#LIT05

"Sadie, anak!" katok ni mama sa kwarto ko

I removed my earphones. Babangon na sana ako sa pagkadapa sa kama nung biglang bumukas ang pinto.

"Ma, Hi!" bati ko

"Ano pang ginagawa mo diyan? Kakain na," sabi niya at iginaya ang paningin sa kwarto ko

"Okay! Wait lang, tapusin ko lang 'to," sagot ko at binalik ang atensiyon sa laptop. Malapit ko nang matapos ang magazine cover na ginagawa ko. I just have to add the finishing touches.

"Halina't bumaba ah," sabi niya at narinig ko nalang na sumara ang pinto

I sighed while concentrating on my work. Ang hirap din pala mag-design ng isang magazine cover. Nag-search pa ako ng pictures sa google at pinterest para may guide ako pero lahat sila magaganda. My skills aren't enough to create such an amazing design. I wish I have an Ipad with a pencil, it would be much easier. Mas mapapaganda ko pa siguro lalo yung gawa ko.

I got out of bed and went downstairs to eat. I saw my parents already eating.

"Wow, ang sarap pala ng ulam! Sinigang," sabi ko at umupo sa tabi ni papa

I licked my lips while staring at the food. My mouth is already watering. Sinigang is my favorite filipino dish.

Nagsandok na ako ng kanin at ulam.

"Kamusta school anak?" tanong ni papa

I smiled. "Ayos lang pa. May project lang akong ginagawa."

"Kaya ba ginabi ka na ng uwi kahapon?" tanong ni mama

Tumango ako. "Oo...nag-photoshoot kami eh."

"Saan yun?"

"Yung kaklase ko po, yung tito niya may studio."

"Buti pinayagan kayo."

"Ahh eh...oo nga ma eh, mabait yung tito niya," nahihiya kong sagot

Binalot kami ng katahimikan. Tinuon ko nalang ang atensiyon sa pagkain.

"Mahina kita ng parlor ngayon," sabi ni mama pagbasag sa katahimikan

I bit my lip while staring at my plate.

"Kaya mahigpit ang budget natin ngayon ah. Kailangan magtipid," seryoso niyang sabi

Tumango ako. "Opo."

Bata palang ay natutunan ko nang magtipid at mag-ipon para sa sarili kong pangangailangan. The art materials that I have, I bought all of them with my own money. I never asked my 'wants' from my parents. Sinasabi sa'kin nila na kapag may gusto daw ako ay paghirapan ko. Alam ko naman na hindi kami mayaman, pero sobrang blessed padin ako sa buhay na binigay sa'kin ni Lord.

"Uh, ma. Sorry kung hindi ako nakatulong sa inyo nung isang araw. Bawi nalang ako bukas o kaya sa weekends."

Usually, I would help my mother in the afternoon after school since we don't have that many employees...but yesterday, I was busy with the photoshoot. Mom would always do the work all by herself. Minsan din ay natulong si papa sa kanya.

"Hindi na, kahit pagbutihin mo nalang ang pag-aaral mo. Dun ka mag-focus," sabi niya habang kumakain

Hindi nalang ako umimik. Sa isip ko ay sinasabi ko na babawi ako sa kanya. Syempre alam ko kung gaano nakakapagod ang trabaho niya.

"Oo nga Sadie. Andito pa naman ako para tulungan ang mama mo. Basta ang gusto namin ay mag-aral ka ng mabuti," sabi ni papa

Tipid akong ngumiti. Umiwas ako ng tingin at uminom ng tubig.

"Yung bago pala nating kapit bahay, nakilala niyo na?"

Nagulat ako sa biglaang tanong ni papa pero hindi ko iyon pinahalata.

"Alin? Yung bagets? Yung mag-siyota?" tanong ni mama

"Oo yung bagong lipat."

"Ahh oo, parang pamilyar yung itsura ng lalaki."

I swallowed hard. Hindi ko alam kung naalala pa ba nila yung naging boyfriend ko. Naalala ko no'n na dapat pormal na ipapakilala ko na si Niall sa kanila kaso bigla kaming nag-break. Pinagalitan pa ako nila no'n dahil nagkaboyfriend daw agad ako. Una palang ay tutol na sila sa relasyon namin.

Sana talaga ay hindi na nila maalala...

"Oh? Ako hindi," sabi ni papa

I sighed in relief. Well, matagal na panahon nadin naman yun.

"Akala ko kasama mga magulang nila sa bahay pero sila lang talagang dalawa. Ayon sa chismis ng iba nating kapit-bahay magka-live in daw," sabi ni mama

"Ang babata pa nila para tumira sa iisang bahay. Asan mga magulang nila? Nag-aaral kaya sila?"

