Chapter 5 - Arise From the Aurora
08:41
Sat, Mar 2
I stared at the time and date at the bottom of the computer screen, silently watching the minutes tick by. I knew very well that those minutes should have been spent reviewing the lesson plans for Studies, since I was gradually running out of time to do so and now had just a little bit less than four hours before I would be forced to present it. Even with this knowledge creeping through my mind, all that I could manage to do was sit and wait for time to pass while my assignment lay untouched on the desk next to the computer.
I wasn't entirely sure what had happened. I could recall the first day on the twenty-first just over a week ago when I could hardly wait to begin working, but now that motivation had run short and completely flopped. It wasn't even that I had been given too much to work on. I was absolutely capable of excelling at it and the fact that I couldn't bring myself to try very hard made me question how lazy I really was. Maybe it was the fact that I had skipped out on breakfast this morning because I'd had no appetite or desire to eat and now struggled to align my focus properly. Whatever it was, it was clear that March wasn't going to be a good month for work.
My mental health was a bit shaky today. My composure was skirting its edge as I eased into the clench of stress and even this early in the day, my thoughts fired to involuntarily assume the worst of everything around me like it were there simply to affect me. But with a bit of patience in myself and taking the day at my own pace, I was going to be all right.
08:44
Sat, Mar 2
I had to do something, even if it wasn't significant. I straightened upright in my seat again after I had slowly slipped into a slouch, reaching out to take hold of the assignments again. My eyes still couldn't thoroughly follow the typed words on the pages, but I proceeded to try and appear busy to a nonexistent audience, thoughtlessly flipping through the sheets of paper and sensing each passing second pull me closer to the ninth hour.
A knock on the office door nearly sent me jumping out of my skin. My head snapped up from my work, abruptly breaking the act of concentration I had been putting on, and I found Lottie standing on the other side of the door. She was peering into the room at me, patiently waiting to gain access to enter. Wrapped in her arms, she held another stack of paper similar in size to the first one she had given me about a week ago.
Is that what I think it is? I thought bitterly to myself, but nodded to allow her inside anyway.
"Good morning, Digby," Lottie greeted me politely as she emerged into the room, quietly shutting the door after her in her entrance. Her smile, like the others since the troubling event of yesterday morning, seemed a bit more forced than usual but past this, she had completely recovered. How she could fall apart and build herself back up again to return to professionalism so swiftly was beyond me. "I just wanted to check in with you for a minute."
"Sure," I replied. I watched her as she took hold of the back of the chair that had been left at the wall and relocated it to the other side of my desk to commence our meeting. "Is that a set of new assignments?"
Lottie glanced briefly down at the stack of paper in her arm as if she had forgotten that she was carrying it.
"Yes. This is what you'll begin next Sunday," she told me after a pause, lowering herself into a seat in front of me. "I have something else with me as well, actually. We'll go over that after we discuss the assignments."
I gathered up the pile of papers on the desk in front of me to clear the surface, easing open the drawer below it to slide them inside. Lottie waited patiently for me to be ready to continue, only setting down the new stack of assignments as I slipped the drawer shut again, but still held a few stapled sheets of paper in her paw.
"I'm sure you already know the procedure with this assortment of work," Lottie went on, securing the much slimmer collection of paper in her paws as she examined the stack that she had placed in front of me. Identical to the first assemblage of assignments except for the date, the title read Week of 03/10/13. "This is what you'll be presenting after you finish the first set of assignments. You should put those in a safe place so that you don't lose track of them before that day comes. You'll be demonstrating your first assignment later today. Do you feel like you're ready to do so?"
Physically, the answer would have been an easy yes. I had read through the material twice and kept a vague idea of how I would go about presenting it. Emotionally, it was less simple. In the fleeting hours until the time to begin for the first time would arrive, the information that I had tried so devotedly to etch into my memory had been wiped away as if blown by the wind. I opened my mouth to confess that I wasn't completely sure that I was ready, but the possibility of Lottie being disappointed in me because I had come so far and still wasn't entirely ready flashed through my mind.
"Yes, definitely," I said with a firm nod.
"That's great. I think you're going to do very well. I don't think there's much more to discuss about that, so let's move on to the topic of a different set of work that you'll be completing," Lottie went on, carefully laying down the stapled sheets of paper on top of the new assignments.
I studied the top piece of paper that had been shown to me. It appeared to be the title page for the rest of the material it introduced and held only three words: Progress Reports - Synopsis. I didn't clearly understand quite what this resembled, but in the presence of the word 'reports', I could tell at once that it would cover some kind of essays or written pieces. Otherwise known as something that had proved to be a challenging struggle for me to bear while I had been in school.
"I'd like you to begin working on regular progress reports in the form of professional essays," Lottie told me once I had the chance to glance through the new sheet of paper. And there it was. "I want you to write about the work that you complete here by each day or stretch of days and include any information that you feel would be beneficial or crucial to bring attention to. This packet provides the outline and an example about how your reports should be constructed as well as other important material to consider such as the deadlines when each report must be submitted and your information to be able to sign in to your computer and begin your work."
Thoughts of my participation in Open Advisory as well as my upcoming presentations in Studies swelled in my mind. I had already been doubting my ability to keep up with trying out teaching lessons in addition to the morning's interactions that wrenched the energy right out of me. I just couldn't wrap my head around how I would manage composing regular essays on top of all of that.
"Well, this was all that I had in mind to discuss. I think I'll leave those new assignments for you to look through," Lottie said, rising to her feet again. She started off towards the door again, her high heeled shoes clicking after her, but then she came to an abrupt halt a few feet from the door and whirled back around to face me again as something evidently occurred to her to say. "Oh, I just thought of something else."
"What is it?" I asked her, sneaking a glance at the time and date at the bottom of the computer screen for my own assurance that I wouldn't leave late for Open Advisory. It was eight fifty-two now, leaving me just a few minutes before I would make my departure from the office.
"This might be the best time for me to let you know. Happy Home is hosting an annual major and highly-attended event this Monday on the fourth," Lottie explained. "The workday around that event will appear much differently than what you're used to and will be shorter than what you'd normally see. Since this is your first year working, your attendance will be essential as all workers are required to be present during the event. I understand that this is sort of late notice, but there will be a meeting tomorrow morning during the hour before the doors open to discuss the procedure."
