As I drove out of the parking lot, I looked at Elise through the rear view mirror and saw a confused expression on her face. I didn't know what to say to her-how to explain what had just happened. I was sure it had been that man who had been soliciting around the hospital last night. Someone had probably seen John this morning and had begun asking questions. This is exactly what I had been trying to avoid all these years. Amazingly in less than a few weeks, all of my efforts had fallen apart. I suppose any news surrounding John Lennon is worth investigating, but the reporters were going to have a field day with this story. 

"Mommy...what was all of that? Who were those people?" I heard Elise ask.

"Those are reporters, sweetie. They were looking for John and since he is our friend, they wanted us to tell him where he was." I said hoping she would be convinced. 

"Why are they looking for John. Is he in trouble?" 

"No Elise. He is not in trouble. John is just....a well known person...so people want to know about him...so they ask his friends.." I babbled. 

"Oh." she responded not entirely convinced. 

I was thankful she didn't inquire more about the situation. When we arrived to the apartment, I followed the nurse's instructions. Elise was still somewhat weak, so after some playtime and lunch, she took a nap. This allowed me some time to dwell on the situation that was brewing with John. Before I could sit down and start strategizing on how to handle this, the phone rang. 

"Hello?" I answered. 

"Mirel. It's Emma. Are you watching the news?" She asked anxiously. 

"No...not at the moment. Why? What's going on?" 

"It's you...you're on the news...you and Elise." 

"What?" I said turning on the television screen. 

I couldn't say I was surprised after what had happened today, but there on the screen was the scene of Elise and I leaving the hospital this morning. 

"I'll call you back." I said as I hung up and turned up the volume.

"... remember, Mirel Sherlin was involved with John Lennon for a few years, back in the late 60s. Lennon ended his relationship with Sherlin only to marry avant-garde artist Yoko Ono in early 1969. Little was known about Sherlin after she and Lennon split. She returned to the United States shortly after her breakup. Today she was spotted outside California Hospital Medical Center carrying a little girl who has been identified as her daughter. Sources tell us Sherlin's daughter was admitted yesterday evening due to respiratory problems. Lennon was spotted at the hospital yesterday evening and again this morning before the girl was released from the hospital. Our sources have confirmed that the medical bills were said to be paid by the girl's father; however no name has been linked to who that man is. Reports have claimed that man could very well be John Lennon. The girl's age seems to match up with the time her mother was involved with John Lennon, leading us to believe Sherlin was pregnant with Lennon's child before they split up. Sherlin was vague in her response when questioned whether the girl was Lennon's daughter- not accepting or denying his paternity, Sherlin simply responded the little girl was her daughter. No statement has been given by John Lennon up until now...."

I turned off the TV and sunk into the couch. I was beginning to get a headache just thinking of where this was going to go. I had been in front of the media and although it had been years, I could still handle myself, but Elise? She had no fault in all of this and she was going to be the most affected. She was going to find out John was her father...all this time I had been protecting her only to have the damn media throw her in the middle of it. I was so angry that they could so easily change our lives just so they could get a story. 

I walked over to Elise's room. She was asleep...lying there with such a carefree expression. I went over to her and stroked her forehead. This is the type of life I wanted for her...a quiet, simple one, but I guess whether I wanted to admit it to the world, John Lennon was her father and with that simple fact came a truth- her life was not going to be a simple and quiet one. 

I walked back to the living room and called Emma back.

“Hello?”

“Emma…it’s me.” 

“Mirel…what is going on? How did the media get a hold of this story?”

“I don’t know. John was at the hospital this morning…I’m guessing it was that man from last night that leaked it to the press and they were just waiting for John to go back to the hospital.” I sighed. “What am I going to do Emma?” 

“Have you talked to John?” 

“No.”

“I am being bombarded with questions about you and John by everyone in the hospital who saw that news clip.” Emma said. 

“What are you telling them?”

“Nothing…I don’t know what to tell them…I can’t exactly deny that was you on the television screen.”

I kept quiet. 

“Are you there?” Emma inquired.

“Yes. I just don’t know what to do.”

“Well for starters you need to talk to John…see how you two are going to handle this.”

“I know. According to the news John hasn’t commented on anything.” 

“Smart man. He probably won’t say anything until you two talk.” 

“I have to think about what we’re going to say.” 

“Mirel…are you really going to deny Elise is John’s daughter publically?”

“No…yes…maybe? I don’t know.” 

Emma didn’t say anything.

“What do you think I should do?”

“Tell the truth. Mirel it is one thing to hide the fact, but another thing to just plain lie about who Elise’s father is….especially now that the assumption is floating around in the media.”

“I know. I know.” I said frustrated. “I just don’t want Elise to get dragged into all of this.” 

