#LIT15

"Bakit?!" pasigaw na sabi ng lalaki

"Tama na bro...Hindi ko alam kung bakit nangyayari ito sa iyo...pero alam ko ay may dahilan ang Diyos," lumuhod ang lalaki sa tapat niya

"Ricardo, malupit ba ang Diyos? Bakit nangyari ito sa mga anak ko?" mahigpit na hinawakan ng lalaki ang kwelyo ng damit ng kasama

Halos mangiyak-ngiyak na ang lalaki na nagngangalang Gilbert.

"Mapagmahal ang Diyos bro...hindi siya malupit sa'yo," nabasag ang boses ni Ricardo

"Kung hindi, Bakit gano'n?" sigaw niya. "Ginawa ko ang lahat para lang magkaroon ng kinabukasan ang mga anak ko tapos ganito ang nangyari, hindi ko maintindihan...Kaya kong tiisin ang kahirapan ko sa pagtatrabaho pero hindi ko matitiis na ang panganay kong lalaki nagugumon sa bisyo at ang pinakamasakit pa...may sakit ang panganay kong babae, may malala siyang sakit pare...Hindi ko maintindihan iyon," napaluhod nalang ang lalaki sa sobrang paghihinagpis. Yumuko siya at hinapmas ang sahig. "Hindi ko maintindihan ang Diyos!"

Natapos ang eksena nila at may dumating na bagong mga aktor, mga babae naman. Kanina pa ako manghang mangha habang pinapanood ang practice ng mga schoolmates ko para sa theatre play nila.

Dumating ang isang babae na may dalang bag. Unti-unti siyang napaupo habang humahagulgol. Napatingin ako sa kanan dahil may lumabas na babae doon at dinamayan ang babaeng umiiyak.

"Niña, tama na. Huwag ka ng umiyak...galingan mo nalang sa susunod.

"Hindi mo naiintindihan eh. Hindi mo ba nakita Bea, zero ako oh!" sigaw niya at hinagis ang isang pirasong papel kay Bea

"Kaya nga...sa susunod ka nalang bumawi."

"Sa tingin mo makakabawi kaya ako...hindi ko nga maintindihan ang lesson eh. Mahirap akong turuan kaya pinagalitan ako ni teacher...naiinis na siya sa'kin."

Hinagod ni Bea si Niña. "Pinagalitan ka lang naman dahil para matuto ka...Magpatulong ka kaya sa mama."

"Hindi puwede...busy ang mama ko. Marami siyang ginagawa tapos inaalagaan pa niya ang ate ko."

"Oo nga pala, may sakit ang ate mo. Ano ba ang sakit niya?"

"Hindi ko alam...Nakikita ko lang na umiiyak si mama. Wala nga akong makausap sa bahay eh. Minsan doon ako kila lola kaya minsan wala din akong assignment. Nakakalimutan kong dalhin ang notebook ko."

"Gano'n ba? Gusto mo bang sumama sa'kin ngayon. May assignment tayo di ba? Paturo tayo sa mama ko."

Unti-unting tumango ang babae. "Sige...halika."

Pinanood ko sila habang paalis ng stage. Doon na natapos ang eksena nila.

Grabe, ang galing nilang umarte. Kulang nalang ay may popcorn ako ngayon.

"Excuse me."

Nagulat ako nung may nakabangga sa'kin. Isa siya sa mga organizer ng play. Nakita kong marami siyang bitbit na gamit.

"Ay sorry po," sabi ko at tumabi sa gilid

Binalik ko ang tingin sa stage. Nakita kong nagpapahinga na ang mga estudyante. Hindi pa siguro sila tapos sa pag-practice dahil kahit nagpapahinga ay kinakabisado nila ang lines nila.

I only watch them from afar. There are some students on the front row, watching them too.

I realized that being a theatre arts student is really hard yet they still don't receive the recognition they deserve. I think isa din itong course na minamaliit ng karamihan at kakaunti lang din ang tumatangkilik nito. I only know a few people who's interested in this course.

"Huy, Sadie!"

Napalingon ako dahil may kumurot sa'kin sa likod.

"Carter!"

He smiled. "Gulat ka?"

"Bigla-bigla ka nalang nasulpot ah!"

"Ginagawa mo dito?"

"Nanonood bakit?" I said ang placed my hands on my hips

"Bawal bata dito," he teased

"Hindi ako bata!"

He laughed. "Hindi halata."

"Ewan ko sa'yo. Lagi mo nalang ako inaasar sa height ko. Akala mo talaga apaka tangkad."

"Pogi naman."

I cringed. "Asa!"