And just like that, the time that I still had to gain control over the surge of new work was slipping out from under me. Images danced through my mindspace: Speculations of stumbling out of control, of everything crashing down on me before I could stop it, of the fall I could take if I didn't find a way to balance my responsibilities quickly. I pushed the thought from my head and drew in a deep breath to clear my mind.
"I'll be there," I promised.
"We'll be discussing the plans for the day of the event, but there will be a bit more to it this time. We've got some important decisions ahead of us to be made. I think this will be the beginning of a memorable advance into the future for Happy Home," Lottie confessed. "For now, you have a few minutes that you can use to look over your new assignments if you'd like to."
Instructing an audience of almost thirty strangers about a topic I had just started educating myself on a week ago was an experience, to say the least. The approaching occasion hung over my thoughts with every hour that counted down to it, clinging to me through Open Advisory and then the lunch break in the cafeteria. I could hardly manage to choke down bites of my meal with the nightmare-like possibility of blanking out in front of so many unfamiliar animals clouding up my mind. But then, in time, the lunch break reached an end and the time to try something new had begun, but my stomach clenched with every step closer to the different room.
Isn't this funny? I had thought anxiously to myself as I had pushed my way through the door for the first time. I barely made it out of school, and now I'm an instructor.
The event was tense, but not as unpleasant as I had built up the assumption in my head. A nervousness tingling like pins and needles in my gut carried me through the two and a half hours that I spent in that room, introducing the method and procedure of interior design directly from the instructions I had received under sharp lights glaring from the ceiling. Every pair of eyes was locked upon me at every single moment, or at least it seemed, forcing me to become highly conscious of my actions and words and failing to release the worry that my performance wasn't to expectation. Not only this, but the fact of the essays I would soon write crept into my head as I was teaching and refused to leave again, so I had that thought looming over me the entire time as well. When the strike of three in the afternoon finally came around, I felt as though I had broken free with the knowledge that it had been the last significant event of the day.
I cleared out of that area of the building as soon as I had the chance to. Ideas of how to spend the rest of my workday already swam through my mind as I took the journey back upstairs to my office for the first time since nine this morning. I still had three entire hours before I would be dismissed for the day and I was determined to utilize that time wisely and educate myself on the guidelines for my progress reports.
The rustling sound of the stapled papers in my paws broke through the quietness of the office as I flipped past the first title page, inching my chair closer to the desk to be able to smooth out the assignment on the cleared surface. The beginning page of the instructions was constructed by a list of various rules and basic criteria to follow when producing the essays, something that would definitely prove useful when I would begin working, so I took the time to study the page carefully.
Below the collection of rules, a display of the first several deadlines were present. As stated, each essay was required to be submitted routinely on the last Friday of every month, bringing each set completion date to March twenty-ninth, April twenty-sixth, May thirty-first, and so on. The nervous tension in my gut lightened considerably with the acknowledgment that my first report wouldn't need to be finished for another twenty-seven days, but when I peeled back the introduction page to glance at the outline that followed on the next, my mind stumbled at what I caught sight of.
Progress reports must be approximately 15-20 pages typed in length and will not be considered for work completion if length requirements are not met. An example of the outline of the report is provided here.
Well, that peace of mind was gone now. The concern of my ability to continue to balance my work deteriorating beyond my control was spilling out into my thoughts again as I proceeded through the rest of the assignment, but the creeping sense that I was making an agreement I wouldn't be able to support lingered in the back of my mind as I read.
Fortunately, the arrival of six o'clock left me with something I might have been able to call success at a stretch. I had glanced through the directions of completing my reports once and then twice by that point, burning the information into my memory with every sentence I rehearsed to myself, and gradually had found a grasp on which words I planned to string together in my writing. I had even managed to achieve signing into the computer and tossing words into what was the weak beginning of my first draft just to have something to work with in the future at all. It was a start. That was still worth noting, wasn't it?
Somehow, without much thought to the work that I was putting into existence, I produced a sloppy first paragraph and a few words more by the time my focus began to stray in the nearing of my dismissal. The opening of a report I had just carelessly pulled together sat waiting to be continued as I sat at the desk after being abandoned by my own motivation and I knew that it was the best I would have been able to get today. As soon as six o'clock came around, I called it a day and set off for home.
Patches of snow had watered down in the night as I made my way to work the next morning on March third through dampened paths and a shy warmth sitting in the air in the slow shift between winter and spring. My unfinished report that I had deserted yesterday floated through my mind as I shuffled along in a silent solitude, dancing with the reminder that I wouldn't have the chance to pick it up again until I would finish in Studies at three. A pressing meeting between the workers at the HHDA would be held this morning from eight until nine that I had no option to miss, one where we would discuss an event we would attend tomorrow morning. I didn't have a clue what the event would hold or what I was meant to expect, but it appeared that I was soon to find out.
I didn't bother visiting my office when I reached the work building a few minutes before eight o'clock. I emerged into the main conference room right on time to discover that Lottie had arrived sometime before I had, seated in her usual seat to wait patiently for the meeting to begin. I took a seat across from her, discarded my puffy coat in a folded pile at the wheels of my chair, and watched the minutes crawl by on the clock hanging from the wall as I anticipated Lyle's appearance to begin the meeting.
It was almost five minutes past eight when I caught the sound of the door unlatching and swinging open from behind me. I cast a glance back at the door just as Lyle entered the room at last, already making his way past the table to the whiteboard at the front of the room without a beat of hesitation.
"I understand that this is usually the time you take for yourselves to settle in or finish some work, but thank you for being here now to attend this meeting," Lyle said, approaching the whiteboard as he spoke. "We have important discussions to get through today to be prepared for tomorrow's initiation."
Wait a minute. I hadn't heard that word in that context before.
"Initiation?" I echoed as Lyle came to a stop at the front of the room, shifting in his stance to face and address the small group.
"You've been to some of them before with your family, Digby," Lyle told me. "The Happy Home initiation is the yearly event where the workers get up onto a stage and talk about the business and its methods as well as the work that they do. It provides an opportunity for animals to get a sense of what we do here and who we are. That whole event is what's taking place tomorrow morning."
So it wasn't even just an interactive event—It was all public speaking. I was going to be standing in front of tens upon tens, possibly even hundreds depending on how extensive the space was, of animals and talk about something I had been a part of for a little over a week. At least I was just about to learn the procedure of how it was all meant to progress.