“Emma listen to yourself.” Emma said firmly. “I didn’t want to tell you this before because John was not in the picture and I respected your choice, but I always thought it was a mistake to keep Elise a secret from John. He deserved to know and Elise deserves to know who her father is. You can’t change that John Lennon is her father. And with that comes the reality of the situation! He is a former Beatle for Christ’s sake! You don’t think people are going to talk about him? Want to know what’s going on in his life? He’s a celebrity! That’s the life they lead- a public one! Elise is part of that even if you don’t like it. The real question is how you’re going to ease her into that life.”

I hated to hear Emma say that. But she was right. I knew she was, but I didn’t want to accept it…so instead, I went on the defensive.

“So you think the life I’ve given my daughter is a mistake? Everything I’ve done has been thinking of her and her well-being. And now I’m the bad person for denying her a father?!?” 

“Mirel, I never said you were a bad person.” 

“No…only that it was a mistake that I never told John about her! And you never once mentioned this to me! Why now?”

“Because John is back in your life again!” she tried to explain. 

“John is not back in my life Emma…” I blurted

“Oh no? Okay…well you’re back in his then! Same difference. And Elise is in his life now. And he needs to be a part of her life!” 

“NO...John does not need to be a part of Elise’s life!” I yelled into the phone before hanging it up. 

I put my hands in my face as I felt tears running down my cheeks. This whole situation was stressing me out. I didn’t know what I was going to do…Emma was right…Elise was John’s daughter, but part of my decision was based on John’s own behavior towards Julian. What was the point of telling Elise who her father was when he wasn’t going to be around? Wouldn’t I be hurting her more by doing that to her? She couldn’t feel the pain of being ignored by her father if she was never exposed to it. The other part of my decision was based on John marrying Yoko. We didn’t fit into that life. When Elise was born, John and Yoko were their own entity…they were in a world of their own that we didn’t have any business being in nor would have been welcomed in. I suppose Emma had a point about John being back in my life…he had shown up unexpectedly and at a time when he and Yoko were separated. He was, however, in a not so great place in his life-drinking binges and probably drugs…was that the father I wanted to introduce Elise to? 

I felt overwhelmed and was thankful that Elise was asleep in her room. I didn’t want her to see me like this. The initial tears had turned into quiet sobs. I really wasn’t sure what the real reason for me crying was-maybe it was the hospital visit with Elise, the fact that John and I had slept together or now the drama that was playing out in the media about John’s paternity…maybe it was that I had just fought with my sister over something I agreed with but was too proud and sensitive about to admit to anyone-even her. I let myself cry for a few minutes until I heard a knock on the door. I quickly wiped the tears from my face and walked to the door. 

“Who is it?” I heard my voice crack. 

“Open up luv, it’s John.” I heard the familiar voice. 

I straightened my clothes out and patted my hair. I cleared my throat softly and opened the door. 

“Hi John.” I said opening the door. He walked in and stared at me. 

“You’ve been crying.” He said after a few moments. 

“No I haven’t.” I said trying to laugh as I turned around and headed for the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator and reached for the lemonade. When I turned around I found John just a couple of feet away from me. 

“Well you’ve either been crying or you’ve been smoking pot…your eyes are bloodshot…not to mention that your nose is red.” John continued taking the pitcher of lemonade from me. I didn’t answer. Instead I grabbed two glasses and sat at the table. 

“So you’re not going to tell me why you’ve been crying?” John asked as he poured us two glasses of lemonades. 

I looked at John bewildered. “Didn’t you see the news?” I responded with a question. 

“Oh you mean the bit about you, me and Elise?” He responded nonchalantly. 

“Yes! You’re not at all worried about that?”

“I wouldn’t say worried, luv…” John said taking a sip of lemonade, “ but from the looks of it, you’re bloody appalled by it.”

I sighed. “It doesn’t nearly affect you as much as it does me…and Elise” I responded before taking a sip of my own lemonade 

“Well that’s why I stopped by…” John started. “I don’t want you do stress yourself out about this. There’s an easy way to handle this.” 

“How? Deny it?” I blurted out. 

John looked hurt. “ No.” he said annoyed. “I was thinking the exact opposite.”

“Oh.” I responded a bit embarrassed. 

“Do you want to deny Elise is my daughter?” He asked with seriousness. 

“I didn’t know what your thoughts would be…” I replied. 

“You didn’t answer my question, Mirel.” 

“I…I…no I never wanted to deny Elise was your daughter…I just…I don’t know how all of this is going to play out. I guess I am afraid of the consequences if we announce it publically.”

“When.” John stated. 

“Excuse me?”