Mahina siyang tumawa at tumingin din sa harap. We both watched the students practicing their lines. Kahit na practice ay pang-performance level na ang ginagawa nila. Kahit nasa malayo ay klaro at dinig ko ang boses nila kahit na wala silang mic na gamit. Ramdam na ramdam ko din ang emosyon sa bawat salita na binibitawan nila.

"Ano'ng title ng play niyo?"

"Gumuhong pangarap. Drama siya. Halata naman 'di ba?" he chuckled

Tumango ako.

"Nahanap lang din namin 'yan sa internet. Tapos kami na yung nag-choreograph at yung nag-isip kung paano namin siya iaakto."

"Ang talented niyo naman."

"Sila," he chuckled. "Props man lang ako eh."

Tumingin ako sa kanya. "Parte ka padin."

"Hindi joke lang. Isa din ako sa organizers."

I clicked my tongue. "Yun naman pala eh. Mahirap din yun ah. I mean, yes mahirap yung ginagawa ng mga akrtors sa stage...but it's also hard for those people who work behind the camera. The writers, producers, dorectors, cameraman, props man, at iba pa."

"Tama ka diyan. Mahirap din trabaho nila," sambit niya

And just like them, they are also failed to get recognized by the people. Props to them for working hard.

Ilang sandali ay may lumapit sa'min na babae na isa sa mga bida sa play.

"Hey guys," bati niya sabay akbay kay Carter

Mukhang magkaklase sila. Mas matanda sila sa'kin ng isang taon. Binalik ko ang tingin sa babae. Nakasuot siya ng maduming damit na parang pambulubi.

"Hello!" bati ko sabay kaway sa kanya

"Hi!"

"Ahh si Sadie, friend ko. Si Reina pala, kaklase ko," pakilala niya

Ngumiti kami sa isa't isa.

"I kind of know her. Ikaw ba yung nanalo sa art contest noon?"

I got flustered. "Ahh oo..." nahihiya kong sabi

"Kaya pala familiar name mo."

Hindi ko alam na sikat pala ako sa school. Kinilig ako bigla kasi kilala nila ako, maslalo na sa higher batch tho wala naman ako talagang close doon.

"Anyway, how was our performance?" she asked

My lips parted. "Ang ganda ate! I mean, ang galing niyo lahat. Gusto kong mapanood yung buong performance."

She smiled. "Thanks! Sa totoo lang, first week palang namin sa pagpapractice. Hindi pa namin tinotodo."

Naka-awang lang ang labi ko sa sobrang manga. I'm not a fan of theatre play but I do enjoy it.

"Yeah, ang dami pa kaya nilang mali. Kailangan pa ng practice. Hindi pa nga ito pumapasok sa eksena kasi hindi pa kabisado yung lines," pang-aasar ni Carter

Mahina siyang hinampas ng kaklase niya. "Ikaw kaya umarte doon. May nanood pa nga sa'min na teachers eh. Inaasses performance namin kaya kabado kami."

I smiled. "Kaya niyo 'yan."

"Tsaka, excuse me. Kabisado ko na lines ko. I'm just waiting for my scene."

"Imbis na nagpapractice, nakikipagdaldalan ka pa sa'min," hirit ni Carter

"Ewan ko sa'yo," inirapan nalang siya ni Ate Reina

"By the way, napanood niyo ba yung 'Ang Huling El Bimbo the musical?" she asked

My lips parted. "Ahh hindi pa...pero nakita ko yun sa facebook. Sumikat siya."

"Ako napanood na," sagot ni Carter

"Panoorin niyo maganda. Ang galing lahat ng gumanap. Idol ko dun si Gab Pangilinan," masaya niyang sabi

Ngumiti lang ako kasi hindi ako maka-relate.

"Pag may time kayo, watch niyo."

"Sige..."

Ilang sandali ay tinawag na siya ng mga kasama niya. Napalingon kami sa stage.

"Ah sige guys. Bye na. It's my time to shine," paalam niya

"Bye ate! Galingan niyo!" sabi ko at kumaway sa kanya

Pinanood ko siyang tumakbo pabalik ng stage.

I sighed and smiled. "Goodluck din," bulong ko

I startled when I heard a loud ringtone from behind me. Lumingon ako at nakita si Carter. Maski siya ay nagulat kaya agad niyang binaba ang tawag.

"Twice?"

Nanlaki ang mata niya. Hindi siya ngayon makatingin sa'kin.

I chuckled. "What's wrong?"

"F-fan ka?"

Umiling ako. "Kilala ko lang."