"Speaking of which, we should go over the plan for that," Lyle went on. "The event starts at eleven o'clock, so everyone needs to be here in this building by ten. Or earlier, if you'd like. You don't have to come in at eight like you usually do, just make sure that you're here at ten. We'll finish any preparations that we'll need to be able to proceed with the event and allow time for rehearsals so that you're not going to stand up there not knowing what you're doing. By the time all of that is done, it'll probably be just about time to officially begin."
Lyle stepped up to the whiteboard as if he was about to write something there, but as he reached into the marker basket and withdrew a purple marker, he didn't use it right away.
"Once it begins, the initiation event will last about an hour, give or take five to ten minutes," Lyle explained, unclipping the marker of the cap and tucking it onto the opposite end so that it wouldn't be misplaced before turning to glance at the whiteboard. "The reason it takes up so much time is because there's so much introduction and information to get through. Just remember that you can't get up and leave at any point after it has begun, even if it's boring to sit through. You have to stay until it ends. After that, you can leave to go home or finish some work here, but from ten until noon, you have to be here. That's very important."
Lyle raised his marker to the whiteboard, scribbling down a brief note stating that "initiation and prep" was from 10-12 as the faint squeaking of the marker's impact with the whiteboard filled the silence in the break of his explanation. His writing was hasty and untidy as he created the note but still carefully executed enough to be clearly deciphered.
"There's that in case you need it to remind you," Lyle said after he was finished writing, lowering the marker again and turning back to sweep his gaze over the table where Lottie and I sat to listen. "Like I said, the purpose of initiation is to let animals know what we do, but you also need to talk about what you do. They want to know you and how you'll appear to them, not just what you're working on. How you choose to present your work and yourself is up to you, as long as it's not disrespectful, but that choice should be made before you start talking about it tomorrow."
Lyle remained at his place in front of the whiteboard, but stepped to turn to address me directly instead of speaking to both Lottie and me at the table.
"This is the fifth initiation that Lottie has attended, so she's already gotten these instructions several times," Lyle informed me. Lottie gave a brief nod of confirmation across the table from me. "She already knows her part of the event, so I'll just talk about what you need to do. You won't need to do much, so don't worry about needing to memorize a lot of information to mention during the event. You'll introduce yourself when prompted to and give a description of the work that you do personally. After you've done that, you will be seated and you'll wait patiently until you're asked to speak again. Does all of that make sense?"
The instructions were generally straightforward, so I nodded in response.
"I understand," I replied.
"Good. It'll probably be a bit easier to tell what's meant to happen once we run it through tomorrow as a rehearsal," Lyle said, his focus straying on me for another moment before he turned to face the whiteboard again. "With that said, I'd like to move on to something I'm sure you've been wondering about."
Shifting the topic of the discussion, Lyle lifted the marker again to jot down a different note below the first one and sent a careless underline beneath it to prove its importance. New project.
"There's been a lot of uncertainty around the new project that's been under planning for quite some time, but finally, I've got some good news," Lyle announced, turning back to look at Lottie and me at the table. "After these last four months of preparation, I'd say that it's reached the point in its development where it's ready to be opened up as an official branch of our methods. I'm happy to announce that it will be implemented into our regular schedule at last on the day of March twenty-fifth. Lottie will be taking over management of this project, so she'll be bringing that up during initiation tomorrow. I think she has a few things that she'd like to discuss on that topic, so that's all from me if you want to step up and do that, Lottie."
"Absolutely," Lottie replied brightly, rising to her feet to continue the meeting. Lyle extended the marker for her to take, which she carefully plucked from his grasp on her way to the whiteboard.
As Lyle returned to and lowered himself into his seat again, Lottie stood at the whiteboard, fiddling with the marker between her paws. For a moment, she waited patiently for her audience to settle, and then she proceeded with the meeting.
"As mentioned, the first day that we will formally begin putting this new project into action is the twenty-fifth of March," Lottie said, casting a glance around the room as she spoke. "The proper title of this project has been decided upon since our last meeting and will be revealed during initiation tomorrow morning as well as its strategies. With all of the advancements that have been achieved up to this point, however, there are still a few more roles of participation to be filled to allow the project to run smoothly."
Lottie stepped up to the whiteboard where Lyle had stood earlier, raising the marker but not to write, as I quickly noticed. Instead, she drew a neat and precise T-chart diagram beneath her uncle's messy writing, labeling one side Normal and the other Event.
"This project will be separated into two sections, one for normal occurrences and one for scheduled events," Lottie explained, turning back to face the table. "Each section will require a supervisor to make sure the occasion progresses well. The task of supervising each section is very similar between the two, it's just a different layout depending on what the occasion is set to be. I will be conducting the procedure of the normal section of the project, but I would still need someone to lead the event section. Digby, I feel that you would be a very good fit for that responsibility."
My attention was immediately picked up again at the mention of my own name. I wasn't entirely sure why she was convinced that I was the best fit, considering I had heard almost nothing of the project before now and was nearly certain that she was aware of that. Maybe she was trying to get me to experience various options of work and would help me through the newness of it.
"I'll take care of it," I promised.
"Thank you for your flexibility with your schedule. The project will run nicely with your assistance," Lottie told me kindly, but she was already lifting the marker again.
At first, I assumed that she was about to add a smaller note above the word Normal, but by the careful yet swift movement of her paw, it seemed more like she was drawing something.
"You won't be starting that right away, of course," Lottie continued. "That will be on the twenty-fifth when the project opens up, so you still have a bit of time to prepare."
When Lottie moved her paw to the space above the word Event, allowing me to see what she had created, for a moment all I could see was a few small circles along the top of a bigger circle with a number of dots and lines inside of it before it clicked in my mind that it was meant to be a mini doodle of herself, with the three circles on top being her ears and her bun. She withdrew from above the column for events from another doodle which I could easily tell must have been of me, with my floppy ears, scattered freckles, and a lock of rumpled hair. My hair wasn't that messy, was it?
"Does anyone have any questions?" Lottie inquired, redirecting her focus back to the group at the table.
"Is that me?" I asked in reply, nodding towards the tiny drawing on the whiteboard to show her what I was referencing as an amused smile slipped its way onto my face.
Lottie paused, quietly turning to examine her drawing on the whiteboard again as if seeing it for the first time.
"Well, I'm not the best artist, but yes, that's meant to resemble you," she confessed shyly after a moment, still studying the doodle she had made. Lyle, however, evidently wasn't keen on letting the distraction run on too long.