"Hindi ko alam. Ang chismis ay nagtatrabaho na daw yung lalaki. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung totoo. Siguro umaasa din sila sa magulang nila. Tanong mo si Sadie, baka may alam."

Nagulat ako nung tumingin sa'kin si mama. I avoided her gaze and ate a spoonful of rice.

"Diba inutusan kita noon. Hindi mo ba sila naka-usap?"

Dahan-dahan akong ngumuya at umiling.

"Naisip ko lang kasi halos hindi naglalayo yung edad niyo tsaka lahat ng kapit bahay natin, kaclose mo eh," dagdag niya

Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko upang hindi tumalsik ang pagkain. "Hindi ah! M-malay ko sa k-kanila."

She chuckled softly. "Lunukin mo na 'yang kinakain mo."

Uminom ako ng tubig at mabilis na ngumuya.

"Dahan-dahan, mabilaukan ka niyan sige!"

I stopped and slowly chewed the food inside my mouth.

"Hay, mga kabataan talaga ngayon. Tingin nila kaya na nila sarili nila eh. Hindi na ako magugulat kung sakaling mabuntis—"

I coughed. "Pa naman!"

Seriously pa? Sa harap ng pagkain?

Naalala ko tuloy nung bumisita ako sa kanila nung isang araw. Gustong-gusto ko nang ibaon ang alaala na iyon pero biglang bumalik dahil kay papa. Kainis!

"Anak, ang sinasabi lang ng papa mo ay huwag kang maagang magboboyfriend. Mahirap kapag alam mo na..." panimula ni mama

"Tsaka yung mag-lilive in kayo sa iisang bahay. Mahirap kasi kailangan isa sa inyo magtrabaho. Syempre paano niyo babayaran yung bills, tubig, kuryente. Malaking responsibilidad yun. Enjoyin mo muna yung kabataan mo. Mahaba pa ang buhay niyo."

I slowly nodded. "Pero...bata lang din diba kayo ni papa nung nagpakasal?"

Umiwas siya ng tingin. "Iba..iba yung sa panahon namin," may halong pangdudua ang boses niya

Alam ko din na maaga akong dumating sa buhay nila. Madalas ko sila laging tanungin sa mga bagay na ito pero malalabo ang iba nilang sagot. Hindi ko alam kung maaga nabuntis si mama kaya maaga din silang nagpakasal. Marami pa akong gustong itanong.

Pagkatapos kumain ay pumanik ulit ako sa taas at pinagpatuloy ang project ko.

My phone beeped and flooded messages from our groupchat for our project. Tinatanong nila lagi kung tapos ko na daw ba pero sabi ko ay hindi pa. They told me to send my works as soon as I finished it.

I silenced my phone to prevent distractions. Hindi ako makapag-focus dahil puro tunog ng messenger ang nariring ko.

"You can't rush Art you know," I said

After an hour, I'm finally done with my work...well, sort of.

Tinitigan ko ang gawa ko. I compared the before and after photos. The first photo is just a plain one. It's just me and a white background. The second photo is the edited one where I added texts, filters, bold fonts and more. I made it 90's style. It looks like an old classic photo. I tried to make it a 90's fashion magazine. I even searched a bunch of pictures to fully grasp the essence of it.

Maganda naman yung gawa ko pero parang may kulang.

I'm a perfectionist especially in my craft. I always pay attention to small details. I want to be satisfied in the end.

I yawned as I stare at my laptop. Kinusot ko ang mata ko. Iniisip ko kung aayusin ko pa ba. Kung may idadagdag ako, aalisin, o babaguhin. I looked at the time and it's already 11pm in the evening! Ang bilis talaga ng oras. Maaga pa ako bukas.

I diverted my attention back to the screen, contemplating whether to make changes or not, or to improve more. Inaantok nadin ako. Baka pumangit lang ang gawa ko.

Unti-unting bumagsak ang mata ko hanggang sa hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako sa harap ng laptop.

The next day, at school, I feel sleep deprived. Para akong zombie na naglalakad habang may hawak na kape.

"Sadie!"

Lumingon ako at nakita si Benjie. Napasandal siya sa locker pagkakita sa'kin. "Ang chaka sis! Puyat ka ba?"

Agad kong inayos ang sarili. "OA mo naman. Mukha ba akong multo?"

He looked at the tumbler on my hand. "Ano 'yan?"

"Oh this?" I said, pointing at it. "Kape," sabi ko at uminom doon. "You want?"

