There was no way in hell I could stop and ask someone here for directions. It was rush hour and I was standing in the middle of New York Penn Station with no clue as to how to get to the hotel. I scanned the busy crowd. Everyone had a mind of their own, their own problems to solve and dreams to chase.

I looked for signs to the Subway but Google Maps advised it was only a 10 minute walk. Why not? I thought. I might as well walk to the hotel and explore the views the city had to offer. Hopefully it would be more visually appealing than a grimy old train station.

As I lugged my suitcases down 7th Avenue, I shifted between sweaty men in business suits. The sun was beginning to beam through the white clouds in the bright blue sky. As I walked over the gutters on the streets of New York City, I held my breath trying not to breathe in the stench of the subway steam which swept around my ankles.

There were homeless people on almost every block, it was sad to watch as they held their cardboard signs up, pleading for money but no one stopped for them. Not even me.

I took a right on W 36th Street and was now only two blocks away from the hotel. These blocks were huge! I passed a Shake Shack and my stomach growled at the fact that I hadn't eaten since my airplane meal. I decided to make a pit stop to get some food before I passed out from the fatigue and hunger.

I was hesitant to use my debit card as I was worried it would somehow decline at the till or charge me for using it abroad. Instead, I used my first $20 note. The notes were so large, bigger than the size of my hand and it didn't fit inside my coin wallet unless it was folded in half.

"I'll have the Shack Burger please," I said as I stood in front of the counter.

"Sure! Eating in or takeout?" The server asked me enthusiastically.

His black apron and cap matched his unkempt black hair that was peeking through at the sides of his ears.

"Take out please," I replied as there was not a single seat available.

I guess I'll have to just stand outside and eat.

"Any drinks with that?"

"Just water, please."

I handed over my cash and he handed me my change, receipt and a pager. He said something about it buzzing and flashing but I didn't understand it through his New York accent so I just smiled politely.

"Thank you."

I stood to the side where the serviettes and condiments were situated and waited patiently for my food. This restaurant chain was tiny but I guess that was the whole point of a fast food place. You get your food and get on with your day.

Within minutes, my pager started buzzing in my hand and someone called out a number that matched the one on my receipt.

I managed to chomp down my burger while I stood outside and felt the warm sun hit my face. I didn't have sunglasses, sunscreen or any summer clothes for that matter.

As soon as I settled into the hotel, I had to go shopping.

When I reached the hotel, I checked in at the reception. I scanned the hotel lobby while the receptionist logged my details on the computer.

Everything looked extravagant and modern; from the couches and the wallpaper, to the dazzling lights above and the art displays on the wall. I felt like I was in an art gallery or a museum as artifacts and paintings made up the entire lobby.

"Alright, let's get you all set up here. You must be tired from the long journey! I can see you're with the nanny agency." The receptionist exclaimed flamboyantly as he swiped a hotel key card into a machine to allocate my room.

His black hair was gelled back and the sides were short. He looked like G-Eazy with his clean, cut shaven look.

He handed me my key card along with a small white envelope which I presumed was the WiFi password. I took the envelope and noticed there were three kisses after my name.

It read, 'Alyssa xxx'.

"The WiFi password is on the back of the card," he said as he turned the key card over and pointed towards the WiFi icon.

Then what's in the envelope?

"Is this an extra key card?" I questioned as I held up the small white envelope. It felt hard as if there was a little card inside.

"That's not from us, I think your agency included that in your package," he said as he shuffled some paperwork from his desk and handed me an A4 sized envelope that looked packed with educational resources.

Oh, that made sense... But why the three kisses?

He continued, "a representative from the agency will meet you in conference room B at 1pm," he said as he pointed past the lift.

"It's just down the hall to your right. If you get lost, feel free to ask someone at the desk and we'll be happy to help!"

That gave me two hours to unpack, settle in, and go for a quick tour in the big apple.

Urgh! Who was I kidding? Jet lag was kicking in. All I wanted to do was nap!

"Thank you. Do you know if there are any other nannies that have checked in yet?" I asked, hoping I could befriend someone.

"Actually miss, you're the first one to arrive. As far as I'm aware, your training program doesn't start until tomorrow so today's just an informal welcome arrival."