"Why don't you talk about what the responsibilities are for each section, Lottie?" he suggested, shifting in his chair to a more comfortable seat with his weight leaning onto his elbow resting on the table.
"Oh, right. Of course," Lottie replied, hurrying to scribble down a list of words under both the Normal and Event column.
As she pulled away again several seconds later to be able to address the group, I scanned through the words she had put under each column. There were three words each and they were identical on either side of the chart except for the last one. The first two words under both columns were Evaluation and then Feedback, while the ending word on the left side was Direct and the other one Personal.
"I'll be explaining this more in-detail tomorrow morning, but I'll give a short description now so that what's expected is a little more clear," Lottie said, raising her paw to point out specific aspects on the chart as she spoke of them. "As shown, both segments of the project will depend on evaluation and then feedback for the animals who participate. The goal of the project is to achieve both of those things. I think that the only main difference between the two sections is that the themes that will be reviewed in the normal section will be more direct, meaning that it will be something to choose from rather than to create, and the ones in the event are brought in to be evaluated more personally in a way that applies to the occasion at hand. Once again, this will all be discussed tomorrow during initiation."
Finishing her statement, Lottie clipped the cap back onto the marker and sent a glance around the table again.
"Are there any questions about the list of objectives for each section?" she asked.
"Nothing from me," Lyle told her. Uncertainties had begun to float through my mind at the lack of context for all of the information, but since I knew that everything would be explained inside and out during the process of initiation, I shook my head no.
"All right," Lottie said, sneaking a glance at the clock on the other end of the room as she fidgeted thoughtlessly with the marker between her paws, sending my focus to the wall as well. It was slowly creeping past eight thirty, leaving just a bit less than half an hour before I would begin Open Advisory.
"Then I think that was everything there was to talk about," Lottie continued after a moment, tucking away the purple whiteboard marker into the basket again. "I'd say this is a good time to get some work done."
. . .
I fidgeted with my paws in front of me as I sat in my chair with my elbows resting on my knees, my stomach having already erupted into thousands of anxious flutters. My heart throbbed in my chest in anticipation of the upcoming event, forming a steady yet swift rhythm as the time crawled by eventlessly. Every second stretched into a million and it felt like I had been seated for a lifetime.
The moment I had arrived this morning for preparations for initiation seemed so far away from me now. We hadn't even begun any official rehearsal yet and it almost felt like I had been in this building for hours by now. For the first fifteen minutes or so, I had done nothing but wander through the empty halls trying to find somebody to let me know what to do, but eventually managed to regroup with Lottie and Lyle. Now, Lyle was in the main seminar room through the double doors on my left preparing for the event to begin while I sat in a chair in the hallway at the wall and Lottie stood quietly nearby.
The distant sound of movement and rumbles of conversations leaked through the doors to the main seminar room, sending yet another prickle of stress to my gut. Animals must have been starting to arrive and find their seats. With any luck, there wouldn't be too large of a group watching while we were rehearsing the procedure of the event.
Isabelle must be out there right now, I realized. Isabelle and our parents had planned to show up a bit earlier than the event was scheduled to begin so that they could claim favorable seats beforehand. If they weren't out there now, they surely would be soon.
One of the double doors to my left unlatched and swung open as Lyle poked his head into the hallway at last.
"Time to go," he said, glancing between Lottie and me from the doorway he stood in. "We're going to run through rehearsals real quick. Initiation starts in thirty minutes."
I pushed myself up from my seat as Lyle disappeared back into the room with the door falling shut after him, prepared to follow him through the doorway, but Lottie stopped me.
"Oh, Digby," she spoke up, clicking her way over the marble flooring of the hallway to stand close to my side. "I should warn you. An announcement is put out over the speakers about ten minutes before the event starts, so don't let that startle you. I just thought I would let you know of that so when you suddenly hear a voice projecting from the walls, you'll know what's causing it."
A sense of recollection flickered in the back of my mind. If I recalled correctly, I might have heard something like this from Lottie before. Lyle had recorded the announcements long before Lottie or I had begun work at the HHDA, so I would be sure to listen for the recording of his voice approximately ten minutes before the event.
I followed Lottie closely as we pushed our way through the double doors to enter the next room. The doors led directly onto the back of the stage, a wide surface of polished wood protruding from the back wall. After emerging through the doors onto the stage, the sudden display of new sights sent my gaze exploring every corner of the spacious room. The walls were notably tall, towering overhead with piercing lights that beamed down from the ceiling onto rows and rows of cushioned folding chairs. It appeared that those chairs were already gradually being occupied by arriving animals to attend the event, leaving clumps of taken seats in some areas and empty chairs in others as the animals still standing inched throughout the rows. My eyes swept the seating area to find Isabelle, Mom, or Dad, but they were nowhere to be found.
The majority of the stage that I stepped out onto at Lottie's lead was simply vacant space in the absence of furniture. There were two black chairs positioned beside the double doors that caught the sharp lights from the ceiling above along the tops and a single dark, glossy table along the back wall on the other side, but the list ended there. Lyle had been lingering in the middle of the stage as he waited for Lottie and me to arrive and held three pairs of microphone headsets in his paws, which he passed along to the two of us with an instruction to switch on but keep the microphone shifted up and away from our mouths to keep from them picking up any of our words during rehearsal.
"When initiation begins, we won't be all standing up in the front at once," Lyle began as Lottie and I delicately positioned the headsets onto our heads. A purr of conversation echoed through the room as the arriving animals brought themselves to their seats for the event. "I'll be up here for a little while first. I'll talk about Happy Home and its history and then my own work. Once that introduction is out of the way, Lottie will come up and talk about her portion of the work, and then it will be your turn, Digby. You don't need to figure out when the time is best to step up on your own. She'll be inviting you forward."
I forced a nod. A dryness settled in my mouth as my throat had very slowly begun to feel as if it were closing in on itself.
"I'll keep that in mind," I mumbled.
"Let's run through that for a minute. I'm going to stay up here, but you two go and sit down," Lyle suggested, gesturing for Lottie and me to return to the seats that had been set up near the door.
We obeyed, crossing the stage again to reach the chairs at the other end. Lyle watched us from where he stood in the center, holding his microphone headset between his paws as he had yet to put it on, and waited as we claimed our seats for us to settle before he proceeded with the explanation.