"No thanks. Laway conscious ako," he sassily said

I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"Anyway, tapos mo na? Patingin ako," he said, all smiles

Here he goes again. He's always excited to see my works. Parang siya lagi number one fan ko.

"Yeah, just finished it last night," I said and turned my back showing him my big backpack

"Talaga? Ang bilis ah!"

Humarap ako sa kanya at kinindatan siya. "Ako pa ba."

He smiled proudly. "Yas Queen!"

Napailing nalang ako at binuksan ang locker ko.

"Patingin—"

"Mamaya na sa room para sabay sabay tayo. Andiyan na ba sila Jane at Fritzie?"

"Uh, I saw Jane a while ago but I think Fritzie is still not here."

I nodded. "Let's just wait for them."

Pagkakuha ko ng gamit sa locker ay sabay kaming naglakad ni Benjie papunta sa classroom.

"Alam mo ba...may chika ako," he began

Nagkwentuhan kami habang naglalakad.

"Ano yun?"

We turned right and found ourselves to the hallway. Tumambad sa'min ang mga booths ng ilang mga estudyante.

"Student orgs 'yan diba? Ano'ng meron?" I asked curiously

"Let's see..." Benjie said, all smiles like he already knows what's happening

Hinila niya ako at sabay kaming naglakad palapit.

"Hi guys! What's up?" he said

"Oh hey Benjie...Sadie," bati sa'min

"Hi Ate Pam!" bati ko

Pinagmasdan ko ang booth nila.

"Pride month," I read

Nanlaki ang mata ko. "It's pride month already?!"

Napatampal ako sa noo ko. "Of course...right uhm, every June nga pala yun," I said and awkwardly laughed.

Benjie looked at me ridiculously, like I'm dumb that I forgot about it.

"Sorry na, kulang sa tulog eh."

Binalik niya ang atensiyon sa harap. He even placed his hands on the table. "Since pride month is coming up, what are the plans of the student council?"

"Glad you asked BJ," she began. "So for this year we'll be having a pride festival. All the lgbt community will be represented. There will be games, sports, anything that can showcase their talents. Dito sa campus gaganapin."

"So parang kami ang bida gano'n?" Benjie asked in excitement

"Of course! We're preparing a lot! We don't want to spoil you guys."

Nakipagchikahan pa si Benjie sa kanya. Sobrang friendly niya din talaga. Ang dami niyang kilala sa campus, even outside the school. I mean he's gay so I think it's in them already.

Meanwhile, I went to the next booth. Their tables were colors representing the lgbt flag. Nakita kong nagdedecorate nadin ang ilang estudyante. They made these little pride flags and banners. It really looks like we're in a festival.

"Youth organization," I read

Tinignan ko ang mga flyers na nagkakalat sa lamesa. Kumuha ako ng isa at tinignan iyon.

LGBTQ LOVE was the name of the organization.

"Hi Sadie."

Nagulat ako nung biglang may sumulpot na estudyante sa harap ko.

"Uh, hi!" bati ko

She smiled. "Are you perhaps interested to join our youth organization?"

I pressed my lips and raised my brows. "Hmm? Uhm, can you explain to me this organization," I said while showing her the flyer

"Right! I'm one of the organizers in this org and also a part of the LGBT Community. My name is Caitlyn pala. 3rd year, med," pakilala niya sa'kin

I smiled. "Sadie."

"The purpose for this organization, well, obvious naman...to represent the lgbt community since malapit nadin ang pride month. We're actually looking for members to join," she cheerfully said

"Pwede din siguro kahit hindi part ng lgbt 'no?"

She nodded. "Of course! Anyone can join...I mean unless you're homophobic. We don't accept those peeps."

I chuckled. "Okay."

"As long as you support the community. Give love to them. We too, deserve to be represented and not discriminated."

"I know. I have two bestfriends that are part of the lgbt."

Her eyes widened. "Really? Ask them to join too."

"Try ko pero alam ko nag-join nadin sila sa ganito eh."

Tipid siyang ngumiti sa'kin.

Binalik ko ang tingin sa papel. "Ano pang youth orgs niyo? I mean, lgbt lang or?"

"Oh, if you're interested. Meron din kami about Gender Equality since halo halo members namin. There are also males and females who joined. Gender Equailty naman prinorpromote nila," she said and handed me a new flyer

Tinanggap ko iyon. "Really? That's nice!" I said enthusiastically

"Meron ka bang orgs na sinalihan before?" she asked

"Uh yes! I actually have one now called 'Turn to Christ.' Sa church namin. It's like a fellowship or a ministry for the Youth. Member ako."