He gulped. He suddenly felt embarassed that his ringtone is kpop and he's a fan of a kpop girl group.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, kung isa kang fanboy," sabi ko at palihim na tumayo

"Hindi naman ako yung adik. Kapatid ko nagimpluwensiya sa'kin!" depensa niya

"Defensive mo naman. I'm not judging you."

Biglang umilaw ang phone niya at nakita kong wallpaper niya ay Twice.

"Kpop fan kapatid mo? Mas bata siya sa'yo?"

He nodded. "Oo. Gusto nga niya maging kpop idol. Ewan ko ba dun," sabi niya sabay kamot sa ulo

I smiled. "Mahilig din ba siya...magbasa?"

His brows furrowed. "Yeah..." he said suspiciously

"Great! Sabihin mo basahin niya stories ng friend ko. Nagsusulat kasi siya ng novels online. Baka gusto niya."

Napakurap-kurap siya. "Ahh okay. Sige."

I smiled widely. "Cheer up!" I sang and danced the chorus part of the song

His eyes widened. "What the—"

Biglang may nanita sa'min na teacher. Napatakip ako sa bibig ko. Hindi ko napansin na kanina pa pala kami nagdadaldalan dito. I looked at the stage and saw that the students are already performing. We must have disturbed the audience.

"Sige na una na ako. Bye!" bulong ko sa kanya at mabilis na lumabas ng auditorium

***

Pagkatapos ng klase ay dumiretso na ako sa part time job ko.

"Three hundred forty five po ang total," sabi ko pagkatapos ilagay ang pinamili niya sa plastic

"Eto oh."

Tinanggap ko ang inabot niyang pera. I opened the cash register and put the money inside. Inabot ko din sa kanya ang sukli niya.

"Thank you. Come again," ngiti kong sambit

Pinanood ko ang babae hanggang sa makalabas ng store.

I sighed and stretched my arms. I looked at the time and it's almost eight. Malapit na ako mag-out.

"Konting kembot nalang," sabi ko sa sarili

I sat down for a while and massaged my neck. Nagulat ako nung tumunog ang buto ko. Minasahe ko din ang balikat ko dahil medyo nangangalay iyon. I also removed my shoes and massaged my foot. Halos buong hapon ako nakatayo. It's actually boring 'cause I got nothing to do. Wala din masyadong customers ang bumibili.

I rested for a while before standing up to clean the aisle. Inayos ko ang mga pagkain na nadoon. I arranged them to make it look neat. Pagkatapos ay niligpit ko ang mga basura sa lamesa. Nakakainis yung mga taong hindi marunong magtapon ng pinagkainan. Laging inaasa sa mga empleyado samantalang nasa tabi lang naman nila ang basurahan.

I sighed and put the trash inside the trash bin. Pinunasan ko din ang lamesa.

Habang nagpupunas ay narinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto hudyat na may pumasok. Hindi ko iyon pinansin at nagpatuloy sa paglilinis. After I cleaned I went back to the cash counter. I thought a few people went inside but I only saw a person on one of the aisle. Hindi ko makita ang mukha niya dahil nakatalikod siya habang namimili at naka-cap din.

I tapped my fingers on the counter while waiting. Umayos ako ng tayo nung nakita ko siyang papalapit sa'kin. Nakatungo lamang siya habang ang isang kamay ay nasa loob ng bulsa ng hoodie niya.

She placed the item on the counter. Binaba ko ang paningin doon. It was a pregnancy test kit.

I slowly lifted my eyes on her. Nagtama ang mata namin pero una siyang umiwas.

She looks familiar. I know her...I just can't remember.

Wait...she's my ex's girlfriend. I can't believe I remember her even if I only saw her once. Ang tagal nadin no'n. Why is she—

"Can you hurry up?" mariin niyang sabi

I gulped. "Uh, sorry," I quickly took the item and punched it

I was about to tell her the bill when she already placed some money on the counter. Kinuha niya na ang binili niya at mabilis na lumabas ng store. I didn't even noticed it. Parang hangin lang siya na dumaan.

Umawang ang labi ko habang nakatingin sa pera sa harap ko.

"May sukli pa siya eh," sabi ko

I sighed. Kinuha ko nalang iyon at nilagay sa cash register.

Her face suddenly appeared inside my mind. At first, I wasn't sure if it was her since she's wearing a cap. I couldn't see her well...but when our eyes met, that's when I knew. I don't know if I have superpowers but I'm good at remembering people's faces. I just didn't expect I'd see her.

I remember how hesitant she was to buy that item. I sensed her nervousness but she played it cool.

I only got back to my senses when there's another customer who entered.