"Like I said, it'll begin with me up here talking at the beginning," Lyle described, unhurriedly straying along the edge of the stage as if presenting how he would perform when the event was actually in progress. "I'll talk for a bit, welcoming the audience and providing my usual introduction to the gathering. I'll finish and I'll invite Lottie to stand up and join me." He sent a glance back at us in our seats and extended his paw to request Lottie to come forward. "Come to the front."
Lottie raised herself from her seat again, advancing forward to stand with her uncle at the front of the stage. As Lottie came to a stop again, politely folding her paws in front of her as she awaited further directions, Lyle snuck a glance back to address me instead.
"It's generally straightforward," Lyle told me. "Lottie will come up and talk about her work for a few minutes and then she'll ask you to stand up and take her place in the front to introduce yourself. You'll walk up here, tell the audience who you are and what you do, and that'll be all. There's a chance that you'll be doing more talking later on, but you won't be expected to just start speaking without being prompted to. Let's try out that change, but don't sit down again yet, Lottie."
I thrust myself up from my seat again, making my way back across the stage to Lyle as Lottie strayed a few steps back towards the chairs as if unsure whether or not to proceed. Lyle pushed back the sleeve of his suit jacket to glance at the watch on his wrist to check the time as I approached.
"Let's see, how much time have we got left?" he mumbled to himself, quietly examining the watch face for a few seconds before he lowered his arm again. "We've got about twenty five minutes before the event begins. Here's what we'll do. The rest of the procedure is fairly simple, since there's not as much getting up and sitting down, so I'd say we'll be fine without much practice. We'll do introductions, reveal the project, talk about our strategies, set plans for the future, and be done around noon. I still have a few things I need to prepare before we start, so I'm going to head out and get that done. Now is the time that you sit down and settle in until the event begins."
So we were in the final wait now, I realized.
"Okay," I acknowledged, putting a smile on my face, but thoughts had begun to flood my mind as the truth of the matter finally sunk in.
Not only were these unfamiliar animals going to be watching my every move and listening to my every word, I had only just now considered the fact that I was really going to be present in their lives. They didn't have a clue who I was, like they did with Lyle and Lottie who had been here much longer, and needed an image to match my name. But what kind of image was today meant to bring?
Lyle seemed to sense that I was uptight about speaking in front of an audience, as I could tell in the understanding glimmer behind his intelligent dark eyes.
"You're going to be fine, Digby," he said gently, offering an encouraging pat on my arm as he started off back to the door. "It'll be over before you know it."
I felt like the words had been snatched from me as I stood to watch him make his way back to the door while Lottie brought herself back to her seat, struck with the sort of disorientation of something missing, something unsaid. It was only when he was pushing past the door to enter the hallway when what I had left unsaid found me at last and my feet remembered how to move, springing into action to hustle after him with a question ready to burst from my tongue that I was already putting together in my mind as I reached the doorway. I broke through the double doors just as Lyle was heading off towards the next set of doors at the end of the hall.
"Mr. Lyle," I blurted out before I could stop myself, rushing to catch up with him, and he slowed to a stop to face me.
"Yes, Digby?" he said.
"How do I introduce myself?" I asked him as my feet found a halt as well. It occurred to me just a moment too late that the way the question had come out would have set me up like I hadn't listened when Lyle had previously told me to choose something like that myself, so I hastily added an explanation to strengthen the meaning. "I mean other than sharing my name and work. How do I introduce myself in a way that they remember me? I don't want to just be a passing moment in their lives that they will experience in the moment and never think about again. I want to mean something."
Lyle didn't answer right away. Even after my words had faded, he stood in silence to contemplate what I had told him, and at first I wasn't entirely sure whether he would give me a brief word of assurance or take the time to explain to me my best option. After a lengthy pause, he quietly stepped closer to engage his full attention into the conversation, and I realized that what he was about to say would be meaningful and come from the most sincerity.
"Animals will remember what they want to remember," Lyle explained, standing in front of me. "That's just the way it is. There's nothing you can do about it. If they care to remember, they will. It's not worth it trying to prove yourself to anyone who doesn't give a darn about you in the first place, for this and for anything else. If you want to be remembered, be the animal you want to be remembered for. In the end, it doesn't matter if they're listening or not. Because as soon as you become the animal you want to be, you become somebody that you would like to remember."
Lyle's words echoed in my mind. While my first question had been settled, several thoughts had come to life in my mind, dancing and swirling through the corners and the edges. But among thoughts considering the advice that Lyle had offered, one particular question screamed out in my mind, one that had crossed my mind more often since I had begun work at the HHDA—Who do I want to be?
When I asked myself this question, numerous words surfaced in my mind for how I wanted others to see me. Hardworking. Confident. Fearless. As long as I was making the stretch to assume a future I would have wanted to remember, then I would have enjoyed a bit of a charming charisma that weaved into my mindset that animals would find pleasing and approachable. In that split second that I began to consider it, it was right then that a realization tumbled down on me, one that had not crossed my mind until now: What was stopping me from being the animal I wanted to be? With a little bit of effort, I could have been anything I wanted. And just like that, I made a promise to myself to be exactly who I wished to become from here on out and never let anything pull me back from it.
The conversation spun through my mind as I emerged through the double doors again to return to my seat. The growing audience had since thickened since I had last checked, slowly filling what was left of the empty chairs as time ran out. The overlapping conversations made my stomach drop again as I remembered that I would soon be standing up and talking in front of everyone without knowing what I was going to say beforehand. I lowered myself into the chair next to Lottie with a churning gut.
It was ten forty. There were twenty minutes left before initiation would begin. I discovered this by a small clock that sat high up on the wall to my right side. My paws had become fidgety again as my stomach felt like it were curdling with anxious anticipation and all of a sudden, it seemed like all that my mind wanted to focus on was how scared I was. My trembling paws twitched restlessly as I tried to block out the waves of conversations making their way throughout the room, breathing in and out just to repel some of this gross feeling. Nervous. Nervous. Nervous. Nerv—
Lottie's paw had closed around mine, gently removing it from my other paw to keep me from gripping them to feed into the attack of stress. For a moment, I dreaded the possibility that she would try to talk to me about my anxiety as I was certain that it would make me feel worse to bring it up, but she seemed to sense my thoughts even through my silence. When I looked at her after feeling her paw softly grasp mine, a bright smile immediately flooded her face and she said nothing on the topic.