Umawang ang labi niya at unti-unting tumango. "Ahh really?" she said, a bit uncomfortable. "Sorry, I just...you know how the church sees us right?"

Napakurap-kurap ako. I avoided eye-contact because the topic made me uncomfortable too, how mucb more for her.

"So, anyway, do you...like to join?" she asked

Binalik ko ang tingin sa kanya. "Uh, pag-iisipan ko muna...but thanks for the offer! Goodluck with your org!" I cheered and raised both of my fist

She smiled. "Thank you din!"

Tinalikuran ko na siya at nagsimulang maglakad pabalik. I looked at the flyers in my hand. I really want to join  but I don't know if my parents would let me. Second, what would my church think about this?

"Sadie!"

Inangat ko ang paningin ko at nakita si Benjie.

"Saan ka galing? Bigla ka nalang nawala," bumaba ang tingin niya sa hawak ko. "Ano 'yan?"

I immediately hid it behind me. "Uh, wala. Tara na. Baka malate na tayo," sabi ko at nauna nang naglakad

Naramdaman ko nalang na inakbayan niya ako. "Excited na ako sa Pride festival tsaka sa Pride Parade! Omg two events for me!"

For a second, I forgot about the Pride Parade. It's a general event. Everyone in the world celebrates it whenever pride month is up. It is an event celebrating lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, non-binary and queer social and self-acceptance, achievements, legal rights, and pride. The events also at times serve as demonstrations for legal rights such as same-sex marriage.

Last year was my first time celebrating it with my two bestfriends. It was such an incredible experience. We always look forward to it every year. We even made a promise to join every year. This year is my second year and I also can't wait!

"Guys, eto na pala yung gawa ko," I said and showed them my work

"Wow, ang ganda! Ikaw lang gumawa nito?" tanong ni Jane

"Benjie helped me too. He actually edited the photos before sending it to me. The rest, I did it all by myself."

"You are incredibly talented Sadie," puri ni Fritzie

I smiled shyly. "Di din naman gaganda ng ganito yung pictures kundi sa outfits natin at sa shots ni Benjie eh. I think we all made this possible."

"Hindi ko ineexpect na ganito kalalabasan," saad ni Jane

Lahat sila ay nakatingin sa laptop. Sumandal ako at pinatong ang baba ko sa kamay. "Parang ngang may kulang eh. Okay na ba 'yan? Do you think it needs some changes?"

"Uhh, wala naman, para sa'kin ah," si Jade

"Ano yung nakasulat? 90's kids on the block?" turo ni Fritzie

Tinakpan ko ang mukha ko sa kahihiyan. "Omg, ang corny ba? Palitan ko name? Gusto ko kasi lagyan ng text related sa 90's gano'n."

"Ahh, hindi ayos lang! Cute nga eh! Siguro linawan mo lang ng konti. Masyado siyang nag-fade sa background," she suggested

I nodded. "Oh okay. Thanks for pointing it out."

Ginawa ko ang sinabi niya. Benjie helped me too, adjusting the lighting and all.

"Ayan okay na 'yan! Perfect!" Fritzie said

Tinitigan ulit namin ang picture.

"Proud of it?" he asked me

I smiled and quickly nodded. "Yup! Thank you guys!"

Ilang sandali ay bumalik na kami sa kanya kanyang upuan nung dumating ang prof namin. Nahagip ng mata ko ang suot ni Jane na sweater. I only noticed it now and it looks so pretty!

Habang nagdidiscuss si Sir ay kinalabit ko siya. Buti nalang ay magkaharap lang kami. Lumapit ako sa kanya lalo at pasulyap-sulyap sa harap.

"Pst, Jane," mahina kong tawag

She moved her head to the side. "Yes?"

"Cute ng sweater mo! Where did you buy it?" I whispehered

It's a knitted color cream sweater with buttons on the front. It looks comfy and soft.

"Oh this? I made it," she said and touched it

My eyes widened. "You...you made this? Hand-made?!" gulat kong sabi

Napatakip ako sa bibig ko dahil akala ko ay narinig ako ni Sir pero buti nalang ay hindi. Perks of being at the back row.

She chuckled softly. "Yes. I knitted it. Matagal ko na siyang sinimulan pero ngayon ko lang natapos. Naging busy din kasi eh."

"Wow, it's so nice..." I said while touching the sweater. Hindi ko mapigilang hindi mamangha. "Ang galing mo naman. Ilang araw mo bago natapos? Can you teach me?"

"I think about a month. It's difficult and confusing at first but once you get the hang of it, easy peasy," she proudly said

"Really? Sa video oo mukhang madali pero kapag ginawa na mismo parang ang hirap. Parang nakakalito."