***

"Guys...alam niyo na ba yung chimis?" balita ni Benjie

"Ano'ng chismis?" tanong ko

Andito kaming apat magkakaibigan sa  usual na tambahay sa UST. There's also some students roaming around the area. Ang ilan ay dito din nag-aaral. Masaya dito tumambay dahil masarap ang hangin at isa pa ay napapaligiran kami ng nga halaman at puno.

"Ay hindi niyo pa alam. Hina niyo naman."

"Magtatanong ba kami kung hindi namin alam?" iritang sabi ni Irene

"What is it ba?" Minnie asked

Tinignan kami ni Benjie isa isa sa mata. "Quiet lang kayo ah. Lapit kayo dali."

Irene sighed and went closer. Lumapit nadin kami ni Minnie sa kanya.

"Tungkol saan ba?" Minnie asked

"Taga ibang school. May kaibigan kasi ako. Hindi ko na sasabihin yung name. Sabi niya yung tropa niya daw ay nabuntis at ito pa, pina-abort dae ang bata," kwento ni Benjie

"Saang school?"

"Basta sikat na Univ."

"Ateneo? La Salle? NU? FEU?" isa-isang binaggit ni Irene ang school

Hindi siya sinagot ni Benjie. Ayaw siguro niya iexpose ang kaibigan niya.

"Hindi nayun bago. I mean, marami na ngayong nabubuntis na teenagers," sabi ni Irene at lumayo na

"I know. Nagulat lang ako nung sinabi ng friend ko."

Umayos na kaming lahat ng upo.

"Bakit daw pina-abort? Hindi ba pinagutan ng lalaki?" tanong ni Minnie

"Ewan ko. Magjowa naman sila. Actually, sila padin nung lalaki. Baka may ibang rason lang yung babae," sagot ni Benjie

"Or maybe the girl is not yet ready to have a baby," Irene said

"Baka aksidente din. Maybe she didn't expect to get pregnant," I said

"Maraming pwedeng rason pero syempre hindi ko na tinanong yung details."

"They should practice safe sex. Alam nating maraming nabubuntis ng maaga at hindi pa handa. Kawawa din yung babae at yung...bata," sabi ni Minnie

"Yeah but it's not her fault if she decided to abort the child if she felt she's not yet ready. It's her own body afterall," Irene commented

"May point pero ang sensitive din kasi pag-usapan ang abortion. For some people, abortion is killing. She may have killed an innocent child in her belly," bulong ni Benjie

"That's why people should practice safe sex," she added

"Siguro kapag halimbawa nirape ang isang babae, baka valid reason kung ipapaabort niya ang bata."

"Hindi din natin sila pwede ijudge kasi hindi naman natin alam ang buong kwento," sabi ko

"Well, let's say they had sex with their own consent. Ginusto nila. Nabuntis yung babae pero hindi pa handa kaya pinaabort. It's wrong because she should be held accountable for her own actions. Sana isipin din niya yung bata," komento ni Minnie

We all nodded in agreement. Binalot kami ng katahimikan pero ilang sandali ay biglang nagsalita ulit si Benjie.

"Hay, nacurious tuloy ako bigla kung sino yun."

Tahimik lang akong nakikinig sa usapan nila. Naalala ko bigla ang nangyari kahapon sa trabaho ko.

Could she be the one that Benjie is talking about?

I can't remember her name but I know her face. Siya nga talaga yung girlfriend ng ex ko. I'm not hurt anymore. Naka-move on na ako sa kanya. I have no feelings for him whatsover. What I'm worried about is the girl.

"Huy, tahimik ko," bigla akong siniko ni Benjie

I raised my brows. "Ha? Wala. May iniisip lang."

"Ano? Don't tell me kilala mo yung girl?"

Agad akong umiling. "Hindi. Iba yung iniisip ko," I smiled awkwardly

Buti nalang ay hindi na siya nagtanong pa. Pinanood ko lang sila habang nagkwekwentuhan ng panibagong topic.

Pagod akong umuwi sa dorm. I inserted the keys on the knobb and went inside. I opened the lights and removed my shoes. Pinatong ko ang backpack sa upuan. Kumuha ako ng pitsel sa ref at uminom ng tubig.

This place feels empty.

I feel empty.

I can't remember the days since I've moved in. Probably almost a month now.

Nagbihis muna ako bago nagluto ng dinner ko ngayong gabi. I still haven't mastered cooking yet. I eat the same thing everyday. My dinner for tonight is cornbeef and the leftover fried chicken yesterday.

Kumakain ako ngayon habang nagawa ng plates. I stop every five minutes because my eyes hurt. Pagod nadin talaga ako para magpatuloy. I couldn't work on my plates properly. Ang pangit ng gawa ko.