And there we were, sitting there on the stage amongst the fluctuating surges of sounds in the room with our paws locked together as the minutes crawled by. For several minutes, Lottie didn't say anything, allowing the fact of the situation to sink in and wear out, and I had nothing of input either. The number of animals trying to find their seats only continued to build steadily across the final minutes.
"We might be sitting here for a little while," Lottie said eventually.
I tore my gaze from the increasing audience to look at her beside me and found her already watching me. Her eyes reminded me of the darkest and most peaceful hour of night as they peered up at me under the rim of her thick eyelashes.
"Really?" I replied.
"It's likely. Uncle Lyle made it seem like he was going to be in the front for just about five minutes or so, but he's always up there for a long time," Lottie admitted as a small, sheepish giggle escaped from her. "You've got a while to think about what you're going to say. He just gets up there and starts talking for several minutes like he always knows exactly what to say. I don't know how he does it."
Just as Lottie's sentence was ending, a short triple-note tune leaked through the room and I knew that the announcement for the start of the event would follow. As expected, once the tune was silenced again, the sound of a voice filled the room.
"Please find and take your seats. The event will begin shortly. Please refrain from talking or showing any other distraction while the event is in progress. Thank you," the voice projected from the speakers throughout the room, marking its end with the same tune that had been heard in the beginning.
Wait a minute. That wasn't Lyle's voice, was it? Something about it seemed a bit off or different in some way—It sounded a bit smoother in comparison to Lyle's familiar soft, rough voice, and perhaps it was a little less deep. I knew that it had been many years since the announcements had been recorded, but the voice almost sounded like it belonged to a different animal entirely.
The amount of availability in seats had decreased dramatically since I had first arrived onstage. As the strike of the eleventh hour crept closer, the chairs had eventually become completely occupied. Unknown faces of a number I wouldn't have even had the time to count surrounded the stage to watch the Happy Home initiation.
Which is about two minutes away, I reminded myself, and I squeezed Lottie's paw tighter at the thought.
The clock on the wall was soon to make the shift to eleven o'clock when one of the doors on my right swung open again to make way for Lyle's entrance. He had put on his microphone headset in the time that he was gone, but the microphone was shifted up away from his mouth.
"Are you ready?" he asked Lottie and me after stepping through the doorway, pausing near our seats on his way inside.
"Mm-hmm," Lottie confirmed as we shared a nod, though mine was silent.
Lyle acknowledged this, resuming on his way to the front of the stage and flipping the microphone in his headset back down again as he walked. He hadn't even needed to have said anything yet to show me that Lottie was right. Just by the determined step in his stride alone as he went off to the front of the stage was enough for me to assume that he knew every word of what he was about to say.
"I'd like to thank you all for coming today and to welcome you to the Happy Home Designer and Academy," Lyle began, the speakers picking up the sound of his voice from his microphone, addressing the thick crowd around the stage which quieted at the commencing of the event. "I'm very glad that you could join us today. My name is Lyle and I operate the general overview of the procedure of interior design and real estate here at the HHDA. It's likely that you recognize me from previous years of this event, as this is the twenty-sixth consecutive session that I've initiated. If that's the case, then we're happy to have you return.
"Here at the HHDA, we represent diligence and hard work to do what we can to provide your best future in homeownership. We are here to help you in any way we can to provide that advancement towards the goal you want to achieve. Whether it be teaching you the process of interior design, offering direct assistance or advice relating to your needs, or anything else that you would find most beneficial to you, our promise is to lead you in the direction of the outcome you are looking out for. Your success is always our highest priority.
"As I'm looking around at this group that has assembled this morning, the probability of each and every one of you holding a devotion towards this topic as strong as ours is low and this is something that we acknowledge and accept. That being said, we hope to become a memorable stop on your journey if not the motive for advancement no matter the view you support. Your arrival today and in the future is valued and we will do what we can to make your visit an exceptional and useful experience.
"For those of you who have been visiting for a longer time, you might know that this establishment has been open for collaboration with those who choose to interact for many, many years and our methods have been changed and added to over time, but my ambition to help all of you find your path remains the same from the beginning. When this building first opened in December of the year 1985, I hadn't known how far it would take me twenty, thirty years down the line and had nothing but that unshaken hope that I could improve the lives of those around me in the ways that I knew how.
"Through the rest of the 1980's, this building started as only a place for education and learning on the broad topic, with the original title being presented as simply the Happy Home Academy. This title was then developed upon early in the 1990's with the reveal of an entirely new advancement that you know today as Happy Home Designer, and both titles were combined as the procedure expanded. Today, we stand stronger and with such success than I could have ever thought was possible from the first time I began my work without the faintest clue if it could bring me far."
A quietness stretched through the space for a few seconds as if Lyle needed to pause and think about what he wanted to say next. At first, he only strayed absentmindedly along the edge of the front of the stage, sweeping his gaze across the audience, completely unafraid of their unbroken attention. Eventually, he spoke again.
"When you do something for a very long time, whether it be a habit or a pursued activity of some sort, you begin to notice particular aspects and perhaps important lessons along the way that you had never come to think about before," Lyle went on. "Something that I've noticed, as often as this is told, is that the most important part of life where a pursuit is present is to have some kind of dream to reach at the end of the road. I say that because I've always found the idea of the future to be quite like the concept of nightfall, or the hour when solitude and vulnerability reigns most powerful. The night always feels a bit safer with a dream, but if you haven't managed to find a dream, you're lost in the darkness and can't determine which way is forward. Dream or not, the darkness is one of the most unpredictable and abstract parts of life, one where you can only form a loose grasp on what's ahead of you by what you've left behind you. Additionally, sometimes all you need to do is find a way through that darkness in order to reach the light again.
"If read into carefully, these aspects of the night hold many similarities to those of the future. Just because the moment's dark and you can't see the path you're on doesn't mean the sun won't rise again to light up your way. This is why you struggle to see where you're going when you start in the darkness. You're only going to remain in the darkness if you don't have something to bring you back to the light.
"Now, you might be wondering how all of this relates in any way to something as specific as the art of interior design. In the most basic terms, it relates to absolutely anything you're willing to fight for until the end. I want you to be able to leave here today a bit closer to the light instead of being trapped in the darkness by means of perspective, and I hope that we can become that push to help get you there. I might not know your motivation to attend this event today or what you hope to achieve from it, but I do know that we can help you be where you want to be."