“When we announce it publically. Not if. Mirel, I don’t know what is going on in that pretty little head of yours, but I have no bloody intention of denying I am her father…even if you do.” John said firmly. 

I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure what to say honestly. It didn’t seem likely that John would be so adamant about taking the role of Elise’s father…so it surprised me that between him and me, I was starting to look like the bad parent here. 

John sighed. “Look, I came here to discuss our strategy on how to go about this, but it’s obvious we’re not even on the same page about this…” John said standing up. “…so it’s pointless to even be here…” John muttered as he headed towards the door. 

I met him at the door just as he was opening it. “John…wait…please stay.” I said closing the door. “Look, I’m sorry okay. I’m just…confused. All of this has happened so fast….everything you know. You came back into my life unexpectedly. I didn’t even consider what I would do if that ever happened. I honestly never thought you and I would ever see each other again and it never crossed my mind I would be in this situation. I’m sorry for my reaction…” I said meekly. 

“Mirel…” John said taking my hand. “ I’m the first one to admit I am not the best father figure. I mean just take a look at the relationship I have with Julian, but I’m trying to change. I can’t change overnight, but I don’t want my kids to have a father that abandoned them…I don’t want them to have a bastard of a father like I did.” 

“But why Elise, John? I know plenty of women who came forward with claims about you being the father of their baby….and I know how that kind of situation was…controlled and taken care of…and a public announcement of your paternity was never even considered. Why now? Why with me?” 

“Mirel, those were different times…that was the Beatle thing to do…was it right? Probably not…do I condone it…I don’t know. Those birds knew exactly what they were getting themselves into when they got involved with us. We were just in it for one thing and they knew that. There was never any relationship with them…but you…you weren’t a fling, luv. You and I had something special... It doesn’t matter you didn’t tell me or that I never knew until now. She is still our child. You know, I was heartbroken when Yoko had her miscarriage…I just never thought that somewhere there was another one of my babies being born.” John spoke softly. 

“I’m sorry about what happened to you and Yoko…my heart when out to you and her when I found out.” 

“Thanks luv…” John smiled weakly. 

“John…can I ask you something and you won’t take it the wrong way?” I asked timidly. 

“Sure.” 

“Could you really love Elise the same way you would have loved the child you and Yoko lost?” 

John seemed surprised by my question. 

“I know it sounds horrible to say it out loud, but could you really love a child the same way when you don’t love their mother? I mean you’ve told me that when Julian was born you didn’t feel you really loved Cynthia enough to marry her, but you did it anyway because it was the thing to do…but Julian suffered so much…”

“It wasn’t because I don’t love him Mirel.” John said defensively. “I do love Julian…I just…the Beatles were just taking off…I was young…it isn’t an excuse…but I didn’t really know what do to with him…how to show him I loved him…but I did and I do…I know I was a fuckin’ idiot…but I’m trying to make it up to him…trying to get to know him and have him get to know me.” 

“I never said you didn’t and don’t love him…but maybe if you had been in love with Cynthia, things would have been different…things wouldn’t have been so difficult for you to adapt to being a father. So can I expect the same thing? Could you really love Elise and be the father she needs when you don’t love me?”

John was just about to answer when I heard Elise calling out to me. I looked at him and smiled. “I’ll just be a sec…don’t leave…please.” 

John nodded and went to sit on the sofa while I went into Elise’s room. We bumped into each other as she was heading out. As soon as she heard movement in the living room, she ran out to see what it was. 

"Hi John!" Elise went running to him with a smile.

"Hi Elise...how are you feeling?" John questioned. 

"Better....John, mommy was telling me people want to know about you because you're an important person....so they come to us to find out about you....but I can't tell them anything until I get to know you." She responded. 

John stifled a laugh and looked at me. I smiled back and nodded. 

"What do you want to know?" John asked Elise as he lifted her on to the couch so she could sit next to him. 

"Lots of things...." she said. "What's your favorite color...." 

I listened as Elise acted like a proper reporter for the next hour or so. It was great to see John and Elise interact and get to know each other. For every question Elise would ask John, he would have her answer it too. 

"C'mon now Elise. I think it is time for you to have some dinner. Why don't you go wash up?." I asked Elise

"No mommy...I want to stay here and talk more with John." she said smiling 

I laughed. "You have to eat....c'mon now." 

"Only if John stays for dinner..." 

"Elise...John may have other things to do...." I replied. 

"I don't mind staying for dinner if you'll have me." John winked. 

"Yay!" Elise said happily. 

"Alright now...get those hands cleaned and I’ll start getting dinner ready" I said giving her a kiss on the forehead before she walked over to the bathroom. 

"Well that interview was unexpected...but I have to say, it has been one of the best ones I've had in a long time. " John smiled