I sighed and played some music instead. I suddenly remember the artist that Haru introduced to me. Sabi niya pakinggan ko daw ang music no'n pero hindi ko maalala ang pangalan niya.

I massaged my head, trying my best to remember his name.

"Ke...khelani? Kendrick? Kesha? Keith?" sabi ko

I'm just spitting out names that starts with letter 'K'. I groaned when I couldn't remember the name.

"Ahh keshi!" I said in victory

I smiled and typed his name on youtube. The first thing that popped up is a one hour playlist of his songs. Tumingin ako sa makalat kong desk. I still have a lot of work to do and I need the perfect playlist.

I wore my earphones and played the music. Bumalik din ako sa pag gawa ng plates.

It was not long until I realized how great the music is! I didn't notice I'm already jamming on the beat.

"Oh my God. Bakit ngayon ko lang siya nakilala?!"

Habang pinapakinggan ko ang mga kanta niya ay maslalo akong ginaganahan gumawa.

You know that feeling when you discovered a new artist and their songs are a bop! The feeling where you first listen to a song and you instantly fell inlove with it. Sobrang sarap sa pakiramdam.

"Who is this guy and why ngayon ko lang nakilala?!" sabi ko at tumingin sa playlist.

I'm already half way through it and I'm enjoying every bit. He doesn't have a bad song. Honestly.

Hindi ko namalayan na natapos na ang kanta at tapos nadin ako sa plates ko. I've finished earlier than I expected. Napasandal nalang ako sa upuan ko.

"Wow...that was, that was Heaven," I said

I feel like I went into a concert or something.

Niligpit ko na ang mga ginawa kong plates sa bag. Nilabas ko naman ang laptop ko at sinuot ang headphones. I grabbed my mic that was on the side of my desk. I made sure everthing is set up before I start my podcast.

"Goodevening beautiful humans. Welcome back to The Late Late Show with Sadie. Please excuse the name of my podcast," I chuckled. "Anyway, welcome to episode one, titled 'A fresh start.' For some of you who don't know, I am a sophomore student from UST who is taking up Fine Arts degree. I just want to share my life as a college student. It's sort of like, day in the life of a college student."

"So it's been almost a month since I started to live alone. I remember the first time I got inside my dorm. I immediately cleaned it, set up my study desk, hanged my paintings, put on some clean bedsheets, went grocery shopping, and all that. I feel like I'm an adult. Well, technically I am. I am towards becoming an adult. I'm a few months away to entering my 20's so," I giggled. "Trying hard to be an independent adult."

"To be frank with ya'll, college life is hard. To live in a dorm, alone. At first I was so excited and happy because I really wanted to have a dorm since all my friends do...but then as weeks go by, I feel lonely. I feel like there's something missing. Maybe because I'm just really tired from the overwhelming amount of schoolworks I have right now."

I licked my lips. "I feel homesick. I miss my parents and my room. Don't get me wrong, I didn't regret moving in a dorm because honestly, it's much more convenient for me. I no longer have to commute, I can save up money, I no longer have to wake up as early as 5am in the morning. There's advantages living in a dorm but it's hard for me. I'm still coping up. I can only go home every weekends...then when it's Sunday, I have to pack my things again and go back here."

"This is a fresh start for me. I have to do everything on my own now. I try to see it as a positive thing. I actually feel much better now because I get to talk with you guys I can share my experiences and all that. So if you're a college student like me who also living in a dorm life, hang in there. We'll graduate soon," I chuckled. "This is just part of our student life. We still have a long way to go."

"So since this is a 'fresh' start. I'm going to share some tips for incoming freshies or freshman in UST. So tip number one is always bring your registration form for those of you that still don't have an I.D. the form will serve as an I.D. for you. Tip number two is always know your schedule. Trust me, if you are late, the teacher will not let you enter his or her class. Tip number three is choose your friends wisely since they will be with you throughout your whole stay in UST. Tip number four is enjoy your freshie week! It's super fun. There will be activities prepared for you guys. Roarientation, heritage tour, and the welcome walk. Tip number five is always bring umbrella because it's either raining or hot in UST."

The whole episode lasted for almost an hour. I shared a lot more things than I expected. Nagulat nalang ako dahil pagkita ko sa oras ay 11:00pm na. Agad na akong nagpaalam dahil may pasok pa ako bukas.

"Have a great evening everyone. Thank you so much for listening to the first episode of my podcast. Thank you for the support and I will try my best to give you quality content series that are worth the listen. Goodbye! See you on the next one!"