craning her neck to try and see into the foyer, perhaps steal a glance at whatever Malfoy had given Theo. The front door slammed shut and everything was still for a moment before Malfoy entered the room.

"You made dinner," he repeated as if Theo had never entered the room.

Amora scrunched her nose and shrugged. "Yeah, I..." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I just thought I would."

Malfoy took his regular seat at the end of the table. Amora realised now that it looked more like a throne than a seat. She wondered if it had been Lucius' chair when Draco was growing up. He picked up his fork, swirled the pasta around it and ate it quickly. Amora watched him for a moment, but she was no longer slightly nervous whether he would like it or not— she could not stop thinking about Theo.

"This is quite del—"

"Why was Nott here?" Amora cut him off, shooting him a look. "What were you lending him?"

Malfoy barked a laugh. "Nice try. That's Death Eater business."

"Is Nott a Death Eater now?"

"He is." Malfoy continued to eat.

Amora wasn't sure how to feel about that. It was as if another piece of her heart had been chipped away. She lost a bit of the same sort of hope she clung to when Malfoy had first betrayed them. Every piece of evidence he had deferred hurt more than the last, until eventually, the wound was so battered that it went numb.

"Well, what if I became a Death Eater? Would it be my business then?" Amora asked, and she was sure Malfoy nearly choked on his food.

He looked at her as if she had grown another head. He began to laugh.

"Women don't tend to be Death Eaters, Buckley. That sort of goes against the entire preservation act, you know," Malfoy said, "It's too dangerous."

Amora rolled her eyes. "What about female Death Eaters from the first war? Your aunt— Bellatrix Lestrange— she was on the front line, she was a proud servant of the Dark Lord—"

"Bellatrix is content with her promotion of Overseer of Compliance," Malfoy said, "She does her rounds at households, makes sure that everything is running as the Dark Lord intends it to, and punishes those who are breaking our laws. She is essentially in charge of the Oathkeepers. She has more power than she did during the first war."

So women did have some ways of rising to power. Though, Amora guessed maybe this was a special circumstance considering Bellatrix had always been high up in the Pureblood ranks.

Amora pushed her pasta around with her fork. "When will you see Theo again?"

Malfoy huffed, "I'm fed up with the Nott discourse. Enough."

"Okay, can we talk about the article from the other day, then? The one speculating why you took me in? Or why you sent me to the factory, which we actually haven't spoken about yet?" Amora urged.

"I knew you wouldn't have made dinner for no reason," Malfoy groaned.

"I deserve to know what's happening around me!" Amora exclaimed, "I deserve to know why I was sent there for months, why I am here now, and what your intentions are."

"We can talk about that another time," Malfoy said, "And you know what my intentions are–"

"Is it so the media stop reporting your lack of relationship?"

Malfoy rolled his eyes. "I don't care what they have to say about my love life— or lack of it. That's just Rita Skeeter, the old hag. Most other writers have better things to write about– such as my career and war efforts. Somehow, she's always the one that manages to make the front page."

"The people are invested, obviously," Amora huffed, and started to eat her food as she calmed down a little, Theo's face fading from her head. "What are you going to say about it?"

"I was planning on talking to you about that actually. I'm going to announce our courtship in two days," Malfoy said, "My father's holding a press conference about the Cauldronworks bombing the same day, it's—"

Amora rolled her eyes. "I see. You're using it as a distraction so your father's controversy is swept under the rug."

Malfoy merely shrugged. "We'll see which story Skeeter finds the most interesting. We'll have to make a public appearance the day of. You don't have to talk— though I know you love to do that."

Amora huffed, her nose in the air, as she shoved more food into her mouth. It felt so good to have something other than steamed fish and steamed vegetables—or the slop that the factories and the BMA would feed her. This felt warm and cosy; it felt like being with her friends.

"Are you going to mention our relationship at Hogwarts?" Amora asked carefully after a moment, watching the way his brow rose.

"I will have to," Malfoy replied, "It's a wonder that somebody like Montague hasn't come forward yapping to the press about it already. They'll ask if we ever spoke at Hogwarts, that's guaranteed. As irrelevant as I think it is to bring up something that happened over five years ago now, I am sure it will end up being the focus of the entire article."