Something had changed since the event had first begun. Lyle remained calm and collected in front of the dense crowd as he had at the beginning but his tone had shifted just slightly. A touch, and nothing too evident, of determination had slipped into his voice as he kept on speaking, and it was easy to tell that he was passionate about his work and it meant a lot to him even if he didn't usually show much strong emotion towards anything. In a way, seeing that he dedicated himself so fondly to the work he presented made me respect him more.
"And here's something else I've noticed," Lyle continued after another couple second pause, looking out over the audience. "When you talk to animals for a very long time, after a while they begin to pay attention less to the words you're saying and more to how it makes them feel."
A few laughs rose from the crowd at the rather amusing statement, but Lyle didn't have a laugh for it.
"It's okay, you can laugh. But it's true," Lyle said. "Let's consider what's happening. I'm sure that if you attended this event to discover that I had plans to talk about interior designing and nothing else for an hour straight, the lecturing would cause you to quickly lose interest and wish you were somewhere else. You listen most intently when something directly relates to your own life because you want to know how it affects you personally. I wanted to say something that provoked the inspiration to carry on working towards your own dreams even after you leave from here in a way that would still find its way into your memory even if there isn't anything else I'll say that does."
The audience was completely silent now. It was as if Lyle had the group under his own control, captivating it in the ways he knew best. The audience seemed almost fascinated by his manner of appealing to them and I couldn't help but feel in awe of him as well, baffled at how he could manage such a thing without much effort at all.
"And that right there is one of the main sources of my motivation. That is one of the many things I hope to achieve while carrying on with my work, and by that I also mean for the dedicated workers here at the HHDA who are just as true to the commitment of providing your best future. My objective has always been to put together an exceptional and inspiring workplace for those who have come and those who have gone. What I want most for the workplace beyond the general connection we will establish is to create a welcoming and accepting space and from that, we will incorporate the same atmosphere into our regular interactions throughout the day. That's something that you can expect from us."
Seeming to break his focus from what he was saying, Lyle tore his eyes from the audience to glance briefly over his shoulder at Lottie and me seated near the door with our paws clutched together before he shifted in his stance to realign his focus to the crowd again.
"And with that, I believe that brings us to the end of the introduction, at least from me," Lyle went on. "I'm going to let my niece, Lottie, step up and continue from here. She devotes herself to working hard for this company and I could not be more amazed at the work she completes every single day. That will be all from me for now."
Oh no. If Lottie's already stepping up to the front of the stage, then I'm next, I realized immediately. What was I going to do?
Lottie gently slipped her paw out of my grasp, rising from her seat without hesitation like she had known precisely when this moment would arrive. And just like that, it was almost as if she were a completely different animal than the shy, quiet individual that I knew her to be. She advanced forward to the front of the stage, each step made with determination like she knew exactly what she was doing, like the world was her own, like nothing could ever bring her down. Maybe she had been faced with the choice that I had just about half an hour ago. Maybe this was who she became from it.
"I'd like to thank you all again for being here today," Lottie announced to the audience without as much of a hint of tension in her voice as she slowed to a stop at the front. Lyle retreated a few steps from the front to allow the focus to shift. "My name is Lottie and I have been working here at the HHDA for the past five years. I began my work here in July of 2008 a couple months before turning fifteen and value each and every day here. I'm very proud to be able to assist all of you in achieving your best future.
"I direct daily lessons on the topic of the procedure of interior design every morning from nine until noon and am available for guidance in Open Advisory from twelve thirty until three. It's possible that you have attended a lesson from me or have confided in me before this point, but if you haven't, then I would recommend spending a visit to receive any information or knowledge that you're in search of. I will always do what I can to support you, and the other workers at the HHDA share that promise as well."
This side of confidence and fearlessness while maintaining a professional attitude was new to me. Just the fact that today, she couldn't care less about what the world thought of her and was not afraid to be herself in such a vulnerable situation to show others who she was felt to draw me in closer to our friendship. Something about the way she presented herself sent a warm ripple of comfort and satisfaction through me like when something was just right or in the image of perfection.
"On a similar topic, we've just recently invited a new worker to begin work here in this building," Lottie continued. My heart shot down into my stomach. Okay, here it comes. "This is the very first opportunity for him to attend this event, since he only officially started his work in the middle of last month. I'd like to invite him forward to join me at the front and introduce himself."
Lottie sent a glance back at me near the door, an unspoken reminder of what was coming. It was time. I drew in a deep breath to ease the pounding of my heart, pushing myself up from my chair, and it was as I was straightening up again did the thoughts that had crossed my mind while speaking with Lyle resurface and wash over me. I knew exactly what I had to do. Now, I just needed to do it without room for second thoughts. I walked right up to the front of the stage with purpose.
I reached the front of the stage to find each and every pair of eyes locked upon me. They were looking at me, all of them. I couldn't help but feel closely monitored in a trapped sort of way, highly conscious of every move I made in the eyes of the audience before me. The lights pierced my eyes from the ceiling and my stomach turned sour at the seconds flying by, but I kept this to myself and didn't let it show. Instead, I allowed a confident smirk to slip onto my face, sent a steady glance across the crowd by means of welcoming and companionable manner, and let out a factor of my personality that didn't often see the light.
"My, what a crowd we've got today!" I declared. My voice boomed out across the room from the speakers, nearly making me jump at its sudden increase in volume, but I refused to break character. "My name is Digby and as you all just heard, I've been working here at the Happy Home Designer and Academy since the middle of February. I'm seventeen years old, a Shih Tzu dog on the path to success, and proud as ever to be here today. If you need me, you can find me in Open Advisory between nine and noon and teaching lessons between twelve thirty and three. I might be new, but you can be sure that I will treat every single one of you like an old friend because as far as I'm concerned, you're all friends of mine. You can count on me for help for all of your designing and home-related needs because your happiness is my pursued goal."
And just like that, it was done. The adrenaline had already kicked in, surging with a breathtaking thrill through me as I stood at the front of the stage at the fact of initiating the crowd like I could have done and said anything without being afraid. After my statement came to an end, my words still hung in the air as if there was still more to say than what had already been spoken. I caught the sound of faint whispers passing through the crowd as well as a few giggles towards the right. Were they laughing at me? They were laughing at me, weren't they?
I tried not to let this thought sit in my mind for too long as I stole a glance at Lottie at my left to check that everything was right and found her watching me. While the outburst of my new attitude and the words that had come from it slowly sank in, I couldn't help but notice that she couldn't seem to tear a smile from her face. Not in any amused way like she was laughing at me, but more like she was proud of the part of myself I had just managed to bring out. After a few seconds' pause of just watching me, Lottie appeared to remember that she was meant to be speaking.