Hindi padin ako makapaniwala na hand-made ang suot niya. Hindi halata dahil maganda ang quality nito o baka talagang magaling lang siyang gumawa.

"I suggest you watch yt tutorials for a start and beginners like you. Nahirapan din ako nung una...maslalo na dito. Nag-start ako sa mga madadaling gawin gaya ng patterns, phone case, wallet, toys hanggang sa nakasanayan ko na."

I slowly nodded. "Ahh okay. Sige, try ko din gumawa. Ang cute kasi eh!"

"Gusto mo bigyan kita? May natira pa akong konti sa bahay pero konti nalang."

My eyes sparkled in excitement. "Really? Sige, gusto ko."

Ngumiti siya at binalik na ang tingin sa harap. Umayos nadin ako ng upo at nakinig sa discussion namin.

Hindi maalis ang ngiti ko sa labi. I couldn't understand our discussion since my eyes were on her sweater. I wanted to learn to knit so bad. Sana pala nag-fashion design nalang din ako.

***

"Ang therapeutic pala nito," I said while knitting

Make sure that your stitches stay nice and loose and comfortable on your needle. You don't have to pull then so tight that they are squeezing the life out of your needle. You just want them to be nice and loose and relaxed on your needle.

Agad kong pinause ang video dahil nalito ako bigla sa ginawa ng babae.

"What? I am so confused? Tama ba itong ginagawa ko?" sabi ko habang pabalik balik ang tingin sa laptop at sa gawa ko

Hers looks amazing but unfortunately, mine looks...weird.

I pouted. "What did I do wrong?" malungkot kong sabi habang nakatingin sa gawa ko

Konti palang ang nasisimulan ko. I thought I was doing it right but that's just what I thought!

For the fifth time, I played back the video. For the record, I'm not even half-way to the video but I'm gonna replay it again. And it's only a 15minute video! Naka-ilang ulit nadin ako sa gawa ko.

"Should I start over again?" I said

Nakaka-distract din kasi yung boses ng babae sa background. Hindi ko alam kung saan titingin.

I still enjoy it tho...I just have to be patient.

"Kalma Sadie...one step at a time. You don't have to rush," I calmed myself down

Practice makes perfect sabi nga.

Nagpatugtog nalang ako ng music habang nagawa. After an hour, natapos din ako dahil naubos nadin ang yarn ko.

I smiled while staring at it. "Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ito pero...mukha naman. Good job to me!"

I celebrate even the smallest things. I don't why but these little accomplishments make me feel better and productive. I know I'm still not an expert but at least I got to learn something new.

Kinuha ko ang phone ko. Pumunta ako sa shopee at naghanap ng murang knitting set. My eyes widened when I saw the price.

"Ang mahal din pala nito," I said while scrolling

There are bunch of supplies such as yarns, crochet hooks, bamboo needles, pins. It comes with all different shaped and sizes. May mga set din.

"Pwede ko kaya gamitin yung ginagamit ko sa paggawa ng loom bands noon? They kinda look like the same," I giggled

I remember before, sobra akong naadik sa loom bands. I even begged my mom to buy me a set. Uso kasi yun dati tapos cool kid ka kapag marunong ka gumawa no'n.

Ang alam ko nasa isang box nakalagay yung mga gawa ko tulad ng bracelets at keychains pero tinapon na ni mama yung mismong panggawa.

Tumayo ako sa kama at hinanap iyon. I opened my cabinet and looked for it.

"Buhay pa siya!" sabi ko pagkahanap sa box

I opened it and there I saw my hand-made loombands. Kumuha ako ng isa at sinuot iyon.

Napangiti ako. "May talent din pala ako sa crafts."

I went back to my bed and continued to shop. My mouth formed an 'o' shaped when I saw Embroidery crafts! I instantly fell in love with it, especially the floral and plant patterns. It's perfect for displays. I think it would look good in my room.

Inadd to cart ko lahat ng nakita ko. I then went to my cart and checked it all out. Napapikit ako sa pagkakita ng total.

"Dapat pala naghintay ako ng sale..."

My thumbs are already itching to click the place order button. Pumikit ako at pinindot iyon. Gumulong ako sa kama pagkatapos.

Ubos nanaman pera ko nito. Sakit sa bulsa.

Kinuha ko ulit ang phone ko at tinignan ang orders.

I smiled weakly. Lahat ng purchases ko naman sa shopee ay napapakinabagan ko. I didn't regret ordering it right away since I really want to learn how to knitt and embroider so badly. I always want to learn a new hobby, a new skill.

Trust me, it's worth it.