"You mean the whole paper," Amora said, "You're going for shock factor, aren't you? So your father—"

"There's no point in lying or hiding anything, Buckley," Malfoy promised sternly, "There are Oathkeepers everywhere. Once you step outside this manor, nothing you say is private anymore. The eyes always find a way of seeing. My father's fuckup is evidence enough. Even the most powerful cannot hide."

Amora felt an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach. She hoped that he was just trying to scare her into conforming. There was no way that nothing was private. There must be other secret rebels down every other road, secretly working underneath the noses of the Death Eaters, aiding the resistance in some way or another.

"That was lovely, thank you," Malfoy announced as he pushed the bowl away from him.

It was empty, much to Amora's silent satisfaction. She gave a tight-lipped smile and nodded at him as she finished the last of hers. Her brows furrowed in annoyance when she realised he was watching her. When she finally finished, which she scrambled to do quicker to put an end to his eyes on her, she pushed her bowl away, too.

"I used to make it all of the time," Amora replied, "I always got one of them to do the veggies while I did the rest— we did it the Muggle way. Just for something to do."

Malfoy raised his brows, the corner of his lips nearly tugging upward. "I cannot possibly imagine Zabini chopping up broccoli or zesting a lemon."

Amora's nose scrunched. "Zabini? Who—" She heard a boy talking, and then saw a bright smile, and the sort of laugh that was contagious. "He's the one—" She thought for another moment. Blaise Zabini. "Oh! Oh, well you would be surprised, actually— Blaise complained the least out of the lot."

The look on Malfoy's face was somehow both neutral and yet calculating. His silver eyes pierced into her, his lips pursing for a moment. He did not look amused in the slightest over her forgetfulness, almost as if he was concerned by it.

"Did you forget who Zabini was, Buckley?" Malfoy asked carefully.

Amora was nearly startled by his question. Forgetting had almost become normal over the last few months. What never stopped scaring her was the things she didn't know she was forgetting. The names and faces of Pansy, Blaise, and Leon always came back to her, but she was terrified there had been other friends in her group, people she had loved that she wouldn't blink at the name of.

"For a moment," Amora murmured, "Just for a moment."

Malfoy was silent.

"They Obliviated you," he realised.

Amora's brows knitted together. "You didn't know? The Daily Prophet didn't say?"

"No, they didn't. I mean, I suppose I should have realised since that's what they do, but Nott wasn't—" Malfoy replied distantly.

"Theo escaped. I was caught."

"What do you remember?"

"I already told the BMA." Amora rolled her eyes. "I'm not being interrogated again."

"I'm not interrogating you," Malfoy spat through gritted teeth, "I just was asking—"

"The Order wiped my memory of them. I only remember Pansy, Blaise, and Leon— but sometimes I forget them," Amora murmured, "I guess they didn't do a good enough job."

Amora wished she could tell him, or just somebody, that this was not how it was supposed to be. Lupin and Moody had promised she'd remember her friends. They said they'd strip her memory of plans, passwords, and locations... Something must have gone wrong, or they had lied. Either way, her brain continued to grow foggier all the time. Sometimes, Amora would remember something about Pansy and realise that she hadn't thought of her best friend in over a day.

Malfoy seemed deep in thought. "Interesting."

Amora huffed, "How so?"

"Well, how are you supposed to report back to the Order if you have forgotten everything?" Malfoy drawled, raising his glass to his mouth and sipping.

The brunette woman laughed. "Well exactly," she replied, hastily grabbing the bowls, standing up and stacking everything. She swiped his half-full drink out of his hand and added it to her pile. "I have nobody to report back to, Malfoy. It's frustrating with all of the top-secret information I have been collecting while you're away."

As she took their plates out of the room, Amora swore she saw the hint of  an amused smile on Malfoy's face.

...

a theo cameo!! amora is leaving the house in the next chapter, so there will be a change of scenery rather than another chapter of malfoy and amora fighting each other haha. I'm so excited to write it!!

also! i posted a dramora edit on tiktok. my account is dyiansobrien.wp if you want to check it out! also, on my insta (alishaiswriting) story highlights, there is a spotify playlist that el (the_9th_horcrux) very kindly made for lost it to trying! she's the person who made the training wheels one too!!

thanks so much for reading, I hope you liked this chapter :)))

dyiansobrien

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