"Oh okay," I must have looked disappointed because he looked back at the screen to check if he could provide any more information.

"I think there are some other nannies arriving from Germany and France in the afternoon," he said as he narrowed his eyes at the screen whilst scrolling for more updates.

"Okay, no worries. Thank you." I said as I smiled politely at him and walked towards the lift.

I couldn't wait to hop into bed!

I sunk into my mattress as I fell backwards onto the single bed with my arms laid out on each side. I glanced towards the window hoping I would have a fancy view of the Empire State Building or the Chrysler Building but I could only see a sea of gray colored buildings mid-construction.

I left my suitcases by the door next to the brown wooden wardrobe. I decided to live out of my suitcase for the next two nights since I was only at the hotel for one weekend.

My eyes grew tired and felt heavy as the sun seeped through the white netted curtains and hit my face. Before I could fall asleep, my eyes blinked open with curiosity as I remembered the small white envelope.

What could it be? And who was this from?

It couldn't have been Steven, he could never keep a surprise from me.

I reached over to grab the envelope. My name was handwritten, not printed, and no sign of any company logo.

There's no way this is from the agency and why would there be three kisses next to my name?

The only person that had my name saved in their phone as 'Alyssa xxx' was Matthew. But he doesn't know I'm in New York or America for that matter. The last time we talked was when he sent me a Happy Birthday message three months ago in June. I told him I wanted to travel but he didn't believe I would ever do it. We only chatted over Instagram once in a rare while.

Shit! Instagram! One of the main social media platforms where everyone posts images of their daily lives, especially when they travel. Everyone, including me.

I opened the Instagram app on my iPhone after connecting to the hotel WiFi and scrolled through my latest post. It was a picture of the airplane wing as I sat next to the window on the flight to Newark.

Number of likes? Forty-five, and Matthew was one of them.

I clicked on his profile and it was still the same picture as his Tinder profile. He hadn't changed it for three years. That's how long I knew him.

We met up in Central London after matching on Tinder. He was sight-seeing in London and I wanted to be that girl that shows him a good time on a different continent. I wanted to be his international romance, his lover across the pond, the one he would change his bad habits for.

We spent every day together when he was in London.  I showed him the London Eye, Tower Bridge, Big Ben, the museums. We ate at some of the most luxurious restaurants in town. He was an aspiring chef and I loved eating out. Our time together meant everything to me but we drifted apart when he moved back to New York.

It was the best two weeks of my life. I wanted more but he couldn't see a way our relationship could work in the long run. He had no faith in our relationship and I was left abandoned as I clung onto the memories that I thought would last forever.

And then Steven came along and I was content. I replaced those memories I had of Matthew, with Steven. Isn't that how it works? We replace our memories and relationships with better ones? It's just a matter of cut and paste.

Matthew hadn't posted anything on his Instagram for months. There were no updates as to what he was doing or where he was in the world. I knew he worked in New York City as a sous-chef in a small restaurant but that was last year.

The latest picture on his profile was of him at Christmas time. There was a blonde haired, tall girl that stood next to him in their Christmas jumpers under the mistletoe. The post was captioned, 'Kisses for the Mrs.'

I felt a piercing sharp pain in my heart and a lump in my throat at the thought he could be married and didn't care to tell me. But I couldn't see a ring on her finger and that made me feel hopeful.

I set the envelope down on the bed and kneeled on the floor in front of it. It looked tiny against the white fitted sheets on the bed. A part of me begged for the envelope to be from Matthew. Another part of me wanted to tear it up into little pieces and throw it out the window if it was from him.

I plucked up the courage to open the envelope. It was a business card of an Italian catering service in NYC. Matthew's name sat on the bottom right corner under the title of 'Personal Chef' as the rest of the card was filled with pictures of pots and pans.

I turned the card over.

'Text me when you're free' it read, as his number was scrawled underneath his message.

Not an 'I miss you,' or 'I still think about you.' Just a simple five worded message that was short enough to get my attention.

How could I feel anger, jealousy, and hope all at once?

And how the hell did he even know I was here?!

There was a sudden knock at the door that made me jump as I let out a sharp gasp.

If Matthew knew I was staying at this hotel, then maybe he knows my hotel room as well?