"Thank you, Digby," she said suddenly, politely folding her paws in front of her to redirect her focus to the audience.
I was left with no information whatsoever of whether or not I was supposed to return to my seat just yet, so my feet remained rooted in the same place on the stage, casting a determined smile out over the crowd as Lottie spoke.
"Now, I'd like to move on to a bit of a different topic," Lottie addressed the audience. "And with that topic, I have a crucial announcement to be made. Over the past several months, we have been working to develop a project that will stand as a new official branch of the Happy Home methods. The formal starting date of this new procedure is scheduled to be Monday, March twenty-fifth.
"Our main objective while going through with this change is to establish a deeper connection with those who choose to interact and participate. We're optimistic that this will become the advance into a source of assistance best suited to your interests and needs. It is a full guarantee that the name of this project will begin to be displayed on our regular schedule by the end of the month," Lottie went on. "We're calling it Happy Homeroom."
Happy Homeroom. I tried out the name in my mind. I could picture the title coming up in the near future more frequently from now on. I could tell immediately that this was about to be a massive change in the lives of everyone working at the HHDA.
"Happy Homeroom is still currently undergoing developments, but at the point we've reached, those developments must progress with direct feedback," Lottie announced. "This is why it will first be made available exclusively before it will be opened inclusively once developments are finalized. The exclusive opening date remains the twenty-fifth of March while the inclusive opening date will be declared when it is decided upon.
"The procedure of Happy Homeroom will be quite similar to how the regular lessons are set up, in case you've attended one before now, but it is designed specifically for those who retain the knowledge more efficiently through personal interaction rather than a lecture. Sessions will occur between three and six each afternoon where participants are encouraged to try the art of designing for themselves by virtual practice to receive evaluation. The purpose of this activity is for you to strengthen your designing abilities to proceed with a more confident knowledge of the skill.
"There will be two separate sections of this project that will be initiated depending on the day, but the general procedure of both will be mostly the same with the exception of a couple of minor differences. The two sections of Happy Homeroom will be known as the normal section and the event section. I will be guiding progression of the normal section, which will be the occurrence to fall on most days. Participants will select from a number of room templates to improve upon and add to how they choose for an assessment of their skill. Unfortunately, as of right now, applicants to attend a session that will be accepted may be more limited as we don't yet have the preparations to host full presentations, but I would advise you to consider applying soon.
"The event section, however, will be led by Digby. Those sessions will be scheduled closer around specific events, such as holidays or personal events that the participant will present themself," Lottie finished before she sent me an anticipatory glance. "Digby, why don't you describe the events?"
Wait a minute. What? I wasn't aware that this would have been happening. My mind raced to recite the information I had received during the meeting yesterday morning as I swept my gaze over the crowd as calmly as I could possibly manage.
"As mentioned, the events will run with the same basic procedure as the normal sessions," I rehearsed from memory over the sea of listening animals. "Events will either apply based on the current holiday or a more specific occasion that the attending animal will choose beforehand. Other than that, everything runs the same way. I'm greatly looking forward to working with you once the project is developed and set into motion."
Lottie gave a slight start at the last line that left me, rushing to shift her microphone away from her mouth. I pushed up my own microphone to listen to what she wanted to say to me as she launched herself forward to cling to my side to whisper, grabbing hold of my arm as if to hold me still as she did this.
"The project won't be fully developed when you start," she reminded me softly. "It will still be running before final developments are made."
I slipped my microphone back in front of my mouth with my free paw to address the audience again.
"Once running of the project begins," I corrected myself. "It will be running mid-development."
Lottie offered a brief nod of acknowledgment that implied my newest answer was accurate and withdrew from me again, stepping back into her place at the front of the stage as she repositioned her microphone over her mouth as well.
"Thank you, Digby," she said. That was the very moment I realized my portion of the speaking in the event was done.
With Lottie's confirmation that I was finished, I snuck a glance at Lyle behind me lingering closer to the middle of the stage with nothing to say, seeking any sort of visual validation that I had done well in presenting myself in a memorable way according to his advice, but what I caught sight of was not something I had anticipated. Lyle seemed to be staring aimlessly away from Lottie, me, and the crowd when I looked at him and a sort of lost, dejected expression had fallen over his face. After realizing quickly that he was being watched, he gave a bright smile and a nod to show me that my performance was to expectation.
After giving my last spurt of talking, I had returned to my seat to wait patiently for initiation to wrap up. It was slowly shifting from half past eleven by the time I sat down again and the event proceeded without my verbal input. I sat alone at the back of the stage as the minutes crawled by. I shifted between listening to Lottie and Lyle speak at the front and watching the clock hands reach for the twelfth hour.
The churn of my stomach and the hammering of my heart had since eased after acknowledging that I would no longer need to talk in front of the audience. As the event grew closer to its end at noon, my focus on the speeches that followed my own began to stray as I was already picturing myself returning home for the day. It appeared that the audience was becoming restless as well as I gradually caught more and more rustling in the seats. The minute that the clock hit noon, I was looking out for signs that the event was closing at last. It was just a few minutes after noon that I caught the familiarity of a formal goodbye.
"Well, I believe that may be all the time that we have today," Lyle announced to the group, picking up my attention immediately. I sent a glance across the stage to find him and Lottie standing at the front of the stage. Seeing as to how we were sharing our final moments, I pushed myself up from my seat to cross the stage and reclaim my place beside Lottie as Lyle spoke. "Thank you all for being here this morning and I sincerely hope that you will join us again next year as well as spend a visit sometime in the near future."
I stole a glance at Lottie and Lyle to my left. A proud, beaming smile had found its way to Lottie's face and the determined glint had returned to Lyle's gaze. They really did share a passion in completing their work and I worked alongside them. Maybe it was going to be a good year.
"At the HHDA, we stand for your best and brightest future, and we stand together," Lyle finished. "I'm looking forward to a great year of progress."
And then the event was complete. Lyle reached up to switch off his microphone as the audience began to climb to their feet in preparation to disperse before he started off back towards the doors we had arrived from. Lottie followed next, striding across the stage with her shoes clicking across the surface with every step. I set off behind them to the doors, offering a brief gesture of goodbye to the audience on my way like I was tipping a hat to them and the official Happy Home group took their leave from the stage.
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